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Post by matisse on Feb 17, 2018 6:29:34 GMT -5
Go to a pub, go to where people are. Especially where people and alcohol are. I don't even try any more, I am getting too old an boring. However I go and see my cousins band play in my town every 6 weeks or so. 3 times in the last year I have had girls do the "Pash and dash". The last time was funny, as she jumped on my lap, stuck her tongue down my throat, then jumped up and as she was about 20 feet from me yelled "call me!" I am sure I sounded pathetic as I yelled back "but I don't know your number" I have seen her before, but have no idea of her name, and I have not seen her since. what does "pash" mean? I guess I'm really old because I would have been freaked out about her moving my joystick or getting me sick. However, a lap dance would have been fine if she had a nice butt and wasn't a chafer or super bouncy girl.
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Post by doe on Feb 17, 2018 7:54:26 GMT -5
Go to a pub, go to where people are. Especially where people and alcohol are. I don't even try any more, I am getting too old an boring. However I go and see my cousins band play in my town every 6 weeks or so. 3 times in the last year I have had girls do the "Pash and dash". The last time was funny, as she jumped on my lap, stuck her tongue down my throat, then jumped up and as she was about 20 feet from me yelled "call me!" I am sure I sounded pathetic as I yelled back "but I don't know your number" I have seen her before, but have no idea of her name, and I have not seen her since. what does "pash" mean? I guess I'm really old because I would have been freaked out about her moving my joystick or getting me sick. However, a lap dance would have been fine if she had a nice butt and wasn't a chafer or super bouncy girl. Pash is Aussie slang for kiss, aka "snog" or "suck face".
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Post by missparkle on Feb 17, 2018 18:38:55 GMT -5
lisa , I don't think you should have a guilty conscience for not telling them. They don't tell you about their sexual desires, either. As an analogy: I don't expect other women to tell me that they are lesbians. If I have antennas for that, I will find out by myself but it's not their responsibility to bring it up. Nor would I have the right to feel betrayed or something because they didn't tell me. As long as you have a normal friendly relationship with them and you don't cross any lines, your sexuality is your personal thing. mona, I don't agree with this. You can not compare it to being homosexual or any similar purely sexual thing. Every decent human being would control that (if there is something to control) and would never cross any line. But we want more. "You want a wheeler in your life". And you don't want it sexually and I can get that, 100%, I am the same. But you want to be friends EXACTLY because of your devness. Not because you have same outlook on life, you align like persons, you have similar jobs, hobbies, interests... No, you want him exactly because he is a wheeler, at least for a start. ( lucretia and her doors) You want to be around, you want to hang out, to be close, you want to know his feelings, you want to know stories about now and about "before"... And therefore, he has the right to know! I think we have to be honest about it, both to ourselves and to the others!
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Post by lucretia on Feb 17, 2018 21:22:00 GMT -5
I don't think you're on the right track by saying a person needs to know exactly why you want them in your life, if they're not a life partner.
I have a lot of people around me and in my life for a huge variety of reasons, but each of those reasons are because of something they bring to the relationship.
I have this truly adorable friend who's funny and quirky and strong and has the most amazing fashion sense. If I told her I like having her around for all the reasons I do, I'd probably creep her out. We're not very close friends, I just really like her for a lot of reasons.
Even my closest friends and I don't sit around expressing all the reasons we want to be in their lives and vice versa.
I don't think, even if you are actually masturbating to thoughts of them on the regular, that you "owe" anyone explicit reasons why you like them or want to be in their social circle.
I can't think of a single person, outside of romantic relationships, who has ever sat me down to explain their kinks and/or predilections.
Maybe I'm just old, but I don't know anyone who has.
