|
|
Post by jenny on Jan 27, 2006 18:02:35 GMT -5
For those devs of us who have come out to your wheeler friends, how did they react?
One of my oldest gal pals is a wheeler, having a disability since birth. I'm 'out' to her now, but with some trepidation.
When I told her I was dating someone, she asked, "Is he a crip?" I said yes. There was a long silence when I held my breath and she said, "Very cool."
At which point I began to breathe again, lol.
|
|
|
|
Post by Id be interested on Jan 27, 2006 19:08:48 GMT -5
I'd be interested how my friends would react if I told them I was dating a devotee!  I'm not certain they know devotees exist !!! |
|
|
|
Post by jenny on Jan 27, 2006 20:04:03 GMT -5
That's a good point, too - how many wheelers are dating devs? How many of your friends know?
|
|
|
|
Post by wheelie37 on Jan 28, 2006 4:11:59 GMT -5
I'd be interested how my friends would react if I told them I was dating a devotee! I'm not certain they know devotees exist !!! Maybe you could recommend this site, they may well want too date a devotee themselves, i know i would if i met a devotee in real life  |
|
|
|
Post by wheelie37 on Jan 28, 2006 4:14:19 GMT -5
as for how many wheelers are dating devotees, that is something we will proberly never know. I wonder how many wheelers are with a girl who is a devotee but she has never told him for fear of rejection!
|
|
|
|
Post by dolly on Jan 28, 2006 19:12:07 GMT -5
this is something that i am totally curious about...
the two wheeler guys i know in "real life" have no idea about my devness.
one is a guy who has remained a friend due to lack of mutual attraction...i think he would be intrigued by the whole idea as he has been sci for over 20 years and is still single and looking...i just haven't had the nerve, and i don't really know him well enough to divulge my secret.
the other is a guy that i am mucho interested in...(but has a girlfriend)...and i think he might be horrified by the whole thing as he is fairly new to quaddom. i am holding out hope for a chance in the future with this guy and can't get my head around what i'd do if/when it happens. i would want to be honest, but i think coming out to this guy might be a big mistake.
do any of you wheeler guys have friends that are "anti-dev" as a concept?
|
|
|
|
Post by dibisai on Jan 29, 2006 23:45:45 GMT -5
Until I found this message board I'd never actually told anyone. I'd feel really weird telling my dis friends (which are two). But then again I keep running into this guy and I guess I could tell him if a friendship srated. It's like smoking, I don't tell everyone. It would depend on the person I guess. Hmm I wonder why I feel a little guilty since I'd never hurt or stalk anyone. Do other people feel the same?
|
|
|
|
Post by damedevo on Jan 30, 2006 1:59:56 GMT -5
Until I found this message board I'd never actually told anyone. I'd feel really weird telling my dis friends (which are two). But then again I keep running into this guy and I guess I could tell him if a friendship srated. It's like smoking, I don't tell everyone. It would depend on the person I guess. Hmm I wonder why I feel a little guilty since I'd never hurt or stalk anyone. Do other people feel the same? Dibisai, you might be interested in the following quotation and the full article at the URL, below: "...But inevitably there is much guilt about finding pleasure associated with something that common sense says should in no way evoke pleasure. Not understanding it is the really hard part. Whether this turns out to be a mild affliction or a seriously debilitating one, depends on how successful the individual is in dealing with the dilemma and how other personality traits happen to come together." www.overground.be/article.php?code=84&lan=en |
|
|
|
Post by wheelie37 on Jan 30, 2006 2:13:55 GMT -5
Is must be a sort of torture having these feelings about disabled people but being too nervous to do anything about it  it must be a huge reflief once someone actually manages to date a disabled person |
|
|
|
Post by jenny on Jan 30, 2006 17:34:29 GMT -5
Huge relief - not so much. But it sure is a lot of fun  |
|
|
|
Post by Chan on Jan 30, 2006 18:04:31 GMT -5
I don't know, it was kind of a big relief for me. I'd wanted it for so long and had thought about it so much. I didn't think I could contain myself after a while. That's when I started joing the disabled dating sites.
Being a devotee is a pretty large part of my personality. So there's often times when I just 'forget' that I'm around others who have no idea and might let something slip. Now that I'm finally with -E- it's the most super fantastic awesome feeling. I got what I wanted. But only he and two others actually know that this is the kind of relationship I've always longed for.
|
|
|
|
Post by dibisai on Jan 30, 2006 22:49:03 GMT -5
I've only been in one relationship. It was pretty short. He had a lot of personal and self esteem issues at 1 1/2 yrs post. The fact that I knew he really counted on me made me feel bad. There I go with the guilt thing again! You know I'm starting to think I have issues. The point is it wasn't that wonderful feeling of wanting something for a long time and getting it. Not at all. Even if it was short it was stressful and codependent and all devo 'fantasies' were quickly replaced with reality. I mean for me it was and it wasn't a good point in my life. Now I'd rather look from afar.
|
|
|
|
Post by damedevo on Jan 31, 2006 1:27:22 GMT -5
"all devo 'fantasies' were quickly replaced with reality. "
Interesting, Dibisai. My participation here has already cooled my fantasies, merely because I see much more clearly that people are just people, wheels or not. I get along with some and not with others. Some have made spiritual leaps because of their experiences, others just have extra baggage. It's a good reality check for me, and I'm enjoying a lot of the conversations.
|
|
|
|
Post by wheelie37 on Jan 31, 2006 4:29:53 GMT -5
I think a lot of male wheelers are going to have self esteem issues when they become disabled, specially when it comes to sex issues. Wondering if they can still have sex, doing their best too please and hoping the girl will stay around and not go off with the first non disabled man who comes along etc I suppose it can be compared a bit to a lady losing her legs AND having a breast removed. Access can be a problem as in going out in society to meet people. body image,not only the reduced mobility and body function, but the worry of still be thought of as a sexual being. surely devo fantasies are based on reality in some way |
|
|
|
Post by spurs2000 on Jan 31, 2006 13:38:09 GMT -5
I think that there may be a higher proportion of wheelers with self-esteem issues, however. A lot of male self-esteem comes through work, and getting a good job can be a challenge for wheelers. Self-esteem issues created by body image problems should be quickly erased in a dev/wheeler relationship. I imagine it would be hard to keep body image problems when your girl is intently watching you transfer into bed, and jumps your bones as soon as you get in. I agree! |
|
it must be a huge reflief once someone actually manages to date a disabled person 
