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Post by devogirl on Oct 2, 2020 20:55:44 GMT -5
I’m really curious about what this “dev vibe” is, and how I can avoid exuding it. 😂 Same, I live in fear that people can just tell This is not a thing! There is no "dev vibe." The guys who said this mean that they expect devs to fit their prejudiced mental image: creepy, gross, weird, ugly, etc.
Free yourself from this paranoia, because it's a trap. Most people in the world have never heard of devs and will never in a million years guess. From my personal experience, you can even tell some ABs "I find disabled guys sexually attractive" and a few minutes later they will forget because it's so unimportant to them. PWDs have a different perspective of course. But there is no reason to live in fear. People can't just tell and most of them don't care.
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mili
Full Member
Posts: 131
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by mili on Oct 2, 2020 22:08:11 GMT -5
Same, I live in fear that people can just tell This is not a thing! There is no "dev vibe." The guys who said this mean that they expect devs to fit their prejudiced mental image: creepy, gross, weird, ugly, etc.
Free yourself from this paranoia, because it's a trap. Most people in the world have never heard of devs and will never in a million years guess. From my personal experience, you can even tell some ABs "I find disabled guys sexually attractive" and a few minutes later they will forget because it's so unimportant to them. PWDs have a different perspective of course. But there is no reason to live in fear. People can't just tell and most of them don't care.
Yes!! Haha, this gets me. We build it up so much in our minds and then the response is usually so underwhelming, it's shocking. |
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Post by rebeckers84 on Sept 2, 2022 14:18:36 GMT -5
So I have a “newer” friend in my life who has quickly become one of my suuuuuuper best friends right now. We started off as co workers and it pretty quickly turned into much more. She’s had A LOT happen in her life, honestly so much more than anyone deserves so she’s done a lot of personal sharing stuff since we’ve gotten close and I’ve always wanted to open up more to her but still sorta reserved with people. I told her about the guy I flew out of state to meet and knew he was a quad and then back in December she kinda unexpectedly met one of the guys I was seeing that was in a chair (which was wayyyyy sooner than I would have preferred and also made me feel like I used up one of my “free passes” of introducing without it being suspicious). Anyway, I’ve been wanting to tell her about being a dev for quite some time but it’s very hard to get alone time with just her without any other little ears around. The other night she was looking at my phone when I got a notification from Fet life (Oopsie haha) so I felt like that was my sign it was time.
Today we finally had some full on alone time and I told her. As per the usual with everyone I’ve told, it went super great. I feel like I’m so lucky with the people in my life. It was actually pretty funny, she was like ya know I kinda felt something like this given some of the things we’ve talked about with recent guys but I went way deeper than even just this 🤣. But this time I didn’t even mention “devotee” specifically and I think I like it. Just went with the straight up I’m mostly attracted to guys in chairs. Didn’t even need to give it a “name”. She was like well ya know everyone has their thing. It was another good convo and she’s very supportive 😊 (now I just need this house to be done so I have some alone time and private time again Hahahha)
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Post by ayla on Sept 2, 2022 16:01:33 GMT -5
“Everyone has their thing” has probably been the #1 most common response people have given me. Maybe we should make a dev-coming-out bingo card 🤔
Good for you Rebecca! It gets easier and easier, right?
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Post by ichbin on Sept 2, 2022 16:08:09 GMT -5
“Everyone has their thing” has probably been the #1 most common response people have given me. That's exactly what I was thinking when reading rebeckers84 post. super for you, it gets easier every time you tell, from my experience also! |
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Post by Inkdevil on Sept 2, 2022 17:01:06 GMT -5
So happy for you rebeckers84! Having supportive responses when you tell people makes such a difference. I don’t tell many people anymore, but went through a spate of telling loads of them. Their responses ranged from mild curiosity to eyes-glazing-over disinterested. We make it into so much more of a thing in our heads than it really it. |
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Post by Dani on Sept 2, 2022 22:59:29 GMT -5
I don't feel the need to let anyone in either, but I guess depending on the circumstances, sometimes there are moments where you would maybe tell people.
I just sometimes have this feeling of not wanting to have to explain myself.
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Post by ayla on Sept 4, 2022 13:56:48 GMT -5
Once my core group of closest friends knew, the feeling of “having a secret” disappeared and as a result I felt less guilt, isolation, and unease around the whole thing. I don’t feel the need to tell anyone else and I don’t feel like I’m hiding it. Now it’s just information I’d only share on a need-to-know basis and I’m comfortable about sharing it if I needed someone to know (for example if I got closer with a new friend and wanted to talk about sex and relationship stuff). There’s a big difference between something private and something hidden.
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Post by ichbin on Sept 4, 2022 15:25:03 GMT -5
There’s a big difference between something private and something hidden. beautifully said! |
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