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Post by devogirl on Jan 5, 2011 16:51:24 GMT -5
Hi Ruth, welcome to the board! I had a feeling you would find us sooner or later, if you weren't here already. Your book really struck a nerve with a lot of us. We started a book club to talk about it, most of the discussion happened in live chat, but here is the thread that covers some of it: paradevo.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=devs&action=display&thread=2486It's too bad you had to put in the disclaimers and self-publish, but at least you got it out there. Please do write a sequel, I think we'd all like to read it. And I hope you stick around here too. |
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Post by BA on Jan 5, 2011 17:01:30 GMT -5
I am at a loss for words, Ruth. I cannot tell you how much your book has meant to this community. Your sensitive portrayal of your characters led us not only to discussions on the board but on Skype as well. It has forged a deeper bond for us with many of the guys here and opened the doorway to very candid and open communication. I am SO GLAD you have joined us, so very glad.
Welcome, with open arms and thank you for finally giving us a voice!
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Post by trinity on Jan 5, 2011 17:02:57 GMT -5
My copy is arrived right now, I’m going to read. The book in the left hand, the dictionary in the right one.  From the back cover: “ A young man wanting to be whole; a young woman certain she can never be”. Sad approach,  SIG! That quote on the back is not my view, but when I tried to get advance reviews, that's what the person wrote! But at least they both discover within the story that they are and can be whole. Yep, now I know I finished it and I gifted my copy to a wheeler. A warm warm warm welcome from your (w)hole Italian audience  |
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Post by Dee Dee on Jan 5, 2011 17:09:10 GMT -5
Hi Ruth and welcome . So good to have you here . |
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Post by Valkyrja on Jan 5, 2011 17:41:10 GMT -5
Welcome, Ruth... really nice to have you here!!.
I think I´m the only one that didn´t read your book still... I´m going to buy it in some month (exchange issues!)... but I was in the book discussion and I loved what I heard and all the feelings your story moved!
So... what are you going to do when your book were taken to the cinema?!
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Post by Emma on Jan 5, 2011 20:12:33 GMT -5
Oh my I could hardly believe it when i saw your name here. It is so wonderful that you found us Ruth. We have speculated so much about who you really are and now we can just ask. As you seem to have seen from my posts I too loved the book. I read it in a few sittings in about a day which is not something I do with books. I am so happy you are here seeing our praise of the book. I hope you stick around and we all get to know you.
Did you happen to get a friend request of Facebook thanking you for the book?
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Post by helena2902 on Jan 6, 2011 7:17:54 GMT -5
Hi Ruth, welcome from me too!!
I was really suprised when I saw your responses here today.
But as i wrote some weeks ago: Only a true dev could write such a book and describes all the dev-feelings so very well!!!
I have read a lot of Books with disabled characters in the last few month, but yours is definetely the best. And I'm really looking forward to your sequel. So keep writing.
So, I hope you enjoy it here as much as we all do!!!
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 6, 2011 8:59:18 GMT -5
It is so wonderful to meet you all! I have never in my life had a conversation with another devotee! I'm sure you all know how liberating it is to discover other people who know what you've been through. I wrote the book because I wanted to give us a voice, and I was hoping that non-dev readers would have a better understanding and not automatically think we are perverts. I don't know if any non-dev readers have understood it, though! My mom is afraid of me becoming the spokesperson for sexual deviance, but that's just fine with me. I don't want anyone to live with the kind of fear and guilt and isolation that I carried through my entire childhood. Over the years I've taken my interest in disability and tried to put it to good use by becoming involved in disability politics. I also write stories trying to show average everyday disabled people in a light that makes them relatable to able-bodied. I get very worked up about it and lately I've been writing a blog to rant about how disabled people are portrayed in media, it's at disabilityandmedia.blogspot.com I'm so excited to talk to you all and to explore the boards here more. What a wonderful community to have! devogirl, Thank you for telling me about the other thread on my book, I'm excited to read it. BA, Thank you for the welcome, what you've said is exactly and precisely what I hoped writing my book would do! trinity, Italy? How amazing. I had no idea the book had traveled so far. Gifting it to a disabled person seems like a great idea, as someone said earlier, it might help them to understand us better. Devodiva88, Thank you! I love your avatar Valkyrja, I tell you, if my book ever makes it to being made into a movie I will insist on maintaining some rights as the author (which is really hard to do). I'm afraid that they'll cast an able-bodied actor for Stewart, which would make me furious, and who knows what other weird changes Hollywood might make? A scary thought, even though it