Another hypothetical ‘would you rather’

[kyliestarz]

Let’s say a genie could magically and completely explain exactly why your a dev, if you choose to ask.

The answer, at least the way I see it, will basically fall into one of the two ‘Nature vs Nurture’ buckets.

1) Your devness is a result of the sheer complexity and variance of human brains, more so when combined with different environments - This is a long winded way of saying devness is inextricable from the particular physical makeup of your brain and basically just ‘who you are’.

2) Your devness is a product of seeing or experiencing something to do with disability at a young age at just the right time and setting. Let’s say your first dev experience that you personally remember for simplicity.

If you could know this, is there one explanation you’d rather it be? Setting aside what you feel is more likely, is there one you feel is more comfortable?

Surprisingly, after thinking about it, I actually like the idea of my first dev experience being the cause. I think it’s unlikely, but I like the thought.

[missparkle]

Aug 11, 2020 22:05:52 GMT -5 kyliestarz said:

Let’s say a genie could magically and completely explain exactly why your a dev, if you choose to ask.

The answer, at least the way I see it, will basically fall into one of the two ‘Nature vs Nurture’ buckets.

1) Your devness is a result of the sheer complexity and variance of human brains, more so when combined with different environments - This is a long winded way of saying devness is inextricable from the particular physical makeup of your brain and basically just ‘who you are’.

2) Your devness is a product of seeing or experiencing something to do with disability at a young age at just the right time and setting. Let’s say your first dev experience that you personally remember for simplicity.

If you could know this, is there one explanation you’d rather it be? Setting aside what you feel is more likely, is there one you feel is more comfortable?

Surprisingly, after thinking about it, I actually like the idea of my first dev experience being the cause. I think it’s unlikely, but I like the thought.

It's interesting question and I'm sure many of us, at least at some point of our lives, ask ourselves that question, WHY.

However, as far as I'm concerned, I don't "prefer" any of those two answers, nor one makes me less/more comfortable than the other. They are both very dear to me! 😂

I can't be sure, of course, but I sincerely think that both have a role in me being a dev. I can't ignore the fact that I grew up having quad uncle, whom I simply adore. So experience for me was there, but growing up with the same, neither my sister nor close cousins delivered similar interest/attraction (at least that I know of, I discussed it with them). I do notice, though, some hints my niece could be dev, although she is only 11 now.

Therefore I think I was born "this way", with inclination for it, that experience(s) shaped and brought out in its full glory! LOL 😂

[ContingentlyComposite]

Neither sounds more appealing than the other to me. I'd be happy with either. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Although it seems like 1 and 2 are compatible? Like they could both be true? It seems unavoidable that seeing someone with a disability is at least be part of the causal story since it's pretty implausible that we could have some innate concept of disability, wheelchair, etc.

[robbb]

To answer the OP I wouldn't prefer either to be the case.

I don't ever remember wondering why I am a dev. I have always just sensed that I am a dev so part of my genetic make up.

I do remember very clear early experiences but I see them more as realisations than triggers.

R.

[Inkdevil]

Mine is definitely an inbuilt thing. Cut me in half and I’d have ‘para dev’ engraved in my bones like the words inside a stick of rock.

There were nothing in the way of triggers that could cause me to become a devotee, in terms of something I acquired but never had before. I was just born this way. When I got to an age where I was more aware of the world around me (embarrassingly late - I was 16 or 17), that interest and desire inside me were awoken.

I never knew I was a dev, or even a dev amongst devs, until I was 42, but that awareness didn’t change the fundamentals of what I am and have always been.

I love hearing people’s thoughts on this though. Wouldn’t it be lovely to one day find out the real ‘why’ ?

[kyliestarz]

Reading your responses is very helpful. So thanks!

A bit of a tangent, but I wonder if we might be able to distill all devness for all devs down until we get to just the attraction to the elemental characteristics of disability. In other words we all share that core, but it expresses differently for each of us, including what disabilities we’re attracted to.

It doesn’t seem realistic that I was born with an attraction to spinal cord injuries and missing limbs but not CP or blindness, but it does feel right that I was born with a foundational attraction to the ‘elemental characteristics of disability’ and along the way for whatever reasons I developed particular preferences off that foundation.

[Deleted]

I am torn between the two options in a way, like I could be born that way or it could have been something that happened to me and opened the path to becoming a devotee.

Sometimes I ponder if the way a child comes into the world defines them in some ways.
Like I can see a big difference between my two sons who were born under completely different circumstances, one had an easy way into the world, planned C-Section, no struggles, the other was stuck and experienced trauma/stress in the womb and had to be taken with an emergency C-Section. Although the pregnancies were both easy, each child developed under different circumstances, during one pregnancy life was chill and good, during the other pregnancy life was stressful and not easy.

Both kids are very different characters, the one who was stuck had to work harder for everything in his life so far, he failed in different things, everything so far took him two tries or more when it comes to exams, tests and stuff like that, he is shy, quiet and gets nervous easy. We always had to be there extra for him and it has been painful for me to watch him struggle with stuff and fail at times. So I'm very proud and glad he is finding his way in the world in a way I never thought was possible.

The other one is self confidence galore, loud, social, independent, not scared, stubborn, full on with everything, and succeeds easily with first tries, he comes with a ton of attitude and we bud heads all the time.

