Sexual Relief for the Disabled

[Chan]

www.swissinfo.org/eng/index.html?siteSect=105&sid=1715377

Well dang, I wonder how this turned out.

[Triassic]

all in all, it's probably not a bad idea.

[matisse]

Well I don't know. Disability tends to make guys a bit chick-like with their attitudes toward sex, so some guys may have trouble seeing that program for what it is--just sex without any sort of emotional connection.

[Pony]

Hmmmmmm, I don't know how I feel about this. It's kinda strange to think we are 'entitled' to a sex life. Don't you normal build a relationship first, and go from there? I mean the program almost says, 'Ok, these poor mofos aren't capable of building relations that lead to great sex, so let's train up some people to fake it...just get the poor bastards off, and they'll be ok. Besides, it'll make em feel like real folks.' Which, by the way, not all ABs have great sex lives. In fact, I think most peeps are not completely satisfied in that dept. What if I call em up and say, 'Look, I really love getting a girl off, but there has to be a real history of emotional attachment, someone who really loves me to touch, kiss, need me in her life, and yes, lick her.' lol See, you can't just train someone for that!! A sex life is not an entitlement. You have to earn that, unless u just want a call girl, then it doesn't matter.

[Chan]

Feb 21, 2009 15:09:56 GMT -5 Pony said:

A sex life is not an entitlement.

I thought the same thing.

[Ciao Bella]

This brings to mind an article I came across awhile back about sex surrogates for disabled people. Whilst they weren't prostitutes, their goal was to provide a safe avenue for the dis, to express and receive sexual experiences. And while guys like Tony would probably not have a problem starting a relationship, there are others who simply have not had that confidence. And it is the latter that these sex surrogates try to help out, at least in that area.

Of course many of you guys would say, "I won't have sex with just any girl unless we're in a committed relationship"; there are other people out there who just need to have sex, period. And although I agree that a sex life is not an entitlement, it is very much a physiological need, any human craves that at some point, especially if one has not had the privilege of having a special someone share that intimacy.

[Triassic]

well, i think in most of europe discrete prostitution is available, so in a sense, basic sensual/sexual body contact IS an entitlement in a sense. i've looked into that 'sex surrogate' business and it does sound pretty icky to me; like a sort of Fake Girlfriend. no, i'd be into just straightforward sex w/a friendly, happy, non-drugged out, basically normal chick to whom i was strongly physically attracted, for a reasonable price.

[faith]

Condescending is the first thing that came to my mind.
Or maybe a better word would be pretending and phoney. I suppose some think that because someone is disabled in some way they can't have a REAL relationship- so fake is better than nothing.

[stephen]

I personally think that there is nothing greater than being in love and in a committed relationship. However, I also think that it is good to have some sexual relief. I have had a few one-night stands and I enjoyed them. People often get in trouble because they mistake "lust'' for ''love''. If people can get some sexual relief then they will be able to be more patient when it comes to finding a person to really fall in love with.

p.s. i'm sure that there are some devotees signing up to be relief workers...lol

[Claire]

Feb 21, 2009 15:09:56 GMT -5 Pony said:

I mean the program almost says, 'Ok, these poor mofos aren't capable of building relations that lead to great sex, so let's train up some people to fake it...just get the poor bastards off, and they'll be ok. Besides, it'll make em feel like real folks.'

That is exactly the impression I got of the whole thing. Very patronizing.

[genuinejoe76]

For those of you who are critical of this program, I think you need to remember that sexual encounters for disabled individuals are few and far between. This program is a step in the direction of providing disabled individuals the opportunity for sexual encounters. The key word is opportunity. It's not saying that they have to participate, or even that they should. It's saying, here's a safe, legal opportunity for disabled individuals to have sexual encounters if they choose to participate. Who are you to deny that opportunity, to be critical of the program, or to be judgmental of those who would choose to participate?

While I won't argue that sexual encounters alone are a right or an entitlement, I will argue that sexual gratification is essential in an individual's pursuit of happiness. Some people can have happiness without sex. However, for most, sex is an essential activity for one's emotional well-being, not to mention the physical/medical benefits of a healthy sex life.

[Triassic]

it's an interesting theoretical question, claire; would i allow myself to be treated in a patronizing manner if it meant i'd have access to hot sex? um...YES! haha partly tho' i also know that i'm skillful enough to turn a patronizing attitude to PASSION. probably, anyway...

[stephen]

This issue has a good side-effect. It puts the words ''sex'' and ''disabled'' in a single article and reminds people that disabled people have the same ''wants'' and ''needs'' as everyone else. The article also stated that ''sex'' is not the whole focus of the program. The program is about ''touching'' and ''sensations''. I am a c5 quad, and I haven't got the sense of touch in my hands or below my upper chest. I don't think that an able-bodied person can imagine how it feels to be so deprived of being able to ''feel''. I just know that it feels so good when I get the rare opportunity to have a woman run her fingers through my hair, or just have her caress my neck and face.

[matisse]

Feb 22, 2009 11:38:36 GMT -5 Triassic said:

it's an interesting theoretical question, claire; would i allow myself to be treated in a patronizing manner if it meant i'd have access to hot sex? um...YES! haha

LOL, yeah now that's a regular guy attitude. We're not gonna be sitting around pondering how we "feel" about it, we'll be in there getting busy. Or at least, shoot first, ask Qs later.......

[Claire]

You know, my thinking was why not put this charity money and this desire to help into programs that help the disabled to integrate more fully into society in order to create more genuine and lasting relationships. The same site has an interview with a disabled psychologist in Switzerland who has an opposing viewpoint. He said it much better than I could:

"In the best-case scenario, these therapists can only offer occasional relief. That just distracts from the main issue, which is: why is it that disabled people do not have access to the kind of sexual contact that non-disabled do? There are many reasons for that. Perhaps because the disabled person is not guaranteed intimacy in the majority of homes, which they need if they want to have sex or to masturbate. Also, there are still not enough restaurants, clubs and bars adapted to disabled needs, in which the disabled can enter into social contact that could lead to a sexual relationship. These things must be changed. This means improving conditions for the disabled, so that they can determine for themselves the kind of sex they would like to have. And that can only be achieved with more integration, and not with even more special solutions."

www.swissinfo.org/eng/front/Sexual_relief_for_disabled_fails_to_address_real_issue.html?siteSect=105&sid=1748518&cKey=1049791080000&ty=st

Why not work towards removing the NEED for sexual charity, rather than providing sexual charity? The initiative is good, it's the mentality behind it and the method that are...well, somewhat pathetic. It's a band-aid.

And yes Tri I understand that a whole lot of people don't give a rat's ass about any of that if it means they're going to get laid NOW. That's fine. I'm stating my opinion and doing so isn't going to deny anyone any "opportunities".

And of course that's definitely an interesting outlet for the devs...not my cup of tea though. I simply can't think of anything less attractive than getting involved with someone who was that desperate!

I love it when you guys point out where I have gone wrong. I don't always end up agreeing with you but you always make me think. So here's another opportunity.