would be awesome to see it on the big screen. Emma, I will absolutely stick around and become part of the ongoing discussion on sexuality and what it means to our lives. I don't actually have a Facebook account at the moment, I should do that. Maybe I should create one of those fan pages! helena2902, Ah, my writing gives me away after all. I tried really hard to dig deep into myself and write completely accurately about what I thought and felt. Previously I had been writing a lot of short stories that were love stories with disabled male characters and I didn't want anyone to read them because I was afraid that the reason I wrote them would be obvious. Then I decided to turn my lens on myself, as it were, and explore why I was afraid and what those stories really meant! I look forward to continuing the conversation! Thanks so much for the welcome. I want to give all of us a voice in the world, so let me know how you think I can best do that if you have any thoughts! |
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Post by Dee Dee on Jan 6, 2011 11:03:17 GMT -5
Ruth, it is so good that you found us . Also, I must compliment you for being so open and honest - and brave! The fact that you went along and wrote the book and got it self-published, despite what your family or others might think, is a very brave act . May I ask you, how your family and friends have reacted after the book was published? Have they read it and what do they think about it? If it were me I fear I would have to justify myself at every family reunion - but how is this for you? I hope you don´t mind me asking these questions, but I do think the whole "coming out" to family and friends is a big issue for most of us. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 6, 2011 12:22:44 GMT -5
Ruth, it is so good that you found us . Also, I must compliment you for being so open and honest - and brave! The fact that you went along and wrote the book and got it self-published, despite what your family or others might think, is a very brave act . May I ask you, how your family and friends have reacted after the book was published? Have they read it and what do they think about it? If it were me I fear I would have to justify myself at every family reunion - but how is this for you? I hope you don´t mind me asking these questions, but I do think the whole "coming out" to family and friends is a big issue for most of us. I am totally happy to answer questions, nothing is off limits! Dealing with family I think is going to be a big part of the next book. I don't have a lot of advice on this. Most of my family does not know. My mom put several limitations on me when I said I was going to publish the book, one was that I not tell anyone in the family about its existence. I have found some loopholes in that. I have a cousin who has read it and my dad has read it. My mom has never read it, but she knows what it's about. My brother knows I'm a devotee, but I haven't had that direct conversation with family very much. I am a little uncertain how I would feel about something as private as my sexuality being in people's faces. But I compare it a lot to being gay. I'm not going to go to great lengths to hide it anymore, if it comes up, then so be it. I think my family notices that I do date disabled men, though I have also dated able-bodied. It's not an easy subject to broach and I think they are as reluctant to bring it up as I am. My mom says it's no one's business and people don't want to know. I think I need to strike a balance, being honest about it if it comes up but not trying to force the knowledge on anyone. When I first discovered that there was a word for it, that there were others out there, I talked about it with a good friend in college. He was the first person I ever told. I felt so free and happy after that that I didn't want secrets with anyone anymore and that's when I told my parents and also someone I used to do volunteer work for in the disability community. Their reactions were not as good as my friend's. The person I did volunteer work with never spoke to me again. My parents have continued to hope that I will "get it out of my system." Ever since that moment of freedom ten years ago, I have been completely unable to keep a secret! I am through with keeping secrets |
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Post by helena2902 on Jan 6, 2011 16:30:37 GMT -5
Wow Ruth, that is really tough stuff! I for myself would never, EVER speak with anyone of my family about it. OMG, no no no. But therefore I think it's really brave you did it, congratulations!! Frankly, I have absolutly no interest in discussions with my family about it. I live with my wheeler boyfriend for 10 years now and of course in the beginning there had been the questions" What do you want with someone in a wheelchair? You deserve better,etc." And i wanted to cry out: Because I am attracted to the chair, and the paralysis and the way he moves and all the stuff. But of course I didnt. And i dreaded those question and avoided answers. Because, of course, it won't get out of the system. So everybody who can talk about is really brave. I am maybe not but I can live with it. So its really nice you found your way here. And by the way, is there any chance we can have a little peek on your short stories sometime:)  |
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Post by Emma on Jan 6, 2011 16:40:26 GMT -5
Helena I'm surprised you got those questions. I never did. I expected them, wanted them and eventually kind of dug for them by saying things to my friends like "do you think I'm crazy dating a guy with no legs?". I still havent gotten them and still haven't told more than one friend |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 6, 2011 16:49:20 GMT -5