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Post by mona on Feb 18, 2018 8:47:33 GMT -5
lisa , I don't think you should have a guilty conscience for not telling them. They don't tell you about their sexual desires, either. As an analogy: I don't expect other women to tell me that they are lesbians. If I have antennas for that, I will find out by myself but it's not their responsibility to bring it up. Nor would I have the right to feel betrayed or something because they didn't tell me. As long as you have a normal friendly relationship with them and you don't cross any lines, your sexuality is your personal thing. mona, I don't agree with this. You can not compare it to being homosexual or any similar purely sexual thing. Every decent human being would control that (if there is something to control) and would never cross any line. But we want more. "You want a wheeler in your life". And you don't want it sexually and I can get that, 100%, I am the same. But you want to be friends EXACTLY because of your devness. Not because you have same outlook on life, you align like persons, you have similar jobs, hobbies, interests... No, you want him exactly because he is a wheeler, at least for a start. ( lucretia and her doors) You want to be around, you want to hang out, to be close, you want to know his feelings, you want to know stories about now and about "before"... And therefore, he has the right to know! I think we have to be honest about it, both to ourselves and to the others! Please read also the last paragraph of my post that you haven't quoted, missparkle. The part you quoted refers to Lisa's situation. I also think we have to be honest about it. But that doesn't mean we have to tell every pwd who happens to be somehow related to us about our devness. It's not a contagious desease. EDIT:Sorry if I sound brief here. And please don't interprete it as harshness. But I didn't want to repeat what I already wrote in the posts above.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2018 14:45:25 GMT -5
I don't think a dev needs to tell a PWD right away that she/he is a dev. It depends on the situation and circumstances of their interaction or connection. I would imagine that in meeting a PWD and connecting over whatever it is, a casual connection could happen and then I just go from there. I don't think I need to walk around telling every PWD that I am a dev. I feel the disclosure of being a dev is so intimate, private, and personal, it would possibly take a long time to actually tell a PWD with whom one is just friends. It is not something explained very factual, it goes so much deeper for some and is more of an emotion, attraction, or fetish than just a fact. It also depends on the PWD. In a romantic relationship with a PWD of course it is different. Then the topic "dev" should probably come up sooner than later. Just as an example for me right now is the situation I have at the gym where I see this attractive wheeler and I can't get enough of it. In an ideal world we would connect more personal eventually and he would already know that devs exist. But on the other hand he may have no idea and it may totally freak him out if he would find out why I'm checking him out and why I think he is awesome. When I told my friends the other day that I smiled at him and he didn't smile back, my friend said, he may think it was a pity smile.. He may also be a guy I wouldn't even click with if I would get to know him more and again, I may not reveal I'm a dev then. He may be super nice and open minded and we would talk about other things and I would get to know him more and maybe could eventually open up about the world of devs. It may still freak him out and he would be gone or he would be interested and would want to know more. If in the very fantastic scenario where we would connect in romantic ways, then I probably would try to reveal that I'm a dev early on. I guess the whole "opening up about being a dev" is not very easy, it could go very wrong and it could go right. It is difficult to know the right timing but I think here on PD we have always agreed that if it is a romantic relationship the earlier, the better. When I interact or see PWD my question is always "I wonder if he knows about devs?" and not even so much for myself but just the fact to let PWD know we exist and we are not all creeps and perverts and that it's a good thing. But that's me in my fantasy world and in reality it so much more complicated.
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el_steveo
Junior Member
Posts: 71
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by el_steveo on Feb 18, 2018 17:25:33 GMT -5
I don't think a dev needs to tell a PWD right away that she/he is a dev. It depends on the situation and circumstances of their interaction or connection. I would imagine that in meeting a PWD and connecting over whatever it is, a casual connection could happen and then I just go from there. I don't think I need to walk around telling every PWD that I am a dev. I feel the disclosure of being a dev is so intimate, private, and personal, it would possibly take a long time to actually tell a PWD with whom one is just friends. It is not something explained very factual, it goes so much deeper for some and is more of an emotion, attraction, or fetish than just a fact. It also depends on the PWD. In a romantic relationship with a PWD of course it is different. Then the topic "dev" should probably come up sooner than later. Just as an example for me right now is the situation I have at the gym where I see this attractive wheeler and I can't get enough of it. In an ideal world we would connect more personal eventually and he would already know that devs exist. But on the other hand he may have no idea and it may totally freak him out if he would find out why I'm checking him out and why I think he is awesome. When I told my friends the other day that I smiled at him and he didn't smile back, my friend said, he may think it was a pity smile.. He may also be a guy I wouldn't even click with if I would get to know him more and again, I may not reveal I'm a dev then. He may be super nice and open minded and we would talk about other things and I would get to know him more and maybe could eventually open up about the world of devs. It may still freak him out and he would be gone or he would be interested and would want to know more. If in the very fantastic scenario where we would connect in romantic ways, then I probably would try to reveal that I'm a dev early on. I guess the whole "opening up about being a dev" is not very easy, it could go very wrong and it could go right. It is difficult to know the right timing but I think here on PD we have always agreed that if it is a romantic relationship the earlier, the better. When I interact or see PWD my question is always "I wonder if he knows about devs?" and not even so much for myself but just the fact to let PWD know we exist and we are not all creeps and perverts and that it's a good thing. But that's me in my fantasy world and in reality it so much more complicated. why is there a need to tell someone your a dev? can't you just tell him you have a soft spot for disabled guys in your heart?
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 19, 2018 3:24:59 GMT -5
el_steveo I think you misunderstood, I have no need to say either of those things. I was just explaining how I see it.
