DEVS Only: How do you all deal with Major Dev Waves?

[dapperdev]

This happens to me quite regularly. I'll go for days, sometimes weeks without any dev urges and then suddenly it hits me and it's all I can think about.

I'm distracted from everything, and no matter how much i indulge be it fiction, youtube, deviantart, PD, etc. I get no relief. 

It can be overwhelming and usually I just wait it out and it subsides, but it's almost like it gets more intense the older I get. Sometimes I'll try to avoid any form of dev content altogether because it can become a vicious cycle and it helps, but other times it's so consuming all i can do is obsess and obsess. 

Anyone else have a similar experience? How do you deal with it?

[lilly]

I deal with the same crazy rollercoaster. I haven’t figured out how to fully control it, but I’ve found when I’m more isolated it gets worse. I try to stay busy and socialize more. I find when I’m interacting with my regular day to day people and don’t feed my obsession I can keep my mind occupied. If I don’t occupy myself I fall down into a never ending black hole. I’d be interested to see how others cope with this.

[ayla]

I don’t experience waves this intense, typically, but I’m familiar with the rhythm. I agree with Lilly that keeping busy and connected with others is helpful. One other thing I’ve found helpful is that *consuming* media tends to intensify the feeling, while *creating* media tends to help release it. For example, if I sketch or write a short story (or even an outline of a story) that’s usually good. The black hole of internet only leads to perpetual lack of fulfillment/release. By creating something, anything, there’s some sort of “finish” that I’ll never find by clicking through and through and through… y’all know what I mean🤪

[devogirl]

I know how you feel, those dev highs can be brutal. It feels so good, but at a certain point, tips over into too much, I can't think about anything else. Often I find it causes insomnia which is the worst. Like Ayla said, I find the best way is to channel all that extra energy into creating something. For me, that's writing, but for other people it's drawing or anything else creative. There's something so satisfying about making your dev fantasies "real" by writing them down, even if you never share it with anyone. Also I find just riding it out rather than trying to suppress it works the best. The more you fight it, the stronger it will get. Rather than thinking of it as a dirty little secret, I try to treat it as a fun distraction, enjoy some devvy media, and let it go.

[dapperdev]

Thank you for all your responses. It's so nice just to be able to pose these questions and get genuine feedback, truly.

lilly, I think you're absolutely right. I realised that I've spent the last two weeks mostly in isolation since I had covid and then had a back injury at the gym, and that's about the time this dev high began, so it makes sense that regular activities and socialising and keeping busy helps.

ayla, That's really interesting! I never really thought about the *consuming* versus *creating* aspect. I've never actually tried to create anything dev related but maybe I'll give it a go.

devogirl Thank you too, it helps to know that riding it out is also okay, and again I agree that finding a way to channel those fantasies in to some outward expression like writing or drawing could be very cathartic and if not then fun distractions it is

[devogirl]

The other thing that helped me a lot was connecting with other devs here, both posting about it and making dev friends to chat about it off the board. Both to have someone who understands to discuss the dev feelings, and to have friends to fangirl about our favorite devvy books/movies.

[blueskye101]

I totally get the dev highs. They will consume and take over my life. This definitely has gotten worse as I’ve got older but I think I suppressed it for so long when younger because of AB husband, kids, job. You might have something there about staying busy and social. I know it’s been worse since I’ve lived alone but also because I now have unlimited time to indulge. Sometimes that’s great but other times I have to pull completely away from the forum, books, movies, etc or it will consume my life. Good ideas about trying to be creative with it.

[lisa]

With a major dev high for me often comes a certain form of sadness because my life doesn't look like I would imagine it during a dev high (you know, with a full time relationship with a disabled partner, being open about being a dev in every part of my life, ...). I guess these are images for fantasy time only (at least for the moment), but I feel this strong urge to openly be who I really am, like to fulfill my destiny in a way. So major dev highs for me are often more about battling the sadness than about trying to get rid of the life-consuming aspect (although I know this quite well, too).

In these cases it helps me to have PWDs in my life who I can talk to, who share a part of their lives with me and who know that I'm a dev, even if they're not my partners or in any form romantically involved with me. It helps in showing me that I am indeed living the life of a dev.

[em]

I saw this post earlier and knew that I wanted to contribute but couldn't decide whether I had any strategies... But I knew once I read other comments it would be easier to articulate

So I can definitely echo that isolation makes it worse, and I think I've had more waves in the pandemic than before, because I am working from home almost the whole 2 years, and a lot of my friends moved away for other jobs. I also have less of them when in a relationship (with an AB person) simply because I have other things keeping me occupied and again - a constant presence of someone in my life, even when we aren't physically in the same space we check on each other, chat etc. The first year of the relationship I had 0 waves because there was so much other drama lol.

