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Post by wheelie37 on May 31, 2005 23:40:48 GMT -5
Ok i will do my best
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Post by Pisti on Dec 1, 2005 10:39:44 GMT -5
We discussed this question already several times, but we have lots of new members so I thought I'll just reanimate this tread and don't start a new one.
So what do you think about having disabled or non-disabled partner?
And I'm adressing this question first of all to our disabled members, but Wheelies question is still valid, too, since we also have new devos among us.
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Post by mrjefffurz on Dec 1, 2005 11:11:02 GMT -5
ive nothing to add as i havent been to the mountain top with a disabled partner but i will tell you this,,makin out between 2 disableds can be treacherous
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Post by matisse on Dec 1, 2005 12:04:48 GMT -5
Very strong preference for a non-disabled SO, which she is. At first blush it sounds like the ultimate irony because wheelers complain so much about the inability of ABs to look beyond the chair. But my reason is not related to attraction--there are some very hot chicks in chairs. It has to do with the practical realities of getting around, having a family, sex, etc. As a family we have enough to deal with with just my disability.
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Post by BA on Dec 1, 2005 19:03:17 GMT -5
I have pretty much almost exclusively been with non-disabled guys with the exception of two. For me it was not so much a matter of "lack of opportunity" as I have been an RN for many years, but of finding the right person with whom chemistry and interests were mutual. I have pretty straighforward criteria for relationships with men (not that I am a snob, but we all have our preferences). I was married to a guy with a very mild disability (he had a limp from an auto accident years earlier). He was a total jerk and a control freak and we divorced many moons ago.
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Post by rebecca on Dec 4, 2005 20:54:26 GMT -5
Not that there weren't any other warning signals before, but I had just started dating a gimp when he said rather jovially, "This is so cool, you can be my legs."
If you want to put a damper on a relationship guys, just blurt out something very like that.
What it meant was: Hey, you're a convenience for me! I don't have to haul my numb butt out of the car, transfer into my chair and go into the 7-11 for a Big Gulp because you can do it for me.
I was not a person, I was a labor saving device.
No. Unh-unh. Nichts.
I dropped him like a bad habit, quick, and hard.
It's one thing to volunteer, to do things out of loving kindness and consideration and quite another to have it expected of you.
Are you looking for a PCA or a partner?
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Post by Triassic on Dec 4, 2005 23:48:06 GMT -5
You dumped him just for that? Seems like an over-reaction. If I'm driving around with someone I have no qualms about asking them to get me a drink at a convenience store, return a DVD inside the library, whatever. I mean, I ASK, I don't ORDER them to...
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Post by johnny4cross on Dec 5, 2005 3:04:00 GMT -5
rebecca, I don't blame you for dumping the guy. If a woman was to tell me, shortly after we started dating, that now I can be her wallet I'd be severing our ties quickly.
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Post by johnny4cross on Dec 5, 2005 3:07:18 GMT -5
as for dating uprights or cripples, I have dated both and both are equally desirable to me.
johnny4cross
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Post by rebecca on Dec 5, 2005 6:20:48 GMT -5
Triassic, The man in question (now ancient history) had just finished grumping about the inconveniences in everyday life. I didn't like it that he assumed I would automatically take over these functions.
It's called "being taken for granted" and most people don't like it.
Johnny, you've got it in one.
I've dated AB and crip and generally prefer crip. There's a long story and a lot of thought behind it.
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Post by mrjefffurz on Dec 5, 2005 9:54:19 GMT -5
im with rebecca on this one, too,,,,conversely, i dated an AB woman,,,a nurse @ the sci rehab center,,,and she began telling me how to care for myself,,,demanding to check my butt for red spots,,the whole schmear...i told her to cease & desist & she replied that it was okay since she was a nurse,,i had to tell her "yes,,but u arent MY nurse...u can be nurse or over but not both"...then i got dressed, went home and never went back (that wasnt the only issue but it was one that i couldnt handle, im afraid...there has to be an understanding,,,lines hafta be drawn,,,its nice when a woman im with brings me a cup of coffee, knowing i could easliy get it myself,,,but i may just as well bring her a cup o' joe, too,,,same way it should be in any relationship ab/dis issues aside,,
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Post by matisse on Dec 7, 2005 15:14:04 GMT -5
its nice when a woman im with brings me a cup of coffee, knowing i could easliy get it myself,,,but i may just as well bring her a cup o' joe, too,,,same way it should be in any relationship ab/dis issues aside,, I think that in AB/dis relationships, however, the small favors requested by wheelers are disproportionately related the AB partner's ABness. When my wife is with me in my minivan and we need gas, she pumps it. Or the once or twice a month I forget something after getting in bed, I will ask her to get it. Or if I need something heavy moved. My type of favors for her are far more non-physical. Need to negotiate the price of something? Need to fire the housekeeper? I do it. If she put up a stink about doing those *occasional* (that's right, not very often) small things for me, I don't think our marriage would last. Time is precious and I am not going to waste 10 minutes getting a kleenex when she could do it in 10 seconds.
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Post by captozone on Dec 7, 2005 16:31:38 GMT -5
I've dated both AB and non the key has always been communication, and of course time lets two people learn more about one another. I prefer AB women myself as if we are alone then she can do what little thing I may need done. I never treat my partner as my help or servant and only ask if I really need something. Each gimp has different needs and abilities. Myself I am pretty much Dependant ad I know that can be trying on anyone. But I do think that open communication and honesty are the key to a successful relationship. Unfortunately sometimes I'll meet someone and we hit it off and down the road the other person decides it's to uncomfortable with me having my help around a lot of the time as it is their job to take care of my needs not the person I'm involved with. It's tough to find someone who really cares enough about you not to let the everyday things bother them. I only wish things would have worked out this last time but oh well, life goes on and I met a special person who I respect, and maybe I'll be a better person because of it. I don't think any relationship is a cake walk there is a lot of things involved to make one work. I hope you all can find that special someone and if you have I wish you a lifetime of happy memories
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Post by LadyLuvsParas on Dec 7, 2005 23:44:50 GMT -5
I'm all about the symbiosis myself. I know that in Rebecca's situation she was being exploited but I personally wouldn't really mind being the "bringer of Big Gulps". That would mean I could enter a retail establishment without lugging 26 pounds of squirming, sticky-faced (though adorable) destruction. I could actually take a leisurely stroll through a convenience store without having to utter the words "NO-NO!" even once! I'd relish taking my time and picking out just the right scented cardboard car freshener while he sat in the car playing endless rounds of "peek-a-boo"!
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Post by mrjefffurz on Dec 8, 2005 13:58:50 GMT -5
Unbroken
Gentle lover, I wish I could be whole for you again. When my life lay in the balance, broken beyond repair You stood at my side, smiling, and held my hand. I was appalled at what was taken and what was left But you simply looked into my eyes and smiled. I was needy; despairing of life but you just held me tight. And, always smiling, said that everything would be alright. The days that we’ve seen, the troubles we faced, once side by side. Now we are not so united, each gazing different ways. When you watch me, thinking that I don’t notice I feel you silently wish that your task soon be done. I look at you and I feel such resentment For all of the times I asked for some insignificant boon Only to see a look of dismay and impatience cross your face To be quickly replaced with that smile and a word of affirmation. Now I wish that your love had not been strong, That you had not willed me back from the brink. I wish that darkness had fallen and all that remained Gentle lover, was you and your memory of me-- Unbroken.
......mr jeffurz
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