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Post by RollAlongSlowly on Nov 6, 2014 8:06:22 GMT -5
Show up naked, bring beer.......then tell him
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Post by nordic on Nov 6, 2014 9:15:43 GMT -5
You describe him as being broad-minded - which implies for me that he will wrap his head around it somehow. After all, he might already know about devotees, though possibly not under that exact term. I would assume he would not be completely freaked out. I know from personal experience how hard it can be to deal with attraction when you are not sure about how exactly the other perceives your disability. One way or another it is a topic at some point, be it with a dev or a non-dev. Which is absolutely legitimate! But at least for me, it's always been one of either things: One is accepting disability as a part of the person you are attracted to despite of it. The other is the disability being one of reasons you are attracted to someone. And I like to know which it is in order to better understand the person in front of me. So making a clear stand there is important to me and I feel a lot of guys think the same way about it.
I believe in the end it's very important to find out for yourself what you want him to be for you. Do you want a friend? Then openly share and if he is a true friend, he will accept you the way you are. Do you want a (temporary) lover? Then you'll have to take a leap of faith at some point. The risk of losing a friend in that case is just as much there if there was no dev-ness involved.
Maybe you should not beat around the bush too much. The more straightforward you are about your expectations and motives the better he has the chance to figure out how he sees it. Offer to explain the exact nature of your attraction. But allow him to sort things out in his head for a while if needed and don't be offended if he does not show the reaction you wish for right away.
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Post by happyface2013 on Nov 6, 2014 9:41:45 GMT -5
Sounds like he should have an idea already. Go for it inky! His loss if can't accept it for some strange reason.
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Post by JW on Nov 6, 2014 11:13:27 GMT -5
It sounds to me like you might have already told him. If you've already said you 'like sexy guys in wheelchairs' that sounds good enough. You don't necessarily have to use the word devotee to express your feelings or attraction to him and it sounds like you have already done that quite well. He might not be familiar with the term anyway. Unless you're in love with him or something, I don't think there is necessarily any need to say much more than you have already. It will probably come out on it's own anyway. Don't try to force it, he's probably already figured it out and doesn't necessarily feel the need to bring it up. If he is already emotionally shut off to you, then trying to bring it up or discuss it further with him might just make the situation awkward or uncomfortable for him. Just keep hanging out with him and enjoy yourself.  |
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Post by darthoso on Nov 6, 2014 11:26:07 GMT -5
Maybe ease into it? Ask if he's ever heard of devs and see what his reaction is.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2014 11:33:09 GMT -5
It sounds to me like you are basically "fuck buddies".
1.) He's not available emotionally
2.) You say he isn't the 'one'
3.) You have a sexual relationship in addition to being friends
If I were a dev in this situation, I think I would simply say "hey, remember when I told you that I am attracted to hot guys in wheelchairs?"
I just found out that my attraction isn't as uncommon nor as strange as I thought. I was reading online, and have become familiar with the term devoteeism. I think it fits me.
This is only if you are losing sleep over not telling him.
If I have a hot lil fuck buddy... I don't really care if she's catholic, vegan, bisexual, or even a dev... buuuuut, if it ain't broke...don't fix it.....ride that pony til he bucks u off... or you find the "one"
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2014 11:41:58 GMT -5
It sounds to me like you are basically "fuck buddies". 1.) He's not available emotionally 2.) You say he isn't the 'one' 3.) You have a sexual relationship in addition to being friends If I were a dev in this situation, I think I would simply say "hey, remember when I told you that I am attracted to hot guys in wheelchairs?" I just found out that my attraction isn't as uncommon nor as strange as I thought. I was reading online, and have become familiar with the term devoteeism. I think it fits me. This is only if you are losing sleep over not telling him. If I have a hot lil fuck buddy... I don't really care if she's catholic, vegan, bisexual, or even a dev... buuuuut, if it ain't broke...don't fix it.....ride that pony til he bucks u off... or you find the "one" This. |
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Post by matisse on Nov 6, 2014 11:46:07 GMT -5
Are you sure the deeper romantic component isn't a possibility?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 6, 2014 12:18:35 GMT -5
Are you sure the deeper romantic component isn't a possibility? It is for me, but he just will not answer any questions regarding his feelings. I have tried. Things are 'complicated' for both of us at the moment too, so I can't push things too far because there are other factors at play. What about waiting until the other factors play out? See what he is like when he isn't as distracted.... Perhaps he will fall for you, and open up. It sounds like you have a full plate too. I never make potentially life-altering decision with a full plate. |
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Post by matisse on Nov 6, 2014 12:21:55 GMT -5
I would hold off indefinitely. As others have pointed out, you've told him a lot already, so try to take comfort in that to overcome your current guilt. Especially since things are complicated now, it's just going to be a very weird conversation to have, no matter how you do it.
Plus, even though you are open to a deeper relationship, his refusal to say anything about his feelings should be a huge red flag and you should tread lightly even if he eventually opens up some. Seems like a guy you should just stay casual with.
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Post by lars on Nov 6, 2014 12:48:29 GMT -5
A significant part of what makes me feel so goddamn good and comfortable about myself in intimate settings with someone certain is the fact that I know about her devness. Being aware of how attractive my altered body image can be for someone special was a hugely profound experience on the mental side of things, and it changed a lot how I feel about the parts of my body I used to dislike for such a long time. If you don't tell him, it could be that he'll be missing out on a lot of what -can- make a dev/pwd relationship so satisfying for both.
Then again, as others have pointed out, if it's more of a casual thing and the friendship is a bit on the wane, there's quite a bit of risk involved. If it would be a long-term, serious thing without those complications.. I certainly would want to know, if I were in his shoes.
L
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Post by Ray T on Nov 6, 2014 14:28:02 GMT -5
Inky, I think you have told him already in a round about way. You are open and honest about your feelings, what you are attracted to, and your emotions. Those are the parts that matter in my opinion. I say a Rose by any other name smell as sweet.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 6, 2014 15:29:29 GMT -5
Keep the voyeurism... Lose the guilt.
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Post by happyface2013 on Nov 6, 2014 15:38:41 GMT -5
Rock that wheelchair inky..
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Post by rebel6842 on Nov 6, 2014 16:36:57 GMT -5
Inky, there's an older thread here entitled "He still loves me!", about a female dev who (married?) the guy of her dreams, but took forever to admit her devness to him. They have their Happy Ending, so there is no reason you can't have one, too
As to whether/how you tell him-yes, he needs to know-but the trick is HOW you tell him. In reading the above responses, it seems that leading him to the idea of devness is the best route to go. It seems that there is no rush, though
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