Devotees/Women

[Deleted]

This is not aimed at anyone in particular... the other thread has already been hijacked with our discussions so I'm starting a new thread.

I think when devs challenge the beliefs of what some guys think a devotee is, it can get awkward as the guys realize how off they were with their assumptions.

For a lot of us it is not a "black and white" simple explanation and I think it can throw the guys off when we start talking all touchy/feely and about actual deep emotions on what devness means to us.

For lots of devs it is not as simple as "I'm attracted to disabled guys and want to get laid by them or get them laid".
So I suggest to take in what the women here write when we discuss these things and think a bit deeper about it. Maybe even metaphorically take that knowledge out into the dating world when you are looking for that partner.

Some women here including me have opened up very personal parts of ourselves in what being a dev means and that's why I feel it's best to just read it, think about it if you want, and take this information to heart.

Yes, there are devs who consider their devness purely sexual or a fetish but just remember that not every dev thinks like that, for some it is much more complicated and has been a difficult journey that should not be underestimated or belittled.

So when it comes to PD it's not only learning about devotees but also women in general I guess and so in a way this here is a gold mine for you guys as you can uncensored "listen" to women talk openly about very personal things that move them or the way they think about certain things. Maybe some of the things that get discussed here actually pop up when you are out there with potential partners as you date or flirt or f...
And I know some of the things can be confusing to men. Women are already complicated and when you add the "devotee" to it, it can be a lot more to deal with for sure.

My post in the other thread was referring to what one PWD said about this place being a " at the end of day a site to tap into a fetish" and I responded how I don't consider devness a fetish. I was then asked what I consider devness if not a fetish and I explained along with some other ladies who voiced their opinion.
I came to the conclusion to give this advice and I would just say to the guys: LISTEN and LEARN and DON'T ASSUME.

It seemed a bit odd with the "general explanation" post of devoteeism when we had just discussed how much and what it means to be a devotee for individuals.

For some of you I wish you find the less complicated devs, the one's who maybe do consider it mostly a sexual attraction but just remember we are far and in between being devs as it is and so don't assume all devs think and feel the same, there is no generalization of what a dev is or how a dev thinks.

✌❤

[blindLeap]

I hope you don't mind me chipping here, as I am not a devotee nor a woman, but veryrecent experiences just make this thread very relevant and I'm honestly glad you started it.
To elaborate, I was never in the "woooh sexy girls who wantme for my blindness" group, mainly because that's just not how I think in general. I however never knew just how ... far-reaching, and yet subtle at times, devness can be until I joined up here.
In my time here so far I've seen the myriad ways it can influence one's life, one's self image, one's view on so many different things. I've both seen it enrich as well as crush opportunities and I've seen up very close both the positives and negatives, especially lately. It's given me a lot to think about, but also a new appreciation to both the good and the bad I've seen in different ways and I can only hope that I have been, and will continue to be, a member here that at least tries to get it as much as I can from my perspective.

[Amee]

There's a lot of wisdom in what you're saying here Dani and I hope you didn't take my comments in the other thread as criticism, either.
All I was trying to say there, was that I think guys should be able to share their perspective and experiences on devs as well, as - to me at least - those can be interesting and valuable. Just like I would like to be able to share my thoughts and perspective on disability here as well.
That doesn't mean that a lot of guys wouldn't do well to take your advice. For a good dialogue to take place, you are of course right, that the first and most crucial step is to listen carefully and try to understand. Far too many of us humans have a tendency to skip that part

[Deleted]

I have previously dated a Dev... I don't think anyone really knows the true definition as everyone is unique. So all perspectives of what a Dev is or isn't are important to take onboard. I'm thankful for threads like this.

[missparkle]

Dani , thank you for making this thread and for all the things you explained so perfectly, I couldn't agree more. Devness has so many aspects, layers, peels, "The Survivor", "Wounded Warrior", "Beauty and the Beast", "Mother Teresa", that are intertwined through my whole being, that any simplification of it as "simple fetish" feels wrong.

I'll try to explain what it means sexually to me, this may come across a bit raw, but I don't know better, more powerful way to express how I feel.

With disabled guy, it was not once that I cried during climax, completely overwhelmed, shattered. And I know, for certain, I am not the only one here! I have never in my life experienced anything similar with ab guy. It is not only because of the look at "hot AF" skinny legs, floppy belly, cool transfer or common belief that para's tongue is more capable of miracles than ab guy's. There are ab guys who are great lovers too, who took their time and effort to learn a thing or two of women's sexuality.

But there is one thing no ab guy can do for me. Only cock of disabled man is big enough to poke my brain so deeply. To woke up that all-consuming, overwhelming feeling in me, how something broken is yet capable of amazing, beautiful things, on its alternative, unique ways. But the question is, are you ready to go that deep, that I fall to pieces, cry "over your misfortune" while you're giving me f..k of my life?

[robbb]

A great opening post Dani with some very insightful thoughts and advice.

Also blindLeap and @cerebralpalsyguy I think you get what is being said.

Men and women are undoubtedly very different creatures and that certainly causes issues in relationships. In particular the female emotional vs male physical attitude to love and sex. I suppose as always the answer is seeking to understand, tolerate and allow for the differences. That works both ways. While undoubtedly men have much to learn about women that learning is not a one way street.

So while I absolutely agree that men can learn a lot from these boards I also agree with Amee that the men should be able to express their point of view so that the women can learn too.

R.

[kat]

I totally agree that PD provides a great opportunity to learn about the diversity amongst devs, and that being a dev can be a much deeper experience than a quick definition of the word would suggest (and Dani, I think you've been awesome at bringing this out on the board).