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Post by matisse on Feb 19, 2018 3:56:28 GMT -5
I can't think of a single person, outside of romantic relationships, who has ever sat me down to explain their kinks and/or predilections. Maybe I'm just old, but I don't know anyone who has. Maybe I'm not understanding you right, but none of your friends have talked to you about their kinks? Pretty much anyone of my friends knows that I love nice butts. And more butts. Maybe butts are too normal and not enough of a kink? Even everyone here and on WC knows about my love of butts. On a related note, one of my long time girl-friends told me about her love of the penis. She loves to give blow jobs. BJs are not really my thing unless it's a 69, but we're sitting at a Starbucks and she's telling me about this.
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Post by matisse on Feb 19, 2018 4:00:04 GMT -5
I don't think a dev needs to tell a PWD right away that she/he is a dev. It depends on the situation and circumstances of their interaction or connection. I would imagine that in meeting a PWD and connecting over whatever it is, a casual connection could happen and then I just go from there. I don't think I need to walk around telling every PWD that I am a dev. I feel the disclosure of being a dev is so intimate, private, and personal, it would possibly take a long time to actually tell a PWD with whom one is just friends. It is not something explained very factual, it goes so much deeper for some and is more of an emotion, attraction, or fetish than just a fact. It also depends on the PWD. In a romantic relationship with a PWD of course it is different. Then the topic "dev" should probably come up sooner than later. Just as an example for me right now is the situation I have at the gym where I see this attractive wheeler and I can't get enough of it. In an ideal world we would connect more personal eventually and he would already know that devs exist. But on the other hand he may have no idea and it may totally freak him out if he would find out why I'm checking him out and why I think he is awesome. When I told my friends the other day that I smiled at him and he didn't smile back, my friend said, he may think it was a pity smile.. He may also be a guy I wouldn't even click with if I would get to know him more and again, I may not reveal I'm a dev then. He may be super nice and open minded and we would talk about other things and I would get to know him more and maybe could eventually open up about the world of devs. It may still freak him out and he would be gone or he would be interested and would want to know more. If in the very fantastic scenario where we would connect in romantic ways, then I probably would try to reveal that I'm a dev early on. I guess the whole "opening up about being a dev" is not very easy, it could go very wrong and it could go right. It is difficult to know the right timing but I think here on PD we have always agreed that if it is a romantic relationship the earlier, the better. When I interact or see PWD my question is always "I wonder if he knows about devs?" and not even so much for myself but just the fact to let PWD know we exist and we are not all creeps and perverts and that it's a good thing. But that's me in my fantasy world and in reality it so much more complicated. why is there a need to tell someone your a dev? can't you just tell him you have a soft spot for disabled guys in your heart? Guys can probably hide it forever, but for girls there is some sort of a need at some point. It's kind of the inverse of "love me for me," it gets wrapped up with all the guilt stuff about getting wet when they see you transfer and get hot from your skinny legs.
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Post by lucretia on Feb 19, 2018 9:28:51 GMT -5
I can't think of a single person, outside of romantic relationships, who has ever sat me down to explain their kinks and/or predilections. Maybe I'm just old, but I don't know anyone who has. Maybe I'm not understanding you right, but none of your friends have talked to you about their kinks? Pretty much anyone of my friends knows that I love nice butts. And more butts. Maybe butts are too normal and not enough of a kink? Even everyone here and on WC knows about my love of butts. On a related note, one of my long time girl-friends told me about her love of the penis. She loves to give blow jobs. BJs are not really my thing unless it's a 69, but we're sitting at a Starbucks and she's telling me about this. Of course we have, but not as an explanation of our friendship. What missparkle is suggesting is that we "owe" our friends detailed information on our sexual interests as a condition of friendship. That is far, far different than a mutual sharing of interest in the form of spontaneous conversation. Until I started my current, "grown-up" job in a conservative hospital setting, most of my friends and co-workers knew about PD and devs and my interests. However, my current work place is not the kind of job where we share that kind of personal information. *shrug* It definitely depends on the setting and context. I don't actually have any more close PWD friends. My best one died a couple of years ago 😢 and I have not spent any energy since his passing in pursuing any more PWD relationships. But, if I did, I certainly don't "owe" them a tour of my dev interests as a condition of being their friend.
