what are your views on pretenders?

[destruktivekid]

Hi everyone I just wanna see how everyone here feels about pretenders those that fantasize about wheelchair and disability but do not/would not like to achieve it. They are clearly different from wannabe's. What is everyone else's opinions?

[mrjefffurz]

dont get me started,,,,they reallly, reallly piss me off...in this case imitation is the sincerest form of mockery,,,,if the idgits had to spend a single day REALLY living the dis life they woluld donate their cute little Ti chairs to the local ILC and never play their little mind games again...'nuff said b4 i really go off on a rant...

[BA]

Well Kid, this is a very loaded topic and I am sure if you parse through a few old threads you will find some very heated discussion. I personally have some issues with it and I have decided to be un-apologetic about it. I am ok with it in the privacy of one's own home, but when a person is out and about and is presenting him or herself as something they are really not (though even in their heart they feel they are), I still view it as deceptive.

[Triassic]

Huh... It doesn't bother me in the slightest.

[devogirl]

I agree with AB. If you are deceiving people in public, you are essentially recruiting non-consensual partners to your erotic fantasy, which is not ok. But I think people can do whatever they want in the privacy of their bedrooms. And they will anyway, regardless of what anyone else thinks. Lots of people engage in erotic play that would be highly disturbing in any "real" context. For instance, rape fantasies are very common, and I don't think women who engage in a fake rape scenario in a safe and consensual way are insulting women who have suffered real rape.
And just to reiterate, everyone is welcome to air their opinions on this issue, pro or con. My opinions are personal, not official with relation to the board.

[Ouch]

I'm not well researched or educated on the whole thing...but I do know it's a pretty heated debate across the web...

There's not much I can do about it, and that whole life liberty and pursuit of happyness is a big thing too..so in a way I feel resigned to take a laissez-faire approach...but in general, I don't think I can have a positive reaction to it...I won't hate those people, but it does seem a little insulting to me being disabled myself...I really think having the 'Freaky Friday' effect would give those people some perspective on how living as they 'wannabe', or 'pretend' would really be. Reality hurts a lot of times.

[destruktivekid]

I don't pretend I am kinda new to the devote scene (I registered 2 monthz ago) and I didn't know if they were az bad as wannabees I am sorry to give off the wrong impression I personally would never do something like that. Lol oh well there goes my 2nd post at the bored =/

[Jocker]

I agree with devogirl as far as in the context of whatever you do in your own bedroom is your business. And as far as pretenders in public as AB said this has been gone over a few times and I have stated my opinion.

[BA]

destruktivekid said:

I don't pretend I am kinda new to the devote scene (I registered 2 monthz ago) and I didn't know if they were az bad as wannabees I am sorry to give off the wrong impression I personally would never do something like that. Lol oh well there goes my 2nd post at the bored =/

I never took it that you were personally a pretender or wannabe (and it's none of my business actually). I just took it that you posted a valid question, so no offense taken. It's just a topic that's full of opinions on this and other forums.

[Ahiru]

destruktivekid said:

I didn't know if they were az bad as wannabees=/

That's a very loaded statement as well...although I don't like to describe myself as a wannabe (I always have the impression that people who call themselves wannabes don't take disability that seriously). I won't say anything else on the topic.

[Claire]

I think it's VERY important to distinguish between pretenders who have a genuine psychological/neurological condition (BIID or Body Integrity Identity Disorder) and people who are pretending for kicks or because they have a wheelchair fetish.

I am a member of the first group; I have BIID. To me, using a wheelchair is therapy. In fact, my psychologist has told me to continue doing this (from time to time) because it, well, therapeutic. So, for me, wheelchair use is actually a therapy prescribed by a mental health professional.

And I should add, although I'm a devotee as well (which is why I'm here), pretending and the desire to be *myself* disabled has absolutely no sexual element. I also want to add that there is a very good chance that BIID is neurological and not simply psychological. (references for this available if you want them)

But there are others who deny having BIID and rather term themselves "wheelchair fetishists" or have very nebulous reasons as to why they are actually wheeling other than that they get a kick out of it or it feels good or it's just "alternative locomotion" or whatever. I have a problem with these people. I think half of them *DO* have BIID but are unable to admit to themselves that they have a mental illness. My problem with them is honesty with themselves - they need to accept that they have a mental illness just like anyone else who needs to accept their disability. And the ones who are pretending but don't have BIID, well, that's just incomprehensible to me.

So, I believe that unless you actually have an illness/disability/disorder, then you should not be playing around with wheelchairs, but that BIID *is* a valid disorder. If it's "ok" to have CP, or it's "ok" to have an SCI, or it's "ok" to have muscular dystrophy, then it's not less "ok" to have BIID. It's just another condition like all the rest.

My devalued 2 cents.




Edited to fix typo.

[Triassic]

So...it's OK to be nuts so long as you ADMIT you're nuts? It's just when you deny you're nutty that it means you've got a problem.

To me, a wheelchair is just a piece of equipment; not a symbol, a fetish, a badge of pride, an emblem of rebellion...it's just an object to be used if needed OR JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.

[Claire]

Triassic said:

So...it's OK to be nuts so long as you ADMIT you're nuts? It's just when you deny you're nutty that it means you've got a problem.

Hmm, no, that's not quite what I was saying. You've got a problem regardless. By "ok" I mean valid, real. I guess what I'm saying is that mental illness can be as real of a problem as physical disability. It's just lower on the totem pole, the bottom rung of the disability heirarchy. So low, in fact, that it's underground.

[Ouch]

Personally, I don't think any form of 'disability' is lesser than any other...but then again...disabilitiy is a term that comes from a certain point of view...

Actually, myself...if someone wants to use a wheelchair instead of walk, or whatever, that doesn't really boil my blood. I think in general, regarding some of the furor over people doing so, is that people with disabilities often need such equipment as wheelchairs, and it's often hell to get a new/needed one, when we need it, so there is some scorn that people who don't need it, want to 'play' around in a wheelchair (NOTE: I'm hypothesising, this isn't necessarily a depiction of my views or opinons regarding the matter). In that case, perhaps the problem is not with 'pretenders/wannabes/those with BIID', but with the system that is in place to serve those who need equipment like wheelchairs, etc. primarily, and not with those who in some people's opinions don't need it.

Here's another 0.02...though in this case, I'm feeling like using Yen...

[dolly]

absinthe said:

I am ok with it in the privacy of one's own home, but when a person is out and about and is presenting him or herself as something they are really not (though even in their heart they feel they are), I still view it as deceptive.

that's how i feel too. gut reaction.

if only devs didn't keep getting "lumped in" with the other groups. completely different issues.

i know the biid thing runs deeper but it's not something i can relate to at all. it strikes me as being much more comparible to something like transgender issues than to women who dig guys in chairs.