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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 14:22:43 GMT -5
So I read your dating story and it made me smile. If this is true it was definitely super weird with that girl.
I still sometimes think about this whole thing about PWD not wanting to be asked about their disability or "being different"...I am a curious person too and I want to know how things work, like everything, not just humans...and I ask questions when I am comfortable around people.
So I think I would want to ask questions but not in a way of only seeing the disability but just out of curiosity for the person. I am always confused with that notion when the guys say they want a woman to see beyond the disability and see them as a person first. I DO see the person, but I still want to know about that person and if a disability is in the picture that stirs my curiosity and there would be questions.
So, being a dev, my initial thought was if it would have been different for you if she would have said something like "Oh cool, you don't have a left hand, that is hot." Would you then feel objectivied for your lack of a left hand?
I don't know, I am always confused about the whole thing about guys not wanting to be asked about their disability, I wouldn't know how to act...do they get offended if I ask a question or do they get offended if I ignore the disability?
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Post by tom60313 on Jul 15, 2016 15:20:34 GMT -5
"Differently abled"?
I don't like this term. I'd prefer crippled!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 15:43:00 GMT -5
"Differently abled"? I don't like this term. I'd prefer crippled! Yeah, to each his own, but when I read that, my gag reflex lets me know it's still working... Yep. To each his own. To me crippled is outdated and derogatory. |
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Post by LaMara on Jul 15, 2016 15:45:45 GMT -5
So I read your dating story and it made me smile. If this is true it was definitely super weird with that girl. I still sometimes think about this whole thing about PWD not wanting to be asked about their disability or "being different"...I am a curious person too and I want to know how things work, like everything, not just humans...and I ask questions when I am comfortable around people. So I think I would want to ask questions but not in a way of only seeing the disability but just out of curiosity for the person. I am always confused with that notion when the guys say they want a woman to see beyond the disability and see them as a person first. I DO see the person, but I still want to know about that person and if a disability is in the picture that stirs my curiosity and there would be questions. So, being a dev, my initial thought was if it would have been different for you if she would have said something like "Oh cool, you don't have a left hand, that is hot." Would you then feel objectivied for your lack of a left hand? I don't know, I am always confused about the whole thing about guys not wanting to be asked about their disability, I wouldn't know how to act...do they get offended if I ask a question or do they get offended if I ignore the disability? All that Dani said. It was a funny and well written story, and that girl reeeeeally exaggerated... but yes, well, I would have asked a couple questions too. Perhaps not immediately, and not absolutely stupid ones (seriously? She asked if she should feed you? wtf?), but the "how did it happen" one, yes I would have asked that. And not just because I'm a dev and I'm hardwired to be interested in the subject, but because I'm human and everything that is slightly out of the norm makes me curious. I'm sorry if that annoys you or makes you feel reduced to one detail of yourself @rich86, I guess being asked a million times gets on one's nerve eventually. You compared it to asking a girl why she's fat... From a dev point of view though, asking about disability is not asking about something negative. It also depends on how negative pwds considers their own disability, how much they accept it and are comfortable with it. Personally, I would find it incredibly amusing if you answered the "how did it happen" question every time with a more unlikely, ridiculous story  I'm also quite curious how you found out about devs! You seem to have a positive opinion of us and that is not always the case. Do you think the curiosity wouldn't be so annoying if it came from a dev? Knowing that a dev's questions are born out of fascination and not pity/awkwardness changes things for you? |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 15:54:45 GMT -5
So I read your dating story and it made me smile. If this is true it was definitely super weird with that girl. I still sometimes think about this whole thing about PWD not wanting to be asked about their disability or "being different"...I am a curious person too and I want to know how things work, like everything, not just humans...and I ask questions when I am comfortable around people. So I think I would want to ask questions but not in a way of only seeing the disability but just out of curiosity for the person. I am always confused with that notion when the guys say they want a woman to see beyond the disability and see them as a person first. I DO see the person, but I still want to know about that person and if a disability is in the picture that stirs my curiosity and there would be questions. So, being a dev, my initial thought was if it would have been different for you if she would have said something like "Oh cool, you don't have a left hand, that is hot." Would you then feel objectivied for your lack of a left hand? I don't know, I am always confused about the whole thing about guys not wanting to be asked about their disability, I wouldn't know how to act...do they get offended if I ask a question or do they get offended if I ignore the disability? Hi Dani! Speaking only for myself: I get it. Ask. I'm happy to answer. It's not something you see everyday and even if it is, there are a million reasons I could be missing a hand. Billionairess was too..ignorant? I guess. To the point where I really felt like she was completely uncomfortable with me and forced her discomfort onto me with the weird questions and behavior. With anything, the concern is does this person only see my "disability" at the expense of my personality? Every one is different though |
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Jul 15, 2016 16:04:18 GMT -5
Hi Tony and welcome.
