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Post by lucretia on Jan 15, 2016 21:14:31 GMT -5
Curious in particular about dis dating sites. Has anyone tried one? Are they full of pretenders and predatory devs? Pretender Central!! I actually met my husband here. |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2016 21:17:55 GMT -5
From a pwd perspective, they're full of scammers preying on us "weak" cripples.  |
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Post by hail on Jan 15, 2016 21:41:31 GMT -5
Just a lot of fakes. It's always the same story: a nurse who's mother is sick and needs financial support..leading on like no other.
Finding success on okcupid. Not so much on the dev front for myself but I've heard of lots of devs finding pwd's that way, especially with the help of the key word searches.
Love how the dudes always complain. The sites often aren't actually the issue haha. You're a living testament to the "elusive nsa dev" that guys whine about the absence of..
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cooks
Full Member
Posts: 179
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by cooks on Jan 16, 2016 0:33:04 GMT -5
+1 for keyword searches on okcupid. Though I've been lucky enough to find a couple true devs there, I imagine you'll do far better- dis are a dime a dozen.
I've looked at other sites but never even bothered to set up a profile. The user base is too small and pretenders are too prevalent. Around here, we tend to weed those out pretty quickly.
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Post by jrm on Jan 16, 2016 0:43:34 GMT -5
If you're dis and looking for a dev on OK Cupid, be sure to use "wheelchair" in your profile. They used to use keyword searches, but now only allow searches by "interest"...words that they have chosen. Many of the terms I used to search by aren't in there, but "wheelchair" is.
Back to the original question, I found a couple of partners on D4D (Dating4Disabled), back when it was smaller and free. Now, it's mostly full of scammers, and you can't contact anyone unless you pay. My most recent "finds" were on "regular" dating sites.
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Post by hail on Jan 16, 2016 1:58:35 GMT -5
Just a lot of fakes. It's always the same story: a nurse who's mother is sick and needs financial support..leading on like no other. Finding success on okcupid. Not so much on the dev front for myself but I've heard of lots of devs finding pwd's that way, especially with the help of the key word searches. Love how the dudes always complain. The sites often aren't actually the issue haha. You're a living testament to the "elusive nsa dev" that guys whine about the absence of.. On the contrary.. I've actually found the experience of meeting pwd's on sites like OKC tiring and almost not worth the trouble, despite being a "NSA dev." This concept is simply too alien to register with anything other than doubt and distrust with most pwd's I meet outside of PD. Figuring out how to delicately broach the subject without spending a century dwelling in unnecessary niceties is tiresome. And if I do ever come out and say what I want, I never quite know how the guy is taking it. Most are too polite (i.e. sex-hungry) to actually turn away, but a lot are clearly freaked out. And I don't want to spend a lot of time convincing them otherwise. The reality is that some of these guys are probably great guys. And it's natural to be distrustful of something you've never seen before. But the effort it takes for me to show that I'm normal, and really who I say I am, is wayyy more energy than I'd like to spend  I have no clue what's that like, trying to convince people of your merits, I really don't. But what I do know is that here you will find people who will see you for who you are who are receptive to what you're looking for. It was refreshing coming here to find people who are interested in everything I have to offer. I'm one who sees immense beauty in dev dis connections, casual or otherwise. I get that many might say that they're okay with nsa stuff when they really might not be. I've been seeking out a casual connection as I know first hand how beneficial they can be mutually. I want to give back to devs have to me, a reenergized sense of value and beauty. I'm confident you'll find someone here who really is receptive to what you're looking for. Sorry to hear that the process has been discouraging so far. I promise it'll be worth it. |
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Post by Emma on Jan 16, 2016 2:13:10 GMT -5
I met my husband on whispers4u back in 2007. Back then the site was free for women to PM so I needed to be sneaky in my messages to let the guys know how to contact me off the site. Also there were lots of easy to spot fakes, wannabes, and male devs posting profiles then but also also a lot of regular disabled guys. I did come across 3 guys who were interesting in my time there but had to weed through a lot of profiles. I'm strictly an amp dev but there were lots of other disabled guys who contacted me but they either didnt have a disability I was interested in or seemed like losers. I think those sites are always worth checking out but don't get your hopes up.
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Post by LaMara on Jan 16, 2016 4:26:34 GMT -5
Met my ex on D4D. While there I was contacted by a few guys, strangely not pretenders (or so it seemed) but a lot of desperate dudes who saw the word "devotee" in my profile (there is that option, and I wanted to be honest about it) and thought it was synonym of "available to ALL PWDs (even if I specified my attraction) without effort required". Their messages were pretty much all the same: "Hi ur pretty I am [insert disability] wanna meet" or just "hello". Like, wow! So expressive and poetic! Such personality transpires from these words!  But I guess that's what happens on a lot, if not all, dating sites. It's hard to find the diamond in the rough  |
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tina
Junior Member
Posts: 94 
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by tina on Jan 16, 2016 4:49:38 GMT -5
I met my partner here on PD. I was not interested in a long distance relationship and the odds of meeting "the one" who also lives close to you on this small board are not good, but it does happen!
