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Post by irishclaire on May 10, 2009 12:57:49 GMT -5
It would be interesting to know. Of course I'd never ask my mum...that's just weird lol if we were close I could. But no.
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annie
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Post by annie on May 10, 2009 13:17:17 GMT -5
I go through phases where I want those I am close to to know, and then there are other times where I can't imagine telling anyone. Other than this board I have told no one. I feel like the people I date have more of a right to know than family. I agree that I wouldn't want to know my family's sexual kinks, so I certainly don't want them to know mine.
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Post by problemlover223 on May 10, 2009 19:21:35 GMT -5
U know it's weird with friends too. My CLOSEST friends know if there's two cute guys and ,one's in a chair, I'm prolly going to pick the one in the chair. That's ok with them. No prob. They actually agree with my theory on why I like guys in chairs. We can talk it over drinks for a min or two but it's never a "deep" issue. Just a topic over drinks. When I did hav relationships everything changed. A lot. From our friendship to how they acted when we were all together. And for diff reasons too. One thought it was wrong of me to have someone develop real feelings for me and not b 100% honest about being a dev. Another one just thought it was just too much emmotional baggage and felt I was grown up enough not to get in a rel with someone with a dis. And the other one had NO prob at all. In retrospect if I had to do it all over I wouldnt tell anyone. AT ALL. But then again I might have missed out onrel that good or bad made me who I am today. i guess it's like with ev in life...you just need to pick wisely who u tell ur secrets to.
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Post by vonvon13 on May 10, 2009 20:27:43 GMT -5
To me us Dev's are like everyone else.....What is the difference in someone only dating a blond with blues eyes. Or someone who has an obsession with Redheads?
Dev's tend to get looked down on either side of the fence.
Some of my wheeler friends won't even go there with me on that subject. Or they want me to try and explain it. Sometimes that is even hard to even do. I try and explain the best way I can.
The only time I got hurt by being dev is when my first love (my first everything) told me I was freak. (He is t-12 incomplete.) The only thing I said back to him was. You must have enjoyed this FREAK! LMAO!!!!! ;D That was so many moons ago. Almost 10 years....
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annie
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Post by annie on May 10, 2009 20:43:55 GMT -5
The only time I got hurt by being dev is when my first love (my first everything) told me I was freak. (He is t-12 incomplete.) The only thing I said back to him was. You must have enjoyed this FREAK! LMAO!!!!! ;D That was so many moons ago. Almost 10 years.... That is exactly what I am afraid of. I feel like it is a fact a BF should know, but also it is something that could potentially ruin a relationship. Sigh. |
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Post by vonvon13 on May 10, 2009 21:25:37 GMT -5
The only time I got hurt by being dev is when my first love (my first everything) told me I was freak. (He is t-12 incomplete.) The only thing I said back to him was. You must have enjoyed this FREAK! LMAO!!!!! ;D That was so many moons ago. Almost 10 years.... That is exactly what I am afraid of. I feel like it is a fact a BF should know, but also it is something that could potentially ruin a relationship. Sigh. Not all wheeler's are that way. I was his first since his accident. Personally, I think he wanted to see if he was still the "man". He used those words i love you and I was his. I was young. Just like all of dev's are not the same....There are some really freaky ones out there. Hell, they even scare me and much doesn't scare me. Don't be scared hon. Love can be a beautiful thing. You need one who is open minded. But, being honest with him is a good thing. If he rolls away from you then it just wasn't meant to be.  |
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Post by vonvon13 on May 12, 2009 1:02:14 GMT -5
Hey. yeah. telling people is really hard. I've told a handful of people. the first being my BF when I was 14. she just laughed. I told my mom when I was 17, at new years. she was very patient- but that's the kind of mother I have, I know not everyone does. She sat there trying to figure out with me why I liked guys like that. Was it my low self esteem? - I found it hard to date when I was younger-well, actually I've never been good at dating? haha! Was it because it would make me feel superior over them, i.e them not being able to walk - Hell no! I like my man to be a man. Is it because Or because I like to be in control - everyone likes a little control sometimes, but not all the time. otherwise you're surrounded by yes-men. And other stuff like that. But I think shes forgotten now? the rest of my family, I feel doesn't need to know. So i'm not worried. I've told two other BF's in the past 6 years. they were fine with it. but I guess it doesn't really matter to them. because we don't know anyone in a chair, and I've never dated anyone in one., most that's happened is talked to a few customers like that. And now I'm married. Finally told my, now, husband last year. That was hard. He just thought it was weird. But not disgusting-not that I go into details or anything! I think now, I'm the only one who is still uncomfortable with it? I have fought with myself more than I have anyone else. I have gone a long time without having anything to do with that part of me. I decided this is who I am. I have stop fighting myself. Ppl are going to judge you no matter what or who you are. Just love yourself. Everything else will be ok.  |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on May 12, 2009 6:25:38 GMT -5
Hey Bananas,
I've told my mother too. And my sister. They know, they remember and what my mom said about it was (I was telling her about this thread and apparently being the only person who's discusses such stuff with my mom.... welcome, bananas! ;D) "I don't mind hearing the casual stuff. As long as it's not details."