I have to agree with the others here: I also would have asked you some questions. When I was actively looking for a disabled partner online, I asked some questions about the disability pretty much right away. In my case, it was due to me only being interested in (low) SCI and I didn't want to "waste my time" with guys with other disabilities (as superficial as it may sound).
I understand your frustration with always being asked about your arm, but let's be real here: that's how our society is. It sucks, but we do live in an ableist society, where there are pretty clear standards when it comes to pretty much everything (think not only disability, but body in general, gender, sexuality, beauty, etc.). That's how it is. I don't like it, either and it's a subject that really interests me (so much, I even will be writing my bachelor thesis about it; I'm really looking forward to looking deeper into it). I've read quite a bit on this topic here on PD, too, so you should read through some older threads if it's of interest to you (I can't really remember the exact threads, though, maybe someone else can).
Anyway, I hope you enjoy PD.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 16:04:21 GMT -5
I guess being asked a million times gets on one's nerve eventually. You compared it to asking a girl why she's fat... From a dev point of view though, asking about disability is not asking about something negative. It also depends on how negative pwds considers their own disability, how much they accept it and are comfortable with it. Personally, I would find it incredibly amusing if you answered the "how did it happen" question every time with a more unlikely, ridiculous story I'm also quite curious how you found out about devs! You seem to have a positive opinion of us and that is not always the case. Do you think the curiosity wouldn't be so annoying if it came from a dev? Knowing that a dev's questions are born out of fascination and not pity/awkwardness changes things for you? For me the question is fairly intimate. Like at least let's engage in polite conversation before broaching the subject LOL but I get it. I'm curious too. I ask lots of questions. Just typically not about disability or immutable body configurations lol I met a dev on tinder. I thought she was messing with me but I started reading about it. Put it in a box and locked it away in my mind for a year and finally decided it was time to see what it's all about. I tend to be pretty accepting - just hate egotistical assholes  - so I'm genuinely curious to engage with you guys. And, to be honest, I think that doing so will teach me how to put into words what I'm feeling and experiencing, something that was never broached growing up. |
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Post by Paradise on Jul 15, 2016 16:39:38 GMT -5
So I read your dating story and it made me smile. If this is true it was definitely super weird with that girl. I still sometimes think about this whole thing about PWD not wanting to be asked about their disability or "being different"...I am a curious person too and I want to know how things work, like everything, not just humans...and I ask questions when I am comfortable around people. So I think I would want to ask questions but not in a way of only seeing the disability but just out of curiosity for the person. I am always confused with that notion when the guys say they want a woman to see beyond the disability and see them as a person first. I DO see the person, but I still want to know about that person and if a disability is in the picture that stirs my curiosity and there would be questions. So, being a dev, my initial thought was if it would have been different for you if she would have said something like "Oh cool, you don't have a left hand, that is hot." Would you then feel objectivied for your lack of a left hand? I don't know, I am always confused about the whole thing about guys not wanting to be asked about their disability, I wouldn't know how to act...do they get offended if I ask a question or do they get offended if I ignore the disability? Yeah, oops! I asked you a question on your Personals thread about whether you had a forearm or not. And I TOTALLY didn't mean anything objectifying by it at all. It's curiosity but also as a dev, we know a little more about the "topics" that AB people may either avoid, or they ask what may be considered "dumb" questions. You're in a really friendly place, so if there are questions, I hope you don't take any offense to it! It's just because I couldn't see a picture. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 15, 2016 16:56:56 GMT -5
