Ask a Wheeler?(refer to pg 1 before contributing)

[A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo]

ok here it is, [glow=red,2,300]the ask a wheeler thread[/glow] Ask us anything u want. 5 responses per question sounds fair, but u guys can work that out. Enjoy!

Editor's note. Ok I've decided that 5 responses per question might be to much, or perhaps not enough. So to everyone who has a question I ask that u title it in bold like so. I also think it maybe a good idea for everyone to quote the questions they want to answer. That way no one will lose track of any questions nor will they have to wait to ask a question themselves. Sound good?

[lavly]

i know a lot of wheelers get watched when they are out in public and so many guys over the years have expressed to me how much they hate it.
resonantly someone said to me that its an invasion of his space. like im being eye raped ( he was kinda joking but not really... that's kinda how he felt). so i want to know what is about being watch that makes ppl feel uncomfortable. this question is to everyone ... but it would really be especially interesting to hear from a wheeler/ disabled guys perspective. cheers

[Deleted]

That's a good ? Lav...I suspect that you will get some very diverse answers. The very 1st time I went to a restaurant after my accident with my family(maybe 6 mos out) There was a couple in their 20's or 30's a cpl booths away...w/their backs to us. However they seemed intrigued by watching my wife and young kids../feeding me pizza(i wasn't very proficient w/prosthetics yet) The rest of the place was virtully empty.These folks were literally turned around in their seats...making no effort at all to be discreet. I was thrilled to be out...period. Plus was eating great pizza, therefore didn't care about anybody else there. She allowed It to ruin her mood/time...which sadly, affected our meal and family time. So...seeing that None of us were having fun anymore...and the wife's glares weren't eliminating the gawkery. I decided that I wanted to give them their $ worth...as well as a lesson in social graces. I proceeded to have my version of a grand mal seizure(a very believable combination of electrocution...complete loss of any muscular control...and the scene from the movie Alien where the creature rips through the guy's stomach. My kids and I felt it was an Oscar-worthy performance...the soon-to-be ex-wife..did not. The rubber-neckers did stop once i abruptly ended my seizure and defiantly stared at them.

As a general rule, I have never allowed other ppl to affect my world/life/mood/attitude/day...pre or post accident...Why give a stranger that power?

I am accustomed to ppl staring at me..I am ok with it. After all, I have spoken to many different groups...from health-care professionals and college students in the Psychology of Disability classes...to gymnasiums filled with Elementary School students.

If I am in the grocery store...I have a few simple rules(I really should have a T-shirt printed up)
1.)Kids 12 and under ALWAYS get a free pass. (Most think I am either a pirate or super-hero)
2.)Anyone has 5 seconds to look at me, assess my physical condition...and wonder why I have a smile on my face.
3.)I allow an additional 5 seconds or separate 5 second period for ppl to wonder to themselves ''I wonder What happened to him?''
4.)At the end of the alotted 10 seconds, they will get a smile from me, and an unspoken acknowledgement that I am well aware that they are staring at me. 90+% will generally cease and desist at that point.
5.)When someone does over-step my perceived limit...it simply means that they have given me the right to approach them, talk to them(ie..Hi I noticed you watching me...did you have any questions? or hi, I noticed you watching me...Is it the 1st time that you've seen a good-looking guy in a wheelchair? or if it is an attractive female(haven't tried it on a guy yet...LOL) I may say ''Next Saturday is International Date a Double Amputee Day..do you have any other prospects?? Or should we just schedule it now?

[JohnnyQuad]

I generally follow looknohands 'few simple rules.' I think that's the standard really (anyone disagree?)

I give teenagers the most shit. One time I was hanging outside a friend's show doing some pressure relief and I over hear this kid say "I thought he was a chair." "How old are you?" I asked "Do you need glasses?" pissed me off so much. Usually doesn't bother me. I do dislike how some people assume I'm a leaning post or think I want my shoulders rubbed. Get off me weirdos!

[Valkyrja]

Mar 11, 2013 7:47:59 GMT -5 @looknohands said:

5.)When someone does over-step my perceived limit...it simply means that they have given me the right to approach them, talk to them(ie..Hi I noticed you watching me...did you have any questions? or hi, I noticed you watching me...Is it the 1st time that you've seen a good-looking guy in a wheelchair? or if it is an attractive female(haven't tried it on a guy yet...LOL) I may say ''Next Saturday is International Date a Double Amputee Day..do you have any other prospects?? Or should we just schedule it now?

jajajaja.... I loved all your post but this... this is making me laugh really hard!!! Thank you!

[Deleted]

Val...you know that I aim to please!

[BA]

Fantastic responses. Keep them coming.

[lavly]

Mar 11, 2013 19:18:50 GMT -5 BA said:

Fantastic responses. Keep them coming.