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devine
Full Member
Posts: 121
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by devine on Feb 19, 2018 10:44:44 GMT -5
Maybe I'm not understanding you right, but none of your friends have talked to you about their kinks? Pretty much anyone of my friends knows that I love nice butts. And more butts. Maybe butts are too normal and not enough of a kink? Even everyone here and on WC knows about my love of butts. On a related note, one of my long time girl-friends told me about her love of the penis. She loves to give blow jobs. BJs are not really my thing unless it's a 69, but we're sitting at a Starbucks and she's telling me about this. Of course we have, but not as an explanation of our friendship. What missparkle is suggesting is that we "owe" our friends detailed information on our sexual interests as a condition of friendship. That is far, far different than a mutual sharing of interest in the form of spontaneous conversation. Until I started my current, "grown-up" job in a conservative hospital setting, most of my friends and co-workers knew about PD and devs and my interests. However, my current work place is not the kind of job where we share that kind of personal information. *shrug* It definitely depends on the setting and context. I don't actually have any more close PWD friends. My best one died a couple of years ago 😢 and I have not spent any energy since his passing in pursuing any more PWD relationships. But, if I did, I certainly don't "owe" them a tour of my dev interests as a condition of being their friend. I was eager to make a ton of PWD friends back in the days when I first discovered I was a dev. Of course, I was in a dev high back then. Since then, I did a lot of soul searching (and probably overanalyzing) and I find it kind of difficult to make new friends with PWDs. I wonder why that is and if you feel the same way?
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Post by lucretia on Feb 19, 2018 12:41:02 GMT -5
I've never had a "ton" of disabled friends. My work and non-dev interests (including being a single mom for 13 years LOL) left little time for any social life. I have met a few PWD out in the wild but no one who's interests aligned closely enough for a friendship, let alone romance. I have made a few disabled guy friends here. I met my husband here. I would say there are a small handful of people here I'd travel see. Only one guy I met NOT from PD is still in my life (not counting the PWD I know who I randomly see as patients or in the grocery store). I'd definitely travel to see that guy, but it's complicated. LOL Anyway, that's me. I live in rural VT, so...lots of hills and snow. Not a PWD Mecca. I don't have any urge to go out and find PWD friends. I joke with my kids and friends who know that being married to a PWD "cured" me of my devness. It's been an incredibly, unimaginably difficult journey. One I would never take again.
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Post by missparkle on Feb 19, 2018 16:34:28 GMT -5
What missparkle is suggesting is that we "owe" our friends detailed information on our sexual interests as a condition of friendship. No, lucretia, I have never said that we owe detailed information on our sexual interests. And exactly that is the point, the part of it that is not sexual! If we meet a pwd at our job, through our hobby, mutual interests, anything in common and mutual interests is what bonds us, we develop friendship like with any other person that is completely ok. But if we see a wheeler in public place and have a "need to make friends" with them, without nothing else we know about that person, but that is the only characteristic that we want to base our friendship on, don't you find it wrong to keep it away from them??? I do! Because actually what we want is to be part of that "disability world", to participate closely, through that person. That person is our ticket to "dev heaven". Do you think it is fair if they don't know? And I am not talking about sexual thing here. We all DO want and enjoy to discuss accessibility, medical issues, rights for disabled, social stigma, equipment, latest scientific researches for cure... If they don't know we are actually interested in disability, but think we are just polite and compassionate, isn't that deceiving?
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Post by missparkle on Feb 19, 2018 16:46:50 GMT -5
mona , I don't agree with this. You can not compare it to being homosexual or any similar purely sexual thing. Every decent human being would control that (if there is something to control) and would never cross any line. But we want more. "You want a wheeler in your life". And you don't want it sexually and I can get that, 100%, I am the same. But you want to be friends EXACTLY because of your devness. Not because you have same outlook on life, you align like persons, you have similar jobs, hobbies, interests... No, you want him exactly because he is a wheeler, at least for a start. ( lucretia and her doors) You want to be around, you want to hang out, to be close, you want to know his feelings, you want to know stories about now and about "before"... And therefore, he has the right to know! I think we have to be honest about it, both to ourselves and to the others! Please read also the last paragraph of my post that you haven't quoted, missparkle . The part you quoted refers to Lisa's situation. I also think we have to be honest about it. But that doesn't mean we have to tell every pwd who happens to be somehow related to us about our devness. It's not a contagious desease. EDIT:Sorry if I sound brief here. And please don't interprete it as harshness. But I didn't want to repeat what I already wrote in the posts above. No, mona it was not brief, you are just making yourself clear, we are cool. And yes, you are right, in the other part of the post you also said you would like to disclose, in your scenario. But I still do believe that sort of discomfort that both lisa and devine describe come EXACTLY from what I've said in the post above. We want to "use" that people to have a peek, better insight to disability world, which we so eagerly want to be part of our lives, too, somehow. And it feels wrong not letting them know what our motives are and what we are into.
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