tuna
Full Member
Posts: 217
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Post by tuna on May 6, 2011 8:46:20 GMT -5
I was just reading the whole positions discussion in the "Taken or Not" thread... and, I felt sad all over again because I have never had a chance to be with a guy in a wheelchair or a blind person, which I would really love... Sometimes it feels as though its never going to happen...
Sorry if I sound whiny.
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Post by Emma on May 6, 2011 10:45:58 GMT -5
It absolutely can happen Tuna. I know it seems like its impossible. My only advice is don't give up and keep looking for your guy. Yes, it takes work. Yes, it can take a long time but it can and does happen. I spent close to 10 years looking (on and off) but I did find my guy  |
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Phil
Junior Member
Posts: 82
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Post by Phil on May 6, 2011 11:17:49 GMT -5
Hi Tuna, You're a beautiful woman and from speaking to you a few times recently, I know you're an interesting and intelligent woman too. I'm sure you'll meet your heart's desire and he'll be one very lucky man |
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Post by ruthmadison on May 6, 2011 11:42:02 GMT -5
It is rough. I'm still looking. I've had the opportunity to try out relationships with a few guys, but nothing that's lasted more than a few months. I too sometimes feel overcome with hopelessness. It can be crushing.
Keeping faith that someday we'll find the right person is hard and some days it's easier to believe than other days.
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Phil
Junior Member
Posts: 82
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Post by Phil on May 6, 2011 12:15:59 GMT -5
Ruth, I'd say the same to you as I have to Tuna. I'm sure you'll find 'the one' some day |
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Post by Dee Dee on May 6, 2011 12:50:20 GMT -5
Tuna and Ruth, I can definitely feel you on this one. The thing is, you are young and you have plenty of time to find the right one, whether he´d be AB or wheeler. Relationships take A LOT of work. And they ARE for better and for worse - but the moment where you find the guy, you really love, you will also find that everything gets easier . |
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tuna
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Posts: 217
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Post by tuna on May 6, 2011 16:32:18 GMT -5
Hey thanks to ya'all for replying...
@ Phil, that was really really sweet of you.
The girls: see, I'm good at relationships, even If I say so myself... I'm sure if I found someone I liked and if he liked me too, I would do whatever it takes to make it work. I have been in far too many relationships but never with a dis guy, all ABs, so sex, though amazingly amazing at times has had that necessary amount of 'fantasizing the guy to be dis when he is not' to make it work. I have even learned to get over feeling guilty about it, now I just imagine my partner to be disabled. But the deal is, anyway the disabled community is a minority and to find someone there who is interesting and dateable, is such a job. I live in a big university campus and we have a lot of dis guys here but no one I really want to go out with, and I just dont want to initiate the sex because if it is like a big thing for him then I ddont want to hurt him. Besides, I cant just do it, unless I am attached to the person... anyhow, I really wish there are dateable dis guys out there... I want to do it atleast once! Is that a very insensitive thing to want...?
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Post by Dee Dee on May 6, 2011 18:10:54 GMT -5
Tuna, may I ask how you define "dateable"? It´s such a broad concept, so I´d like to hear what you think . Also, do you live in India? If so, are there any cultural concerns, you worry about? I hope you´re comfortable discussing this . |
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tuna
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Posts: 217
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Post by tuna on May 6, 2011 18:27:27 GMT -5
Thanks Lucretia, I appreciate the support.
Hey devodiva, thanks for asking:
by 'dateable' I would mean someone mature, intelligent and responsible. Just for starters and hopefully someone I can at least talk to without the conversation being inane and totally a drag. what I was trying to say that its one thing to worry about relationships, because you see many of the devs here have been with many dis guys, but for me, I just want the first chance to be with (physically or emotionally) with a dis guy. I mean the ball even hasnt rolled yet. and I am averse to start rolling the ball with just anyone.
