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Post by BA on Dec 15, 2013 14:30:01 GMT -5
My mom was definitely not a dev. Like Devogirl's mom, she seemed to bear an intense fear/dislike of people with disabilities. I ended up moving in with the guy because I didn't want to deal with her negative commentary.
My daughter is also not a dev. I thought, momentarily, when Avatar came out and she watched it over and over again. Then again, it was my husband that watched it multiple times, lol and I know that HE is not a gay dev. My daughter is completely neutral about pwd's, and I consider it a good thing.
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Post by blueskye101 on Dec 15, 2013 17:04:41 GMT -5
Interesting! Loved the video. He's pretty funny. I have 2 sisters and a brother. Never have seen any Dev tendencies. No hatred/fear but no interest either. My Mom neither. Mt sisters and my kids always teased me about the books and movies I liked but none of them really know I'm a Dev. Never had a disabled boyfriend but of course I was married forever. I also think it has always been there and cannot think of anything that would have influenced me as a young child.
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KatieMan
Junior Member
Posts: 60
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by KatieMan on Dec 16, 2013 9:41:31 GMT -5
Great topic, because, recently, I've been asking myself that exact same question. Until a few weeks ago I would have said: definitely neither of my parents are - I've suspected my brother for a couple of years, but now I'm not so sure. Recently, however, especially after all I've been reading about here, I've been questioning some of the life choices my parents (mum) have made, wondering if there is not maybe a hint of devness hidden deep down inside. But I honestly couldn't say for sure. My mom is definitely not a dev. Actually she has an irrational, insane hatred/fear of disabled people. The line between love and hate is very thin, so maybe there's something there, and she just had the opposite reaction. Of course DevoGirl has a point with this, especially bearing in mind that things were probably different in our parent's generation, so that a mixture of not knowing, not asking and not daring to look created a strange kind of fear of disabled people. I do remember stories my grandmother used to tell when I was little about how my grandad almost lost a leg during the war, and how his refusal to have it amputated made him a hero. (At the time I didn't realise that that may have been a very risky decision). Under those circumstances people were a lot less likely to announce their devness, let alone live it, which may well have led to a fear/hatred of disabled people altogether.
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Post by devogirl on Dec 16, 2013 10:19:50 GMT -5
things were probably different in our parent's generation, so that a mixture of not knowing, not asking and not daring to look created a strange kind of fear of disabled people. I do remember stories my grandmother used to tell when I was little about how my grandad almost lost a leg during the war, and how his refusal to have it amputated made him a hero. (At the time I didn't realise that that may have been a very risky decision). Under those circumstances people were a lot less likely to announce their devness, let alone live it, which may well have led to a fear/hatred of disabled people altogether. Possibly, although the fear is easy to understand, it's the fear that you yourself could become sick or injured. Devness is not necessary to have that kind of reaction. Avoidance is one way to cope, trying to pretend that disabled people don't exist. While fear can lead to hatred or avoidance, it's also very common to sexualize things we fear, especially as very young children. It's the best explanation of devness I have heard so far. While my mom is probably not a dev, it is possible that her fear triggered a sexualized reaction in me. Or maybe it's just a coincidence and I was born that way, who knows.
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Post by Cake on Dec 16, 2013 10:41:18 GMT -5
While fear can lead to hatred or avoidance, it's also very common to sexualize things we fear, especially as very young children. It's the best explanation of devness I have heard so far. Wow, what an interesting concept. I never thought about it that way, but it might be totally true! A topic that deserves its own thread maybe?
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Post by Emma on Dec 16, 2013 11:07:54 GMT -5
Agreed that is an interesting theory DG although I can't imagine how it would play out with developing a devs specific interests. Could your Mom have instilled fear of all disabilities while my Mom just made me fear amputees?
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Post by Cake on Dec 16, 2013 11:39:11 GMT -5
Emma, I think the specific interest develops by coincidence during the process of finding the sexual identity. Many of us weren't really specific in terms of type of disability when we were children. We found all sorts of disability-realited stuff fascinating and only later, around puberty, "found" our preference. Was it any different for you?
