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Post by infinatedreams on Jan 3, 2020 17:04:06 GMT -5
Just because women get a 'higher' message rate does not automatically equate to 'more opportunity', we end up in an argument about quantity v quality
How many of those messages are 'quality' I think not many, most will have one and only one end game in mind and it's not love or anything serious.
It was probably a man who coined the phrase 'you dont have to look at the mantle piece when poking the fire' or 'just sowing my wild oats' ... old phrases that still rung true a lot of the time, whether its genetic or social, possibly both, men are more inclined just to want to have sex with as many partners as possible, hence the deluge of messages women get, the opposite is true for most women
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Post by britishtetra on Jan 3, 2020 17:13:59 GMT -5
Believe it or not, at this present time I have a dating profile on Zoosk and on OkCupid. I have paid a subscription on Zoosk and I have been chatting to somebody for about three weeks, and it is going okay. I found OkCupid to be false, I answered over 150 questions to get matched with people, and I just didn’t see the point to it. It is like those tests on plenty of fish, that match you with somebody. Waste of time. I am at a point of life when if it happens it happens, I know that might seem like not get up and go attitude. But that’s me. For arguments sake, if two people are meant to be together, it will happen.
Pete
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Post by Green on Jan 3, 2020 17:44:25 GMT -5
This post may come off as harsh, but I hate to see my brothers struggling and sometimes it takes tough love to remedy these kinds of romantic situations. I think you're really reading into what I wrote, possibly based on your own experiences. I was racking my brain for about 20 minutes probably. I didn't spend much brain time on it besides the time she responded after ghosting me, because it didn't make sense (I like to solve mysteries, especially when they involve people). It wasn't a dating app, so the context is still different than what you're talking about. I don't even know what you mean by three weeks to sort it out. As general advice, what you wrote is fine. But it doesn't much apply to me. And no, my disability is not what I would call a "big deal" as hard as it might be to believe that it's actually true. It's a fact about me, but not important to me, if that makes sense. The reason I would make a thread like this is to see what other people thought about it if they've had similar experiences. I won't take for granted, though, that people will look at me differently, so it's more like I care about motivating people to pay attention to the right things about me rather than their perceived difficulties of even having a friendship with me. The fact that you suggested she would have ghosted on me anyway is I think a convenient way to blame oneself in order to explain what doesn't make sense. It would be easier to say it's my fault, in the same way some guys prefer to blame the woman. Anyway, what you wrote is more a story about yourself and how you overcame your issues. I appreciate the similarity of our experiences, but there are also differences here. I've actually come to realize, from how my own personality works and my values in life, I'm rarely the one making the major mistakes that need fixing. In fact, I have a tendency to self blame when I've done nothing wrong.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2020 16:16:54 GMT -5
@lakeman you are sure women have more choices and better prospects. But the crucial question is "For what?". If woman gets more contacted than a man, yes, I am sure that is the case. But have you ever considered for what reason? What are the real intentions of her "many options"? Are you sure all that wonderful crowd of men, in her inbox, is interested in deep, meaningful and prospective relationship? I believe it is deeply, genetically, somewhere in our nature, for men to try on as many places as possible (to impregnate) and for women to be picky (about potential future father of her children). And I don't really think it works different IRL and online. Except for ghosting IRL goes a little bit different. I am sure yes, but "for what?" That is a good question, and the logical next step in the discussion. For what is your burden as a woman to bear in all your relations with men. Fortunately or unfortunately, it's as nature intended as you so concisely explained. Men in general are trying to impregnate as many women as they can, and women are trying to secure a man with resources to be a good father and partner. And yes a lot of those men in her inbox and just trying to fuck. I agree with all of that. Picking a good man out of all those whom just wish to fornicate must be a tough task, and you ladies have my sympathy in that regard. I thought I made that clear in my previous posts, but if not please forgive me. I would only add that it's probably easier to determine each others intentions IRL instead of through online means, but the sexual dynamics of men and women are still will always be complicated. That of which I am sure.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2020 16:22:03 GMT -5
Green Okay that's totally fair. I apologize if I made any assumptions that were out of line. It was an opportunity to share some advice based on my experiences, and of those I have spent much time with discussing ideas in this same realm. I appreciate you expanding on it there, and I'm glad this isn't a situation that is weighing on you.
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Robbie
New Member
Newbie but not green
Posts: 19
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Robbie on Jan 23, 2020 0:13:38 GMT -5
For me, I've decided to put it up front because it's more difficult to suddenly be ignored than to never get an initial connection. I think those that would prevent something like that getting in the way of connecting to anyone usually aren't worth knowing anyway.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2020 17:48:44 GMT -5
For me, I've decided to put it up front because it's more difficult to suddenly be ignored than to never get an initial connection. I think those that would prevent something like that getting in the way of connecting to anyone usually aren't worth knowing anyway. That was exactly my thought also when I read the first post here. Everyone of my new contacts immediately gets served that I am sitting in a wheelchair. Should the person in question run then, this person can go to hell anyway. It' s really better to look for someone new. Even if it's frustrating at that moment.
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