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Post by Green on Jan 16, 2016 10:23:44 GMT -5
Figuring out how to delicately broach the subject without spending a century dwelling in unnecessary niceties is tiresome. And if I do ever come out and say what I want, I never quite know how the guy is taking it. Most are too polite (i.e. sex-hungry) to actually turn away, but a lot are clearly freaked out. I'm wondering, what about PD is more comfortable than OKCupid or someplace else to straight out and say what you want? Or to trust someone? My thought is that in practice, as far as NSA stuff is concerned, you'd feel the same demands and worries wherever you go looking for a disabled partner. Online, anyway. |
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hungryquad
Junior Member
Taken by: bowlergrl0524
Posts: 64 
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by hungryquad on Jan 16, 2016 12:54:14 GMT -5
Curious in particular about dis dating sites. Has anyone tried one? Are they full of pretenders and predatory devs? wc |
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Post by Hopper on Jan 16, 2016 12:56:57 GMT -5
I'm always cautious about Dating sites. As fun as a predatory woman would be in a kinky kind of way, there's my own vulnerability to consider. A facet which can often be overlooked. Still, common sense and safety are the best bets to quell such doubts.
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Post by Sir Paul on Jan 16, 2016 13:18:06 GMT -5
I just got rid of my OKCupid account after a few months and a handful of non-responses. I didn't include the words "wheelchair" or "disabled" though. Right now I'm giving Plenty of Fish a whirl, so I'll add those keywords in order to help my quest. Has anyone else tried that one?
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Post by lucretia on Jan 16, 2016 15:30:57 GMT -5
I'm wondering, what about PD is more comfortable than OKCupid or someplace else to straight out and say what you want? Or to trust someone? My thought is that in practice, as far as NSA stuff is concerned, you'd feel the same demands and worries wherever you go looking for a disabled partner. Online, anyway. The difference is that pwds on pd are comfortable with devs whereas pwds elsewhere, even if they are also looking for nsa, may not be comfortable being with a dev. If you're looking to not have the guy know so much about devs away from PD, I think you'll be surprised. The vast majority of guys I knew before Alf were NOT on PD and I don't think any of them were unaware of devs in general. Most even knew at least one dev. I met an awesome (and GORGEOUS) quad on whispers4u... Before it was the jerk-fest it seems to be now. He asked me if I was a dev in the first conversation, probably about three minutes in. He had never been to PD, but knew about devs and was very dev positive. My husband, Alf, dated a few devs he'd met online before he ever came to PD. It's been my experience that most PWD these days know about devs and know what to look for in even the earliest conversations. That said, a lot of what is out there is not dev friendly. Most of the disabled sites still talk about us like we're drooling trolls out to kidnap them. LOL *sigh* Still, the worst PWD experiences happened with guys from PD. Alf was the exception. Most of my NON PD interactions were at worst, simply benign. It sounds awful, doesn't it? LOL Let's just say, there's a pretty large frog to Prince ratio. |
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Post by Green on Jan 16, 2016 18:17:07 GMT -5
The difference is that pwds on pd are comfortable with devs whereas pwds elsewhere, even if they are also looking for nsa, may not be comfortable being with a dev. That's kind of tough to say for other people outside of PD. Sure, I agree that PD is probably a good place to say most guys are fine with devs. Anyplace aimed at some aspect of disability and dating probably has plenty of disabled guys open to devs. Personally, it looks like it's more common to find guys in places like that who specifically like or seek devs. But some portion is also totally fine and encouraging devness but don't specifically seek it in a partner. This second portion, I'd bet, is about equally as common everywhere. Besides, it also hugely depends on what -sort- of partner someone wants. For NSA things, it doesn't really matter where, I'd say, as long as you're just direct (the general "you"). Just wherever there's a lot of people. It's just that PD has easier access to disabled guys. Some guys might be uncomfortable, sure, but I find if looking for NSA stuff, it's a lot less stressful to let the person accept or reject. As a disabled guy who has/does seek NSA stuff in a few places, my context is different, but if I'm direct, I find honest people who aren't just "being nice" about my disability. Social niceties, "dancing" so to speak, well, don't always work well. For dating things, PD is probably better. Easier to gauge deeper things of personality while also finding more disabled guys than elsewhere. |
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