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Post by Maurine on Nov 8, 2014 13:40:55 GMT -5
I agree with inkdevil, this sounds like a devvy fairy tale. Can't wait for the next installment!
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littlesparkle
New Member
I love a man on wheels...
Posts: 48
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by littlesparkle on Nov 9, 2014 9:16:26 GMT -5
I had an amazing day, we talked for hours and I felt like a 16yrs old girl with a big crush. Talk about butterflies, haven't felt this way in such a long time, I forgot what it was like.
I will post more detaila later cos I'm really tired. It was a long day. He's a really awesome guy and now I'm terrified.
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Post by mwin on Nov 9, 2014 10:59:02 GMT -5
I've been waiting with baited breath for an update. So happy it all went well!
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Unsure
Nov 9, 2014 11:41:23 GMT -5
tc2 likes this
Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 9, 2014 11:41:23 GMT -5
Why are you terrified? You're an awesome girl! Just unleash your awesomeness and he'll be dazzled.
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littlesparkle
New Member
I love a man on wheels...
Posts: 48
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by littlesparkle on Nov 10, 2014 6:26:51 GMT -5
Alright now that I've calmed down from the excitement I can tell you how my date went.
So he came to pick me up at my house, he insisted on it. As I got to his car he said that I would need to move his chair from the passenger seat to the back. So I did and off we went.
As we got to the cafe, I got out of the car, took his chair and wheels out and instinctively without thinking I put it together and placed it by his door. I've done this a million times with my ex so i didn't really think much of it until after the fact. He looked at me, a little surprised and said "wow you're a pro at this already! Most ppl i know struggle to do this." I then realized what happened and i felt terrible...so i told him that I've done it before and hopi3 he wouldn't ask me why. Luckily he didn't, so he got in his chair and we headed to the restaurant.
It was a very quaint little place, there weren't many people there so he joked about how he hopes this place doesn't disappoint him as he's trying to impress me. Turns out the staff and food was fabulous. We had a couple glasses of wine each and I felt a lot more relaxed.
We talked about everything and nothing. He was really easy to talk to and he had a smile to die for.
After lunch we went to pick up his dog at his sister's place and went to a park nearby. We bought some coffee and just sat there watching his dog running around like crazy. We had a good laugh. Then he took me back home and said that we should do this again soon. No we didn't kiss hehe
The whole day was amazing.. He wasn't trying to impress me, it felt really nice and simple.
So that's my date. I'm not sure how and when or if i should bring up the dev issue. it's all still new and I'm scared it will ruin everything.
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Post by Maurine on Nov 10, 2014 14:44:16 GMT -5
Can't wait for the next chapter either. Inkdevil, I consider this already number 4. Chapters 1-3 were the elevator, the parking space and the encounter at the bar.
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Unsure
Nov 10, 2014 19:59:22 GMT -5
via mobile
Dee Dee likes this
Post by Maurine on Nov 10, 2014 19:59:22 GMT -5
I understand that you're worried about the dev thing, littlesparkle. That's one advantage of online dating - I "warned" about my devness in my dating profile to avoid getting emotionally attached to someone who would later turn out to be uncomfortable with my attraction. I don't think you have to be terrified, though. He seems to be an easy-going guy. From the little you've said about him, he doesn't struck me as someone who thinks his disability ruined his life and therefore doesn't accept anyone who likes that part of him. It's not unlikely that he's aware of the dev term. He might have even heard of the bad reputation that some creeps give us. I wouldn't mention the term "dev", but rather explain that you've been with a quad before and that you liked that aspect of him. I would add that personality and physical appearance apart from the disability are as important to you as to any other woman - he must have figured out anyway that you're interested in the whole person. Don't think of it as that big a confession. Just describe what being a dev means to you. It will probably be hard to keep him from figuring out that you've had close contact to other wheelers, at the latest when it comes to things like bathroom routine. I assume you don't want to keep it from him either. It's a good start that he didn't act warily or push the subject when you put his chair together. He has probably given it some thought afterwards and obviously still likes you.
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littlesparkle
New Member
I love a man on wheels...
Posts: 48
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by littlesparkle on Nov 10, 2014 21:01:10 GMT -5
You girls are too funny. I wish my life was a book with a happy ending. Is kinda hard to write how i feel so i tried my best. I'm not too sure yet what he thought about the chair incident, but he definitely noticed. I probably did other little things too but i can't think of any, most of them have become second nature. I need to be more careful next time. The ex subject hasn't propped up yet but when it does i might mention the chair incident and tell him why and how i knew how to do that. We'll see. It kinda feels a bit unreal right now so keep your fingers crossed for me As for his injury, he's very open about it. He had a snowboarding accident 6yrs ago, had a compressed fracture at c6/7 but he's incomplete. He can still use his arms pretty well and regained a few back muscles over the last 3yrs so he uses a manual chair. He's very independent, he drives and lives in his own with his dog. He has a cleaner who comes once a week to help him with some house chores but aside from this he does everything himself which I find super impressive for a quad, he said he was determined not to let this injury control his life and was very lucky it wasn't worse. Yeah we talked a lot and he was very open. I didn't ask him too many question, we just shared stories etc.
