Devs only - A question for the silent dev majority...

[Cake]

I can only speak for myself of course, but here goes:
I've been on PD for over 10 years. There were definitely years when I posted vicariously (hence the God status). Nowadays I only post from time to time. When I particularly like a post, I click the "like" button, but I don't do that with every post I kind of agree with.

Why bother being here? Like I said, I used to post A LOT. PD has definitely fulfilled its purpose for me, which was/is: Learn more about my attraction, interact/discuss with others like me, make some real life connections.
I can honestly understand when those of you who post very actively RIGHT NOW are frustrated when it's always the same old gang saying something. I personally however have many many priorities in my life right now other than composing thoughtful responses to topics that I have probably covered before (even if it was years ago) or that somebody else has already already covered in an eloquent way. My Job doesn't allow me to surf the internet and write forum posts during work time. In the years when I was very active here, I was still at University and had TONS of time. Now I just work all day, come home, and then want to spend some time with my boyfriend/friends/myself. Maybe if I was in a dev high I would want to spend more time on PD, but I'm not and haven't been for some time.

So maybe the frequency in which people post is not only connected to how big of a role their devness plays in their lives RIGHT NOW, but also how big of a part their devness plays in their lives in general?

[Ynis Ainu]

I've never been a big poster and likely also never will, but I'm no lurker either. I don't come to PD regularly, more in phases. Sometimes I look daily for weeks on end, sometimes comment, sometimes not, sometimes hit the like button. I nearly never read anything apart from DO, though. And in other times I simply don't have the leisure, or spend my free time with other things, on- and offline. It's the same with my devness, sometimes it plays a large or prominent part in my life, sometimes not, and sometimes it steps back behind all kinds of other things. Like many other things in my life.
I am truly grateful for this place to exist, though, even if I don't contribute much. But just to know there is a place to hang out when I feel like it and where I'm understood as I really am, and meet people - and mainly women - like me. I know from experience elsewhere that I would be more active if I knew myself to be in a protected place, knew that not everybody could read what I write, but at least just members, or ideally just other devotees.
I don't want to open this discussion, again, don't worry, I know and understand the reason why it is not so. I just want to say that this is one of the reasons why I personally am much less active and also much less forthcoming with things I want to talk about.

[queenjane]

Speaking as someone who is only semi-active.... I simply don't feel the need to express myself publicly very often, and I never have. That's just me. And even more so, I'm still more than a little uncomfortable posting in a public forum. I censor a lot, and I opt not to post far more often than I do.

I mean semi-active in the sense that I've only recently surpassed 100 total posts (despite I having been a member since 2011) and in that I can count on both hands the number of long, involved posts I've written (longer than, say, 200 words). I know you didn't exactly direct this question towards my "type" but like Cake, I have my reasons for not being prolific in my activity on here. I follow the board closely pretty regularly and the times when I'm posting come and go in waves. That's also likely correlated with my dev highs/lows. But overall, my base level of activity on here is pretty low.

[Deleted]

I am only a "God" here because I welcomed about 1000 new people and liked about 200 comments...LOL...
For me it really depends on the topic, I am not very witty and not very impulsive (when I am it usually back fires), I don't know about some things that are discussed sometimes and so I don't write a whole lot but usually "Like" other people's posts when it is something I agree with or they can express it better than I can, I do comment on topics that I can relate to...other than that I am not doing a whole lot here....
Also the same is true for me, I can only check PD at home and so my time is very limited to come here between work and daily life...
Sometimes I also just really need a break from PD because it has become so much part of who I am and it can still get "heavy" for me sometimes so I stay away...

[strawberrybubblegum]

I'm a pretty new member, only been here for a couple of weeks but I noticed that I posted more in the first days than I do now.
I also noticed that I often find threads I would like to contribute to, but then I see posts from other members that are pretty much the same I'd like to post, so I just don't post anything at all rather than posting an "I agree with XY".
Then there's posts that have gone off topic and I usually don't like to ignore all the comments in between and only answer to the original post.

[jrm]

So many other people on PD have a better way with words than I do. They can usually express what I'm thinking better than I can. I rarely feel that I have anything new or different to add to a conversation, so I don't post often.

[Deleted]

I'm one of the 'rarely post but regularly read' people. Thinking about it very quickly I'd say the reasons include:-

1. Lack of confidence with message boards in general
2. Fear of inadvertently offending people - I can be direct to the point of brutal in my real world
3. Laziness (although I disapprove of people who take and don't give and in a way I'm doing that by being here)
4. Rarely believing I have something constructive or amusing to add

These reasons/excuses are strange as they make me seem like a shrinking violet type and that's way off the mark. Maybe I'm just shy in this sort of environment and I'll bloom in time. Hell, I hope so.

[Inigo Montoya]

Jan 29, 2015 13:37:10 GMT -5 strawberrybubblegum said:

Then there's posts that have gone off topic and I usually don't like to ignore all the comments in between and only answer to the original post.