+1

[A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo]

Mar 11, 2013 5:30:23 GMT -5 lavly said:

i know a lot of wheelers get watched when they are out in public and so many guys over the years have expressed to me how much they hate it.
resonantly someone said to me that its an invasion of his space. like im being eye raped ( he was kinda joking but not really... that's kinda how he felt). so i want to know what is about being watch that makes ppl feel uncomfortable. this question is to everyone ... but it would really be especially interesting to hear from a wheeler/ disabled guys perspective. cheers

I haven't had a problem with staring and whatnot for a long time. Maybe that's because I tend to be pretty shy myself when I'm out in public, so I don't think I'd notice if anyone was or not. I can't honestly remember if it was that bad for me or not, but I do remember always feeling like I had to prove to people that I wasn't mentally retarded. And sometimes that was a challenge because of me being so shy 99% of the time. I think it was my insecurities that lead me to believe what people actually thought of me rather then it being any type of blatant behavior that was shown by any one person. Except for one. This girl in my grade 9 science class would literally talk to me like a baby every time she saw me. One day I was sitting in class and I looked at her, and immediately she was like, ooooo what rrrrr uuuu looking at??? ;D what ru looking attt??? ohhhhhhh wuvyyy wuvyyy wuv wuv. This had happened a few times and I had enough. I turned to a guy next to me. And said, hey dude, do u think I'm retarded? nope he said. I asked the rest of the people in the row, Anyone think I'm retarded? nooooo. Then wtf does she? I said. I was just trying to nice! she said. I know, I know, it was just getting to be a bit much. I'm shy but not retarded ok? We were good after that. lol

[matisse]

Mar 11, 2013 5:30:23 GMT -5 lavly said:

i know a lot of wheelers get watched when they are out in public and so many guys over the years have expressed to me how much they hate it.
resonantly someone said to me that its an invasion of his space. like im being eye raped ( he was kinda joking but not really... that's kinda how he felt). so i want to know what is about being watch that makes ppl feel uncomfortable. this question is to everyone ... but it would really be especially interesting to hear from a wheeler/ disabled guys perspective. cheers

I'm ok with anything but the long indifferent stares (indifferent about being rude by staring), which, like others, I deal by looking back and holding their gaze.

There are other aspects of it that are a dual edged sword. Sometimes it's nice to be recognized, and it only takes one visit for that to happen the next time, even if that second visit is a long, long time later. But sometimes I wouldn't mind just flying under the radar like everyone else. ABs can choose, by they way they act or dress, whether they want to be noticed. I have been deprived of that choice.

[~Z28gal~]

I know I'm not a wheeler... but this is such a good question!

I'm usually the one who gets irritated, it doesn't seem to bother my guy too much. I think he just doesn't notice it anymore.

I've had many people wait till he wanders off and then come up and ask me, all secretive like, what happened to him. These are usually the same people who can't stop staring. If you're THAT curious, at least have the balls to ask him yourself! Though I personally think it's none of their business. I started off answering with minimal detail, then went to telling them to ask him, then finally replying with "Are you gay or straight?" or, if I'm really pissy and it applies "Why are you overweight?" Usually, they are REALLY startled and just stare at me, at which point I follow up with "If you're going to ask a personal question that's none of your business, shouldn't I be allowed to do the same??" Haven't gotten punched in the face yet.

[Emma]

That is awesome z28. I haven't been asked by random, staring strangers what happened to my husband. Occasionally someone we are interacting with asks me but its usually when he is playing basketball or something and not really around to answer the question himself. I'll have to remember your response if I get the rude stranger asking.

[whoaitsz]

As the poster said with #1, I mostly agree. Kids and others who have mental disabilities get a free pass. Kids learn by asking questions and the staring is normally cute.

My family/friends/aides get uber pissed. At Olive Garden I was with my 3 aides and roommate. It was just a friendly hang-out day. This one guy kept staring... and staring. My younger aide lost it and told him in very colorful ways to f*ck off. He left.

The only time I was hurt was a couple around my ages with a baby. I assured them there were lots of space, no worries. They f*cking replaced to another table. That hurt. I'd die for a kid or animal, no questions asked.

I just shrug it off or mouth obscenities. -shrug-

[whoaitsz]

Also have to remember restaurants have limited viewing space. We are use to people walking, not sitting at our height. To not stare is very hard.

[kevin21k]

I don't know if I don't notice anymore or don't care. When I first got hurt, and went out it would piss me off! I always used to think "I should stick my tongue out, and start drooling. If they want a show I'll give them one!" Lol. I really don't care anymore I guess. I try to think what I thought when I saw a person in a wheelchair before I got hurt. I always wondered what happened to the person. To me, there's nothing wrong with that!