What I am trying to say with that is that I have always pondered how my own birth actually could have shaped who I am including possible devness in general, like not a specific physical attraction that is filtered out now but a deeply manifested character trait and being wired to be a dev. I came into the world very rough and almost didn't make it, suffered a open head injury during birth and a fracture, had to stay in the hospital for six weeks instead of bonding with my mom. They told my mom I may not be "normal"...so there 😉

I do feel I was always different even as a kid and as I have said before, when I look at my stories from my teenage years, the dev is indirectly shining through the pages of my writing.

Then when I first found out about being a dev, I pondered a lot about this and I considered that there were some traumatic events in my life that may have manifested and led to becoming a dev, but that option is not as believable. There have been some medical issues I have dealt with as kid and during my early adulthood, I have experienced some trauma. So I don't know...

I go with the birth option, it's my personal go to. And not only being a dev has been something I have questioned about myself, there are other things as well and I keep going back between the two options, birth or trigger...I just don't know and I gave up on figuring it out. It is what it is.

Sorry this got so long...

[Deleted]

Aug 12, 2020 19:01:39 GMT -5 kyliestarz said:

Reading your responses is very helpful. So thanks!

A bit of a tangent, but I wonder if we might be able to distill all devness for all devs down until we get to just the attraction to the elemental characteristics of disability. In other words we all share that core, but it expresses differently for each of us, including what disabilities we’re attracted to.

It doesn’t seem realistic that I was born with an attraction to spinal cord injuries and missing limbs but not CP or blindness, but it does feel right that I was born with a foundational attraction to the ‘elemental characteristics of disability’ and along the way for whatever reasons I developed particular preferences off that foundation.

This sounds very plausible

[robbb]

Aug 12, 2020 19:01:39 GMT -5 kyliestarz said:

Reading your responses is very helpful. So thanks!

A bit of a tangent, but I wonder if we might be able to distill all devness for all devs down until we get to just the attraction to the elemental characteristics of disability. In other words we all share that core, but it expresses differently for each of us, including what disabilities we’re attracted to.

It doesn’t seem realistic that I was born with an attraction to spinal cord injuries and missing limbs but not CP or blindness, but it does feel right that I was born with a foundational attraction to the ‘elemental characteristics of disability’ and along the way for whatever reasons I developed particular preferences off that foundation.

Would that not be like saying you were born attracted to both sexes and somehow developed an attraction to men?

I can see the logic but I somehow can't see it working like that.

R.

[feelsunshine]

I think I was born receptive (and open minded) about the fact of being a dev and I guess some things in childhood that triggered it.
However the more I think about it - I’ll go with “born this way”. Because only this to me explains that I was interested in experiences that I had in childhood. If I wasn’t born receptive for it, the childhood experiences wouldn’t have pushed any dev buttons.

[kivic]

1) Your devness is a result of the sheer complexity and variance of human brains, more so when combined with different environments - This is a long winded way of saying devness is inextricable from the particular physical makeup of your brain and basically just ‘who you are’.

I see it as a lack of nurturing in childhood and the consequential mechanisms of coping with that “lack,” which falls into “the sheer complexity and variance of human brains.”

For me it stems in childhood as a way to self-soothe, imaging I was injured or playing with dolls as if they were injured. My devness evolved as I grew up, was sexualized in adolescence and I recognized my attraction to disabled men. I was afraid of these feelings and didn’t act on them. It was my secret that I basically kept sealed tight until I found this forum.

And, so, yes I think in a way I was born with the capability of developing into a dev

[kyliestarz]

Here’s a related, very hypothetical thought experiment, and one under the assumption that the devness driver is innate to us at birth.

Imagine if we were born with the exact same physical/brain make-up that we had at our actual birth, but grew up and lived in a world where disability did not exist at all. It just wasn’t a concept at all. So that whatever we were born with, that evolved into being attracted to something specific like SCI, was forced to manifest in a different way. I wonder how it would manifest or if it would stay dormant.

[kivic]

Aug 13, 2020 18:47:25 GMT -5 kyliestarz said:

Here’s a related, very hypothetical thought experiment, and one under the assumption that the devness driver is innate to us at birth.

Imagine if we were born with the exact same physical/brain make-up that we had at our actual birth, but grew up and lived in a world where disability did not exist at all. It just wasn’t a concept at all. So that whatever we were born with, that evolved into being attracted to something specific like SCI, was forced to manifest in a different way. I wonder how it would manifest or if it would stay dormant.

I know I’d find any injury appealing even in a world without disability: twisted ankle, broken arm, asthma, nearsightedness

Hypothetically speaking in a world where there is no disability or illness or injury, how would my devness manifest itself? I imagine it would be small things like a rough voice or the way someone walked or the position they sleep in. I’d find something, I know. I do that now

[Deleted]

Maybe then it also depends on our sexuality since we probably agree on that for most devs there is a sexual component, for some more, for some less.
So maybe it would manifest into certain sexual interests.

[fray]

I mean...if something happened to affect me like that...it absolutely happened way too young for me to remember. Like I remember being 4(?) and purposely searching the library for book with wheelchairs and crutches hahaha
Even then I was like “oh this isn’t a thing other people do” so...who knows hahaha