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Post by Neffie on Apr 18, 2011 13:16:46 GMT -5
hi gals,
i don't know if I'm qualified to contribute to this or not but I'll jump in here because I've had 'my first taste' of life with a wheeler. Admittedly 3 weeks isn't long but we squeezed in a hell of a lot and had all the talks I think we needed to.
The thing i hated most about being with an AB man was the thought that I was an object or that he would just pound against me relentlessly until he made that stupid face and rolled off.
Being with the wheeler it was natural to be on top but I never felt that was the only option.
I lucked out in that even though his injury is relatively high his arms are strong. He is able to lift me and I know he loves that.
We did try sex with him on top and although difficult and less satisfying physically it was great for me in a girly sense. I loved him looking down at me and being aggressive.
We tried sex in the chair and that was problematic but soooo good as foreplay, I know I enjoyed it more than he did but it's always been my fave position.
At the end of my experience (and I am going back for more!) I was so fulfilled on so many levels that there's hardly anything I could imagine missing.
I say hardly because there is one thing....I would like to hold his hand in the street but really it's such a small thing it barely counts. When we were in a restaurant or whatever he was happy to be affectionate. I just feel walking down the street I want people to know we're together rather than just friends or something.
Anyway, in response. NOPE I won't miss a thing, I'm really sure of that!
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Post by Neffie on Apr 18, 2011 13:22:28 GMT -5
ps I LOVE giving blow jobs...am I in the minority??? Do we not give wheelers BJ's?  |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 18, 2011 13:56:42 GMT -5
I'm not sure how usual or unusual I am in this subset (I'm going to guess that Emma has no problem with the male body, since she's not dealing with SCI). Disability completely neutralizes that fear for me, even when it isn't SCI and that area is not affected. I agree Cake that does not make you a bad dev. I feel somewhat the same as you do. If my guy did not have that ability, I'd miss it. But Ruth to help you figure it out.....I don't think its just us devs or even all you SCI devs that are a bit freaked out by penises. I think most women are to some degree. Most of my non-dev friends are not super crazy about giving blow jobs and are not that into penises. I also wouldn't say that me being an amputee dev automatically categorizes me as not having any issues with the male body. I certainly have had some of those same feelings you describe Ruth. I also agree that in a way, disability cancels those issues out. Sexually, I am completely different with my husband than I was with any of my AB boyfriends. Ah, so that is very similar. How surprising! I wonder why it is that the presence of disability takes away the uncomfortablness, even when the disability doesn't affect that area... |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 18, 2011 13:58:03 GMT -5
ps I LOVE giving blow jobs...am I in the minority??? Do we not give wheelers BJ's? I'm so glad some women enjoy it! I really, really hate it and it's been an issue in several relationships. Whether I do it or not depends a lot on the particular individual and the relationship itself, as every one is different. There have been guys with whom it hasn't bothered me, but that's rare. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 18, 2011 14:01:40 GMT -5
hi gals, i don't know if I'm qualified to contribute to this or not but I'll jump in here because I've had 'my first taste' of life with a wheeler. Admittedly 3 weeks isn't long but we squeezed in a hell of a lot and had all the talks I think we needed to. The thing i hated most about being with an AB man was the thought that I was an object or that he would just pound against me relentlessly until he made that stupid face and rolled off. Being with the wheeler it was natural to be on top but I never felt that was the only option. I lucked out in that even though his injury is relatively high his arms are strong. He is able to lift me and I know he loves that. We did try sex with him on top and although difficult and less satisfying physically it was great for me in a girly sense. I loved him looking down at me and being aggressive. We tried sex in the chair and that was problematic but soooo good as foreplay, I know I enjoyed it more than he did but it's always been my fave position. At the end of my experience (and I am going back for more!) I was so fulfilled on so many levels that there's hardly anything I could imagine missing. I say hardly because there is one thing....I would like to hold his hand in the street but really it's such a small thing it barely counts. When we were in a restaurant or whatever he was happy to be affectionate. I just feel walking down the street I want people to know we're together rather than just friends or something. Anyway, in response. NOPE I won't miss a thing, I'm really sure of that! How wonderful! Oh, I can't tell you how happy I am for you. In terms of hand holding in public, would it be logistically possible for you to rest a hand on his shoulder or would that just get in the way? |
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Apr 18, 2011 15:33:49 GMT -5
Good thread, ladies!!! I *think* what I will end up missing is the standing hugs, the hand holding and the spontaneity. Like most of you have said, the benefits are well worth it, but the missing is still there. On the sex side... With AB guys, the only pleasure I got from sex was enjoying the pleasure HE was experiencing vicariously. I LOVE getting a guy super turned on and riled up. I'm still learning what "turned on" means to a wheeler - it's a lot harder to tell! No pun intended.  I feel like I've lost some of that all powerful, wicked woman feeling, and I miss that. Has anyone else been through this? Will it come back once I adjust to SCI sex? |
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Post by Be As You Are on Apr 18, 2011 22:53:18 GMT -5
ps I LOVE giving blow jobs...am I in the minority??? Do we not give wheelers BJ's? Don't know about the minority, but you're definately not alone.... Always wondered if any of the wheelers (obviously the guys without sensation) got anything out of the visual of receiving one... |
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Lindsay :)
Full Member
Smile, It's a Good Day
Posts: 221
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Post by Lindsay :) on Apr 18, 2011 23:31:05 GMT -5
ps I LOVE giving blow jobs...am I in the minority??? Do we not give wheelers BJ's? Don't know about the minority, but you're definately not alone.... Always wondered if any of the wheelers (obviously the guys without sensation) got anything out of the visual of receiving one... I LOVE giving head. Hell, I love penis and any way that I can get my hands on it. I'm sure that the wheelers have some type of visual response. Otherwise it's just such a ... waste. (That thought just made me very sad.  ) |
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Post by Be As You Are on Apr 19, 2011 0:21:33 GMT -5
Don't know about the minority, but you're definately not alone.... Always wondered if any of the wheelers (obviously the guys without sensation) got anything out of the visual of receiving one... I LOVE giving head. Hell, I love penis and any way that I can get my hands on it. I'm sure that the wheelers have some type of visual response. Otherwise it's just such a ... waste. (That thought just made me very sad. ) Lol, our circle grows.. And I assume most guys do have a response to the visual but part of that could be my own perspective of the intimacy involved with the act itself.. Physically I enjoy the hard sex that Cake and Faith mention, and have to believe I might miss that. Emotionally I find giving/receiving oral a much more intimate act. |
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Post by BA on Apr 19, 2011 20:33:02 GMT -5
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Post by Cake on Apr 20, 2011 6:43:18 GMT -5
Humor aside, I hate a certain stereotype populating the Paradevo world:
That when it comes to sex, AB guys are dick driven machos who don't know how to really satisfy a woman and will only think about shoving their penis in and out of a vagina.
