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Post by Paradise on May 7, 2016 14:48:21 GMT -5
I have spent some time reading up on threads, and I was going to give it a few days before starting my own, but this question is burning a hole through my... well... mind! I'm just so curious! Now that I've found you here, I would like to know a few things. And please forgive me; if this post belongs somewhere else, by all means, I accept my mistake. I didn't think this fit into the "Personals" section because this is more of a general question for everyone. And devs, if you have any input at all, please, go for it! I want to know, who's your ideal mate? What does she or he look like? Are there attributes to this person that you imagine would make it "easier" for you two to get along and/or live comfortably together, or date each other? I guess I'm just really curious about what you guys think about when you envision your ideal mate. Not that any of us sit around doing that... or do we? I guess I ask because... well... being a devotee myself, I'm a little self-conscious of the fact that I'm SUPER tall (5'10" or 5'11" depending on my mood). Now, I love being tall, but I never have quite fit into the "dainty, tiny little devotee" category - a gal who comes along and hops on someone's lap and off we go, spinning wheels into the setting sun. No, for me, I always feel like I'd be crushing some guy with my weight/height. And I'd hate for this little hiccup to be a hindrance to dating someone when, again, I'M not really worried about my tall-ness, but what about PWDs? Wouldn't they prefer me to be smaller, thinner, etc.? Again, forgive me, these are just thoughts coming onto paper as quickly as they enter my brain. When I was with B, my partner who had MD, and the guy who opened my eyes to this whole new world, I, of course, outweighed him, out-"grew" him years ago, etc. He was small and I was big. But, we totally made things work. And he didn't seem to mind at all. I always kind of wished I was a bit smaller - there were mornings he'd give me a gentle nudge with his voice. He couldn't do it with his hands, so that's why I say it was with his voice. "Hey, can you move position? You're kind of crushing that side of my chest." Ah, gotta love him. But, in the end, I think he thought I was beautiful no matter what. So is this a factor for you guys? Do you prefer small and petite? Or does it even matter? Are physical attributes a non-issue? Putting all feelings aside and with no worries about hurting mine  , I want to know what you've imagined as your "dream girl/guy." |
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Post by Paradise on May 7, 2016 15:23:41 GMT -5
By the way, I still feel a bit weird about using the term "wheelers;" maybe it's because I'm new, but just wanted to make sure that's alright. I feel I've always overly compensated for my dev-ness by being apologetic because really, how were any of us devs to know anything about courtesy until the Internet came along and doors like PD were opened? I never, in no way, not ever, will I objectify anyone with a disability. Okay, okay, I'm shutting up now. I will probably "talk too much" at first only because I'm so excited to have discovered a community.
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Post by mike on May 7, 2016 15:51:00 GMT -5
Paradise,
I am one of those guys who don't really have an idea what the perfect partner would be like physically, it's more the person than the physique. If I was to think up an imaginary partner who was ideal for me she would 1. Be kindhearted. 2. A good conversationalist. 3. Have an interesting personality. 4. Be an honest, genuine person. 5. Being a dev would get at least 100+ bonus points. As far as height - well your 5'11" is well within acceptable limits. As a general rule I don't date ax murderers, but judging from your picture it's doubtful you earn your living that way.
On the other hand, I am married so not really looking for a date, more for fun & interesting discussion.
Typically here in PD, you'll see the term "PWD", as some of us though disabled, don't use chairs. "Wheeler" isn't going to bother anyone though, so feel free to use whatever term you like.
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Post by jalapeno on May 7, 2016 17:37:52 GMT -5
I don't know what my ideal mate looks like; but I do know she is kind, sweet, and understanding. She will like me for me, and she will see my disability as an extension of who I am, and not ALL that I am. My ideal mate would be my best friend, my partner, and my confidant with whom there is no topic off-limits. My ideal mate would trust me completly, and vice versa.
im kind of a hopeless romantic
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Post by Kela on May 7, 2016 19:37:17 GMT -5
It's a tough question in honesty, I don't really have an ideal look when it comes to a partner it mostly comes down to personality. If someone can accept me as someone who is not strong, overly outgoing and a person who needs help with certain tasks in the day then honestly as long as they aren't crazy, are kind enough and around my age then I would be more than happy. Also someone who knows that I would do everything I possibly can for them too.
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Post by Deleted on May 7, 2016 20:59:00 GMT -5
Strictly physical and I want to stress that this is just an idealistic description, of course open to negotiations.
I like tall! So much easier for her and comfortable for me when she's straddling my lap. Thin. This is purely aesthetic, just my type. Long, dark hair. I'm also a sucker for smaller boobs. Tattoos, glasses and a seductive smirk.
