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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 9, 2017 0:43:53 GMT -5
I am new here and I am so relieved to be able to have someplace to share my thoughts. My 16 year old daughter definitely shows some signs to me - volunteering at school with special education kids, recognizing amputees on a recent Las Vegas trip (I noticed them first but she made comments to me), also, we went through "closed captioning" TV for awhile because she "wanted to see what it was like." Also, a trip to a local store about 2 weeks ago, a wheeler appeared before us - I felt her collective breath - it was the same as mine. I asked her once if she would date a disabled boy and she said "Yes, why wouldn't I?" Just had to share.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2017 23:13:07 GMT -5
oh, I see what you meant in your intro that you are the mom to a dev.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 9, 2017 23:18:01 GMT -5
My older son always used to help with Special Ed kids through Middle School and High School as well
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 10, 2017 17:25:58 GMT -5
My older son always used to help with Special Ed kids through Middle School and High School as well My daughter has a lot of empathy. She actually signed up for the program to help out at school because there was a boy using a wheelchair and she didn't believe he should be in Special Ed. Because of his need for an aid, the school put him in that category with scheduling and such. She was so mad about it.
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Post by malibu on Nov 10, 2017 21:45:20 GMT -5
My older son always used to help with Special Ed kids through Middle School and High School as well My daughter has a lot of empathy. She actually signed up for the program to help out at school because there was a boy using a wheelchair and she didn't believe he should be in Special Ed. Because of his need for an aid, the school put him in that category with scheduling and such. She was so mad about it. She is right in being mad about that, it is just wrong
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Post by tori on Nov 10, 2017 23:46:02 GMT -5
I am new here and I am so relieved to be able to have someplace to share my thoughts. My 16 year old daughter definitely shows some signs to me - volunteering at school with special education kids, recognizing amputees on a recent Las Vegas trip (I noticed them first but she made comments to me), also, we went through "closed captioning" TV for awhile because she "wanted to see what it was like." Also, a trip to a local store about 2 weeks ago, a wheeler appeared before us - I felt her collective breath - it was the same as mine. I asked her once if she would date a disabled boy and she said "Yes, why wouldn't I?" Just had to share. My oldest volunteers with special education kids and would eat lunch in their classroom with them. She also said the same thing once when I asked that question. Also when watching a show with a military veteran who was an amp she said how it made him sexier. I think there is some stuff there with her, albeit not as deep as what I am. I think its more of a general empathy/acceptance to diversity.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 11, 2017 22:38:00 GMT -5
I am new here and I am so relieved to be able to have someplace to share my thoughts. My 16 year old daughter definitely shows some signs to me - volunteering at school with special education kids, recognizing amputees on a recent Las Vegas trip (I noticed them first but she made comments to me), also, we went through "closed captioning" TV for awhile because she "wanted to see what it was like." Also, a trip to a local store about 2 weeks ago, a wheeler appeared before us - I felt her collective breath - it was the same as mine. I asked her once if she would date a disabled boy and she said "Yes, why wouldn't I?" Just had to share. My oldest volunteers with special education kids and would eat lunch in their classroom with them. She also said the same thing once when I asked that question. Also when watching a show with a military veteran who was an amp she said how it made him sexier. I think there is some stuff there with her, albeit not as deep as what I am. I think its more of a general empathy/acceptance to diversity. Hi Tori -thanks for the welcome!! I don't know, the "sexier" comment could be...she is a DEV. I had daydreams throughout my young teens and leading up to about 18 or 19. Then, I realized they were more sexual in nature. So glad I joined - I have been wanting to talk about this for a long time :-).
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Post by lucretia on Nov 12, 2017 9:53:29 GMT -5
I used to think my daughters displayed dev signs.
But it's definitely hard to tell.
My oldest has married a guy who was a "super preemie". He's very short, has an unusually shaped body, a lazy eye, and some scars from surgeries when he was a baby. She thinks he's ridiculously attractive. I, personally, think he's hideous. I know, I'm a bad dev.
