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Post by Pony on Mar 29, 2012 15:48:27 GMT -5
How can I explain what it's like to be paralyzed from my chest down? It's almost like trying to explain what a color looks like. It's very difficult, and probably impossible to have an able-bodied person comprehend what it's like to not really feel your hands, and yet use them to push this chair, drive, type, answer phone or touch another person's skin in an act of affection. No, at my level of injury, sensation is a very limited experience. I'm left with many memories of sensation that made the experience of diving into cool water in Summer, or bouncing a basketball, or playing guitar, or even holding a sandwich a more full experience. In fact, I really have only a few satisfying sensations. One being the hot water of a shower when it sprays hard on my head and face - below my injury level - nothing! Another very interesting sensation is relaxing, meditative power of sitting in the Sun. To me, it's almost a religious experience that goes beyond tanning. However, I love that part of sunning, too. One of the physical attributes that remain a source of pride is my dark smooth shoulders, and as physical features go, that's a deep-well of self-esteem. With a lack of sensation comes a more pronounced emphasis on 'mental-sensation' - or, phantom-feeling! I can fit my hand around a baseball, and I can use my memory to hone in on exactly that feeling,, but i can't really feel it You see, my fingers don't work at all. They cannot open to grab, or feel anything. However, that doesn't excuse them from work. Oh no. They are going to do everything they can, as long as they are attached to these arms, which still have use of biceps, shoulders and a tiny bit of wrist muscle that helps tremendously when trying to hold anything light in weight, like paper, shirt, or wash cloth. Sexually, the physical sensation has totally cut off from my sexual organs, but again, the mental sensation can be extremely powerful, and given me more pleasure than i could ever describe to someone who depends on the physical sensation so completely to feel. Actually, the biggest form of gratifying sensation that I feel is vicariously through the girl's physical and mental sensations. I realize much of this might sound like a foreign language to an able-bodied person, but i'm doing my best to explain what just might be unexplainable. Sensation is what it is to that person! How you feel something depends on what you have as physical sensors, or, in my case, mental sensors. Sensation is a feeling - in physical, or mental form! Tony Starez 'Buscando la Paz" www.anthonyrainstarez.com |
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Post by spurs2000 on Mar 29, 2012 16:58:00 GMT -5
I get exactly where you are coming from! My level of injury and understanding paralysis is very similar to your well-written words! I could not of encapsulated it so well!
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Post by Dee Dee on Mar 29, 2012 17:20:47 GMT -5
Thank you for this well-written description Tony  It reminded me about the problem of describing a scent. My mum has lost a large part of her senses of smelling and tasting and often asks me "how does this perfume smell?" or "what does this taste like?" I have told her it is very difficult to explain. She says she tastes and smells through her memory now, much like you feel through your memory, Tony and Spurs alike. It makes a lot of sense to me Basically, I think Tony´s post is a lot of what this board is about. Together with other posts like this. Discussing, sharing experiences, sharing descriptions about disabled life and the devotee phenomenon |
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Post by Emma on Mar 29, 2012 18:58:10 GMT -5
Interesting Tony, thanks.
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Post by faith on Mar 30, 2012 1:01:13 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing. Always love your writing Tony.
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Post by Gaby on Mar 30, 2012 1:54:07 GMT -5
Wow! I'm your fan, Toñito! Thanks for trying to explain it! I think you did an amazing job |
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Post by Be As You Are on Mar 30, 2012 8:27:53 GMT -5
Very enlightening, thank you!
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Post by chas728 on Mar 30, 2012 9:05:05 GMT -5
I have no idea why your at War // but I totally agree with
Sexually, the physical sensation has totally cut off from my sexual organs, but again, the mental sensation can be extremely powerful, and given me more pleasure than i could ever describe to someone who depends on the physical sensation so completely to feel. Actually, the biggest form of gratifying sensation that I feel is vicariously through the girl's physical and mental sensations.
.. my add .. I believe I get something from the control part
Sensation is what it is to that person! How you feel something depends on what you have as physical sensors, or, in my case, mental sensors. Sensation is a feeling - in physical, or mental form!
I do believe this is because "WE" became disabled and can relate to the past
very well put WP
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Post by Pony on Mar 30, 2012 10:25:01 GMT -5
Thanks peeps, it's a sensitive subject for me because I'm mostly embarrassed to admit, or talk about, lack of sensation. Why? I'm not really sure, but I wanted to, maybe, explain it to myself, but also let other people understand it more. I think the 'sensation,' or lack of, is harder for people to accept, or discuss, than the movement part. At least that's my experience, or maybe my personal inhibition.
Thanks, again, for reading!!! : )
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Post by doe on Mar 30, 2012 23:30:10 GMT -5
There's really only one word to say, Starzy... Sensational.
Thanks for the glimpse into your world. It's always good to hear the wheelers' perspective on this stuff.
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Post by Pony on Mar 31, 2012 9:27:12 GMT -5
Woww, what a great sensation!! lol Actually, the same way we explore the Dev around here, I hope the exotic Dev likes to explore us. I've had g/fs in the past that didn't care anything about my disability, and I don't necessarily want them to focus too much on it, but I do want them to care enough about it to learn, or understand, that being a c5c6 quad is a not some minor experience.
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Post by Dee Dee on Mar 31, 2012 18:50:11 GMT -5
Thanks for the glimpse into your world. It's always good to hear the wheelers' perspective on this stuff. I agree and I also appreciate wheelers giving us a glimpse into their world. Especially when it is well thought-out and written Personally I always like to learn more. |
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Post by Pony on Apr 1, 2012 9:09:24 GMT -5
yah, I've been asked before by a few dev members here about sensation, and I just wanted to shine some light on it, despite my reluctance to talk about it. I, too, like learning...very curious about other people, how they do things, how they feel.
Ok, what other kinds of subjects would you like to hear about? This Q is for anyone about anything...anywhere! ; )
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Post by Dee Dee on Apr 1, 2012 19:32:51 GMT -5
I have often wondered about newly injured people´s (and maybe also more experienced wheelchair users´) possible feeling of embarrassment out in public?
I imagine a feeling of being very self-aware, feeling awkward and having trouble facing other people?
I realise this is quite the sensitive subject!
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Post by Pony on Apr 1, 2012 20:03:25 GMT -5
Yeah Deeds, it can feel very awkward sometime, depending on the setting...every eye on you as u enter a room...things go quiet...can make u feel really odd! But other times people just don't give a damn. I like the latter better of course. i hate if i'm in the way...i.e. in bar last weekend, not enough room, waitresses stepping over my feet. i hate that...sticking out like sore thumb!
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