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Post by ruthmadison on Aug 18, 2011 20:12:29 GMT -5
It's like cwbjr said the other day: " I mean, I can't exactly date an AB guy and be like "just so you know, if I find a hot wheeler guy, I'm dropping your ass like a hot potato. If you're ok with that, though, let's proceed..."" That's how I feel about it. But... what if "a hot wheeler guy" never comes along? Because there's a pretty high probability that could be the case. You would have missed the opportunity to have a beautiful relationship with the AB guy. I personally don't believe that there is ONE right person for every one, but several walking this earth, and we might meet one of them or even more during our lives. Would you rather stay alone and wait for a knight in a shining wheelchair that might never come along than be in a relationship with an AB guy? And something else that hasn't been mentioned: You might actually love that AB guy. Would you "drop" someone you truly love "like a hot potato"? Or let me ask it this way: Do some of you feel like you could never love an AB guy? That you could only love a disabled guy? I know the chances are that I will not find someone. I have come to believe that no one is coming for me. And that's okay. I have loved an able-bodied man. It was not a physical relationship and he did not feel about me the way that I felt about him. There was love, though, and there still is. I will probably be in love with him for the rest of my life (despite my mother telling me to snap out of it). What I can't do with able-bodied guys is sex. And I'm not going to ask any man to be in a sex-less relationship with me. It's too selfish. I know that's not the case for all of you. Just for me, I have a very strong aversion to non-disabled bodies. |
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Post by BA on Aug 18, 2011 20:17:55 GMT -5
But... what if "a hot wheeler guy" never comes along? Because there's a pretty high probability that could be the case. You would have missed the opportunity to have a beautiful relationship with the AB guy. I personally don't believe that there is ONE right person for every one, but several walking this earth, and we might meet one of them or even more during our lives. Would you rather stay alone and wait for a knight in a shining wheelchair that might never come along than be in a relationship with an AB guy? And something else that hasn't been mentioned: You might actually love that AB guy. Would you "drop" someone you truly love "like a hot potato"? Or let me ask it this way: Do some of you feel like you could never love an AB guy? That you could only love a disabled guy? Totally, Cake. I DID have the opportunity to be in love with and have a very long term relationship with a wheeler as well as date several other wheelers at various points in my life (pre-internet) before meeting and falling in love with and marrying an ab man. I would have fallen in love with him no matter what. It was about him as a person. Like all other couples who are married a long time, we have our issues, but the love is there. I am able to be attracted to ab men as well, so this was never a major issue for me. Nonetheless I still consider myself a 'dev' because I have sought out experiences with disabled men and enjoyed them very much for the most part. |
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Post by Valkyrja on Aug 18, 2011 21:42:44 GMT -5
I know that, like has happened before, some of you are going to "jump to my jugular"... but, for me the attraction for a disabled guys it´s the same I have for an AB guy...(I suppose the difference for me is in the "eye"... the hot tingle it causes me when I see him is not so extreme with an AB guy)...
I had always dream with a tall, broad shoulder wheeler... I fell in love with a medium heigh, not that broad shoulder AB guy!... What can I do... he is the one no matter what!! LOL
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Post by Emma on Aug 18, 2011 23:07:38 GMT -5
I have loved an able-bodied man. It was not a physical relationship and he did not feel about me the way that I felt about him. There was love, though, and there still is. I will probably be in love with him for the rest of my life (despite my mother telling me to snap out of it). I had a similar situation however it was a physical relationship. He was AB. I was totally in love. I ignored my devness during the relationship. He broke my heart. I am so much happier now........Ab guys can be great but for me great is not everything. |
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 19, 2011 10:05:49 GMT -5
It's like cwbjr said the other day: " I mean, I can't exactly date an AB guy and be like "just so you know, if I find a hot wheeler guy, I'm dropping your ass like a hot potato. If you're ok with that, though, let's proceed..."" That's how I feel about it. But... what if "a hot wheeler guy" never comes along? Because there's a pretty high probability that could be the case. You would have missed the opportunity to have a beautiful relationship with the AB guy. I personally don't believe that there is ONE right person for every one, but several walking this earth, and we might meet one of them or even more during our lives. Would you rather stay alone and wait for a knight in a shining wheelchair that might never come along than be in a relationship with an AB guy? And something else that hasn't been mentioned: You might actually love that AB guy. Would you "drop" someone you truly love "like a hot potato"? Or let me ask it this way: Do some of you feel like you could never love an AB guy? That you could only love a disabled guy? I was thinking the same thing; that if you end a relationship with an AB-guy to go with a disabled one instead, then there must be something in that relationship which does not function as it should be. |
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 19, 2011 10:11:35 GMT -5
The question is: do we? Is it better not to follow every possibility or is it better to see what comes of it, even though we may be self-destructive or hurt ourselves emotionally? See, that´s often the issue for me and it can be so difficult to deal with. I'm probably not the right Dev here to answer that question, 'cause I'm not looking...but... I don't believe in doing what is bad for us. Sure, some self-destructive things in my life have taught me lessons and have made me more mature - but they have also hurt and scarred me. I believe in doing what is good for us (provided we know what that is). And in some cases what is good for us might not alway be where our desire lies. So to answer your question (hypthetically)... No, I don't think we have to follow EVERY possibility. That would be foolish and yes, self-destructive. And I mean seriously, if we're honest: As women, we somehow always know very quickly if a guy is bad for us. We might try to fool ourselves into thinking otherwise when we are really, desperately attracted. But we always *know*. Somewhere deep down. Very well said, Cake  . There are also the cases, where we are completely drawn to a guy, even though we more or less latently know that he is very likely bad for us. Yet we are drawn to him. I have had this happen to me more than once - my standard of morality may tell me: "turn away, turn away", but my fascination and lust tell me: "go on". And then lust wins over morality. Sigh. |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Aug 19, 2011 20:35:17 GMT -5
Will this work?