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Post by Emma on Nov 10, 2014 23:24:15 GMT -5
Woah thanks for the update. That's sounds like a great first date with it being during the day but also included wine The question of to tell or not has come up a lot lately. I'm a bit proponent for telling and telling early on. I think the whole putting together his chair/ex bf being a quad is a perfect opening to it all. And yeah I would not use the term dev but in your own words simply say something about how you like guys who are quads. You don't need to go into detail or make any big confessions but its SO much easier to mention it early on than try to bring it up later in the relationship. If things go well you can bring it back up later on and reference what you said earlier.
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Unsure
Nov 11, 2014 7:11:09 GMT -5
Post by eva on Nov 11, 2014 7:11:09 GMT -5
Keep it natural. Emma's right, tell him about your quad boyfriend and take it from there. You don't have to speak about intimate aspects right away, I think it would be a bit premature. Give him some hints but go with the flow. Then, when you tell him in more details, it won't really come as a surprise. For some ideas, you can read inkdevil ‘s thread in the general board paradevo.proboards.com/thread/5991/tell-dev-after-all-time (I like what looknohands and lars say).
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littlesparkle
New Member
I love a man on wheels...
Posts: 48
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by littlesparkle on Nov 13, 2014 7:09:16 GMT -5
So I got invited to his best friend's birthday party in 2 weeks. It's a daunting thought that all his friends would be there and I won't know anyone so I'm not sure yet if I'd like to go. I told him I might have something on but I'll let him know in a few days. I didn't want to commit myself and then decide not to go.
On the other hand we met for lunch today, casual one, not a date cos we only had an hr lunch break, so it was a little rushed. It was a last min decision, well he suggested it. He looked so handsome I was scared he would catch me staring at him at the most awkward moment lol. I love the way he adjusts himself every now and then or the way he holds his fork. It's hard to explain.
Anyway now I keep thinking about this birthday thing. I'm not very good in big crowds let alone at a place I won't know anyone. I don't know. I don't want him to think I don't want to go cos of him though.
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Post by eva on Nov 13, 2014 8:43:24 GMT -5
Why don't you tell him the truth? "I'd love to come but I'm kind of wild and I'm not very good with crowds, although I love being around you" Something like that. Otherwise, he might think you don't want to be seen with him, or it's too early to make things "official", or whatever paranoid thought anyone might have at the very beginning of a relationship.
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littlesparkle
New Member
I love a man on wheels...
Posts: 48
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Unsure
Nov 14, 2014 7:39:54 GMT -5
Post by littlesparkle on Nov 14, 2014 7:39:54 GMT -5
The idea that all his friends would be 'checking me out' is what scares me the most. Of course I want to make a good impression but it's a little intimidating, especially the girls, cos I know how girls are. I told him today I'm a little scared to meet all his close friends at once. He saif not to worry, they are cool and a few of them are bringing other friends too, the party is going to be very casual.
He also suggested that if I feel too uncomfortable we don't have to stay the whole night and we can go do something else after a few hrs, but I don't want him to feel sorry for me or to take him away from having a good time with his friends.
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Post by Maurine on Nov 14, 2014 8:03:58 GMT -5
I love the way he adjusts himself every now and then or the way he holds his fork. It's hard to explain. Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean Adjusting legs and sitting position as well as low quads' hands in action are so sexy. He seems to be a great guy. I totally understand that you feel uncomfortable about going to a party full of people you don't know. I don't like that either. The fear of being judged by his friends makes it all the worse. I would have told him about this just like you did. It's nice that he was understanding and suggested not staying for too long. I'm sure, though, that he'll appreciate it if you stay longer after all. I'd just see how it goes. I think he'll notice if you don't enjoy yourself and will try and make you feel more comfortable.
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Post by Cake on Nov 14, 2014 8:37:05 GMT -5
The idea that all his friends would be 'checking me out' is what scares me the most. Of course I want to make a good impression but it's a little intimidating, especially the girls, cos I know how girls are. I told him today I'm a little scared to meet all his close friends at once. He saif not to worry, they are cool and a few of them are bringing other friends too, the party is going to be very casual. He also suggested that if I feel too uncomfortable we don't have to stay the whole night and we can go do something else after a few hrs, but I don't want him to feel sorry for me or to take him away from having a good time with his friends. I can understand your insecurity concerning the party - not a big fan of crowds and strangers and being checked out myself. BUT: If you want to be with this guy, you will have to face his friends sooner or later, right? Meeting a romantic interest's friends for the first time is scary, but we've all been there. There's no going around it if you want to be in a normal social relationship though... And remember, if this indeed turns into a relationship, he's gonna have to face your friends as well! Who knows, he might not like that idea either, but it's just one of the things you take on when you like someone. Also - and I can only talk from my own experience here - if I don't do something just because I'm scared, I usually regret it later. Imagine not going to that party with him and sitting at home or being with a girlfriend that night... won't there always be that feeling of "Damn, I could be with him right now, I could be having a wonderful time, but I opted not to, because I was too scared!"
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