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Post by allison101 on Feb 12, 2011 20:46:20 GMT -5
collide, to answer all of your questions, lol: I'm not a person who chooses friends based on their looks. I know people like that, and i can't stand it. I choose my friends based on their morals, and how we feel when we spend time together. (The exact way i choose who to date.) I don't just give out the "best friend" label to anyone, because i know how people can be. I'm not a "sexy flocker" in any way, shape, or form, LOL! So, to answer your question, I don't think my friends would have a problem with it at all. The people i associate myself with are happy if i'm happy- and that's what makes someone a good friend. (: If someone important to me were to have a problem with me dating a disabled man, it wouldn't influence my decisions at all. Like my family wouldsay, i do what i want, regardless of anyone else. (: That's just my "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind." (:
Am i the only girl who feels that way?
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Post by jordsbaby on Feb 13, 2011 6:46:24 GMT -5
Gosh, aren't you a pretty little slip of a thing! Jealousy has officially kicked in. Where's my treadmill?!
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Post by collide on Feb 16, 2011 10:38:24 GMT -5
I'll preface this whole post by saying that I'm putting 2 and 2 together here and may have ended up with 5, so please correct me if I'm wrong! Collide, are you implying that "hotties" (Allison excluded of course) are more shallow or more likely to object to wheelers? Why would you think that? I think EVERYONE has the potential to be very shallow - "fugly" people can be just as obsessed with image as the Jolies of this world! They express it in different ways, but it's still there. When you said "fugly wheeler" I wasn't sure whether you were implying that said sexy friends might have an issue with the fugly part or the wheeler part. On a more relevant note, welcome Allison! Glad to see another young(er) dev! ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/wink.png) Sure everyone has the potential to be shallow in their own particular way, thats what I was getting at. I was refering to the social mind sets we are all surrounded by and involved with. ie: Magazines sell better with wealthy "beautiful" people on the cover. Who are the domonant magazine buyers? Women. Stock markets follow trends/assumptions of others. Who sets these trends? Majority stock holders. Do the devout religious assocciate with non religious socially? Point being we are "sheeple" wether we belive it or not. Although on general social terms we may not think we're guided by peer opinions, they do play a part in our lives, either directly or indirectly. Thats why I asked Allison how her friends would respond to her dating someone with a disability,,,,,, or fugly. I was not assocciating disability with fugly/appearances, but its interesting to see that it may have been misconstrued that way. The most recent woman I was seeing had a brother who didnt like the fact that she was dating a disabled guy. He and I got along fine, face to face, but it was the fact that I was disabled that he didnt like (he told her). He's just one such gutless and shallow tool that ive come across so far. Maybe some other people here have had similar situations, maybe not. So yes, I do belive many sheeple do live to the standard of other peoples opinions. Btw, I stopped seeing her because amongst other things and the aforementioned "she wasnt my type",,, lol. Yes I too have likes and dislikes, but they are my likes and dislikes. I was really pleased to read your reply Allison. Thank god you have your OWN head screwed on,,, not someone elses! Someone elses head would just make your bum look big ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/smiley.png)
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Post by collide on Feb 16, 2011 10:50:35 GMT -5
collide, to answer all of your questions, lol: I'm not a person who chooses friends based on their looks. I know people like that, and i can't stand it. I choose my friends based on their morals, and how we feel when we spend time together. (The exact way i choose who to date.) I don't just give out the "best friend" label to anyone, because i know how people can be. I'm not a "sexy flocker" in any way, shape, or form, LOL! So, to answer your question, I don't think my friends would have a problem with it at all. The people i associate myself with are happy if i'm happy- and that's what makes someone a good friend. (: If someone important to me were to have a problem with me dating a disabled man, it wouldn't influence my decisions at all. Like my family wouldsay, i do what i want, regardless of anyone else. (: That's just my "Those who mind don't matter, those who matter don't mind." (: Am i the only girl who feels that way? Give your friends and family a big hug for me! They've guided you into a free thinking life. Who could ask for more? I hope you find your man, if you havent already.
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Post by collide on Feb 16, 2011 10:54:28 GMT -5
Gosh, aren't you a pretty little slip of a thing! Jealousy has officially kicked in. Where's my treadmill?! LMAOROF,,,,, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,,,, or the ekkies! Dont worry Jords, you are all and everything to the right guy.
