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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 17, 2011 5:49:51 GMT -5
Have you sometimes found or do you sometimes find yourself to be self-destructive in your quest for a disabled man?
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Post by ruthmadison on Aug 17, 2011 7:20:57 GMT -5
Also, sittingbull, that isn't the point. I'm a Hindu, I'm all about the true Self v.s. the ego-self, but this is a simple and straightforward question. I think we all know what self-destructive feels like.
I'm not sure, DD. I've felt such immense frustration and sorrow because of it...
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Aug 17, 2011 7:38:29 GMT -5
I think I have unconsciously been self destructive. I've decided to blame my lack of dating on my devness... so that when I actually DO meet a suitable man (honestly either in a chair or out) I don't have the skills necessary to hook him... to create interest, etc.
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 17, 2011 18:19:33 GMT -5
Also, sittingbull, that isn't the point. I'm a Hindu, I'm all about the true Self v.s. the ego-self, but this is a simple and straightforward question. I think we all know what self-destructive feels like. I'm not sure, DD. I've felt such immense frustration and sorrow because of it... Yes, when I posed this question I wasn´t thinking of dividing the self into mind, body or soul or how the self is defined philosophically, I meant the self as the whole person and all of what that person entails. I would say that I have not felt sorrow about the fact that I am a devotee, but I have indeed felt frustration. Again, not about my nature, but because of relationship and dating issues. That is not exclusive to devotees and wheelers though, everybody has dealt with that. I think I have been both unconsciously and consciously self-destructive. What blows my mind is that I have been that way even in my conscious state. Why do we go to lengths which we would normally not do, "just because" the guy is disabled and interesting??? |
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 17, 2011 18:22:23 GMT -5
I think I have unconsciously been self destructive. I've decided to blame my lack of dating on my devness... so that when I actually DO meet a suitable man (honestly either in a chair or out) I don't have the skills necessary to hook him... to create interest, etc. Inigo, do you mean that you would avoid dating due to the fact that possible dating partners were not disabled? |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Aug 17, 2011 19:07:13 GMT -5
I think I have unconsciously been self destructive. I've decided to blame my lack of dating on my devness... so that when I actually DO meet a suitable man (honestly either in a chair or out) I don't have the skills necessary to hook him... to create interest, etc. Inigo, do you mean that you would avoid dating due to the fact that possible dating partners were not disabled? I mean that I just didn't find people interesting enough to date... and never dated them for very long. If I can't blame it on devness then... well, I think maybe I'm just flat out fucked. *shrug* |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Aug 17, 2011 19:14:28 GMT -5
Wait! I read something recently... maybe I've got some sort of disassociative personality disorder. There... according to Cracked.com I've got... Schizoid Personality Disorder...  |
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 18, 2011 8:08:03 GMT -5
If possible I would really like to hear more devotees´ views on this subject  . |
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Post by Emma on Aug 18, 2011 11:44:24 GMT -5
I do not think I was self destructive in my search. I hadn't admitted to myself I needed a disabled guy to be happy so wasn't feeling the way some of you are. I did hurt an AB guy I was dating. I was dating him because I didn't think I'd ever find a disabled guy. When I found my husband I ended things with the AB guy quickly. He is still angry, 3 years later.
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Post by ruthmadison on Aug 18, 2011 11:59:46 GMT -5
I guess I did a few rather unsafe things, but I don't think that was particularly to do with being a dev. Meeting men off the Internet does have its dangers!
I emotionally beat myself up sometimes, but that's separate, I think, from the search for a partner.
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Post by ruthmadison on Aug 18, 2011 12:00:59 GMT -5
Also, sittingbull, that isn't the point. I'm a Hindu, I'm all about the true Self v.s. the ego-self, but this is a simple and straightforward question. I think we all know what self-destructive feels like. I'm not sure, DD. I've felt such immense frustration and sorrow because of it... Yes, when I posed this question I wasn´t thinking of dividing the self into mind, body or soul or how the self is defined philosophically, I meant the self as the whole person and all of what that person entails. I would say that I have not felt sorrow about the fact that I am a devotee, but I have indeed felt frustration. Again, not about my nature, but because of relationship and dating issues. That is not exclusive to devotees and wheelers though, everybody has dealt with that. I think I have been both unconsciously and consciously self-destructive. What blows my mind is that I have been that way even in my conscious state. Why do we go to lengths which we would normally not do, "just because" the guy is disabled and interesting??? Okay, yeah, I go to great lengths "just because" the guy is disabled and looks promising. But that's because I'm looking for a very small needle in a very big haystack! Have to follow every possibility, right? |
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Post by ruthmadison on Aug 18, 2011 12:01:37 GMT -5
Wait! I read something recently... maybe I've got some sort of disassociative personality disorder. There... according to Cracked.com I've got... Schizoid Personality Disorder... And, of course, Cracked is an excellent authority on such things! |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Aug 18, 2011 12:15:02 GMT -5
Wait! I read something recently... maybe I've got some sort of disassociative personality disorder. There... according to Cracked.com I've got... Schizoid Personality Disorder... And, of course, Cracked is an excellent authority on such things! Absolutely! From here on out I'm going to take ALL my scientific information/research from there. ;D |
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Aug 18, 2011 13:26:16 GMT -5
I don't know that I'm self-destructive... but I do think I tend to overlook things I normally wouldn't, because of the whole needle-haystack thing Ruth mentioned. I'm willing to go to greater lengths for the right guy, and to me, that's not self destructive, that's just part of the deal when you are a dev. Naturally, there are some of those why me, why can't I be normal questions - but again, I think that's part of being a dev. And I believe (hope?) that all that will go away with the right guy. I don't see it as self-destructive, because it's part of my "self". Circular reasoning perhaps, but it works for me.  Like Emma, I have also broken off serious AB relationships in order to explore my dev side - but it was something I needed to do. I was actually on the brink of being engaged, when I decided that I didn't want to live the rest of my life regretting the what-ifs. Luckily for me, his behavior after the breakup removed any guilt I might have had. |
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Post by Dee Dee on Aug 18, 2011 18:01:10 GMT -5
I do not think I was self destructive in my search. I hadn't admitted to myself I needed a disabled guy to be happy so wasn't feeling the way some of you are. I did hurt an AB guy I was dating. I was dating him because I didn't think I'd ever find a disabled guy. When I found my husband I ended things with the AB guy quickly. He is still angry, 3 years later. Emma, may I ask if you were actively looking for a disabled guy while dating an AB guy? If so, it must have been difficult to do? |
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