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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Apr 19, 2013 20:38:37 GMT -5
I'm jealous, I can't clench my eye at all... Try some tequila, maybe that does the trick last time I did that I ended up in a ditch.... Refer to the "Yours Truly" pic thread. ;D
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Post by Corey on Apr 21, 2013 14:49:25 GMT -5
In a 7 day week, I contemplate suicide, at least in passing, about five times. It has to be disability related, because my life is otherwise amazing: I own a rapidly growing company, I have great friends, I'm totally hilarious, I bang hot chicks, I'm incredibly good looking, I have an enormous penis, I'm ridiculously humble... so... yeah. It really hasn't affected my relationships, though. I don't think most people notice, and my other qualities (see above) kind of overshadow any outward signs of depression. So what about being disabled causes the depression? It hasnt stopped you from being successful, so you would think after awhile it wouldnt matter. I should say that I am similar. I could ask myself the same question. I dont know the answer.
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Post by ProudRealist on Apr 22, 2013 3:24:48 GMT -5
Fuzzy, i've come to believe it's inherent in the human will...survival instinct if you will...no matter what crap life throws at you, ppl (albeit not all) will eventually learn to compensate, and move ahead with life...some ppl more than others.
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Post by ProudRealist on Apr 22, 2013 3:26:02 GMT -5
Holy crap, i just realised i became a 'full member' after that post Please tell me there's a luck door prize ;D
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Post by Ath on Apr 22, 2013 9:27:10 GMT -5
So,......... revenge? since we are half way there, -What about your dark side?
-What is the absolute worst thing about your disability / health / and it's consequences. What are you afraid of or insecure about. Are there things you would try really hard to hide from your partner / future partner -And how does that make you feel?
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Apr 22, 2013 23:19:59 GMT -5
So,......... revenge? since we are half way there, -What about your dark side?
-What is the absolute worst thing about your disability / health / and it's consequences. What are you afraid of or insecure about. Are there things you would try really hard to hide from your partner / future partner -And how does that make you feel? For me it's not being able to take a sh*t whenever I want. that's really the only thing that I can't stand anymore. I don't think there is anything I'd feel the need to hide tho.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 23, 2013 0:10:22 GMT -5
Not being 100% independent is by far the worst thing for me. My biggest fear is someone being with me for the wrong reasons...sometimes, because of slight insecurities...I have been unable to spoot this. I am very open, and don't feel the need to hide anything frrom a potential partner.
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skywheeler
New Member
Posts: 46
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by skywheeler on Apr 23, 2013 9:11:06 GMT -5
I think the worst thing for me is the feeling that I “might” be a burden. Actually knowing that I’m bothering someone by asking for help is bad, but being unsure if they are just being nice, or secretly resenting me for intruding on them for something that I need, well that’s probably the worst. I end up beating myself up constantly over this.
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Post by Corey on Apr 23, 2013 22:38:17 GMT -5
-What is the absolute worst thing about your disability / health / and it's consequences. What are you afraid of or insecure about. Are there things you would try really hard to hide from your partner / future partner -And how does that make you feel? Im worried I will get weaker, and worry about how much weaker, and what that means for my independance. I have always told women that SMA is progressive "but Ive kind of plateaued in recent years". Yea thats not true, Im definitely weaker than I was a year ago, and much weaker compared to two years ago. . .not to be depressing or anything lol.
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Post by E on Apr 26, 2013 19:43:45 GMT -5
So,......... revenge? since we are half way there, -What about your dark side? -What is the absolute worst thing about your disability / health / and it's consequences. What are you afraid of or insecure about. Are there things you would try really hard to hide from your partner / future partner -And how does that make you feel? - I've realized there is a lifetime meter, measured in hours spent, in how long you can be around me/help me with things before getting burnt out and hating me. Friends I see once a week or so usually never hit this limit. Roommates last on average about two years. Morning aides last around 5. Office assistants average about 7. - Like a transgendered person, or someone with BIID, my actual body and the way I look and move looks nothing like how I perceive myself, despite being born disabled. Seeing myself on video is shocking and horrifying every single time. I've been on TV a few times, but I'm mortified to watch it. One of the only times I've ever cried as an adult was seeing footage of me around 6 years old, W sitting on the floor, opening presents Christmas morning. I was so naive, innocent, and totally unaware of what my disability truly meant... and seeing me there was heart breaking. - I don't think I'll live past 50. And I think I'll die single. I cleaned out my 401k with this thought in mind. - If Life Saver ever fails, I don't think I'll recover financially. I'll probably remain permanently unemployed. - I allow women to keep their sexual relationships with me a secret from everyone we/they know because I don't blame them. - After a brief adjustment period, I believe the world, and the people I care about, would live happier and easier lives if I didn't exist. - Most women fuck me because they enjoy it (or so I tell myself), but I've received pity sex (and pity head, and pity hand jobs) LOTS of times... and I don't care. I've been fucked by girls who just want my money/me to buy them things... I don't mind that either. - I hate when I can feel that I've gone past someone's threshold for helping me in a given day/week/month, but I still have to ask them because I have no other option. - I think my standards are too high. I'll never accept a woman who'd stoop so low that she'd be with me (devs excluded). - If I did somehow marry, I'm terrified of the previously mentioned burnout effect, which seems unstoppable.