]Yeah, oops! I asked you a question on your Personals thread about whether you had a forearm or not. And I TOTALLY didn't mean anything objectifying by it at all. It's curiosity but also as a dev, we know a little more about the "topics" that AB people may either avoid, or they ask what may be considered "dumb" questions. You're in a really friendly place, so if there are questions, I hope you don't take any offense to it! It's just because I couldn't see a picture. Oh sorry I missed it! I have my left elbow and maybe 2-3 inches beyond that. Below elbow amputation of the left forearm and wrist is how the medical field would describe it. Can't figure out how to post a picture or do much else here from my iPhone using safari. Do you all use desktop computers or is there an app? As for tying my shoes, I can't really explain it since it's so natural to me lol. Maybe I'll video? I'm very open. I joined here to ask questions and fully expect lots in return. Please don't hold back! Be as blunt as you'd like to be. Looking forward to meeting all of you |
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Post by Emma on Jul 15, 2016 17:04:12 GMT -5
I enjoyed you story as well. I like your writing style. Thanks for sharing. Like some other devs have said, I would have been the same as Billionairess in that I would have asked a lot of questions and probably wanted to see how you did certain things. I know my questions wouldn't have been stupid because I know quite a bit about congenital amps but still would have had questions. I was confused by the scene in the story where you get all upset when she that she wanted to see how you tied your shoes. Why did that upset you so much? Was it because she was so forceful about it and you just were there to get some action?
Also there are people out there imagining their white knight to be missing a hand, or both hands or be in a wheelchair; they are called devs. Welcome to PD! It's always great to have more amputees around.
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Post by Emma on Jul 15, 2016 17:13:33 GMT -5
Can't figure out how to post a picture or do much else here from my iPhone using safari. Do you all use desktop computers or is there an app? There is an app I think called tapatalk but I don't use it on my iphone. I post pics using my laptop usually but you can do it on your phone too. You just need to switch to the desktop version of the website on your phone; just scroll to the bottom of the page and hit the word 'desktop' on the right and then you can navigate through the page and use the add attachment buttons. Once you are done it's trickier to get back to the mobile version of the site but its the same deal scroll to the bottom and find the tiny words 'mobile version'. But keep in mind you shouldn't upload too many pics beyond your profile pic since the site has limited storage for pics and its actually best to upload them to a 3rd party site and share the link if you have a lot to share. I'm no expert on that but know @braced4impact can help if you need it. |
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Post by blueskye101 on Jul 16, 2016 0:14:29 GMT -5
Funny and entertaining, well written story made me really laugh at how awkward and ridiculous your date was.
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Post by LaMara on Jul 16, 2016 1:56:52 GMT -5
I have to confess, I've been wondering about how to tie shoes with one hand for a very long time...  |
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Post by frankj on Jul 16, 2016 3:41:49 GMT -5
"Differently abled"? I don't like this term. I'd prefer crippled! "packaged differently" I guess I missed the part in which he described his package as "different". But then again, that would not spike my interest... Oh man, all those terms. If you ever want to talk to me, just call me Frank... The story was entertaining and familiar. |
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Post by LaMara on Jul 16, 2016 6:39:25 GMT -5
I'm so jealous now lucretia! And even more curious! |
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- so I'm genuinely curious to engage with you guys. And, to be honest, I think that doing so will teach me how to put into words what I'm feeling and experiencing, something that was never broached growing up.