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Post by Pony on Feb 16, 2011 11:01:00 GMT -5
Collide, without stealing this thread TOO much, you touched on something I'm surprised hasn't come up much. But you're right, there's a built in discrimination when dating/fucking/marrying a disabled dude, especially a quad. I've been around over my 30 years post injury, and i've felt that many times. It's terrible, but not sure i wouldn't feel same thing if i was on my feet, and my sister was dating a para/quad. I've had girls keep me a secret, which feels so weird. It takes a girl with a strong will and able to explain the attraction well....i.e, Annie that met Mr. Wedding. Remember her? I've been a backdoor man many times....i've hated it, but also take a little pride in it, too. Relationships are complicated, but the disability makes it even more so for the AB girl...gotta love women that can stand up and say, 'hey, i find this guy attractive...he makes me feel good, better than other guys on their feet, and i'm dating him.'
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Post by collide on Feb 16, 2011 12:31:55 GMT -5
Collide, without stealing this thread TOO much, you touched on something I'm surprised hasn't come up much. But you're right, there's a built in discrimination when dating/f*cking/marrying a disabled dude, especially a quad. I've been around over my 30 years post injury, and i've felt that many times. It's terrible, but not sure i wouldn't feel same thing if i was on my feet, and my sister was dating a para/quad. I've had girls keep me a secret, which feels so weird. It takes a girl with a strong will and able to explain the attraction well....i.e, Annie that met Mr. Wedding. Remember her? I've been a backdoor man many times....i've hated it, but also take a little pride in it, too. Relationships are complicated, but the disability makes it even more so for the AB girl...gotta love women that can stand up and say, 'hey, i find this guy attractive...he makes me feel good, better than other guys on their feet, and i'm dating him.' Yeah, know the feeling! I guess we just gotta find the right woman,,,, each that is. I dont share ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) Not that I know of ![???](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/huh.png) But your right, it would be nice to find someone who was totally up front with us about being even just a bit dev-ish. I'd honestly be stoked about it ;D I'd never expect "her" to tell it to the world, cause it's noone elses business, but I would like to know about it. I know i'd feel MUCH more at ease with "her" knowing my non typical appearance and slightly weird movements actually turn her on, not off. In the few relationships ive had, ive spent most of the time trying to move "normally" so as not to make "her" feel uncomfortable. Now im soooo over that, I dont think i'll be able to have or even want a "normal" relationship again. "This is me, love it or leave it, cause it aint gonna change"!!!
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Feb 16, 2011 12:53:22 GMT -5
Thanks for clarifying Collide! I know there's an inherent stigma/discrimination that goes along with disability (which is uncool ![>:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/angry.png) ), what I was questioning was whether you were implying that "hotties" are more prone to that. Devs and wheelers both have to ignore all those lovely preconceived notions of disability, but it's tough when they get thrown in your face by your partner's family, etc.
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Post by Pony on Feb 16, 2011 16:32:09 GMT -5
Well Collide, you don't have to be devish to feel strongly about being with a chairdude. I know they face scrutiny and pressure from family n friends, and it probably be WORSE if they out about an attraction to disabled dudes. For God's sake, don't say 'I'm a Dev...Google it!!!' lol But I have known girls that couldn't muster up courage to admit to all-out sexual relationship with chairguy. I really think it could turn out COOL....like, friends sayin 'Wow, they really have a cool, fun, relationship'...even educational to some thicker minded peeps. I just saw an AB dude at the store...pants off his ass, red lover lips all over his boxers, long Doo Rag, prison Tatts and a pregnant girlfriend. I know I can beat dat...lol
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Post by allison101 on Feb 16, 2011 20:41:05 GMT -5
I'm going to sound so cliche when i say this, but.. It's always, ALWAYS, been about personality for me. Sure, I think plenty of guys are attractive, (believe me, i'm always looking, hehe.) but I can never truly have feelings for someone until I know their PERSONALITY. So, when it comes back to the being "fugly" thing, it really isnt a focus for me at all. When I see an attractive disabled guy, I always wonder if he is anti-dev, because i know so many disabled guys are! and that sucks! lol I can understand why someone would be anti-dev, but i wonder just how much of the disabled population is anti-dev, or even knows about devs. I don't think the numbers are good for me.