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Apr 26, 2013 21:44:25 GMT -5
So,......... revenge? since we are half way there, -What about your dark side? -What is the absolute worst thing about your disability / health / and it's consequences. What are you afraid of or insecure about. Are there things you would try really hard to hide from your partner / future partner -And how does that make you feel? - I've realized there is a lifetime meter, measured in hours spent, in how long you can be around me/help me with things before getting burnt out and hating me. Friends I see once a week or so usually never hit this limit. Roommates last on average about two years. Morning aides last around 5. Office assistants average about 7. - Like a transgendered person, or someone with BIID, my actual body and the way I look and move looks nothing like how I perceive myself, despite being born disabled. Seeing myself on video is shocking and horrifying every single time. I've been on TV a few times, but I'm mortified to watch it. One of the only times I've ever cried as an adult was seeing footage of me around 6 years old, W sitting on the floor, opening presents Christmas morning. I was so naive, innocent, and totally unaware of what my disability truly meant... and seeing me there was heart breaking. - I don't think I'll live past 50. And I think I'll die single. I cleaned out my 401k with this thought in mind. - If Life Saver ever fails, I don't think I'll recover financially. I'll probably remain permanently unemployed. - I allow women to keep their sexual relationships with me a secret from everyone we/they know because I don't blame them. - After a brief adjustment period, I believe the world, and the people I care about, would live happier and easier lives if I didn't exist. - Most women f*ck me because they enjoy it (or so I tell myself), but I've received pity sex (and pity head, and pity hand jobs) LOTS of times... and I don't care. I've been f*cked by girls who just want my money/me to buy them things... I don't mind that either. - I hate when I can feel that I've gone past someone's threshold for helping me in a given day/week/month, but I still have to ask them because I have no other option. - I think my standards are too high. I'll never accept a woman who'd stoop so low that she'd be with me (devs excluded). - If I did somehow marry, I'm terrified of the previously mentioned burnout effect, which seems unstoppable. I totally get the BIID thing 100% I don't know if you saw it but I posted the same sort of thing on here once in regards to my voice. I made a vid for a FB friend and was totally shocked and mortified to learn that actually sounded crippled too. I had no clue whatsoever. Well it's true I stutter and am quite the awkward talker at times. I never thought I sounded crippled. But literally the first thought that popped into my head was, "holy fuck, you can totally tell I have CP just by the sound of my voice...." Well I equally detest watching myself on video it really comes as no surprise as to how crippled I look, because of course I know I am one crippled bastard! But the voice? that still has me floured man... Yuck! You really think people would be better off if u didn't exist? Well I think I speak on behalf of alot of people here when I say, "you're so full of shit my friend!" Nevertheless, I understand how you feel. I can't even imagine my friends looking after me like that. I wouldn't be able to stand it. Only my parents or a PSW would do. That's kinda how I feel about the shit thing. I can get very anxious about it. Mainly because you have to rely on other people to help u. Sometimes you don't go as well as you wanted, thus you left wondering if it will strike again in the middle of the night. Or later that same day. I don't want some to have to lift me on the can more than once a day. I can't stand it. Luckily that rarely ever happens, But I'm still not happy if I believe the trip could've gone better.