We've discussed devness and disability at length, and I just don't think she's a dev. However, I do think demystifying disability and physical "different-ness" allowed her to be open to falling for a guy definitely on the low end of traditional attractiveness.
My middle daughter is "almost" engaged to a guy who was ALSO a preemie. (LOL I actually never connected the two until this moment.) But he is definitely smack in the middle of the traditional attractiveness spectrum.
She loved crutches and bandages as a kid. So much so the school nurse called me because my kid was in her office every day needing a bandaid. There were other signs, too.
But, I don't think she is a dev after all. We've discussed it since they were super young. She said she just liked the attention. Which makes sense. She loves public speaking, being on stage, and winning ANYTHING. LOL
My youngest was obsessed with wheelchairs, but since I got married to a disabled guy, she's lost interest.
We also talk about it.
Even when my kids were young and I was just discovering my own devness, I hoped they were not devs. I wouldn't want them to have the emotional struggles it brings, nor would I wish on them the ridiculously small dating pool. LOL
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 12, 2017 22:12:25 GMT -5
I used to think my daughters displayed dev signs. But it's definitely hard to tell. My oldest has married a guy who was a "super preemie". He's very short, has an unusually shaped body, a lazy eye, and some scars from surgeries when he was a baby. She thinks he's ridiculously attractive. I, personally, think he's hideous. I know, I'm a bad dev. We've discussed devness and disability at length, and I just don't think she's a dev. However, I do think demystifying disability and physical "different-ness" allowed her to be open to falling for a guy definitely on the low end of traditional attractiveness. My middle daughter is "almost" engaged to a guy who was ALSO a preemie. (LOL I actually never connected the two until this moment.) But he is definitely smack in the middle of the traditional attractiveness spectrum. She loved crutches and bandages as a kid. So much so the school nurse called me because my kid was in her office every day needing a bandaid. There were other signs, too. But, I don't think she is a dev after all. We've discussed it since they were super young. She said she just liked the attention. Which makes sense. She loves public speaking, being on stage, and winning ANYTHING. LOL My youngest was obsessed with wheelchairs, but since I got married to a disabled guy, she's lost interest. We also talk about it. Even when my kids were young and I was just discovering my own devness, I hoped they were not devs. I wouldn't want them to have the emotional struggles it brings, nor would I wish on them the ridiculously small dating pool. LOL My intuitive nature thinks my daughter is and it is clear what certain behaviors she has displayed. I would love to talk to her about it but I am hesitant. Obviously, I have spoken to her about disability in a broader range but not specifically. She saw a wheeler today (before I did) and brought it to my attention (in a caring/curious way). I know now at 51 that I wish I would have explored it more when I was a teenager and early adult - because now, my DEV self is screaming. Maybe some of you can offer some insight.
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Post by lucretia on Nov 13, 2017 19:50:22 GMT -5
Do you talk with her about sex and dating? As a single mom with three daughters, we discussed everything... Sometimes it was like locker room talk.
We just have that kind of relationship, so it was pretty easy to talk about disability, attraction to disability, fetishes, etc.
It probably depends on how much she already tells you if you can ask her about her interest in disability.