I think that what a lot of anti-devs don't understand is that just because someone is a dev, doesn't mean we will date ANYONE with a disability. For example, a disabled guy that is rude/cocky/jealous, is a deal breaker. Being a dev (to me) means you are attracted to disabled men, but you are not willing to overlook something major to be with him. That's just my opinion. I hope that made sense, lol.
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Post by collide on Feb 17, 2011 8:18:27 GMT -5
Thanks for clarifying Collide! I know there's an inherent stigma/discrimination that goes along with disability (which is uncool ![>:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/angry.png) ), what I was questioning was whether you were implying that "hotties" are more prone to that. Devs and wheelers both have to ignore all those lovely preconceived notions of disability, but it's tough when they get thrown in your face by your partner's family, etc. Sorry to say z28gal, but yeah I do think there are more "hotties" with the "perfect people/sheeple" syndrome than not ![:(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/sad.png) In that sense, i guess Allison has defied (my blind assumption) of the odds,,, thank Jebus! ;D But hey, the whole of society, myself well and truely included dont know squat from a tango on all different sorts of subjects, thats just how things appear to me on this particular subject.
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Post by collide on Feb 17, 2011 8:29:40 GMT -5
For God's sake, don't say 'I'm a Dev...Google it!!! lol I just saw an AB dude at the store...pants off his ass, red lover lips all over his boxers, long Doo Rag, prison Tatts and a pregnant girlfriend. I know I can beat dat...lol LMAO @ Google it!!!,,, BAHAHAHAHA,,, ![:o](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/shocked.png) Yeah, ya gotta wonder why these women get tangled up with a guy like that, right? Must have one hell of a fantastic personality,,,,, or a regular drug supply, maybe. Or they are just on the same level anyway. Skanky, but with a GREAT personality,,,, again, maybe! I would hope for your sake you could top that. ![8-)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cool.png) You look pretty well cut and i doubt you wiff, so yeah, just on those first two points alone you got him on the mat already. Arent ya gald you aint him? ;D
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Post by collide on Feb 17, 2011 8:39:27 GMT -5
I'm going to sound so cliche when i say this, but.. It's always, ALWAYS, been about personality for me. Sure, I think plenty of guys are attractive, (believe me, i'm always looking, hehe.) but I can never truly have feelings for someone until I know their PERSONALITY. So, when it comes back to the being "fugly" thing, it really isnt a focus for me at all. When I see an attractive disabled guy, I always wonder if he is anti-dev, because i know so many disabled guys are! and that sucks! lol I can understand why someone would be anti-dev, but i wonder just how much of the disabled population is anti-dev, or even knows about devs. I don't think the numbers are good for me. I think that what a lot of anti-devs don't understand is that just because someone is a dev, doesn't mean we will date ANYONE with a disability. For example, a disabled guy that is rude/cocky/jealous, is a deal breaker. Being a dev (to me) means you are attracted to disabled men, but you are not willing to overlook something major to be with him. That's just my opinion. I hope that made sense, lol. You keep that up and your gonna sprout wings n a halo ![:P](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/tongue.png) DONT GO TO THE LIGHT!!!! The light is bad mkay! Anyway, halos arent all they are made out to be. Try wearing a sparkler on your head without setting fire to your hair. We've all seen something like that on Funniest Home Video/Idiots, yes? "Awwww, isnt she pretty,,,, WOOOFF, AHHHHH, call 911, call 911,,,, SLAP, SLAP, SLAP!!! ![???](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/huh.png)
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Post by ruthmadison on Feb 17, 2011 9:55:28 GMT -5
I will admit that even though personality matters a lot for a real relationship, I have been known to get blinded by attraction and ignore HUGE red flags. I've gotten myself into some bad situations because of that.
I've never had a friend object to me dating a wheeler to my face, who knows what they say about me in private?! Then again, the majority of my friends know that it's what I like.
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Post by Pony on Feb 17, 2011 15:27:05 GMT -5
I'm a curious dude....love to hear how you told them, Ruth!!! ; ) I mean was it nerve-wracking? How did you word it? I guess n your case, you could just hand them (W)hole. ; )
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