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Post by nordic on Jul 31, 2017 12:45:06 GMT -5
You make a good point about letting our guys take the lead in handling things...not only because you and I are less eloquent (lol) at dealing with conflict, but also because if significant others in general jump in first, we run the risk of showing that our bf's can't stick up for themselves. You're already dealing with someone who has some sort of stereotype or ignorance of PWD's. Better to not reinforce anymore misconceptions. Backing up or supporting our guys: for sure. But I think it makes a better impact for them to act first. I think it has been discussed before. But that's an important point in my opinion. I personally get easily annoyed by people causing a scene on my behalf. Of course it's a different story if someone who's with me feels rubbed the wrong way themselves. But sometimes I'm simply not in the mood to educate or insult. Then I don't want others to start a fight on my behalf and drag me into it. It's just a really strange and condescending thing to do. Also telling me that I should get angry at someone - I prefer people letting me be the judge of who's worthy of my rage.
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Post by matisse on Jul 31, 2017 14:00:11 GMT -5
@happened to me at an oil change place, they did my inspection but ran it on the wrong VIN number. So I went back and one of the guys basically said I was lying even though I was like... Dude just look in the system and you'll see. He refused to look and was super aggressive with me, I got sassy and was arguing with him, one dude threatened to kick me out, then all of a sudden this other dude looked in the system and realized I was right. He felt so bad but by that point I was balling my eyes out and just got in my car and left. You being a woman is one of the main reasons this happened to you. My wife has had similar issues with men initially, until they just accept the fact that she's just smarter than they are.
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Post by matisse on Jul 31, 2017 14:19:48 GMT -5
I appreciated your story about your dad, thank you for sharing that. It's similar to mine, and I can see what you mean about not necessarily thinking they are inferior but knowing you could use that as a jab. It would hurt most people, just insert their job instead of receptionist. It's not because they necessarily believe their job is inherently inferior (or at least not solely because of that), it's because most people can work harder to get to the next level but refuse to do so. It hurts because they KNOW they can be better than they are. This also goes back to my tax rants. I am in favor of progressive tax rates and believe it's necessary for me to pay a higher marginal rate...but only with respect to those who are working as hard as I have. Why should I be carrying people who, instead of improving themselves, choose to lounge on the couch with their cheetos and Apprentice reruns? And my disability has amplified this to the point that I am not even sure I would have this attitude if I was not disabled. The shit I've had to go through just for the pleasure of working my ass off, which literally wore me out healthwise. I've said before I would be a terrible motivational speaker because instead of just having people feel better about themselves because at least they are not crippled, I would berate them for failing to go out and bust their ass like I did. People don't want to hear that, they just want their cheetos.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2017 20:05:28 GMT -5
I'm late to the party and haven't read the whole thread, but I'm actually a little bit surprised. I know the stereotypes and there are definitely some dense people out there but I don't know that I've ever gotten that reaction. I'll get asked if I work and the occasional "good for you" but never a gasp or such surprise. I hate that people still think that way, though. People suck.
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Post by newjess on Aug 1, 2017 21:24:08 GMT -5
vegmama it always makes me feel better t know I'm not the only one that gets super weird and flustered when people are aggressive towards me I have many strengths... That is not one of them lol. Now if a person is just being kind of unpleasant, etc... I generally do fine there. It's when it's full on aggression, blatant disrespect and/or unprovoked that I just get really thrown off. Maybe because I'm so NOT that way, I just don't have the instincts to handle it well. Also my emotions are just very strong and I feel other people's emotions too... Definite empath here lol. I LOVE your point about letting our PWD guys speak for themselves and/or handle people who are being rude. We love our partners so much that we want to protect them and defend them, but this is a situation where it could serve to actually change how someone views PWDs. On the flip side, I love being with a guy who let's me fight my own battles too without telling me what to do or speaking for me lol. Not every guy I've dated has been like that, but I'm glad to say I'm lucky to have that now. Though, like mentioned earlier, there are definitely times I WANT him to take the wheel (pun intended) because I just can't (no eloquence, like you said lol) and am going to get emotional lol. In both cases, like you said, it's important to back our partners up but also important to allow them space to handle situations the way they want to instead of immedietly jumping in and taking control. Especially so for PWDs since that is the very thing where people usually have the completely wrong idea (not seeing PWDs as independent, etc).
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Post by Hopper on Aug 2, 2017 3:27:44 GMT -5
Like Jess, I'm rather easy to fluster, but instead of getting afraid and tearful, that's when the anger comes out and if you're someone like me who bottles up their emotions then, oh boy are you in for a nasty ride.
The scariest part about that though is the lack of control I have over that. Lately it seems that it doesn't really take a lot to tick me off either. It's a major concern and deep down, why I'm glad I'm single. I'd just hate to put a partner through that ugly side of me that I'd rather not let anyone see, because like I said, it's just terrifying to think that as a fairly relaxed and pleasant guy that I have all that built up inside.
Anyway, I don't want to derail the thread so I'll get back on topic.
The reaction I've gotten from people that know me about me being in work has been fairly positive. And I don't mean that in a 'Wow, good for you buddy!' kind of way but a level of respect and understanding about what I do and who for.
Working within the fields of Education and Disability rights is something that feels natural given that I have the experience of being a disabled kid in a mainstream school and I've worked with them too over the years. Having seen the same thing from multiple angles is a huge plus, not just for me but for employers too.
As we all know, experience is key in the workplace and some of us have experiences that are so unique and valuable that employers and colleagues would be silly to scoff at them.
Right, I think I may have gone off on a tangent there.
Apologies.
Carry on.
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Post by elbs on Aug 8, 2017 14:22:15 GMT -5
Just like to mention that I finally have my first actual paying job... as a receptionist...
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