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Post by BA on Apr 26, 2013 21:45:10 GMT -5
- I've realized there is a lifetime meter, measured in hours spent, in how long you can be around me/help me with things before getting burnt out and hating me. Friends I see once a week or so usually never hit this limit. Roommates last on average about two years. Morning aides last around 5. Office assistants average about 7. - Like a transgendered person, or someone with BIID, my actual body and the way I look and move looks nothing like how I perceive myself, despite being born disabled. Seeing myself on video is shocking and horrifying every single time. I've been on TV a few times, but I'm mortified to watch it. One of the only times I've ever cried as an adult was seeing footage of me around 6 years old, W sitting on the floor, opening presents Christmas morning. I was so naive, innocent, and totally unaware of what my disability truly meant... and seeing me there was heart breaking. - I don't think I'll live past 50. And I think I'll die single. I cleaned out my 401k with this thought in mind. - If Life Saver ever fails, I don't think I'll recover financially. I'll probably remain permanently unemployed. - I allow women to keep their sexual relationships with me a secret from everyone we/they know because I don't blame them. - After a brief adjustment period, I believe the world, and the people I care about, would live happier and easier lives if I didn't exist. - Most women f*ck me because they enjoy it (or so I tell myself), but I've received pity sex (and pity head, and pity hand jobs) LOTS of times... and I don't care. I've been f*cked by girls who just want my money/me to buy them things... I don't mind that either. - I hate when I can feel that I've gone past someone's threshold for helping me in a given day/week/month, but I still have to ask them because I have no other option. - I think my standards are too high. I'll never accept a woman who'd stoop so low that she'd be with me (devs excluded). - If I did somehow marry, I'm terrified of the previously mentioned burnout effect, which seems unstoppable. Yeah, E. That's black dark and brutal, as always. You know how to chew nails. The only one who knew how to chew them like you was Triassic. Nothing can be said now that wouldn't sound pathetic. I was going to say that it's possible that you saved a child's life today, or last week, or last year, but even that seems pretty lame. These may be your 'facts' but only as you see them. I am not going to engage in a 'make E feel good' session because a) it's patronizing and b) you'd laugh at me and c) it would mean that I was trying to water down what you are saying. I would burn out within 3 weeks on your blazing fork-tongued sarcasm, which I love but can't stand all at the same time. The average aide where I work lasts 10 months. Then again, they probably aren't paid as well as yours and the food at my place stinks. Your aides eat gourmet. "I hate when I can feel that I've gone past someone's threshold for helping me in a given day/week/month, but I still have to ask them because I have no other option."I hate myself for feeling turned on by the disability that does the above to you.
That's my dark side in a nutshell.
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Post by Ath on Apr 26, 2013 22:52:09 GMT -5
aahhh you guys!!!!!!!
I've tried soo hard to stop myself from commenting each of your answers. I could never say it as well as you BA!!
Though I'm a wimp and I could never hear someone say they were thinking about suicide and ignore it. if it makes that person laugh at me, then mission completed and I can absolutely afford that on my cost lol. But I hope that "hey","Please know that I'm thinking about you' nudges are not considered patronising. selfish, yes.
(The way I am, I think about it too several times per week. Twice a day I pass a walkway over a train platform and I often think about jumping. Its kind of just knowing that there is a way out.)
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2013 23:55:59 GMT -5
wow E! i can totally relate to almost everything you just said. it almost made me cry, because it hit so close to home. but like ba said, i know that ive made a difference in peoples lives. even people i havent met. i may have saved lifes without knowing it, just by smiling. i have so many people tell me they love me. it makes me feel good to hear it, but what i really want is to hear is someone say they are in love with me.
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Post by Sova on Apr 27, 2013 1:43:28 GMT -5
So,......... revenge? since we are half way there, -What about your dark side? -What is the absolute worst thing about your disability / health / and it's consequences. What are you afraid of or insecure about. Are there things you would try really hard to hide from your partner / future partner -And how does that make you feel? - I've realized there is a lifetime meter, measured in hours spent, in how long you can be around me/help me with things before getting burnt out and hating me. Friends I see once a week or so usually never hit this limit. Roommates last on average about two years. Morning aides last around 5. Office assistants average about 7. - Like a transgendered person, or someone with BIID, my actual body and the way I look and move looks nothing like how I perceive myself, despite being born disabled. Seeing myself on video is shocking and horrifying every single time. I've been on TV a few times, but I'm mortified to watch it. One of the only times I've ever cried as an adult was seeing footage of me around 6 years old, W sitting on the floor, opening presents Christmas morning. I was so naive, innocent, and totally unaware of what my disability truly meant... and seeing me there was heart breaking. - I don't think I'll live past 50. And I think I'll die single. I cleaned out my 401k with this thought in mind. - If Life Saver ever fails, I don't think I'll recover financially. I'll probably remain permanently unemployed. - I allow women to keep their sexual relationships with me a secret from everyone we/they know because I don't blame them. - After a brief adjustment period, I believe the world, and the people I care about, would live happier and easier lives if I didn't exist. - Most women f*ck me because they enjoy it (or so I tell myself), but I've received pity sex (and pity head, and pity hand jobs) LOTS of times... and I don't care. I've been f*cked by girls who just want my money/me to buy them things... I don't mind that either. - I hate when I can feel that I've gone past someone's threshold for helping me in a given day/week/month, but I still have to ask them because I have no other option. - I think my standards are too high. I'll never accept a woman who'd stoop so low that she'd be with me (devs excluded). - If I did somehow marry, I'm terrified of the previously mentioned burnout effect, which seems unstoppable. Really?? You're a G, bro. I've always thought you were a G. Don't get soft on me now
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