I love my mom.
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me
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Post by me on May 12, 2009 8:49:00 GMT -5
In a word no. they'd freak out if they knew I was attracted to someone with a disability or that I'd had relationships with people with disabilities. Which is kind of odd considering several family members have a disability, but they are not exactly open minded and we're not close.
My current AB OH knows I've dated and am attracted to disabled guys and thinks I'm very open minded. A few of my friends know and think the same as my OH.
But would I tell them that I'm a dev, no.
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Post by Valkyrja on May 12, 2009 18:37:15 GMT -5
Being a Dev isn´t the same to be attracted to disabled guys?
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Post by BA on May 12, 2009 19:15:39 GMT -5
Both my parents are deceased but when they were alive, my sexual life and preferences were off limits for discussion. They saw me date guys in chairs and guys not in chairs. I am sure they knew it was NOT coincidental that I dated more than one wheeler, but it was never discussed. I think certain things are just sacred and that was one of them.
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Post by vonvon13 on May 12, 2009 23:12:49 GMT -5
Hey Bananas, I've told my mother too. And my sister. They know, they remember and what my mom said about it was (I was telling her about this thread and apparently being the only person who's discusses such stuff with my mom.... welcome, bananas! ;D) "I don't mind hearing the casual stuff. As long as it's not details." I love my mom. Well, I asked my mother if she knew what devotee was. She said, yes and I think that is horrible thing....I knew then I better keep my damn mouth shut.  |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on May 12, 2009 23:42:49 GMT -5
Hey Bananas, I've told my mother too. And my sister. They know, they remember and what my mom said about it was (I was telling her about this thread and apparently being the only person who's discusses such stuff with my mom.... welcome, bananas! ;D) "I don't mind hearing the casual stuff. As long as it's not details." I love my mom. Well, I asked my mother if she knew what devotee was. She said, yes and I think that is horrible thing....I knew then I better keep my damn mouth shut. I think that's very unfortunate, vonvon. I'm sorry.  Hey clover! I totally agree, Moms are awesome! my mother didn't exactly want to know the details but she let me tell her anyway! i think it would have been a lot harder for me if i couldn't tell her. because i'm quite close to her. before, everytime i was around her, and thinking about...stuff, i'd feel real guilty, like i was hiding something from her. though i think shes glad i married an AB guy, and the fact that ive never dated a wheeler helps, i guess. i do wonder if i'd regret it later in life? not having the experience? we'll see... lol. ;0) I think so too, bananas, it's easier for me knowing that my mom knows. And that she doesn't think I'm a freak. I'm close to her, too, and it's a relief that she knows and really doesn't care. I don't think she'll mind if it someday manifests itself in the form of a wheeler SO one day either. Like you, she equates that with prejudice... rejecting someone over their race or something. I'm blessed that she's so open minded. |
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Post by vonvon13 on May 19, 2009 12:09:21 GMT -5
I told my older sister last night. She didn't flip out on me. She never did saying anything really. So, i really don't know if that was good idea or not. We are close. But, this may have killed that. ::sigh::
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Post by Inigo Montoya on May 19, 2009 23:14:30 GMT -5
I told my older sister last night. She didn't flip out on me. She never did saying anything really. So, i really don't know if that was good idea or not. We are close. But, this may have killed that. ::sigh:: I hope not vonvon. I hope it all works out okay for you. |
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