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Post by freya on May 7, 2016 21:00:30 GMT -5
I guess I ask because... well... being a devotee myself, I'm a little self-conscious of the fact that I'm SUPER tall (5'10" or 5'11" depending on my mood). Now, I love being tall, but I never have quite fit into the "dainty, tiny little devotee" category - a gal who comes along and hops on someone's lap and off we go, spinning wheels into the setting sun. No, for me, I always feel like I'd be crushing some guy with my weight/height. And I'd hate for this little hiccup to be a hindrance to dating someone when, again, I'M not really worried about my tall-ness, but what about PWDs? Wouldn't they prefer me to be smaller, thinner, etc.? Again, forgive me, these are just thoughts coming onto paper as quickly as they enter my brain. GREAT post! "Spinning wheels into the setting sun"... I almost died laughing! I feel the same exact way. I'm 5'8", which is still pretty tall for a chick, and I always feel like an Amazon compared to most people. Funny thing is, most of the guy I date seem to be over 6', including guys in wheelchairs (not saying shorter guys don't have a chance, it just seems to always work out that way  ) I still consider them tall, even if they don't. I figure, just 'cuz you "sit down a lot" doesn't take away your actual height. *shrug* Anyway, I'm interested to hear what the guys have to say.  |
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Post by Dee Dee on May 7, 2016 21:31:13 GMT -5
By the way, I still feel a bit weird about using the term "wheelers;" maybe it's because I'm new, but just wanted to make sure that's alright. I feel I've always overly compensated for my dev-ness by being apologetic because really, how were any of us devs to know anything about courtesy until the Internet came along and doors like PD were opened? I never, in no way, not ever, will I objectify anyone with a disability. Okay, okay, I'm shutting up now. I will probably "talk too much" at first only because I'm so excited to have discovered a community. It´s perfectly okay to say "wheeler". We´ve said it here for years. Technically, "wheeler" doesn´t define every guy with a disability but in practice it kind of does here. If you look back at older threads, you will meet the word all the time. Personally, I´m not a fan of the very boring, politically correct PWD. "Wheeler" sounds much better and IMHO is sexier too. |
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guyonwheels19
Junior Member
VIMIC / GOJIRA / Scar The Martyr
Posts: 55 
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by guyonwheels19 on May 7, 2016 21:42:36 GMT -5
age is importent, she would firstlly have to be near my age. also has to be affectionate, loving and caring. not as importent, like metal music, nerdy, and hot to me.
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Post by Paradise on May 7, 2016 22:54:06 GMT -5
Ideally for me, I think there are the big three. Personality, intelligence, and interests. Body types change as we age. It might be as simple as a guy who prefers blondes, suddenly their girl dyes her hair brunette, so does that change the dynamic of the relationship? And humans age, we gain pounds, we get a few wrinkles, whatever. I'm not one to judge on physical appearances, because my body type certainly isn't the preferred type of most women. So, getting to the meat and potatoes. I like nerdy, bubbly, caring personalities, who can be goofy and quirky, yet can keep a level-head about things when it counts. Intelligence is a biggie. I'm not a socialite who goes to parties and chit-chats, but I do like to have meaningful conversations on a wide variety of topics with those I care about. Having someone to converse with is the whole reason for companionship, in my opinion. Interests: while I don't have to have someone who has all the same interests and hobbies as I do (that would be kind of weird, actually,) as long as the interests don't completely clash (like a guy who competes in barbecue brisket competitions probably would have some scuffles with a devout vegan,) all can be well. I like having my own space, and hope she would too, but I do want to share in at least some of our hobbies and interests. Maybe we learn a few things about those interests from each other, and build upon them. Or, if they're complimentary interests, maybe the two hobbies can be combined. I like to fish, but if she likes to hike, we can enjoy the same park. So for me, looks are relevant, sure, but they're not the reason for the relationship. I can see a flashy car go down the street, and say it looks good, but if I read that it doesn't have any features I want, or whatever, I won't buy it. Wow this is rambling. Rambling is perfectly fine! That's just the inner workings of the mind, processing through stuff. Rambling thoughts are the most honest! I appreciate the responses so far! I can see a similar theme developing. A combination of physical attributes, at least on some basic level, but more so it's the personality that wins you over. These are all awesome insights; thanks for contributing your thoughts. |
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 0:15:49 GMT -5
im kind of a hopeless romantic sniff..sniff..yeah |
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Post by Maurine on May 8, 2016 2:54:41 GMT -5
I'm very short and petite, which my bf considers a logistical advantage in certain activities. It sometimes used to bother me a bit that my height would inspire protective instincts in some men, and it annoys me when men want to help me with heavy luggage, which I'm able to handle on my own. I wouldn't change my height if I could, but I sometimes wish people would view me like they view taller people. I'm not weak or fragile or anything. I assist my bf with rather difficult transfers, and I like to surprise people by doing this.
However, if I were 20 cm taller and if he was 10 cm shorter, there would be other possibilities. I could easily carry him around and maybe visit completely inaccessible places with him.
When it comes to my preferences, looks do matter to me. There are several types I prefer, but they usually aren't the types of men that most women would be attracted to.
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§cαrL£t
Full Member
Posts: 143
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by §cαrL£t on May 8, 2016 3:24:47 GMT -5
The height/size thing fascinates me. I'm sure many would assume that a wheeler would have a Napoleon Complex, though us devs know better. My guess would be that you guys are used to being shorter than women when you're in your chairs (and that you're mostly fine with it). But in other situations-- say, lying next to each other in bed or sitting together on the sofa or even lending her something to wear--do you enjoy dominating her in size (if you do) or wish you did (if you don't)?
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Post by freya on May 8, 2016 6:44:58 GMT -5
age is importent, she would firstlly have to be near my age. also has to be affectionate, loving and caring. not as importent, like metal music, nerdy, and hot to me. Nerdy metal chicks for the win! |
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Post by Hopper on May 8, 2016 9:03:46 GMT -5
A young Kate Bush! Nah, in a dream world my ideal girl would be the following. Short Sweet-natured Kooky Creative Kinky......maybe just a little.  Oh and this is totally dreamworld exclusive given how it's up to her what she wears, but she would choose to exclusively wear maxi skirts/dress to give her an enchanting, floaty appearance. OK, that's enough dreaming Hopper, play the kick and wake up. |
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, I want to know what you've imagined as your "dream girl/guy." 
) I still consider them tall, even if they don't. I figure, just 'cuz you "sit down a lot" doesn't take away your actual height. *shrug* 