Please don't be afraid to do this. There's nothing wrong with responding to the original content of a thread, imo.

[mwin]

Points 1, 2 & 4 from @araucarian really resonate with me too.

You see, here I am again, not adding to the convo, not making anyone laugh...just agreeing. So this is basically a pointless post!

[Chan]

Cake and I are from the same PD era which scales more than 10 years now. Back when I first joined and was much younger (17), I felt more of a need to contribute, but now I'm happy just to check in on who's met up in person and the photos. I don't contribute to other threads because I don't follow them in depth; the same topics have been rehashed so many times over the years.

It can occasionally be entertaining to watch people squabble, but it's also one of the reasons why I actively don't participate. I have enough stress dealing with difficult people/clients/coworkers in my day-to-day life, and the very last thing I want is to be involved in a tit-for-tat online, which is when I want to be relaxing and enjoying myself. I also don't like my account being anchored to 10+ years of things I've expressed because the person I am today is vastly different than who I was as a teenager, but I just don't have the gumption to peruse over 1,170 posts in an attempt to whittle down the more embarrassing/inflammatory comments that could be unearthed. I also don't visit PD for long stretches at a time, sometimes years, depending on whether I'm dating AB or not.

That being said, I do like making the occasional picture post of when Sova and I make trips to see each other because it just seems like a shame not to considering this is the one place that actually appreciates the fact that a dev and PWD are coming together to enjoy each other in such a way. Otherwise, I'm fine to check in once in a while to see if anything interesting is happening, but I don't actively feel compelled to have my voice heard.

[stepfordwife]

I agree with strawberrybubblegum, by the time I get here someone else has said it pretty much. If I have something to contribute I certainly will do. As for DO I'm still getting my head around this. @inkdevil your comments really amuse me and often crack me up  .

[Clair deLune]

I'd been reading here for at least two or three years before I decided to participate. One of the reasons I didn't join right away was that I didn't feel I had anything new to add. It seemed like most of the Devs threads said things like "hey I do/like this dev thing" and the replies were all "omg me too!"

I know that's a severe oversimplification but I didn't feel the need to add my own "me too" to the fray. I already knew there were other devs out there. I've met a few in person cause I've got pretty good dev-dar, if that's a thing.

But originally I came to the site mostly for the stories and didn't read too much of the board. Once I really took a good look at it, I thought maybe it was the "right" thing to do to speak up. After all, one can't just take take take all the time. I figured there had to be SOMETHING unique I could add to things here. But then that leaves me questioning just how much I should be comfortable saying, because the things that make me unique (and probably interesting to other devs) are also very personal, and I'm not sure how I feel about sharing personal experiences online when they involve other people.

[Emma]

Claire I'm glad you decided to join in on the conversations and kind of surprised you didn't feel you had much to add initially. I typically find your posts to be interesting and not something I skip over.

For all the rest of you who think you don't have anything different to add, I'd suggest you just start typing. I often start off agreeing with someone but then elaborate a bit and then realize I typed a whole paragraph.

[Maurine]

This is off topic, but I'm curious about that dev-dar thing, Clair deLune. How exactly did you meet other devs in the past? Did you only spot them, or did you even make friends with them?

[Clair deLune]

Feb 1, 2015 15:06:55 GMT -5 Maurine said:

This is off topic, but I'm curious about that dev-dar thing, Clair deLune. How exactly did you meet other devs in the past? Did you only spot them, or did you even make friends with them?

I went to elementary school with one. I was dead certain about her, and I always worried that if I could tell that about her then what could other ppl tell about ME?

How could I tell? This is going back pretty far in my memory here. I met her when I was six years old and in first grade, so these are some fuzzy memories for sure. Back then, at least where I grew up, children with disabilities were not mainstreamed in the school system. This was before the ADA, so I guess that makes sense. Our school bus driver had twin sons, both with CP, who she brought on the bus with her every morning and afternoon. I was totally fascinated by them (yes, at six years old) and after some time of carefully and secretly studying them, I decided it was time to go for it and made each of them crayon-and-construction-paper "friendship invitations" and boarded the bus with those invitations in hand, presenting them as I took my seat up front where they sat behind their mom in the only seat that had seatbelts. At the end of the 45 min bus ride, the driver thanked me profusely for sitting with her sons and entertaining them and I felt like a million dollars! That was my new seat for the rest of the week, until... This girl moved in on my territory! (Ill call her Lynne, because everyone's middle name was Lynne back then) and started fighting me for my spot at the front of the bus! The driver had to intervene and make us agree to alternate days!

Thats not how I knew she was a dev, its just how I first met her. Our paths kept crossing throughout elementary school. I got to volunteer in the special ed class when I showed an interest in those students (...) and suddenly she pushed to do the same. In fourth grade, a VI girl joined my class from the soecial ed class (i guess this is around when my school started mainstreaming) and of course I immediately made friends with her. So did this other girl.

