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Post by happyface2013 on Nov 8, 2014 16:24:00 GMT -5
Yes we love inky
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Post by Ray T on Nov 9, 2014 2:00:50 GMT -5
Oh @wonk, after reading your outpourings, you have made me smile for the first time today :-) Have you been reading my diary? Women are from Venus and men are on page 52 of the Haynes manual on life. Maybe they should flip back a few pages to page 42, all the answers are there, apparently... Howeve, just as us men come up with the answers the women change the questions.
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Post by BA on Nov 11, 2014 2:03:45 GMT -5
Dear Inky, you are far, far from alone in your situation and I am going to put my big foot in my big mouth and lay my cards out on the table.
From the archives of my own very personal experience, I know well how terribly hard it is to exist in a dead or dying marriage and have the albatross of obligation with its attendant overwhelming guilt hanging on you constantly. The locked-in pattern remains holding. You don't hate your partner enough to feel the motivating anger/justification to bail and yet there is a lack of...everything. Fear of leaving, making a poor choice, "ruining my kids for life" and enduring "karmic retribution" looms. There is nothing to latch onto and you feel that if you go, you will forever be the 'bad' one who did everyone wrong. Oh, how we women need to please and need approval, like a nasty disease! If I could invent a magic pill to get rid of the insatiable need to people please, I would be a multi-millionaire. Inky, I promise you, the marriage situation doesn't get better with time. Eventually you get even older (I won't state my age) and maybe your partner takes ill. Now you have to step up in an already lacking marriage and be a caregiver with all that stress added. Now there is no chance of leaving because how can you ever walk out on someone who is ill? I certainly can't. Hun, all I can tell you over and over again, from the heart, is that you need to believe that you have the right to feel incredibly alive intellectually,emotionally and sexually. There should be no question as to whether or not you deserve to feel fulfilled.
As far as the wheeler friend; I personally don't think you need to say anything other than what you already did about finding guys in wheelchairs very sexy. If he asks you specifics, you can tell him what specifically turns you on as long as you are referencing him in that conversation. Is he emotionally available enough to enter into that kind of conversation anyway?
Inky, my PM box is always open. xx
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2014 2:38:08 GMT -5
I think that is an excellent point. Things are not all that bad right now because you can easily co-exist. But what happens one day when the kids are gone, the job is over, and there is only the two of you? And what if one of you HAD to rely on the other, not just coexist? I know I'd be miserable in that situation if there was no love between us. It stinks not being able to please everyone all of the time, but we can't. At the end of the day the most important person to please is ourselves, and if that happens hopefully everyone around us will be happier too.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 11, 2014 8:56:32 GMT -5
I've heard it said before that people who think divorce is the easy way out have never done it before. It takes a lot of strength to break away and change everything about your life. Staying may not be fulfilling but it's much easier short term. I have a lot of respect for anyone out there who has been divorced, especially if they initiated it.
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Post by queenjane on Nov 12, 2014 11:45:43 GMT -5
Why do u deserve verbal backlash? I certainly don't think u do, cause it's as u said you just trying to sort your shit out. same goes with the committing social suicide bit. You're being honest and you're being real, and no matter how fucked up or ridiculous u think u sound, people like that, cause odds are they probably think they're as fucked up as u are. errr I'm sorry {Insert something crass and sexual here} This. Thank you A$$y. And I know I'm late in the game here but would just like to say, how understanding and supportive and awesome are the people of PD?! I don't have any relevant personal history to share here and thus don't feel justified in offering up advice of such a serious nature, but I hope that whatever you choose to do or not to do, @inkdevil, you feel like you have the support and safety you need to be yourself here. That's all.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2014 12:06:54 GMT -5
@ba , I wish I could give you a real hug right now, but I can't, so you'll have to make do with a virtual one instead :-). Mwahh xx Such wise and kind words, thank you. A lot of it rings true and echoes the thoughts I have already had. I saw a programme on TV a while back about some transgender guy who had left his wife and kids to start his 'new' life as a woman. It wasn't the subject that interested me, but what he said. He said that for years that he was living a lie, that he was deeply unhappy in his life and domestic set up, but for a long time, no matter how shit things were at home, he stayed. Because it was easier to stay than to do anything about it. That's how I feel. You could always send her an English candlestick for Christmas... I'm sorry...just had to lighten things back up...otherwise us guys will feel uncomfortable. ..
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2014 13:12:01 GMT -5
It's Poohsticks to you @looknohands ! Even when I try to be serious, someone always manages to drag me back down to a level I'm more comfortable with. If you want me, I'll be in the gutter with my filthy-minded friends ;-) I simply feel that when it's time for a group hug... I have less too contribute...lol Also, I don't think poo sticks are so bad... there was just a guy on here that was desperately seeking a Pooh stick...or any other bear's stick...
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Post by Tek on Jan 2, 2015 9:07:28 GMT -5
I hope it works out favourably!
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Post by Clair deLune on Jan 2, 2015 9:13:05 GMT -5
Wow, this is exciting! Please do share with us how it works out!
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Post by mwin on Jan 2, 2015 14:38:36 GMT -5
Wow. I think that sounds like a terrific decision. Great that you're in a place where you feel you can cope whichever way it goes. Just so hope it goes well!
Also... Got any Dev fiction to publish?!?!?!? I would LOVE to read your stuff!!!
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Post by happyface2013 on Jan 2, 2015 18:12:16 GMT -5
Thank you @tc123 , I'm trying to look at it the way you say. The longer it goes unsaid, the more deceitful I feel. He is very confident in his body (why wouldn't he be, it's damn hot), so I'm hoping this, coupled with the fact he is very broadminded, will enable him to accept my 'likes'. mwin , I have thought about posting some of my dev fiction on here. To be honest though, it's normally only thinly veiled porn, without the pictures. I'm no literary genius :-) Sounds like your fiction would be perfect inky.
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Post by mwin on Jan 2, 2015 18:34:48 GMT -5
Thinly veiled porn sounds pretty good to me Go for it!!
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Post by Gale on Jan 2, 2015 21:37:09 GMT -5
Huh. Interesting thread. Hope it goes over well for you, I truly do. I respect you a lot for what you're doing (for whatever that's worth, I guess). Sorry I don't have anything more useful to say, just had to give my 2 cents on this.
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Post by wonk on Jan 3, 2015 0:11:27 GMT -5
All your kinks? Will it be 50 shades of Ink?
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