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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Nov 6, 2014 16:41:40 GMT -5
Well the good news is you're not together, if u were then I might say u'd be in deep shit, cause I tell u, If I found out much later that the girl I was dating was a dev I think I would be extremely upset. Not because she was a dev, but rather because of the dishonesty. Because her not being honest with me would thereby magnify the negativity that represents her devness. And that to me would make me feel like some shady sex clup, some dirty little habit that u can't shake, and I think I speak for everyone when I say no one wants to feel like that. He might not be Mr, right now, but what if he could be? So if u let go any further without telling him, then u could be in very deep shit. Being a dev isn't dirty thing so convey that him. Yeah so I like banging gimps and think you're really hot, doesn't mean I'll be a cunt and make u crawl on your hands and knees for the telly remote tho. You said he's open minded so he's probably say, ahhh so that's why u wanted to see me taking a piss? In that case, I'll give u a ring the next time I got to drain the old plonker yah? And if not, then he's not worth holding on to. imo. Orrr, u could say bugger to that and go with the naked thing, Be like, awww bollocks, my hands are full love, be a dear and hold these? (. )Y(. )
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 6, 2014 16:49:27 GMT -5
I have a different view, A$$y Magoo.
I don't share a lot with dudes unless I feel safe with them. Either you or we together have to create a space/environment that I feel safe enough to confide in you or it ain't gonna happen.
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Post by matisse on Nov 6, 2014 17:19:51 GMT -5
If I found out much later that the girl I was dating was a dev I think I would be extremely upset. Not because she was a dev, but rather because of the dishonesty. You would be very upset and feel lied to and used, EVEN if you really liked her? I mean, anyone who honestly puts up all their baggage up front isn't going to get very far dating, it would just seem weird. Around here we have a very, very common white guy fetish for asian girls. I would bet that in 95% of those relationships that get to the long term or marriage phase, if the guy had told the girl early on, she would have ended the relationship (the whole "you don't love me for me" thing I always seem to be mentioning). Once the love chemicals kick in (not kidding, they exist), the girls are more willing to overlook the fact that this guy's past GFs have all been asian, what a coincidence!!!
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Nov 6, 2014 20:45:21 GMT -5
If I found out much later that the girl I was dating was a dev I think I would be extremely upset. Not because she was a dev, but rather because of the dishonesty. You would be very upset and feel lied to and used, EVEN if you really liked her? I mean, anyone who honestly puts up all their baggage up front isn't going to get very far dating, it would just seem weird. Around here we have a very, very common white guy fetish for asian girls. I would bet that in 95% of those relationships that get to the long term or marriage phase, if the guy had told the girl early on, she would have ended the relationship (the whole "you don't love me for me" thing I always seem to be mentioning). Once the love chemicals kick in (not kidding, they exist), the girls are more willing to overlook the fact that this guy's past GFs have all been asian, what a coincidence!!! Really don't agree with that, even if it happens to true, That's like saying a wheeler shouldn't reveal the fact that he's a wheeler until he's gotten a woman to marry him. And I guess being a dev is different since we can't fake not be crippled but to me it's certainly within the same realm. You can't change it, it a big part of who u are and unfortunately, no matter how much u want it too, it's not going anywhere. And think I would be able to forgive someone if I really liked them but certainly wouldn't be happy if say, I found site or if I found a secret porn stash, because, again I'd feel like some part of some dirty little secret, or perhaps I'd wonder if she were ashamed of me. That being said, my situation would be a bit different given the fact that I would be very clear on my feelings regarding devs.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2014 1:36:32 GMT -5
What kind of guy is he? One of these metro in touch with their feelings fellas? Or is he a Man, a club swinging..."get him a sandwich, play with his balls, suck his dick and don't talk so much" kinda guy?
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Post by tom60313 on Nov 7, 2014 2:44:33 GMT -5
Hi Inky I'd say: just be there for him as a friend. Try to be open and honest but don't push that subject too far. If you enjoy being with him just do so. There's no need to feel any guilt as far as I can estimate!