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Post by kivic on Dec 16, 2013 12:09:00 GMT -5
While fear can lead to hatred or avoidance, it's also very common to sexualize things we fear, especially as very young children. It's the best explanation of devness I have heard so far. Wow, what an interesting concept. I never thought about it that way, but it might be totally true! A topic that deserves its own thread maybe? Definitely a good theory considering both of these emotions come from the same lobe of the brain. It seems similar to fear conditioning in that you learn to respond a certain way every time you are confronted with the specific thing you are afraid of. This might need it's own thread!! There are things in life that I can easily let go without fully understanding, but when it comes to something that is truly a large part of my being, I sometimes like a scientific explanation for it all to make sense and fit into place.
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Post by kivic on Dec 16, 2013 12:12:47 GMT -5
From my personal experience, I feel my mum embraced it and didn't make disability something for me to fear though. I think what I did fear was the intense sexual attractions it evoked in me, but perhaps that is part of the fear/sexual desire complex.
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Post by Emma on Dec 16, 2013 13:38:01 GMT -5
Emma, I think the specific interest develops by coincidence during the process of finding the sexual identity. Many of us weren't really specific in terms of type of disability when we were children. We found all sorts of disability-realited stuff fascinating and only later, around puberty, "found" our preference. Was it any different for you? As a kid I too found most everything disability related interesting and it was something not to be talked about/stared at according to my Mom. I found (or discovered) my preference at age 21.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2013 14:47:05 GMT -5
I am trying to think about that one but I really can't come up with anything, it doesn't help that I live thousands of miles from my sister and mother....my mom was always the pitying kind but still accepting when it came to disability but as mentioned above she grew up in a total different time and disability was looked at very differently than nowadays...I am not that close with her and she is getting old now...she will never know how I feel about these things... My sister I don't think is a dev, she actually married a doctor and she has never made any hints or anything I saw in her dating life before pointing to her maybe showing some interest in disabled men... I always think about when some of you ladies think or know you were born with it, I don't know if I was born with it but sometimes I ponder if things that for example happened during my birth (I almost died) and later in my life could have caused the interests to surface...or maybe I was born with it and it just needed some events to trigger it to come out...not really sure...
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Post by lisa on Dec 16, 2013 15:21:35 GMT -5
OMG, ladies!!! You just made my day!!! When I started to read the thread I thought like "Really? Neither of my parents seem to be able to understand it a tiny little bit, so... honestly?" Then I read DGs theory about the thin line between love and hate. That's actually what my mom says all the time and she has a big fear of disabled people, she actually tries very hard to avoid including them in her picture of the world. So, yeah, maybe?? I'm also very anxious about health issues in general (which is strange considering the dev part, but yeah, just how I am) and I guess she is too, a bit... So maybe a sexualization of the fear? You just turned my little world upside down .
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Post by Cake on Dec 16, 2013 15:34:13 GMT -5
Actually, thinking about this just made me remember something from my earlier days I had forgotten: That when I was a confused teenager, not having figuered out what is was with me and disabilities, I didn't even KNOW it was a sexual thing at all...! Back then, all I knew was that I felt this sort of twisting in my gut whenever I saw a disabled person, especially people in wheelchairs. It wasn't a comfortable feeling at all, just a very intense one... And now, now I remember what it felt like: Fear.
For years, as I was wondering what was wrong with me and I hadn't figured out that the "twist in my gut" was in truth sexual arousal, one of my theories used to be: "Maybe I'm just extra sensitive when it comes to pain? Maybe that weird feeling is just intense fear of that pain?"
So, wow, I think DG really hit the nail on the head. There IS a connection there.
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Post by kivic on Dec 16, 2013 15:41:46 GMT -5
It is the same response when you face something you fear, right? Heart rate increases, respiratory rate increases, fight or flight but turned into sexual desire. Goodness, what a break through for me too, it definitely goes along with my reaction when I see an attractive guy in a wc, heart all aflutter and stuff Sure glad I asked this question! Is this something that most everyone feels or do you think it is only specific individuals where it converts to sexual desire?
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tina
Junior Member
Posts: 94
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by tina on Dec 16, 2013 15:51:08 GMT -5
Hm, this "sexualisation of fear" sounds absurd to me. It has nothing to do with what I feel, nor does it fit with my experiences. I have never seen anything in my family that would make me believe that my mom or my sister could be devs too. I am pretty sure they aren`t. Nor do they fear health problems/disability. In our neighborhood, there was a man who was deaf and a child with down syndrome and my parents were cool with that. No particular reaction, no fear they could have transferred to me. I am pretty sure I am a dev since birth. As long as I can remember I`ve been interested in disability, and I always knew it was something related to sexuality. That`s why I never talked about it, not even when I was little. For me, it was always "private".
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