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Post by kat on Aug 28, 2019 10:43:55 GMT -5
For me, both of us being disabled would kind of ruin the dev/PWD dynamic that I like. It feels weird to say it out loud, but my ideal relationship does consist of one PWD and one AB partner (the latter of which, given the attraction, defaults to being me). I haven't seen anyone else mention this, so I wonder if I'm alone in this.
If it weren't for this aspect, I'd be tempted to answer yes.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2019 12:59:30 GMT -5
I feel the same way kat but again just answering the very hypothetical question of the OP...there are like a thousand scenarios I think |
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Post by feelsunshine on Aug 28, 2019 22:15:48 GMT -5
For me, both of us being disabled would kind of ruin the dev/PWD dynamic that I like. It feels weird to say it out loud, but my ideal relationship does consist of one PWD and one AB partner (the latter of which, given the attraction, defaults to being me). I haven't seen anyone else mention this, so I wonder if I'm alone in this. If it weren't for this aspect, I'd be tempted to answer yes. I originally never answered on this one before because I really couldn’t explain my answer “no”. You helped me with your post in that. That’s I think the way I feel about it. |
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Post by devogirl on Aug 28, 2019 22:35:40 GMT -5
For me, both of us being disabled would kind of ruin the dev/PWD dynamic that I like. It feels weird to say it out loud, but my ideal relationship does consist of one PWD and one AB partner (the latter of which, given the attraction, defaults to being me). I haven't seen anyone else mention this, so I wonder if I'm alone in this. Definitely not alone, I feel the same way. |
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Post by blueskye101 on Aug 29, 2019 5:14:02 GMT -5
For me, both of us being disabled would kind of ruin the dev/PWD dynamic that I like. It feels weird to say it out loud, but my ideal relationship does consist of one PWD and one AB partner (the latter of which, given the attraction, defaults to being me). I haven't seen anyone else mention this, so I wonder if I'm alone in this. If it weren't for this aspect, I'd be tempted to answer yes. Thanks @kat. I feel the same. But as robb said I feel like i would be more prepared if an injury happened but think it would definitely mess with the dev thing. |
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Aug 29, 2019 5:21:43 GMT -5
For me, both of us being disabled would kind of ruin the dev/PWD dynamic that I like. It feels weird to say it out loud, but my ideal relationship does consist of one PWD and one AB partner (the latter of which, given the attraction, defaults to being me). I haven't seen anyone else mention this, so I wonder if I'm alone in this. If it weren't for this aspect, I'd be tempted to answer yes. Would you or the others who see it that way mind explaining a bit more why it is that the ideal scenerio is the dev being ab? |
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Post by Amee on Aug 29, 2019 6:21:05 GMT -5
For me, both of us being disabled would kind of ruin the dev/PWD dynamic that I like. It feels weird to say it out loud, but my ideal relationship does consist of one PWD and one AB partner (the latter of which, given the attraction, defaults to being me). I haven't seen anyone else mention this, so I wonder if I'm alone in this. If it weren't for this aspect, I'd be tempted to answer yes. Would you or the others who see it that way mind explaining a bit more why it is that the ideal scenerio is the dev being ab? I feel the same way and I had to think a little about why that is. I think for me there are three possible explanations, why I prefer the PWD/AB dynamic in the fiction/media I consume and in my imagination. The first is that I live vicariously through these stories (as I assume all readers of stories do) and so I identify with the female in the relationship. It's much, much easier for me to do that, if she's AB (a) because I don't know what it's like to be disabled and (b) because I really like being physically strong and capable. I like to read about women, who are like that, because in my fantasies that's what I like to imagine myself as  The other reason I could think of is that a PWD/PWD relationship has the potential to implicitly confirm that prejudice that only another PWD could want to be in a relationship with a PWD. Of course that's not rationally true. PWDs can date other PWDs without any actual implication on their general dateability. But at least by prejudiced societal standards it can be seen as the "natural choice". Finally, I just think that differences between partners in a relationship make it interesting in general. I haven't thought about this long and hard, but you can find lots of examples in fiction, where some key differences between partners are used to create an interesting dynamic. Rich and poor. High and low social status. Different religions, races, nationalities etc. Love crossing some kind of boundaries is a very common theme, I think. And in a certain way a PWD/AB relationship could be viewed that way. Edit: I thought of another, slightly more comical reason for me. I think I kind of (subconsciously, but now not so subconsciously) see women/girls with disabilities as "the competition" They can understand the guys on an emotional level in one particular way that we can't, which would seem to give them a natural advantage. So reading a PWD/PWD romance might trigger more of a feeling of jealousy and competitiveness in me than identification. Kind of embarrassed to admit that, lol.  Second Edit: I think this last reason may also have something to do with the fact that I developed a little bit of emotional caution and reserve towards women with disabilities, because so much of the negativity about devs I found came from them - I might not be completely over that yet. Also: Sorry for the giant posts. It seems I'm incapable of short answers  |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2019 12:54:29 GMT -5
Amee Loved your post, that sums it up for me exactly the same. I just wouldn't have been able to explain it that way.