;D
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Post by ruthmadison on Aug 19, 2011 21:00:18 GMT -5
Oh my gosh, that was awesome
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Post by Emma on Aug 19, 2011 22:20:43 GMT -5
Agreed, great post L!
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Post by lookingfor on Aug 19, 2011 23:32:46 GMT -5
I love Jeff Buckley!
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Post by lookingfor on Aug 19, 2011 23:46:56 GMT -5
Also besides my love of Jeff Buckley, I can say that in the past there has been a history of self- destruction, but my current relationship is built on love and trust (which is important in a long- distance relationship) and yes... he may be in a wheelchair, but I can honestly say that even if he wasn't and I had met him pre-injury and he was still the same person; I would still feel the same way!
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Post by dentelle on Aug 20, 2011 6:49:05 GMT -5
Yup, I can say definitely self-distruction. Nuff said.
Like both videos by the way hehe.
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Post by ruthmadison on Aug 20, 2011 9:40:52 GMT -5
aw, lookingfor, that is really sweet
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Post by Emma on Aug 20, 2011 12:57:28 GMT -5
I'm so glad you found someone Lookingfor!
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 20, 2011 19:07:36 GMT -5
Very well said, Cake . There are also the cases, where we are completely drawn to a guy, even though we more or less latently know that he is very likely bad for us. Yet we are drawn to him. I have had this happen to me more than once - my standard of morality may tell me: "turn away, turn away", but my fascination and lust tell me: "go on". And then lust wins over morality. Sigh. ...and this is just where my learning has happened...lol But I just kept going because of the fascination. Even when I knew it was going to end badly (or poorly, take your pick  ) I wanted to just see where it would go. I've been hurt, sure.  But interestingly enough, the recoveries have been quicker than I might have expected... I think because I've been taking the speed-course and not really stopping to wallow, but just processing as I go, has also helped with speedy recovery.  I've learned what I like (and the list grows!), what I DON'T like (the list ALSO grows...lol), what I'm willing to put up with (the list has shrunk considerably!!!) and what I'm NOT willing to deal with (another growing list!)... LOL I've always been able to tell truly "crazy" at a glance, but I've always had trouble distinguishing between "troubled" and "he's just an asshole". So now I'm getting much better at distinguishing the "asshole"! My "lie-detector" is also getting quite the work-out and you know what they say, "practice makes perfect"!  I have had a truly amazing summer!!! I've had so much fun, and so many fantastic experiences... ;D For the first time in my life, I've been able to just have a great time without any of the insecurities that have often plagued me in the past. I highly recommend this!!! I had a really wonderful weekend away recently where I felt "at home" with myself and everything else. I didn't know what it was exactly that triggered this feeling of serenity, but I did know that it's what I've been striving for all this time. I've been trying to sort out what about these experiences that was so incredible, and realized it was just a sense of acceptance. It was ok to be a dev, it was ok to be completely a girl, it was even ok to be a bit anit-social...it was ok to be "me". I've been working toward this for years and years, and I've come very close. But this was the first time I really felt like I wasn't "trying", but just "was"...if that makes any sense. It didn't just happen, if I was still all caught up in insecurity and self-doubt, I wouldn't have been able to appreciate the wonderousness of this summer... most likely I wouldn't even have taken the risks to have the experiences in the first place... I've since realized that my fascination for the "troubled" guys on my list has dropped to practically zero. (Which should make many of my friends break out into the "Hallelujah Chorus"  ) I've also found that my fascination with younger guys is waning, and my appreciation for grown-ups is growing. (Interesting how the two seem to coincide ) So that is a rambling take on what I've learned, and where I'm going with this whole "self-destruction" theme in my life. Cliff Note's Version: I think I'm over it. LOL Thank you for sharing your learning process, Lucretia |
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) I wanted to just see where it would go. I've been hurt, sure. 
But interestingly enough, the recoveries have been quicker than I might have expected... 
I've learned what I like (and the list grows!), what I DON'T like (the list ALSO grows...lol), what I'm willing to put up with (the list has shrunk considerably!!!) and what I'm NOT willing to deal with (another growing list!)... LOL
) I've also found that my fascination with younger guys is waning, and my appreciation for grown-ups is growing. (Interesting how the two seem to coincide