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Post by happyface2013 on Nov 7, 2014 5:19:08 GMT -5
Hi Inky I'd say: just be there for him as a friend. Try to be open and honest but don't push that subject too far. If you enjoy being with him just do so. There's no need to feel any guilt as far as I can estimate! That's my current approach. I want to be his friend even if all else fails, so I just loiter in the background, keep in regular contact & hope a suitable conversation comes up where I can mention the dev thing, even if I don't label it as 'devotee'. I just don't like lying to/witholding the truth from people that I care about. Unfortunately I'm failing spectacularly at that recently IRL and there's also an element of it on here. I'm not proud of myself. Currently my life is a right royal fuck up. massively in Nobodys perfect inky. Don't be too hard on yourself..
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Post by nordic on Nov 7, 2014 6:58:09 GMT -5
I agree that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. It's perfectly legitimate to be insecure or imperfect when it comes to things we consider very personal or people we care about deeply. I have never tried to dupe anyone but I am scared of being judged if I reveal everything about myself. I'm only human and do have a fragile ego, despite all my blustering bravado :-( You can be judged by a court or maybe some higher power you choose to believe in. Other than that, you might hear out people whose opinion you are interested in. Afterwards you can think on whether this opinion is valuable to you or not. If not, you can safely discard it for what it is: Someone having a different opinion than you or simply talking nonsense. Some unfortunate individuals believe they are entitled to have their own opinion recognized as a universal truth by everyone. But as Mr. Eastwood so brilliantly pointed out in his role as Harry Callahan, there is a striking parallel between opinions and bottoms. The way you describe your friend, I see no reason why he should not be insightful enough to respect you for how and what you are as well as the decisions you have made. And that includes not "judging" you. To me it seems more like you might be judging yourself, based on ... what you assume someone else sees as right or wrong? There are so many hypotheses in it, walking down this road will get you trapped in your own assumptions. If you are fine with being a dev and how, when and with whom you approach the topic yourself - then nobody else has any say in it. Good friends are able to accept how you handle your personal stuff even if they disagree. If not, they are not such good friends after all.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 7, 2014 7:39:31 GMT -5
You don't have to share whatever (you consider) your judgeable domestic situation is on here. You don't owe anyone anything.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 7, 2014 8:43:41 GMT -5
I offer no advice and no judgement. You're in a difficult situation.
I'm here to listen, though, if you need to talk.
You're not the first dev to find herself in this situation.
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Post by nordic on Nov 7, 2014 9:01:48 GMT -5
That gives the whole thing a new angle but I do believe it doesn't really change anything of what has been said so far.
I guess what you describe is really not that rare after all. Love, like anything else, does not necessarily last a lifetime. So instead of giving yourself a hard time about it (or let others do that) think of how you personally want to move forward from the point you are at and make the best out of it. Plunging into a new relationship and leaving behind people that matter(ed) is always a huge step. It's connected to many uncertainties and that has got nothing to do with being or not being a dev.
You are in a tough situation and you will need to make even tougher decisions. But it's probably a little like having a splinter in your skin: You know it's going to hurt removing it but the longer you wait, the worse it gets.
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Post by devogirl on Nov 7, 2014 9:40:55 GMT -5
No judgment, a lot of devs find themselves in that situation. I also understand why you want to tell him so badly that you're a dev. Especially when you first "come out" you really want to tell everyone in detail and have them really get it, doubly so for someone you're involved with. But IMHO in this particular situation, telling him probably won't change anything. If he doesn't want to be a committed partner to you and a father to your kids, nothing you say will change that, sorry.
IMHO the question you need to be asking right now is what will be best for your kids. What do you need to do to provide them with the most stable home possible? Staying with your husband might not be the answer, but para dude doesn't seem to be it either. Sorry to be negative, but you might have to put the dev exploration on hold at least for a few years while the kids are young.
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Post by alexa2010 on Nov 7, 2014 10:54:26 GMT -5
There is nothing to judge! If you need help / advice / from someone bit older and wiser (lol - sorry) just PM me. You are such a nice, humorous, smart and likeable girl! There is a solution for every problem!
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Post by alexa2010 on Nov 7, 2014 11:45:02 GMT -5
Nope. Older. Wiser? I doubt! But a good listener...
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 7, 2014 12:50:38 GMT -5
Is this a good time to confess I'm 42 then? You might be younger AND wiser than me Alexa. Talk about ego crushing... Also, 42 here. I have been terribly disappointed that it apparently wasn't the answer, after all.
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