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Post by MarineAmp on Jan 6, 2011 15:10:52 GMT -5
Going to sporting events seems like a perfect and great way to meet people to me. When I was dating a quad, I used to go to his wheelchair basketball games and it was great fun. The trouble is, I can't find them here! I find websites for teams, but then they have no schedule up, the only information on matches is from stuff they did months ago. It's really frustrating. I'm a flirty, friendly, outgoing person. If I could just find the people, I can handle the flirting! I agree finding specific details about that on the internet is sometimes impossible. You're dealing with a small community that don't always play in a gym where there might not even be very much seating for spectators in the first place. Luckily a lot of these websites have some kind of contact information. You might have to actually contact them, asking for a schedule and any other information you'd need. It's what I like to call detective work the old fashioned way.
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 6, 2011 16:05:42 GMT -5
Going to sporting events seems like a perfect and great way to meet people to me. When I was dating a quad, I used to go to his wheelchair basketball games and it was great fun. The trouble is, I can't find them here! I find websites for teams, but then they have no schedule up, the only information on matches is from stuff they did months ago. It's really frustrating. I'm a flirty, friendly, outgoing person. If I could just find the people, I can handle the flirting! I agree finding specific details about that on the internet is sometimes impossible. You're dealing with a small community that don't always play in a gym where there might not even be very much seating for spectators in the first place. Luckily a lot of these websites have some kind of contact information. You might have to actually contact them, asking for a schedule and any other information you'd need. It's what I like to call detective work the old fashioned way. That is good thinking! I could certainly contact them.
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 8, 2011 21:47:02 GMT -5
Sure, that would be the plan. But you'd need to invest a lot more before facing rejection, which makes it harder. I'm not sure I know exactly what you're talking about by saying you need to invest a lot more before facing rejection. I would think you'd want to invest as little as possible before the chance of facing rejection. I feel bad for devs in the dating sense that you almost always will have to make the first move. I'm not saying wheelers won't ever make a move, but the chances of a wheeler making a move on a dev without them knowing they are a dev is pretty slim. Is facing rejection the biggest fear of coming out to a wheeler? As tough as facing rejection is, I think the fear is bigger than expecting a simple no from the person. One of my fears when I come clean to someone is that they are going to tell me that I'm evil, perverted, disgusting, etc. That's what I don't want to face! However, all my dates have happened through the Internet where I am upfront about it and people can ask me questions and satisfy their curiosity. I have not managed to tell a potential date about it face to face. With friends my experience is that in the abstract the idea of devoteeism is scary, but when you as someone who seems normal, likable, and nice says that's what you are, it's not so scary anymore. It seems unlikely to me that a guy is going to tell a cute, nice girl who is making the first move that she's a freak of nature, right? But I'm sure you guys can imagine how scary it is to 1) make the first move when society favors men making the first move 2) face rejection 3) face the possibility that he will be disturbed by your very existence 4) feeling dishonest and unfair if you don't mention it, but overly forward if you do. It's a challenge!
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Post by MarineAmp on Jan 19, 2011 13:09:49 GMT -5
Actually the easiest way is to be disabled yourself (then become proficient in a sport and meet the right people and then have patience and they'll come to you). I know that isn't logical for you, but I got a call this morning about coming down and helping coach/play with a recently injured 17 yr old para that was a basketball player and is really enjoying wheelchair basketball. Even with the 20 yr old basketball chairs they have him in.
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Post by msademarro on Feb 3, 2011 20:11:55 GMT -5
Do most or all devs in here choose to initiate contact with potential disabled partners through the computer only or do you any of you actually go out into the real world to try and do this? If you don't go into the real world why not? Do you just not know where to look or is it a scary concept for you? I was just thinking the other day that I go to a bunch of events throughout the year and there is always a wide spectrum of injuries there. And there are even more events that I don't go to with the same results. If any dev or wheelie in here is curious or wants to know more about the events I can go into more detail about it if there is an interest. Being extremely new to the devotee world (having really only just learned there was a “support group” if you will for women like myself – who find wheelchair bound men physically and sexually attractive) I have no idea *how* to start looking for a wheeler to call my own. I’ve known for several years that I have been drawn to disabled men and while I have never tried to change this attraction, I have been very closeted with the information due to the social stigma that is attached. (“What do you mean… why don’t you want to date a ‘normal’ guy... do you think you are not good/smart/pretty/etc enough to find a ‘normal’ guy…”) I would like to know more about how to meet a wheeler as well as how to approach one. As another devotee mentioned, going up to a complete stranger and just blurting out “Hi, I’m a devotee, let’s go out” doesn’t exactly sound like the best ice breaker. Maybe just one step up from “do you come here often” or “what’s your sign?” Maybe….
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Post by Michael on Feb 3, 2011 20:56:17 GMT -5
Hi, I’m a devotee, let’s go out” doesn’t exactly sound like the best ice breaker. Maybe just one step up from “do you come here often” or “what’s your sign?” Maybe…. Actually, that does sound pretty good, much better than nothing....
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Post by ruthmadison on Feb 3, 2011 21:47:42 GMT -5
Hi, I’m a devotee, let’s go out” doesn’t exactly sound like the best ice breaker. Maybe just one step up from “do you come here often” or “what’s your sign?” Maybe…. Actually, that does sound pretty good, much better than nothing.... Well, except people are unlikely to know what a devotee is and blurting something out about sex is pretty awkward. In my mind I have a whole plan. If I were to have the opportunity to approach someone in real life it would be, start with a big smile, make eye contact, comment about something in the area like the weather or the person's coat or something to get things going. Try to suss out common interests to have an excuse to meet up for something. I wouldn't get terribly flirty until a few meetings in. That's all theory, though. I have yet to have the chance to put it into action. All the disabled men I've dated have been through the Internet, which certainly has its own drawbacks.
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Post by Emma on Feb 3, 2011 21:51:49 GMT -5
Ruth I think that's a great plan.....you have to have a plan ready because in the moment your mind goes blank......yes that has happened to me.
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Post by MarineAmp on Feb 5, 2011 15:17:07 GMT -5
Do most or all devs in here choose to initiate contact with potential disabled partners through the computer only or do you any of you actually go out into the real world to try and do this? If you don't go into the real world why not? Do you just not know where to look or is it a scary concept for you? I was just thinking the other day that I go to a bunch of events throughout the year and there is always a wide spectrum of injuries there. And there are even more events that I don't go to with the same results. If any dev or wheelie in here is curious or wants to know more about the events I can go into more detail about it if there is an interest. Being extremely new to the devotee world (having really only just learned there was a “support group” if you will for women like myself – who find wheelchair bound men physically and sexually attractive) I have no idea *how* to start looking for a wheeler to call my own. I’ve known for several years that I have been drawn to disabled men and while I have never tried to change this attraction, I have been very closeted with the information due to the social stigma that is attached. (“What do you mean… why don’t you want to date a ‘normal’ guy... do you think you are not good/smart/pretty/etc enough to find a ‘normal’ guy…”) I would like to know more about how to meet a wheeler as well as how to approach one. As another devotee mentioned, going up to a complete stranger and just blurting out “Hi, I’m a devotee, let’s go out” doesn’t exactly sound like the best ice breaker. Maybe just one step up from “do you come here often” or “what’s your sign?” Maybe…. Obviously coming up and saying "hi, I'm a devotee" isn't a great idea. To be honest a lot of people probably have no idea what that is. I think Ruth says it perfectly, just be ready to have a normal conversation, or at least throw some nice long smiles with some good eye contact that might draw in whoever it is you're seeking. I do recommend bringing up the fact that you are dev before things get way too serious. Some people obviously have a problem with something new and especially something they don't understand. The more I talk about this subject the more I realize how much more difficult it is for devs to find a match with all the "little games" that you have to play to find a wheeler. I do think the safest way to avoid a lot of these games is online, however you start running into weirdos faster that way as well.
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Post by collide on Feb 16, 2011 11:32:46 GMT -5
But I'm sure you guys can imagine how scary it is to 1) make the first move when society favors men making the first move 2) face rejection 3) face the possibility that he will be disturbed by your very existence 4) feeling dishonest and unfair if you don't mention it, but overly forward if you do. It's a challenge! 1) make the first move when society favors men making the first move - I DO wish more women would concider making the first move! I have had a few times when i've been at a party or some place and tried chatting up the completely wrong woman, then find out later that some other woman said "nice things" about me. It's like Why the hell wasnt I told 2) face rejection - Rejection happens to every one some time or another. 3) face the possibility that he will be disturbed by your very existence- I get that from about 10% of the people walking towards me down the street,,,, daily! 4) feeling dishonest and unfair if you don't mention it, but overly forward if you do.- You may be suprised just how accepting others can be, but yes it is a hard call. Others can be down right cruel. I would say you were being honest, no more, no less. Just what they would ideally want, yes? If they dont like the truth, then they dont truely deserve your love. Dropping little hints may be the best way to "check the waters". Like maybe leave a book sitting around
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Post by collide on Feb 16, 2011 11:56:19 GMT -5
Do most or all devs in here choose to initiate contact with potential disabled partners through the computer only or do you any of you actually go out into the real world to try and do this? If you don't go into the real world why not? Do you just not know where to look or is it a scary concept for you? I was just thinking the other day that I go to a bunch of events throughout the year and there is always a wide spectrum of injuries there. And there are even more events that I don't go to with the same results. If any dev or wheelie in here is curious or wants to know more about the events I can go into more detail about it if there is an interest. Being extremely new to the devotee world (having really only just learned there was a “support group” if you will for women like myself – who find wheelchair bound men physically and sexually attractive) I have no idea *how* to start looking for a wheeler to call my own. I’ve known for several years that I have been drawn to disabled men and while I have never tried to change this attraction, I have been very closeted with the information due to the social stigma that is attached. (“What do you mean… why don’t you want to date a ‘normal’ guy... do you think you are not good/smart/pretty/etc enough to find a ‘normal’ guy…”) I would like to know more about how to meet a wheeler as well as how to approach one. As another devotee mentioned, going up to a complete stranger and just blurting out “Hi, I’m a devotee, let’s go out” doesn’t exactly sound like the best ice breaker. Maybe just one step up from “do you come here often” or “what’s your sign?” Maybe…. How about "Hey can I buy you a drink"? or "So what it like working here? Im looking for another job and this place looks good,,, tell me all about it over lunch, yes"? or "Arent you "made up name"? "Wow, you look just like him" Maybe organize a speed dating night at a local club? Never know who might show up and you can pollitely turn down those who dont do it for you because your the "organizer only"
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Post by MarineAmp on Apr 8, 2011 16:01:28 GMT -5
I flew to Denver yesterday to get measured for a new basketball wheelchair. I was in Denver doing this because the national championship tournament for all wheelchair basketball divisions is going on right now. I was telling my wife when I got home last night that, that Denver is a dev's dream right now. I've never seen so many wheelers and amputees in my life.
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