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Post by kyliestarz on Aug 30, 2019 16:57:51 GMT -5
The asymmetry is definitely what feels right to me as well. I do have some, for lack of better term, BIIDishness, so it depends on my mood whether he’s disabled or I am. But it’s aways asymmetric that way.
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Post by Celaena on Sept 8, 2019 14:27:05 GMT -5
I totally get how this might be a fantasy for some but it’s a hard no for me. My top interest is blindness and I have never wanted to experience it for myself. Also a big part of my attraction is visual—how the person looks and moves. If I couldn’t watch him, I would not be as interested. Unfair, but hey, sexual desire is not about fairness. When I was a curious dev kid I did wish there was a way to experience SCI temporarily just to know what it was like, but that desire faded as a adult. Also when I had kids, I had a c section with an epidural so I guess I did experience temporary loss of movement/sensation but there were so many other things going on at the time, dev thoughts were the furthest thing from my mind. Funny that you say that. I had my second daughter in March with a planned C-section and did think about the temporary paralysis... My husband even commented on it because he knows about my Dev side. It was definitely weird to be telling my brain to move and to have no response. I didn't care for it, so I think to the original question, no. I wouldn't want to do it if I had the choice! |
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Post by Nia on Oct 15, 2019 19:20:02 GMT -5
For me this is one of the best questions and threads I’ve ever saw on pd and honestly I’ve been hesitating to give my answer for quite a while.
My answer is definitely no.
But for me it’s so layered and also I never thought that this would be my answer before I met and realized real life thing with pwd.
So why drama about even answering..., because I’ll reveal something I’ve been hiding here since I joined and told only to a few girls I became close through dms. Thank you so much for listening when I was at my worst you know how you are... what I’m talking about is exactly what you guessing. I wasn’t sure if I’m only a dev or also suffering from BIID. Or just having BIID that manifests through devness etc... none of it was clear in my mind and all was there to the point it couldn’t be dismissed.... actually it used to be so overwhelming over periods of time that it affected my everyday life and made me even consider some options I don’t even want to remember now.
In my imagination I expected so many things from my first encounter with pwd.... it’s euphemism to say my expectations were high. And it’s funny because even though some things didn’t happen at all (like out of this world sex) others were so strong it left me humbled and changed. There are many important things I figured about myself and this what I feel since I can recall any early memory but definitely one of the strongest and most important ones was realization that I want and desperately need disabled partner and that I definitely don’t want to be disabled myself. Since I met him I never again had thoughts about me being disabled. They used to be so intense sometimes that they were more like a need then a thought but suddenly they disappeared to the point that I couldn’t recall how I felt before when I had them.... like the whole mechanicsam of the idea and the need to be like that totally disappeared from my mind. I just thought of him when we were together and afterwards and thoughts about me never returned.... I thought about that so much and I know it’s because I now know and partially have what I craved for since I was born and I missed that so much my mind obviously started looking for options and my body was a logical first “next best thing”.... it’s irrational maybe but to me it wasn’t. Also I definitely felt so much less quilt about wanting a disability for myself then wanting a disabled guy.... now with him who knows about my attraction and who is thrilled about us devs existing I feel heeled on so many levels. I don’t feel quilty because he thinks I’m not and that I’m healing wounds he closed so many years ago thinking there is no cure for that.... so my “‘madness” finally has a powerful purpose... and now with him all confusion is gone. I’m a dev. 100 % dev and everything else was just my frustrated brain distorting that into other things he thought might be more easy to translate to reality.. like however crazy it is dismorohing my own body is in my hands and my decision and doing good or bad only to me.... that’s why I was carried on by those ideas for so long and even in desperation made myself very fat because even that was better than nothing. At least I was changing and it was in my control and The further it went and the more it had in common with disability the More I was convinced it could be a solution for me. I wasn’t open about it here because it’s not a form for that kind of things but people I was close to through dms knows I had very bad times and that I went very far. At some point seriously far.
