Devs Only- Podcast Interview? Helpppppp

[rebeckers84]

Hi Ladies!  
I don’t know if you remember a little bit ago I told you I had reached out to the Wheels2Walking podcast guy to correct a few things he mentioned in a convo about devs...? Well we’ve stayed in contact a bit and he asked me if I would be open to discussing more in depth with them. I’m partly terrified and partly kinda excited. 

So my question to you.... IF (IF IF) I were to do this. Is there anything you think is most important I try to get across?  Anything I should definitely stay away from?  Thoughts/ideas. Anything!?!?  

[Amee]

I'll try to come up with some possibly helpful thoughts later, but I just had to tell you right away, how absolutely awesome that is!!!
(And of course I remember! )

[Inkdevil]

This is fantastic! I don’t remember the original post, but you’ve obviously made a impact on the guy if he’s asking you back to discuss Devs further.

What points have you been discussing/correcting with him since the initial podcast?

I don’t think there should be anything off limits necessarily, just sound like you. You are a normal woman who happens to have an attraction to disabled men. Make sure your humanity and normality shines through. We have been labelled as bad in part because we are nameless and faceless. We don’t get the chance to defend our POV often.

People who feel hate for ‘our kind’ probably have this mental image of bad Devs (nobody is denying there are bad Devs) and you can change that. This is an amazing opportunity. I hope it goes well for you. Could you give us a link or something after it’s done? X

[Deleted]

Hopefully a great opportunity to give our side of the story, fingers crossed he doesn’t try to be too negative. I think the most important thing to mention is that most devs aren’t into seeing people struggle or get off on weakness etc, too many people think devs are control freaks or assume disabled men are weak. It’s a good chance to stop that mistaken idea totally. Enjoy the experience, be yourself and you will be wonderful

[Deleted]

Yeah, definitely make sure to show that you are a regular, lovely young woman and that most of us are not only devs but lots of different things - mothers, sisters, friends, employees, artists, educated people and many other things. Like we are normal people with certain attractions, some more, some less sexual.

[rebeckers84]

These are all SO great!!!! I’m taking notes
Thanks for the support. I’ll keep you all posted but I’m fairly certain I’m moving forward with it. Everything you’ve all said is exactly what I was envisioning.
@delight he has been so great so far and promised it would an interview with dev that is not slamming or shaming and no sly stuff would be pulled. I actually feel really comfortable with the guy.

Keep the comments and ideas coming!!! If anyone has any doubts or concerns please feel free to express as well. Love to hear all sides!

Thank you thank you thank you ladies!!!

[rebeckers84]

Something I just thought of....
thoughts about mentioning this site??? I can see major pros/cons...
maybe not specifically by name. Maybe just “a message board with like minded folks”....?

[lisa]

I gave a few interviews about my devness in the past and it was mostly a pleasant experience. Some of the questions I always got were where I met disabled guys, what my relationships were like, what exactly I like about them, why I am a dev and what my "disability preferences" are (particularly this last question usually felt more intrusive than it was intended to, so I guess it would be a good idea to think of an answer beforehand). Remember that it is possible for you to steer the conversation in a direction you want to. Just mention things in your answers that you feel comfortable talking about and this will be the starting point for more questions.

I have mentioned PD in one of the interviews and I remember devogirl saying that it's okay to mention it, when there was a podcast with Kid A some years ago. But well, mentioning it in a German interview is probably not as "dangerous" because there won't likely be a wave of people joining afterwards ;-).

I have always made sure before that the interview is going to be dev-positive and said that I won't do an interview where the questions lead me into a somehow destructive direction and where I have to justify myself all the time. But it sounds as if you have already done that.

In the end, I've always been quite honest and outspoken during the interviews, because that's how I am (or would like to be) in real life as well. That's not everyone's cup of tea, so if there are boundaries for you, they should be respected.

By the way, we didn't really discuss "bad devs" much during the interviews. Sometimes it was mentioned that there are creeps and stalkers, but usually I didn't want to condemn devs specifically and tried to show this as part of the great picture (like there are bad people everywhere).

[Amee]

Not much to add, as I agree with what everyone has already said! I think just being yourself and showing that you're a regular, lovely human being will be great for our image

I'm sure you'll do a great job correcting some of the misconceptions, as I remember that was what you originally wrote to him about (at least that's what he said in the second video). I think mentioning that devs differ a lot in what exactly their devness is to them (only sexual vs. not really sexual; exclusive vs. just a preference) would be good.