Wow Ruth, that is really tough stuff! I for myself would never, EVER speak with anyone of my family about it. OMG, no no no. But therefore I think it's really brave you did it, congratulations!! Frankly, I have absolutly no interest in discussions with my family about it. I live with my wheeler boyfriend for 10 years now and of course in the beginning there had been the questions" What do you want with someone in a wheelchair? You deserve better,etc." And i wanted to cry out: Because I am attracted to the chair, and the paralysis and the way he moves and all the stuff. But of course I didnt. And i dreaded those question and avoided answers. Because, of course, it won't get out of the system. So everybody who can talk about is really brave. I am maybe not but I can live with it. So its really nice you found your way here. And by the way, is there any chance we can have a little peek on your short stories sometime:) Ah, the stories I wrote back then were terrible. I'm working on some new ones, so I'll share those when I do them. Sadly, the short story that my writer's group called a "break through" is a story of disability in not such a good light. I wrote it about an ex boyfriend and it is mean and hard-hitting, but truthful! I'll see what I can dig up from my old files for you... In terms of telling people, I'm way too open about it really! It upsets my parents so much, and I'm almost compulsively honest with them. It's a problem, really. Being able to live the life, honestly and authentically is the most important thing! |
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Post by BA on Jan 6, 2011 18:37:37 GMT -5
It is so wonderful to meet you all! I have never in my life had a conversation with another devotee! I'm sure you all know how liberating it is to discover other people who know what you've been through. I wrote the book because I wanted to give us a voice, and I was hoping that non-dev readers would have a better understanding and not automatically think we are perverts. I don't know if any non-dev readers have understood it, though! Welcome, 'sister'. Yes, you did give us a voice. As far as reading by the non-dev readers, a few of the guys have read the book. I am sure they would be happy to comment on it. |
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Post by rollerboylover on Jan 6, 2011 19:02:40 GMT -5
It is so wonderful to meet you all! I have never in my life had a conversation with another devotee! I'm sure you all know how liberating it is to discover other people who know what you've been through. I wrote the book because I wanted to give us a voice, and I was hoping that non-dev readers would have a better understanding and not automatically think we are perverts. I don't know if any non-dev readers have understood it, though! My mom is afraid of me becoming the spokesperson for sexual deviance, but that's just fine with me. I don't want anyone to live with the kind of fear and guilt and isolation that I carried through my entire childhood. Over the years I've taken my interest in disability and tried to put it to good use by becoming involved in disability politics. I also write stories trying to show average everyday disabled people in a light that makes them relatable to able-bodied. I get very worked up about it and lately I've been writing a blog to rant about how disabled people are portrayed in media, it's at disabilityandmedia.blogspot.com I'm so excited to talk to you all and to explore the boards here more. What a wonderful community to have! devogirl, Thank you for telling me about the other thread on my book, I'm excited to read it. BA, Thank you for the welcome, what you've said is exactly and precisely what I hoped writing my book would do! trinity, Italy? How amazing. I had no idea the book had traveled so far. Gifting it to a disabled person seems like a great idea, as someone said earlier, it might help them to understand us better. Devodiva88, Thank you! I love your avatar Valkyrja, I tell you, if my book ever makes it to being made into a movie I will insist on maintaining some rights as the author (which is really hard to do). I'm afraid that they'll cast an able-bodied actor for Stewart, which would make me furious, and who knows what other weird changes Hollywood might make? A scary thought, even though it would be awesome to see it on the big screen. Emma, I will absolutely stick around and become part of the ongoing discussion on sexuality and what it means to our lives. I don't actually have a Facebook account at the moment, I should do that. Maybe I should create one of those fan pages! helena2902, Ah, my writing gives me away after all. I tried really hard to dig deep into myself and write completely accurately about what I thought and felt. Previously I had been writing a lot of short stories that were love stories with disabled male characters and I didn't want anyone to read them because I was afraid that the reason I wrote them would be obvious. Then I decided to turn my lens on myself, as it were, and explore why I was afraid and what those stories really meant! I look forward to continuing the conversation! Thanks so much for the welcome. I want to give all of us a voice in the world, so let me know how you think I can best do that if you have any thoughts! I've bookmarked your blog... thanks for sharing. Can't wait to read the sequel to (w)hole and anything else you feel like sharing. |
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SIG!