However, I'd also like to point out that the sample of active devs on this board tends to skew towards one type of dev. The devs for whom devness is a simpler thing (I would sort of consider myself one of them) are a lot less likely to participate in deep, meaningful conversations about the nuances and complexities of their devness, so we don't get to hear their views as much. But now that I think of it, this is basically just my version of saying the exact same thing as you, which boils down to "all devs are different."

[Deleted]

Dec 18, 2019 7:52:52 GMT -5 kat said:

I totally agree that PD provides a great opportunity to learn about the diversity amongst devs, and that being a dev can be a much deeper experience than a quick definition of the word would suggest (and Dani, I think you've been awesome at bringing this out on the board).

However, I'd also like to point out that the sample of active devs on this board tends to skew towards one type of dev. The devs for whom devness is a simpler thing (I would sort of consider myself one of them) are a lot less likely to participate in deep, meaningful conversations about the nuances and complexities of their devness, so we don't get to hear their views as much. But now that I think of it, this is basically just my version of saying the exact same thing as you, which boils down to "all devs are different."

Totally get that Kat, because I know for some devs it is not as complicated. That is why I made sure to write "some" or "not all" in my OP.
And I totally mean that what I wrote last that for some guys I hope they find that less complicated dev/woman because that is all they need in this time of their life.
I know there are devs who look at my post and probably roll eyes as to my elaborations and such but that is just my personal thought process, definitely not a generalization of how all devs think or should think.
And sometimes I wish it would not be as complicated and easier to explain what it means.

[Deleted]

Dec 18, 2019 4:26:37 GMT -5 Amee said:

There's a lot of wisdom in what you're saying here Dani and I hope you didn't take my comments in the other thread as criticism, either.
All I was trying to say there, was that I think guys should be able to share their perspective and experiences on devs as well, as - to me at least - those can be interesting and valuable. Just like I would like to be able to share my thoughts and perspective on disability here as well.
That doesn't mean that a lot of guys wouldn't do well to take your advice. For a good dialogue to take place, you are of course right, that the first and most crucial step is to listen carefully and try to understand. Far too many of us humans have a tendency to skip that part

Totally no worries Amee. I completely agree with what you are saying. Of course we have to exchange views from both sides to have interesting discussions and to learn about each other.
This post was mostly prompted at what went down in the other thread at first and then because sometimes I think some guys tend to assume about devs and when it turns out that there is more to it than what meets the eye, the guys get a bit confused or simply just disappear, which is always strange to me, almost like they think "Oh shit, those devs have feelings - I'm out of here".
So again, totally cool with what you wrote, I love that you are here.

[Deleted]

Dec 18, 2019 6:50:12 GMT -5 robbb said:

A great opening post Dani with some very insightful thoughts and advice.

Also blindLeap and @cerebralpalsyguy I think you get what is being said.

Men and women are undoubtedly very different creatures and that certainly causes issues in relationships. In particular the female emotional vs male physical attitude to love and sex. I suppose as always the answer is seeking to understand, tolerate and allow for the differences. That works both ways. While undoubtedly men have much to learn about women that learning is not a one way street.

So while I absolutely agree that men can learn a lot from these boards I also agree with Amee that the men should be able to express their point of view so that the women can learn too.

R.

Yes, totally agree robb...and I was actually thinking about how to include the gay devs in my OP but since it was more about the female devs and women in general I didn't think it was needed.
Thanks for your support!

[Deleted]

missparkle
thanks for your input with definitely some interesting and thought provoking material, especially for the guys I think.
It shows what devness can do for some and how powerful it could be in certain situations, sometimes positive and sometimes negative.

[Braced4Impact]

That's what I said

[missparkle]

Dec 18, 2019 10:07:07 GMT -5 Dani said:

... for some guys I hope they find that less complicated dev/woman because that is all they need in this time of their life...

I can SO relate to this, Dani, you are my idol! I was thinking about that, too. For "complicated version" it is not enough that guy is disabled, comes with preferred many other personal traits, but we also expect them to deal with their disability AND our devness in preferred manner, psychologically, emotionally, socially. Not a simple task! LOL

Now, poor guys think: ok, not enough that this strange creatures women totally confuse me, but this dev thing is even more confusing and now it turns out that even among them there are simple and complicated ones! LOL

Guys, go for a "simple version", journey will be smoother! Yet, there is this saying: "Real man is big game hunter!"

[brinzerdecalli]

I'm sorry if I said anything that offended anyone. I'm happy to just listen to anyone in person, but just on forums, I feel compelled to type something, otherwise, I don't feel like I am even on here. I do really hope that you, Dani , and everyone in the previous threads understand I said nothing assuming that a dev is not dynamic and individual.

I was not the one who said "at the end of day a site to tap into a fetish" but I did ask "what [you] consider devness if not a fetish". A sincere curiosity, being someone involved in fetish/kink communities and a lot of the things of why devs are not fetishes or don't like the word devotee are shared among many fetish communities about the word fetish for what they feel. I was trying to understand what word is more appropriate while not allowing people to assume or dismiss the dynamics and depth of a fetish community, and perhaps take this understanding to the way I speak about and in those communities as well.

[robbb]

Just to add that I absolutely do not accept that my devoteeism is a fetish.

Given that there is no attraction to a specific item and there is so much more to it than the actual disability I do not believe it fits the definition...


"FETISH

A form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc."


I consider it an orientation and am happy to accept the argument that it is an attraction.

R.