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Post by tori on Nov 13, 2017 20:45:51 GMT -5
Do you talk with her about sex and dating? As a single mom with three daughters, we discussed everything... Sometimes it was like locker room talk. We just have that kind of relationship, so it was pretty easy to talk about disability, attraction to disability, fetishes, etc. It probably depends on how much she already tells you if you can ask her about her interest in disability. I start the conversation when I think they are ready or ask. I stumbled across my daughters Pinterest board that had a lot of photos of women/men with bruises. At first I was wondering if she was into BDSM or what. I prodded her a bit as to why she had them and she said "I just think bruises are pretty." I said it's OK, I just want to make sure you don't think it's OK to be abused by a man. Since I come from an abusive marriage (her biological father abused me), I wanted to make sure there wasn't some wires crossed there. I tried my best not to make her feel strange and told her that its OK to be attracted to odd things that may not be the norm. I've never outright told her I'm a dev, but she knows I have a "medical kink". She's an amazing writer so now that she's an adult I finally shared the stuff I've written with her. It's safe to say she knows. I try really hard to have open, healthy dialogue with my kids about sex.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 13, 2017 22:56:37 GMT -5
I know now at 51 that I wish I would have explored it more when I was a teenager and early adult - because now, my DEV self is screaming. Maybe some of you can offer some insight. Not really insight, but I think most devs have their inner devs screaming pretty loudly when we first join, especially if you’ve never been able to explore your dev before. It does quiet down a bit after awhile. I’d say enjoy it while it lasts, it can be fun to explore! But be careful at the same time, it can be easy to get lost in it a little. It’s interesting about your daughter. Personally I think it’s completely possible that it’s a genetic trait. It could also be something she picked up from you, or just the nature of her personality. Whether or not it translates more into a sexual/physical attraction interest, or just a general interest will be the deciding factor, I would think. She may not even know what kinds of feelings it evokes at this point in her life yet. I was in my late 30s. before I figured out what it was, lol Although I think it’s probably better to just let things play out naturally, I think I would have a really hard time not wanting to talk to a daughter about it if I had a child I thought was a dev. I would be SO curious to know. It was loud when I was a pre-teen and loud as an early adult. Then I got married to an AB man but throughout the last 30 years or so...it would come alive in my mind, daydreams, real life etc. But...several years ago, I saw a middle aged wheeler at the airport and all hell broke loose. It has taken over. I just hope for my daughter - if she is a DEV- she will explore it sooner than later (there is so much more information at there now - all she has to do is Google and she might find answers to her questions). I wish I could have had the resources that are here now - like all of you :-). We are very open and talk about everything. However, she is beginning to get a little closed up about certain things. Thank you all for sharing your insights. Glad to finally be comfortable to share - it's been a long time coming.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Nov 13, 2017 23:03:46 GMT -5
Do you talk with her about sex and dating? As a single mom with three daughters, we discussed everything... Sometimes it was like locker room talk. We just have that kind of relationship, so it was pretty easy to talk about disability, attraction to disability, fetishes, etc. It probably depends on how much she already tells you if you can ask her about her interest in disability. I start the conversation when I think they are ready or ask. I stumbled across my daughters Pinterest board that had a lot of photos of women/men with bruises. At first I was wondering if she was into BDSM or what. I prodded her a bit as to why she had them and she said "I just think bruises are pretty." I said it's OK, I just want to make sure you don't think it's OK to be abused by a man. Since I come from an abusive marriage (her biological father abused me), I wanted to make sure there wasn't some wires crossed there. I tried my best not to make her feel strange and told her that its OK to be attracted to odd things that may not be the norm. I've never outright told her I'm a dev, but she knows I have a "medical kink". She's an amazing writer so now that she's an adult I finally shared the stuff I've written with her. It's safe to say she knows. I try really hard to have open, healthy dialogue with my kids about sex. So do I! I work with women who have been abused (at a shelter) - also, I believe in safe and healthy sex and I am an advocate (sometimes overboard) about the subject (she usually rolls her eyes ). This is a little different though and I just want to ensure she know that there are many options to explore. Thank you all!!
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Post by tori on Feb 24, 2018 21:01:15 GMT -5
So I just walked in the kitchen and my daughter was like "I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich blindfolded!"
I've noticed her doing a LOT of stuff blindfolded recently. So I asked "Why?" She's like "Cuz it's fun." Then just shrugged. She's also been REALLY into watching Covert Affairs with me lately with Auggie.
Wondering if the dev stuff IS genetic??? Do you think it's even possible?
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Feb 24, 2018 23:25:04 GMT -5
Do you talk with her about sex and dating? As a single mom with three daughters, we discussed everything... Sometimes it was like locker room talk. We just have that kind of relationship, so it was pretty easy to talk about disability, attraction to disability, fetishes, etc. It probably depends on how much she already tells you if you can ask her about her interest in disability. I can't believe I missed this a couple of months ago-actually, I do believe she has DEV tendencies-however, right now she doesn't. We are very open with each and we talk openly. I know it will come up eventually.
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