That all settled due to many factors but it would never settle so deeply and forever if I wasn’t with him. After my first pwd relationship I figured that’s it. I never had thoughts about me and I it’s so clear in my mind now I know it wouldn’t change even if I would not have pwd relationship soon again. Being with him is what I needed. I figured I didn’t idealized not any single part of it. Everything is magic and beautiful and I just want to have part in his life because it the same like for all of us but still different in each fucking minute. I wasn’t aware that being single above the knee amputee is such a big deal it’s fucking there all the time. So many little things we never think about and he has to do, overcome, solve etc... ok when we sit in the restaurant maybe we forget for hour and a half but in each other situation it’s present. It’s pain in the ass for him but for me it’s exactly what I wanted and imagined. Don’t get me wrong I’m not a helper guy I’m just excited to watch him doing everything his way, offering help when he asks and be his someone ready to do anything he needs without much explanation and totally free from any discomfort. I enjoy everything he does I just feel in my guts it’s enough to replace everything. I don’t need traveling, crazy life, career,,night life .... anything. He is enough for life and me being able to watch him is beyond the best blockbuster movie or rave party
So to answer my question no. I would not like to be left leg above the knee amputee like him. Turns me off. I like us the way we are. Me curvy just the way he likes and he strong as an animal without that leg he starts to believe I really am into.... we look powerful together he gives me enthusiasm and I can imagine how much I give to him and it’s powerful beyond words. I’m the first girl after his accident to admire his whole body shape and who wants him naked no prosthesis in bed and even though he is alpha man with is coping mechanism I brought a new angle and he is interested he feels like it’s impossible to feel before and.... he choses to give that away: and I cannot. He made me realize I don’t want my legs and arms cut and that was my biggest issue so long. I want him. It was in the tip of my mouth to make confession and to tell him you know I used to want to be like you..... but I’m afraid so he doesn’t know..... so no. I don’t want same disability as my partner doesn’t work for me visually and in so many ways and also now with him I figured it’s not a joke it’s real and fucked up and I wouldn’t be able to face and figure like he did
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Post by Nia on Oct 15, 2019 19:22:28 GMT -5
On the contrary I want to be prettiest I can for him and readiest posible to be of help evry time he needs it
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Post by Nia on Oct 15, 2019 19:50:33 GMT -5
But just one weird ad on that crossed my mind. I used to be, couple of years ago married to a guy who would classify as obese and even over years becoming semi disabled because of his weight. While being with him I reached my so far highest weight that was at that time shocking to ppl around me and effected the way I look. I don’t know why I did it then. I hated the fact we are both fat and I was even embarrassed. I loved us when he was as he is and when I looked good. But I let myself... maybe I was desperate and he wasn’t judging idk... but I hated us together like that.
Later I had and still have very good looking boyfriend fit and visibly handsome. Besides him I reached my all time maximum weight in my worst periods. It was bad for me but I liked us because he liked me getting fatter even when I crossed all the lines. But I still felt ok. Like at least one of us is socially likable. It’s with my pwd as well.... I want to be at my best with him to shield him from stupid conclusions oh she is fat he is amputee they deserve each other. I want those stupid morons to see us and have a brain 404 error. Like a guy to think I would fuck here but since she chose him he must be amazing I’m stupid to think otherwise.... and I feel that’s happening and I want to be that shield for him it’s amazing power I never had
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Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2019 20:06:04 GMT -5
For me the answer would be a definite no !
After seeing the way my partner has adapted his life i know that i would never be strong enough to do the same.
It takes an incredible mental strength to deal with and truly accept an acquired disability and i struggle enough to deal with my comparitively easy and priviliged life.
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Post by kyliestarz on Oct 16, 2019 18:40:03 GMT -5
Nia, I’m happy to have dreamed up such a stimulating proposition, and I agree it is quite layered, perhaps more so for those of us with BIIDish inklings. I don’t know if BIID is the right label for the way I feel - I’m a nearly insatiable, straight devotee who also happens to find the idea my own body being disabled incredibly sexy. The idea of other women being disabled doesn’t turn me on, I don’t feel like I’m in the wrong body and I’ve never seriously considered changing my ability, though I’ve certainly fantasizes about it and I have ‘pretended’. Devotee isn’t the best of terms (tho it’s grown on me) but BIID, wannabe and pretender are even worse. I guess you could say I’m sexually attracted to disability outwardly and inwardly. And I don’t really separate the two, or feel like I have to be one or the other, which is why I would say yes to my question. Your outward/inward disposition seems a little more complicated (who isn’t complicated on pd) and I’m glad my post was helpful. Happy to talk more!
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