L would talk to me often about her older friend who had CP and used a wheelchair. She would also talk a lot about the VI girls assistive stuff, like her screen reader and magnifier and even her glasses. She would ALSO talk to me about how when she grew up she would need crutches to walk, because she had inherited her fathers rare joint disorder. (I knew her dad. He didnt have a visible disorder. I know her as an adult. She doesnt either). Her vision was perfect but she was always telling everyone she was going blind. She put a paperclip in her mouth and said it was a retainer. Each of these things on their own wouldnt mean much, but put them all together... Her "stories" were of course part pathological liar (like I said, I know her as a grown up. She is) but they were also part pretender. It was easy to recognize it in her because I was the same, I just kept this stuff to my imagination, or at least to when I was alone. Id walk around my bedroom with two yardstick, pretending they were my crutches. She'd actually take the yardstick to school and say she needed it to walk.

Oh! Writing about this is really bringing back some memories, cause I just remembered something else. In music class there was a page in the songbook with an illustration of a girl in a wheelchair. I tore that page out so I could take it home with me and put it in my "secret box" and use it to trace for my own drawings and just as reference for what a whechair looks like so I could illustrate my imaginings. Only devs do this, right? So one day I was going through her desk (because she stole my blue flowered pencil - she was a klepto I guess too?) and do you know what I found besides my pencil? Yep. She had that page too.

Also in fourth grade we did reports on famous people with disabilities. This was when I realized my library had a biography section and I could check out books about real people's lives. This was back when we had cards in the backs of the books and wrote our names and room numbers on the cards to check them out, so I always saw her name in the backs of my favorite picture books, like the one with the black and white photos of a hospital, but I started seeing her name on the biographies too. She also used the "its for a report" thing long after the reports were due to get to use the VI girls screen reader and also to borrow crutches from the nurse for "research."

When we got to middle school there was an older girl with SB who used a wheelchair. Lynne immediately befriended her. Lynne also tried to get into adaptive gym because of her joint disoeder (which she did not have, so it didnt work) and would actually try to attend the adaptive gym class without being in it. She kinda stalked this girl, and eventually she got fed up with her and went to the guidance offfice and basically said "tell this sixth grader Lynne to LEAVE ME ALONE."

This girl had the coolest wheelchair, green with beads on the spokes, and she had a key to the elevator, and she read the morning announcements, and she built things for the drama club's productions, and she was an eighth grader... Someone who Id definitely want to get to know, except for I was terrified to even make eye contact with her because I had this fear she'd take one look at me and think, uh oh! Not another one! Get her away from me!

So... That is my first experience with a dev "in the wild." This was long before I knew the word devotee and long before I made the connection that it was something sexual. The next one I met when I was out with a PWD girlfriend of mine and he was a guy who was kinda-sorta hitting on her but mostly just stuck on her disability. When he left she was like, "so, do you know what that was? There are these guys who..." And she explained to me what a dev was. I had aleady pegged it cause I saw him see her. He did the double-take-omg-dont-get-caught-looking thing (that I of couse also do) and then the silent observation thing (do that too) and then finally the make-contact-and-ask-weirdly-specific-disabity-related-questions (i dont do that, I swear) and yeah, there went my dev-dar. And no, I did not tell my friend "I already know what that is and I am that too."

I met one through a writing group in college (and wouldnt be surprised at all if I ran into her here...) and she was an incredibly cool person who had at one point dated a dis guy and continued to write fiction about dating dis guys and also provided us with a wealth of material to assist us writing PWD characters believably, should any of us want to. The stuff she shared with us was incredibly valuable to me because back then searching for accurate information online wasnt as easy as it is now. She's someone I just kinda got that "dev vibe" from... No concrete proof yet, just her ex, all her info, she volunteered with dis sports events, and that she was into many shows and books with dis characters. And the things she would say halfway into a bottle of wine. We havent been in touch since college, but she used the name of one of her characters to comment annonymously on the fiction blog here. So if you are reading this, did you ever suspect ME? What kinds of things did I do back then that gave ME away?

Last one is someone I met online completly outside of anything dev/dis related and I STILL picked up on it. This was through a fanfiction site, and we co-wrote this massive epic together while we were both supposed to be focusing on other more important things in our lives. He and I live in different countries, so we will probably never meet each other in person, but for "internet friends" we've become quite close, and are even more so now that we've found each other out. He claims not to have suspected me, although maybe because he didnt think girls could lean this way. Or maybe he was just in denial. He is the first person Ive ever talked "dev stuff" with (and only, until joining here, and part of why I am now comfortable enough to participate) And I guess this is another "hello if you're reading this," even though this is not a site for straight guys. But thats a dev I spotted without even any face-to-face contact!

Which leads me to ask... Hasnt anyone else had encounters like this?? Or am I the only one with dev-dar? Or did I just coincidentally happen on these people? Or do i have dev-dar maybe because I am the offspring of a dev?