The same Paradevo myth includes that all guys in chairs are terrific lovers who know exactly how to satisfy a woman, because they are soo much more tender and attentive and don't have their brain in their balls.
That stereotype is the essence of many stories on this site and if there were more devotee romance novels, it would be in there constantly.
Am I the only one who's bothered by it?
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 20, 2011 7:36:35 GMT -5
Humor aside, I hate a certain stereotype populating the Paradevo world: That when it comes to sex, AB guys are dick driven machos who don't know how to really satisfy a woman and will only think about shoving their penis in and out of a vagina. The same Paradevo myth includes that all guys in chairs are terrific lovers who know exactly how to satisfy a woman, because they are soo much more tender and attentive and don't have their brain in their balls. That stereotype is the essence of many stories on this site and if there were more devotee romance novels, it would be in there constantly. Am I the only one who's bothered by it? I agree that I have not found that to be true at all. Every AB lover I've had has loved to give oral. They've all been very good at it too. My disabled lovers have sometimes been still in a process of trying to figure their own bodies out and been preoccupied with that. I really think that my feelings about whom I want to be sleeping with have nothing to do with stereotypes and broad categories of which makes a better lover. AB guys can be caring, gentle, and wonderful, but it doesn't make my body respond to them. Disabled lovers can be selfish and cruel, but our bodies fit together in a way that feels deeply right. I'm not attracted to wheelers because they make better lovers, it is because I'm attracted to them that I find sleeping with them more satisfying. |
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Post by Cake on Apr 20, 2011 10:30:28 GMT -5
I really think that my feelings about whom I want to be sleeping with have nothing to do with stereotypes and broad categories of which makes a better lover. AB guys can be caring, gentle, and wonderful, but it doesn't make my body respond to them. Disabled lovers can be selfish and cruel, but our bodies fit together in a way that feels deeply right. I'm not attracted to wheelers because they make better lovers, it is because I'm attracted to them that I find sleeping with them more satisfying. My not wanting to be with AB guys isn't because they are all macho jerks and I think disabled guys will be more sensitive and treat me better. I KNOW that's not true!!!  Men are men. Period. And that's not what I was trying to insinuate. I'm aware that being a dev is about attraction, not opinion. Jeez, I'm dev myself, remember?  I'm not trying to deny anyone here their preference for wheelers. I was jut referring to a tendency I've seen from SOME devs - a derogatory attitude to-wards AB men in general and the exact opposite to-wards wheelers (relating to the whole person, not only sex). But it's possible that it was just ghosts I saw  . |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 20, 2011 11:56:02 GMT -5
My not wanting to be with AB guys isn't because they are all macho jerks and I think disabled guys will be more sensitive and treat me better. I KNOW that's not true!!! Men are men. Period. And that's not what I was trying to insinuate. I'm aware that being a dev is about attraction, not opinion. Jeez, I'm dev myself, remember? I'm not trying to deny anyone here their preference for wheelers. I was jut referring to a tendency I've seen from SOME devs - a derogatory attitude to-wards AB men in general and the exact opposite to-wards wheelers (relating to the whole person, not only sex). But it's possible that it was just ghosts I saw . I was agreeing with you, Cake! I hope it didn't sound like I was arguing at all. I think Lurcretia and I were offering examples in support of your statement. You are absolutely right that we fall too easily into an incorrect stereotype of ab men. |
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Post by Cake on Apr 21, 2011 6:06:47 GMT -5
It's all good I guess I'm just used to being argued with, LOL |
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I feel like I've lost some of that all powerful, wicked woman feeling, and I miss that. Has anyone else been through this? Will it come back once I adjust to SCI sex?
)
Men are men. Period. 
I'm not trying to deny anyone here their preference for wheelers. 
.