that brings me to your next point about the 'cultural concerns': I am not entirely sure what you mean by that (Also, yes I live in India, New Delhi.); If you are asking me whether I have issues being with a guy or a dis guy then no, not at all. I have lived alone and in an urban space most of my mid teens-adult life and hence I have been around, so to speak... but maybe a better answer to what you are asking is this--- see, in my university there are many dis people, but I am not attracted to them. I know very few of that already minority community and the ones I have talked to would be difficult choices--- for example, there is a blind guy in my class but he's a bit of a playboy and a kiss-and-tell, I really hate that; a few other blind freinds of his are very sweet, but so sweet that I think they could really fall for a girl if she were to come a little close to them, you will understand if I say I dont want the onus of hurting them. If say I was in an experimental zone with these people, I am afraid they would read it for a forever zone, and then I dont want to hurt them. I dont know if I am clear... its that many of these fellows can be kiss and tells and the nice ones are too nice, too naive at one level and I dont want to hurt them. There are definitely no attractive wheelers on campus. there's only one guy and I dont think women would hit on him, because he doesnt give off that vibe, he is like someone's really fat uncle... anyhow, I may have been too vague. ask me anything that wasnt clear...
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tuna
Full Member
Posts: 217
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Post by tuna on May 7, 2011 12:16:22 GMT -5
yes it is, very broad and differs for everybody even oneself depending from time to time...
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Post by ruthmadison on May 7, 2011 12:39:27 GMT -5
You bring up a really great point about being gentle with guys' feelings. I think we get told a lot that men don't have feelings, which is of course not true. I think you're really right that there is some responsibility on our part to be sensitive to how we behave with regards to a man's feelings.
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on May 7, 2011 14:03:00 GMT -5
It doesn't sound whiny. It's very understandable. Lol if u've ever read any of my earlier posts then I probably don't have to tell u that I've struggled with the same pain and sadness u have. It's tough I know and I really do feel for u. The best advice I can give u is to weather the storm as best u can and also try and talk to as many people of board as u can, whether it be people from PD or other sites, just try to develop as many relationships as possible. I used to limit myself to talking to one person at a time. I didn't want to be a player or get greedy so. whenever I met someone new that I thought I connected with I'd stop looking or talking with everyone else and I'd focus on them. But time and time again those surefire relationships would fall through and and be left feeling sadder and more alone then ever. So I think it's good idea to never limit yourself to one person untill ur sure that someone is truly willing to take the next step.
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tuna
Full Member
Posts: 217
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Post by tuna on May 7, 2011 17:57:15 GMT -5
damn, a 'serious' post from our dear old Assy boy??! that's a point in my favour  But seriously, thanks Assy. I appreciate it, and I hope it works out for you too. @ Ruth: yes, I agree. dont take me otherwise, but also a dis guy from India especially may not have had a chance to come close to many women. So in a way its touchier grounds. I dont want to hurt their feelings since I take great care in getting into relationships, because once I am in a relationshiup, as stupid as that sounds, my life revolves around the man I love! so much for the feminist revolution |
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Post by Dee Dee on May 7, 2011 18:21:45 GMT -5
Tuna, thank you for explaining . By "cultural concerns" I was thinking about any societal views which might exist in India regarding inter-ability relationships. But this does not seem to be an issue for you fortunately . I really think that the core of it all has to do with the fact that you haven´t met the one yet, whom you want to be intimate with and start a relationship with. But, some day he WILL come . As Ruth pointed out, it IS definitely important to try one´s best not to hurt the feelings of others, and that goes for all of us whether able-bodied or not. |
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on May 7, 2011 23:15:31 GMT -5
damn, a 'serious' post from our dear old Assy boy??! that's a point in my favour But seriously, thanks Assy. I appreciate it, and I hope it works out for you too. @ Ruth: yes, I agree. dont take me otherwise, but also a dis guy from India especially may not have had a chance to come close to many women. So in a way its touchier grounds. I dont want to hurt their feelings since I take great care in getting into relationships, because once I am in a relationshiup, as stupid as that sounds, my life revolves around the man I love! so much for the feminist revolution Dear Old A$$Y Boy? I smell a name change coming  |
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