With regard to bad devs - if he brings that up (which wouldn't surprise me, given the content of his original video) - I agree with lisa. I would probably also tell them that I of course condemn such behaviour, but that it is in no way something that characterizes devs. The Internet (and the world) is full of people, who behave badly (and in a sexual context it's often men) and we just have no way of knowing whether that kind of behaviour is more prevalent among devs, since we have no idea how many "invisible" ones there are. I guess I would just try to make them understand that the reason why they associate devs with bad behaviour is because bad behaviour is usually the only time devs become visible to them.
I wouldn't unnecessarily dwell on the topic, though, or engage in any discussion about why some devs behave like that. Unless you want to, of course

Do you know if he'll give you an idea about the questions he'll ask beforehand?

As for mentioning PD, devogirl is probably the one to ask, but I wouldn't see a problem. What do you think the cons would be?

And again: I think this is awesome and I'm so glad you feel comfortable with him! He does seem like a cool guy, so I'm optimistic that it will be great! Keep us posted!!

[feelsunshine]

Jul 25, 2020 6:49:05 GMT -5 Amee said:

. I guess I would just try to make them understand that the reason why they associate devs with bad behaviour is because bad behaviour is usually the only time devs become visible to them.

Great point!

[feelsunshine]

rebeckers84 please emphasize a point of what I think most people don't understand: Even though we have attractions to certain disabilities, all the other "regular" rules of determining a partner still apply. Meaning we don't actually think that a person ist automatically hot because they have a certain disability. We still determine a suitable or attractive partner by character, same wavelength and also visual attraction such as hair color, eyes, beards etc. The disability basically adds up to that list of what we're attracted to. We're interested in the "complete package", don't reduce a person to their disability, same as we don't want to be reduced to being a dev.

Edit:
sorry, I forgot to mention that I also think that this is a great opportunity and, if you happen to give the interview: pleeeeeease let us know where to see/read about it!! 

[mona]

Congrats, rebeckers84! What a great opportunity.

So much good advice has already been given, the only things I would like to suggest are:

1. Make a list with your main messages. Write on a piece of paper the things you want to communicate. Try to formulate in a positive way and not in a defensive way that already anticipates prejudices that the audience might not have in the first place. After writing down everything that's in your mind, prioritise what's most important to you.

2. Prepare stories: In podcasts, interviews etc. the best way to communicate your messages is through story-telling. If you want to make sure that people see you as the smart, fun, socially integrated individual that you are, tell anecdotes that people can relate to and in which they can partly recognize themselves. How did you discover your devness? What did this feel like? What was the funniest thing you experienced related to your devness? What was the most exciting? The most awkward? What the saddest?

3. Prepare facts & figures: Unfortunately, as we all know, there is few data available. But maybe it is good to mention that there is hardly any research, it's still unknown terrain. This is why people who feel attracted to pwds often don't even know there is a term for this that they could look up in the internet, and that they believe they are alone in the world with these feelings.

I hope this helps you and doesn't sound like too much work.

In any case, I'm sure you'll be fantastic and I'm looking forward to hearing the interview.

[Deleted]

Just had a thought and it may be completely not possible, but what about seeing if any of the long term pwd’s here would join the interview and give their view of devs ? Obviously the pwd members here are open minded and will give a positive (hopefully) reference from a disabled persons point of view.

[rebeckers84]

Jul 26, 2020 19:01:07 GMT -5 @delight said:

Just had a thought and it may be completely not possible, but what about seeing if any of the long term pwd’s here would join the interview and give their view of devs ? Obviously the pwd members here are open minded and will give a positive (hopefully) reference from a disabled persons point of view.

Someone messaged me offering up this idea too!!  As we are talking through the details I’m going to throw the idea out there  

I did fully commit this morning and told him I’d do it. So we’re just talking through logistics and what not. He wants to do it in person so I gotta plan a weekend back to ATL again which I do often anyway but it does appear like it’s gonna happen... keep you all posted!! 

also, you all are THE best for helping me here  

[Celeste]

Seems like a great opportunity! Looking forward to listening. You'll do great!