I indulge myself in whatever triggered it (maybe a clip in a movie, or something I remembered about a devvy book) and maybe spend an evening or a weekend searching for fiction an fanfiction with my preferred tags or going through the recommendations on here and picking one of the books to read etc., but I try no to let it interfere with my responsibilities. Maybe watching or reading something completely different, non-dev related can create a distraction from the distraction? I will also sometimes plan out a story that forms in my mind, but I gave up trying to write them out in full because that usually requires commitment beyond the wave. So I usually just enjoy writing bullet points or snippets of dialogue and saving it in a dedicated folder to revisit on the next high. Or more often I just go through some ideas in my head and then file them away in my brain , knowing that it's unlikely I will want to think about it next time when I'm in a different state of mind.

sometime I use all the built up tension to spend time with my partner - I don't tell him and he doesn't do anything extra, it just means my interest in certain activities is higher. And then when it gets really intense and I have the opportunity - please don't ban me for this - I do a little pretending by limping around the house or sth... which gets tiring after a few minutes so I usually move on to real life from there

This is probably the longest post I've written on this board but hope it helps

[myrrh]

I love dev highs, but you're all right, it can get overwhelming. It gets really intrusive. Usually I'll just let myself indulge with porn and other media while I ride it out. Dev fiction has never really been my jam, but now I'm curious. em where do you look for fiction? I wouldn't even know where to start, except for the PD archives.

[em]

Jan 27, 2022 11:36:40 GMT -5 myrrh said:

I love dev highs, but you're all right, it can get overwhelming. It gets really intrusive. Usually I'll just let myself indulge with porn and other media while I ride it out. Dev fiction has never really been my jam, but now I'm curious. em where do you look for fiction? I wouldn't even know where to start, except for the PD archives.

Other than the recommendations on this boards (the books thread which I thoroughly read and bookmarked all possibilities haha), I search for disability-related shelves on goodreads, sometimes on Amazon or it simply suggests something based on what I read (and usually related items are displayed below when you are looking at a book, without even buying), and often I search fanfiction websites, usually about harry potter, with some keywords I also asked for some recommendations on reddit romance readers community, which were mostly not very good but helped move my search along.

[Deleted]

Jan 27, 2022 11:55:55 GMT -5 em said:

Jan 27, 2022 11:36:40 GMT -5 myrrh said:

I love dev highs, but you're all right, it can get overwhelming. It gets really intrusive. Usually I'll just let myself indulge with porn and other media while I ride it out. Dev fiction has never really been my jam, but now I'm curious. em where do you look for fiction? I wouldn't even know where to start, except for the PD archives.

Other than the recommendations on this boards (the books thread which I thoroughly read and bookmarked all possibilities haha), I search for disability-related shelves on goodreads, sometimes on Amazon or it simply suggests something based on what I read (and usually related items are displayed below when you are looking at a book, without even buying), and often I search fanfiction websites, usually about harry potter, with some keywords I also asked for some recommendations on reddit romance readers community, which were mostly not very good but helped move my search along.

I'm with you on the books! I LOVE to read, and get my "dev" fix by reading all the things. I search in my book groups by "wheelchair", "blind", etc etc. Also, just searching keywords like that on Amazon brings up tons....my "dev" book list is mighty long, but I was surprised by the number of people also posting/looking for books with disabled main characters.  

dapperdev  or myrrh if you're looking for some books to read if that's your jam let me know, I have quite a few that I've read and loved! 

[ichbin]

major dev waves.... o yes.... hello!! .... how I deal with them.... a lot of masturbation, watching YouTube clips.... and sooner or later the wave will get smaller... sometimes it takes days.

[blueskye101]

Jan 27, 2022 11:36:40 GMT -5 myrrh said:

I love dev highs, but you're all right, it can get overwhelming. It gets really intrusive. Usually I'll just let myself indulge with porn and other media while I ride it out. Dev fiction has never really been my jam, but now I'm curious. em where do you look for fiction? I wouldn't even know where to start, except for the PD archives.

myrrh, Goodreads has an accessible read group but not very active For awhile, but there are lots of familiar devs and some that I’ve got to know that are not on the board. Can put in recommendations on search and there are tons of books. Some quite good and some usual nonsense. I’m on there as Jeanie- with a pic of little girl getting a deluge of Washington rain. Anyone that wants to add me as a friend is welcome to and then you can see all my crazy books and our fellow devs lists also. Just be pre warned that I read some M/M books if devy too

Whoops, forgot to say there is a book list here somewhere and lots of fan fiction including some from our fearless admin devogirl

[loveparas]

Hi everyone! I am so happy to see I am not the only one with this dev urge from time to time. Mine can get quite long even during a couple of days and I also felt that this time and age they tend to get stronger. I do not yet have a solution or fix so I find it super useful to read your replies. Since I am a very young dev, posts like this help me a lot not to feel alone and also to learn from others who experience the same (not something I can find daily 😂). I do not have PWD I keep in touch in my daily life and even less that know about my devness so it can get tough to talk about it with someone from the other side.