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Post by Pisti on Feb 19, 2006 6:40:55 GMT -5
you can tell him when and if you get to know him better  Why is it so important to tell??? If you get along well sooner or later you'll find out that she is crazy about you in every way. If not, it doesn't matter that she is otherwise turned on by wheelers, only you two cannot connect? I mean you are interested by women, right? But not any woman and every women. Just think it over. There has to be that little sparkling between the two of you - and if there it is it doen't matter that she is maybe totally the opposite of what you've been looking for in the first place. And even if she represents everything you've been looking for phisically in her other capacities she might be a total asshole or be repulsive for thousands other reasons. (Is there anyone who understands what I try to express?  If yes could he explain me?  ) |
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Post by wheelie37 on Feb 19, 2006 15:45:30 GMT -5
I believe it is best to be honest in a relationship. yes physical appearance isnt everything and they may look great and be an "asshole" as judit put it.
But I think it is better to be single then to live a lie
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Post by Pisti on Feb 19, 2006 19:39:40 GMT -5
OK, sorry for the "asshole" but yesterday I was pissed off by one of them and the wrd just circled around in my head... Wheelie, you are right, it is important to be honest in a relationship - relationships don't work any other way... But most of these ladies wrestle with insecurity: "am I crazy?" "am I a weirdo?" And if they are already somewhat informed they might ask themselfs: "am I devo?" ... Some don't know how to tell. And some didn't even realize they are devos... They don't know te words to tell it. So telling might end up about this awkward: G - You know I'm different... WB - Of course you are different! At least to me - I love you! G - Yes but I'm different for another reason... I'm different because I love you... WB - What do you mean? Do you think nobody would be able to love me just because... G - No, but I love you because... WB - Only because that??? You are sick... On this board we are quite lucky, because we found out that wheeler men are quite openminded when it comes about loving them. But sometimes girls are not openminded (or rather "opensouled" - what a strange word) toward themself... Or maybe they just didn't come across anything that discusses devoteeism... Or they found just those hate-filled sites or forums and got scared... It is easyer to shut up, or to tell that wheeler boy that we love him for this or that rather than to admit the truth... And I'm not talking about the women on this board - we are becoming more and more open, and of course we are at the level that we couldn't deny it, even if wanted ( even though sometimes I wish...). But try to imagine someone who did never hear about that fenomenon, who does not have the vocabulary to express her feelings, only knows that something isn't right with her and she has felings that are concidered strange, scary or even sick by most of her fellow homo sapiences. I believe you will know that the girl is a devo whenever you get to know her better. Do you wonder why DOESN'T she wonder about athropy or parabelly or catheters or bowel programs or sex tools or Baclofen pumps or all that stuff that goes with a wheeler friend? Specially if she isn't a nurse or a PA? Well,... Guess! |
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Post by wheelie37 on Feb 20, 2006 3:41:56 GMT -5
maybe when they start a relationship, the wheelchair user could mention this great site and see what the reaction is |
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Post by obscure on Feb 20, 2006 4:25:10 GMT -5
I also see absolutely no reason why it should be necessary to tell. I also don't find that keeping such a fact to myself is in any way "living a lie." If the sole reason I was with someone was because he was in a wheelchair, then perhaps not speaking up could be considered a lie. Fortunately, I have higher standards than that.
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Post by Ciao Bella on Feb 20, 2006 18:32:34 GMT -5
If disabled people and devs meet online...then is there really a need to state the obvious? I suppose, just to set things straight from the beginning, huh? OK...have I mentioned that I'm a female dev? any good-looking gimp guys out there? (have my sights set on a couple, actually  ) |
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Post by BA on Feb 20, 2006 20:10:43 GMT -5
I have mixed feelings about "telling". If I've met the guy on a site like this, then it's all out and about isn't it? If I've met him somewhere else then I don't want to give him the wrong impression that the wheelchair is ALL I am attracted to. I think some guys might perceive things that way and that's certainly not the message I want to give. Instead, when I have met a guy outside of this type of forum, I will tell him that I find his disability a big turn on, as much as his hair, eyes and aspects of his personality. This is the plain truth and I don't want him to think that the disability takes precedence over all of his other attributes. This is why I am not big on saying "I am a dev" because I think it gives people the wrong idea, specifically that I will sleep with them "just because".
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skip
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Post by skip on Feb 20, 2006 20:33:02 GMT -5
Hopefully this doesnt make me sound like an idiot, but what the hell is a dev? I am only about three years into my injury so I am not the most familiar with all of these terms used, although I am learning...Is it just someone that is interested in somone in a chair, or is there more to it than that?
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Post by jenny on Feb 20, 2006 20:58:35 GMT -5
It's someone who's interested in someone in a chair and there's more to it than that... "Dev" or "devo" is another way of saying "Devotee". In some places, it has an unpleasant connotation of a fetish. There are some who like to say admirers, but yeah, "dev" pretty much covers it in my book. |
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Post by dolly on Feb 20, 2006 21:16:29 GMT -5
why don't you read through some old topics to see what it's all about?
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skip
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Post by skip on Feb 21, 2006 9:52:40 GMT -5
It's someone who's interested in someone in a chair and there's more to it than that... "Dev" or "devo" is another way of saying "Devotee". In some places, it has an unpleasant connotation of a fetish. There are some who like to say admirers, but yeah, "dev" pretty much covers it in my book. Thanxs for the input i understand now, thats kinda what i thought, but just wanted to make sure I wasnt under the wrong impression.. |
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Post by wheelie37 on Mar 19, 2006 8:01:26 GMT -5
Have any devotees got a good way of telling the person they are interested in that they are a devotee?
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Post by dolly on Mar 19, 2006 15:42:39 GMT -5
good question.
i'm curious about this too!
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Post by Ciao Bella on Mar 19, 2006 16:33:16 GMT -5
Here's my initial thought...not telling him at all (coz there's always the chance he doesn't know what the hell I'm talking about). Rather, maybe when we're sitting together, put my hand on his leg and casually keep it there for a few seconds...He's bound to realize I like him, won't he? |
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Post by Triassic on Mar 19, 2006 18:00:01 GMT -5
No.
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If yes could he explain me? 
)
)
