Ive been following this thread for a bit
missparkle but havenāt had the chance to contribute, as my secretary has the day off today, Iāve nobody to tell me what I should be doing (sheās bossy!!) so thought id try and add some insight to help out with your confusion.
The title of the thread āis dev just a compromise for a pwdā seems to me to be based on the assumption that all PWD would āgo for a devā no matter what she was like, thatās simply not true.
Sure some of the guys post āI love devsā, ādevs are greatā, āthank god for devsā the thing is most of those guys stumble across PD and think their Christmasās have come all at once, I donāt want to belittle those guys, but most probably have little or no experience with the opposite sex/same sex, so sure when they find PD they think all they have to do is say āI love devs, im a para, come shag meā and they will get what they want.
Are they compromising?, probably, are they desperate for any affection?, probably, would they take any woman/man who showed any kind of interest in them sexually whether dev or not, yup probably.
Now, ive been wheeling 33 years now, I KNOW that there are plenty of non dev women out there who can āsee past the chairā love me ādespiteā my disability, Ive also taken time to try as much as I can understand about devs and devness. Ive also been intimate with both non-devs and dev.
I absolutely wouldnāt say if I was to hook up with a dev that I was compromising in any way shape or form, in fact if Iād known about devs decades ago, then forming a relationship with a dev would have been an aspiration. I can say that because I know, for me anyway, that it wouldnāt be out of ādesperationā, it would be out of experience and understanding her devness and what that can bring to enhance a relationship.
To try and give more context, no matter how āat oneā with your disability, there are always little things that bother you ā¦ā¦ for me, itās the first ārevealā of nakedness, now in a confident guy, I can charm, flirt and seduce. But and it is always a but I do feel nervous about āwhat will she think to my para bellyā, āhow will she react when I spasmā, āwhat will she think to my scarsā, āwill she want an erect penisā. I must say that Iāve never had a negative reaction to any of this from any woman, but it is there, itās subtle, but to me it is important.
The only time, Iāve not had those kind of thoughts was with a dev, I canāt tell you how liberating, how natural, how at ease I felt. Iām not doing justice with these words to just how it made me feel, but it was bloody good.
Yes I know non-devs can āsee past the chairā and love you just as much as a dev would, but I know (and she would never say it) that Iām not her āidealā man, that as much as she loves me part of her wishes I was AB. Iāve learnt to live with that, but it is something that is always there no matter how deep itās buried.
It isnāt like that with a dev, sure youāve got the personality, she finds you attractive same as a non-dev would but also your body is just what sheās dreamed off, and you really are her āidealā man. As a man knowing that you are your womanās āidealā man is incredibly powerful (probably the male ego), not many men could honestly say that about their relationship.
So hereās a scenario, one that has occurred in real life, at just how the subtle difference can make such a massive difference
Im in bed with a non-dev, my arms are wrapped around her holding her tight, she can feel my chest warm against her back, but she doesnāt really snuggle right into me because she finds it āstrangeā that my legs are still and slightly cooler than the rest of my body, that my penis doesnāt react to her pressing against me. Her interest in my body stops at the level of my injury. I know that, I donāt blame her for that, I do wish it could be different, Iām content, and we fall asleep
Im in bed with a dev, my arms are wrapped around her holding her tight, she can feel my chest warm against her back, she is snuggled tight into me, pressing her bottom into my groin, a leg hooked over one of mine, she is fascinated with the transition in temperature, the stillness of my legs appeals to her, she doesnāt care my penis is flaccid. Her interest in my body is all of my body, I know that, it arouses me that my body arouses her, my fingers stroke a nipple, her nipple is already hard and aching to be touched, im happy, we make love.
I know which id choose ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦.