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Post by E on Nov 9, 2011 23:19:16 GMT -5
This thread is making me sad! Seems like a lot of people are down on themselves and their looks or movement or something. Going along with perception, something encouraging that I've noticed is what an enormous effect personality has on appearance. You'd think that's just a nice way of calling someone ugly, but it really changes how a person looks to you. You know how a hot girl can suddenly become really unappealing when she opens her mouth and says something dumb or mean? Personally I noticed it the most with one of my very close friends. People describe her as "plain" or at least nothing special, yet she is the gentlest, kindest person I know and within a few weeks of knowing her it's almost impossible to remember what you thought of her looks at first glance. She becomes very beautiful. I feel like I started to redefine what beauty meant just based on her. Now when I look at her I see a physically beautiful woman. I'm not necessarily down on myself over it. It's just not how I picture/imagine myself, and the disconnect can be disturbing. Ever hear your own voice played back to you? It's like that... times ten thousand. Funny thing about men here, too. As kind and sincere as Ruth's encouraging message was, my self-esteem and confidence and mood was far more improved by... You know I love you and will let you drink tequila off me right?? And this made my day...
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Post by Ray T on Nov 10, 2011 1:15:49 GMT -5
No need to be sad, Ruth! It doesn't get me down. But that doesn't mean that I don't have those feelings about the way I look........they are just a fact of life. I feel a bit the same way matisse, it dosent really get me down but wen i look at my skinny legs with almost no calf muscle there is a twinge of sadnedd there I was a runner I would run 3 to 5 miles at least 3 times a week while i was in the Army and had big honking calfs and also a nice butt (or so I was told LOL) However I am sure it is all gone also form sitting on it for almost 8 years. I just hope who ever finds them gives them a good home... LMAO
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Post by Pisti on Nov 10, 2011 7:08:43 GMT -5
Ruth, how you percept yourself depends also from the culture where you come from. My home country is beauty obcessed - I'm small and curvy, so I grew up as "fat" and "ugly". When I left my country I was perplexed that people actually found me pretty - but I couldn't beleave them. Now the only thing that matters regarding my appearances is that my man likes me he way I am and finds me pretty - and he really does. And I'm old enough not to care about the rest of the world. ;d
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Post by Pony on Nov 10, 2011 8:37:53 GMT -5
Same here, i'm not down on myself, and have pretty healthy self-esteem, but when you can step back and see yourself it can stir up many feelings, especially so if you were on your feet at one time.
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Post by chas728 on Nov 10, 2011 8:40:29 GMT -5
E,
I completely understand and agree with your point. I too dream of a better me. For instance, besides the closeness, making love would be, I also dream of dancing. Yes, this to some might seem stupid. Nevertheless, for me holding a woman on equal grounds and moving together forms a bond. “Humm” Then the man in me, would love to be able to do more around the house, like paint, the grass, etc. yes women, I know were slugs and never do it when you want LOL. Then again, even we slugs get it done. Without all this devotee/partner, (I feel) woman needs to feel secure. Don’t jump at me girls, think first. In every relationship, there is give and take. Sorry back to the subject. Therefore, I too wish I were more. Nevertheless, at the end of the day, after talking to so many, I realize, I’m glad I am me :}
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eddieb
Full Member
Wheelchaired Adventurer
Posts: 113
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Post by eddieb on Nov 10, 2011 10:47:40 GMT -5
Interesting what we care about or get used to in terms of physical attributes. At this point, each I am on t.v., I am just concerned that my cheeks don't look chubby. I know I'm handicapped and that everyone will see it, but I can still control looking good so long as I don't gain a few pounds and end up with chipmunk cheeks. :-)
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Post by wheelieInCali on Nov 10, 2011 16:36:43 GMT -5
When I look in a full length mirror I like what I see. I'm proud and happy with myself. My body is mine and is a testament to my life. I see olympically fit people on TV and sometimes in real life and it's true, their bodies are in peak physical fitness and put mine to shame but it's MY body. If one were to view my life and Michael Phelps' life in parallel his would make a better movie but mine would make a better book. I love my life and by extension, my body. I was surprised at the bags under my eyes in some recent pictures of myself. Am I less disabled than others? Diluted?
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Post by matisse on Nov 11, 2011 14:41:22 GMT -5
I think the most I can say is that I am proud of what I have been able to do with my body, despite my limitations. I'll never "love" my body, but my decision to get thinner, and my ability to stay there, gives me some sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. I shed about 25-30 lbs (not sure exactly, given the difficulties in weighing myself) over 6 years ago.
Keeping my weight requires discipline and sacrifice, especially since I cannot workout, and given that I blow through my calorie allotments when I travel. Most people do not have the willpower to do this.
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Post by roger888 on Nov 11, 2011 14:58:19 GMT -5
I can't say that I like watching myself on video.My first thought when I saw myself in motion was, is my wheeling action really THAT ordinary?I thought I had more style with my wheelwork ...
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Post by Ray T on Nov 11, 2011 15:42:04 GMT -5
you know i have never seen myself on video... just still photos
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 12, 2011 9:25:34 GMT -5
This thread is making me sad! Seems like a lot of people are down on themselves and their looks or movement or something. Going along with perception, something encouraging that I've noticed is what an enormous effect personality has on appearance. You'd think that's just a nice way of calling someone ugly, but it really changes how a person looks to you. You know how a hot girl can suddenly become really unappealing when she opens her mouth and says something dumb or mean? Personally I noticed it the most with one of my very close friends. People describe her as "plain" or at least nothing special, yet she is the gentlest, kindest person I know and within a few weeks of knowing her it's almost impossible to remember what you thought of her looks at first glance. She becomes very beautiful. I feel like I started to redefine what beauty meant just based on her. Now when I look at her I see a physically beautiful woman. I'm not necessarily down on myself over it. It's just not how I picture/imagine myself, and the disconnect can be disturbing. Ever hear your own voice played back to you? It's like that... times ten thousand. Funny thing about men here, too. As kind and sincere as Ruth's encouraging message was, my self-esteem and confidence and mood was far more improved by... And this made my day... Yes, funny I am not. I'm known for being too serious. Wish I knew how to joke and tease. Actually, I like the sound of my voice on tape. The first time I heard it was startling, of course, but I got used to it fast and when I was a kid I used to record books on tape for my family.
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Post by BA on Jan 5, 2012 19:47:03 GMT -5
I look normal; I’m neither fat nor ugly but simply normal. But when I think of my body it feel disgusted and I really self-conscious. It’s horrible when you see so many obese women out there wearing shorts while I feel only comfortable in long jeans. And I find myself admiring all those women who are able to show their body even though it’s not perfect. I absolutely hate pictures of myself because I’m always afraid that I really look the way I feel. And videos are even worse. I kinda live with the fear that people might think that I’m not worth it. Lol this is really weird I’ve had this image of myself for a few years and I had developed eating disorders and depressions. I agree Ruth, this topic is pretty sad. \ This is a form of BIID, Fireberry and I am sorry you are suffering with this. It is called body dysmorphic disorder where you see yourself one way (fat/ugly etc.) when you really aren't at all. This distorted body image leads many girls to anorexia and bulimia. It is also tied into perfectionism in other areas of life. I hope you are getting help for both your depression and eating disorders. You are young and beautiful and you need to get to the root of what is not enabling you to see yourself positively.
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Lindsay :)
Full Member
Smile, It's a Good Day
Posts: 221
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Post by Lindsay :) on Jan 5, 2012 20:16:12 GMT -5
When I look in a full length mirror I like what I see. I'm proud and happy with myself. My body is mine and is a testament to my life. Reading all the posts through, I find that I tend to agree most with Wheelie. I’m not shocked to see pictures of myself. (I am shocked to see “good” pictures of myself but I think I just take bad pictures. I always think that I look like me in them.) I have a pretty accurate mental image of what I look like. I’m very short (only 5’1” when barefoot) and of average weight. (Actually, I’ve lost about a good 20lbs since I was threatened with diabetes… The only good thing being handed the “D” word did for was get my butt in the gym a lot more often.) I have ashy blonde hair that reaches my shoulders and blue eyes. I wear corrective lenses and chew my fingernails. Do I look like a super model? No. Will I ever glide down a runway or grace the cover of a fashion magazine? Hell no. But I don’t spend 6 hours with a trainer every day and I don’t live off ice cubes. A lot of societies (both in the USA and outside of it – as well as with men and women) we base our ideals of physical “perfection” on who we see on TV and in movies and magazines. But it is their job to look amazing all the time. Those people are paid to stay skinny and stay pretty and stay “perfect” in order to keep the rest of us “normal” people entertained. That isn’t my job. I wouldn’t want that job. As Wheelie said, my body tells the story of my life. I have chicken pox scars on my back. I have a scar on my hand from when it went through a glass door. And several more scars on my ankles from slipping in shower while trying to shave my legs. Does that mean I never feel down about myself, or wish that I was skinnier… or taller… or “prettier…?” No. I feel down and depressed at times just like everyone else. But at the end of the day, I like who I am and I like what I look like.
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Post by Kiran on Aug 18, 2013 1:59:02 GMT -5
All I can say about this thread is: As I read the previous posts that talked about a lack of identification with what how you see yourself and what you saw in the mirror, I thought, I do not even like to look at myself in the mirror. The point is this: Sometimes when I'm out with friends who know I'm gay and they realize that some guy looked at me with interest, they warn me, but I did not believe what this interest it really exists . I think I'm ugly and clumsy though guys here have already told in the PD that this awkwardness is just a "sexy way of walking", moreover, in some pics, I don't look so bad ... But even when I felt bad in the pictures some people have complimented me! I think, in the end, when I discovered the devotee here, it made me feel better and more accepted by myself! I can not tell if I have BIID, all I can say is that the company of all of you has made me a better person. Thank you all!
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Post by Kiran on Aug 18, 2013 20:17:43 GMT -5
Thank you, A$$Y, from reading this! The fact that you have liked, it becomes even more special because you also have CP and is able to understand exactly how I feel. You have no idea how important it was for me to share my feelings with everyone here in PD!
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