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Post by Cake on Jan 8, 2011 13:15:30 GMT -5
I'm unbelievably late to the party (why do the best things happen when I'm away?!), but: Welcome Ruth! I'm thrilled that you have joined our board!
*hurrying back to catching up*
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 8, 2011 21:25:13 GMT -5
I'm unbelievably late to the party (why do the best things happen when I'm away?!), but: Welcome Ruth! I'm thrilled that you have joined our board! *hurrying back to catching up* Thanks  |
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Post by museumgal on Jan 9, 2011 0:53:35 GMT -5
First off, I just want to say what an honor is it is to talk to you and see you on the board. I am in the process of reading (W)hole and I love it. You describe exactly what I think many of us feel--the confusion, inadequacies, and hope. I cannot wait to delve deep into it this weekend (especially since, hopefully, I'll be trapped indoors with a snowstorm going on outside :-)) anyways, thank you for you wonderful work Ms. Madison.
P.S. I am a new member who has been lurking for a while. :-) I finally worked up the guts to join so...there's my first post! :-)
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Post by Dee Dee on Jan 10, 2011 13:37:32 GMT -5
Devodiva88, Thank you! I love your avatar  Thank you, Ruth . I was happy when I found it and was able to put is here as my avatar. |
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Post by Dee Dee on Jan 10, 2011 13:53:00 GMT -5
Ruth, it is so good that you found us . Also, I must compliment you for being so open and honest - and brave! The fact that you went along and wrote the book and got it self-published, despite what your family or others might think, is a very brave act . May I ask you, how your family and friends have reacted after the book was published? Have they read it and what do they think about it? If it were me I fear I would have to justify myself at every family reunion - but how is this for you? I hope you don´t mind me asking these questions, but I do think the whole "coming out" to family and friends is a big issue for most of us. I am totally happy to answer questions, nothing is off limits! Dealing with family I think is going to be a big part of the next book. I don't have a lot of advice on this. Most of my family does not know. My mom put several limitations on me when I said I was going to publish the book, one was that I not tell anyone in the family about its existence. I have found some loopholes in that. I have a cousin who has read it and my dad has read it. My mom has never read it, but she knows what it's about. My brother knows I'm a devotee, but I haven't had that direct conversation with family very much. I am a little uncertain how I would feel about something as private as my sexuality being in people's faces. But I compare it a lot to being gay. I'm not going to go to great lengths to hide it anymore, if it comes up, then so be it. I think my family notices that I do date disabled men, though I have also dated able-bodied. It's not an easy subject to broach and I think they are as reluctant to bring it up as I am. My mom says it's no one's business and people don't want to know. I think I need to strike a balance, being honest about it if it comes up but not trying to force the knowledge on anyone. When I first discovered that there was a word for it, that there were others out there, I talked about it with a good friend in college. He was the first person I ever told. I felt so free and happy after that that I didn't want secrets with anyone anymore and that's when I told my parents and also someone I used to do volunteer work for in the disability community. Their reactions were not as good as my friend's. The person I did volunteer work with never spoke to me again. My parents have continued to hope that I will "get it out of my system." Ever since that moment of freedom ten years ago, I have been completely unable to keep a secret! I am through with keeping secrets Ruth, thank you for explaning and apologies for being late replying. I can definitely relate to the feeling of freedom you once had ten years ago - it must indeed be wonderful to share this intrinsic part of who we are . As your story tells us there will probably always be some people who understand and accept it and others who think it´s very strange or even sick. I´m not sure what we can do about that other than just be ourselves . It must be a difficult balance though - publishing the book on one hand and dealing with the family on the other. I´m glad you did it, Ruth . |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 10, 2011 14:21:24 GMT -5
First off, I just want to say what an honor is it is to talk to you and see you on the board. I am in the process of reading (W)hole and I love it. You describe exactly what I think many of us feel--the confusion, inadequacies, and hope. I cannot wait to delve deep into it this weekend (especially since, hopefully, I'll be trapped indoors with a snowstorm going on outside :-)) anyways, thank you for you wonderful work Ms. Madison. P.S. I am a new member who has been lurking for a while. :-) I finally worked up the guts to join so...there's my first post! :-) Yay for joining! I've only been here a few days myself and I'm so amazed by the people here and grateful for the space to talk freely about these issues. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 10, 2011 14:22:07 GMT -5
I am totally happy to answer questions, nothing is off limits! Dealing with family I think is going to be a big part of the next book. I don't have a lot of advice on this. Most of my family does not know. My mom put several limitations on me when I said I was going to publish the book, one was that I not tell anyone in the family about its existence. I have found some loopholes in that. I have a cousin who has read it and my dad has read it. My mom has never read it, but she knows what it's about. My brother knows I'm a devotee, but I haven't had that direct conversation with family very much. I am a little uncertain how I would feel about something as private as my sexuality being in people's faces. But I compare it a lot to being gay. I'm not going to go to great lengths to hide it anymore, if it comes up, then so be it. I think my family notices that I do date disabled men, though I have also dated able-bodied. It's not an easy subject to broach and I think they are as reluctant to bring it up as I am. My mom says it's no one's business and people don't want to know. I think I need to strike a balance, being honest about it if it comes up but not trying to force the knowledge on anyone. When I first discovered that there was a word for it, that there were others out there, I talked about it with a good friend in college. He was the first person I ever told. I felt so free and happy after that that I didn't want secrets with anyone anymore and that's when I told my parents and also someone I used to do volunteer work for in the disability community. Their reactions were not as good as my friend's. The person I did volunteer work with never spoke to me again. My parents have continued to hope that I will "get it out of my system." Ever since that moment of freedom ten years ago, I have been completely unable to keep a secret! I am through with keeping secrets Ruth, thank you for explaning and apologies for being late replying. I can definitely relate to the feeling of freedom you once had ten years ago - it must indeed be wonderful to share this intrinsic part of who we are . As your story tells us there will probably always be some people who understand and accept it and others who think it´s very strange or even sick. I´m not sure what we can do about that other than just be ourselves . It must be a difficult balance though - publishing the book on one hand and dealing with the family on the other. I´m glad you did it, Ruth . Thanks. I don't know why, but I like to push boundaries and challenge people's expectations, so I don't think I'll ever stop talking about hot-button issues! |
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Post by dolly on Jan 10, 2011 15:58:57 GMT -5
hey ruth! welcome to the board.  i think a bunch of us sort of wondered if you might already be here... lol thanks for putting your experience out there (in fictional form) and for giving us a voice in that way. it meant a lot to me to finally see so many aspects of my personal journey reflected in written/published form like that. kudos to you for having the confidence to do so! i'm glad that you've found our little community. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 10, 2011 16:22:08 GMT -5
hey ruth! welcome to the board. i think a bunch of us sort of wondered if you might already be here... lol thanks for putting your experience out there (in fictional form) and for giving us a voice in that way. it meant a lot to me to finally see so many aspects of my personal journey reflected in written/published form like that. kudos to you for having the confidence to do so! i'm glad that you've found our little community. Thanks, I appreciate the welcome. The last time I went looking online for stuff about devs, it was all so depressing that I gave up and never looked again! A friend told me about this site and I love it. |
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i think a bunch of us sort of wondered if you might already be here... lol