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Post by TotalBias on May 11, 2018 13:41:42 GMT -5
Hello dev family.  I have a question for each of you. Is seeing a person using a wheelchair enough to trigger your dev response (whatever that dev response is to you)? For me, it’s not. When I see a wheelchair user, they get my attention right away, but if I don’t find them attractive beyond the chair then my dev response turns immediately off. I have been extremely attracted to the point of dating 3 wheelchair users, and have crushed on several others in passing, but I feel nothing at all for probably about 90% of wheelchair users. That being said, when I do find the person in the wheelchair attractive, I’m also attracted to their wheelchair/seeing them do things in their wheelchair. |
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Post by mona on May 11, 2018 13:49:05 GMT -5
I would even say 98 percent of them don't have any effect on me. I see a lot of wheelchair users because I use public transport and live in a pretty accessible city. Most of them don't seem to care about their appearance...
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Post by Chan on May 11, 2018 14:22:11 GMT -5
The most frustrating thing for me when someone finds out about my devness is the assumption that anything that rolls by somehow turns me on. There is approximately a 1% chance of me seeing a dis guy in real life that I'm actually attracted to, and if he has a shitty or outdated chair, it's game over. I'm not turned on by someone's chair itself, but if it's ugly or has accents I'm personally repelled by, I can't do it.
If a guy is in a chair but I don't find his face or body type attractive, I have absolutely zero dev response.
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Post by LaMara on May 11, 2018 14:39:37 GMT -5
I'm not primarily a SCI or otherwise wheeler dev (though I'm starting to develop a bit more of an interest in paras lately) so I would answer this question from a wider point of view: it's not enough for someone to have my preferred disability to be attractive.
Most guys who DO have that disability are actually not attractive to me, because of a combination of physical traits/look/age and so on.
I might still be curious and show an interest in the disability itself if I'm in a situation where I'm able to talk to them, but in a completely non-sexual way.
And even when a PWD is both hot AND pushes my dev buttons, I might find them a nice lil' eye candy but I need them to start talking and demonstrate some kind of personality before I can actually say that I am attracted, in the real sense of the word, to them.
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Post by tori on May 11, 2018 15:16:50 GMT -5
Pretty much what Chan said. It's MORE than just the chair. I would need to be physically attracted to their features as well for it to turn me on. Every wheeler or PWD I've met IRL I've never been attracted to. It's like searching for a unicorn. I worked with a quad once, but he was really overweight so he just didn't do it for me. SUPER GREAT dude though. Even if I would have been crushing on him (which I wasn't) I was married at the time. It was intriguing to watch him use the mouthpiece to type with. We'd take smoke breaks together and I'd light his smoke for him and watch him flick his cigarette with his mouth. I found this interesting from a curiosity perspective, but never attractive. I got all giddy when I was newly divorced years ago and heard through the grapevine there was a blind guy at work. Then I met him and he was NOT what I found attractive physically. His german shepherd service dog was adorable though... |
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Post by Emma on May 11, 2018 18:16:49 GMT -5
I too am not attracted to most guys I see who are amputees, wheelchair user or not. Like everyone else here, it's a combination of having one of the disabilities I like, general looks, other traits and most importantly personality. I rarely see anyone out in public that I find attractive, disabled or AB. When it comes to looks alone I'm really picky. Add in having the correct disability and I'm like Tori, searching for a unicorn. Nothing is absolute however. There are guys who have a disability I find attractive and push my dev buttons despite not having the looks to go along with it. I have also been in the situation where I wan't attracted to a guy but once I got to know him he became attractive to me. To answer your initial question I rarely get devy feelings from seeing a person out in public using a wheelchair. I'm curious TotalBias did you think most of the devs here were turned on just by seeing a wheelchair user? I know when you joined you didn't consider yourself a dev and I'm wondering if that may be why you didn't initially identify as a dev. |
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Post by lucretia on May 11, 2018 18:27:42 GMT -5
Nope.
Is having exactly the disability I'm most interested in enough? Nope.
Is being ridiculously hot and having exactly the disability I'm most interested in enough? Nope.
Attraction is a huge combination of traits, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.
Then throw in the vagaries of "chemistry"...
Most of us compromise on various things in order to even have relationships. If one single thing was ever enough... I can't even imagine.
In my life, in the wild, I've found exactly ONE wheeler attractive... And I've been looking at men in wheelchairs for nearly fifty years.
Most guys I see out and about are terribly unkempt, in a ridiculously poorly fitted chair, or both.
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Post by Deleted on May 11, 2018 19:02:51 GMT -5
When I see a wheelchair or other orthopedic device I right away check out the person using it. If I don't find the guy attractive, if he is a lot older than I am, if it is a female, or child I have no dev feelings at all. Then I'm really only interested in the way they use the wheelchair, the device or their disability from a purely clinical point of view.
It is very rare I see a guy in a wheelchair IRL who I find hot but given I don't know the person, it is only the visual aspect when I do see them.
Actually talking to a person and getting to know them is what counts for me and a guy in a chair can be hot as hell but if he turns out to be a d... or is full of himself then my dev feeling evaporate very quickly.
I'm actually getting like that now with my gym crush. I was initially so very attracted to him and wanted to do everything I can to meet him but the more I have seen him the less I care because he is absolutely unapproachable.
Even if he doesn't want anything to do with me, he doesn't even manage to make eye contact with me even though we have seen each other regularly and worked out side by side. Just from a normal human behavior of smiling at someone in your path, making eye contact when you see the person all the time he had none of that and it actually is now turning me off him. I have given him plenty of opportunities to "meet" me and I really feel he is trying his hardest to avoid me so I'm backing off.
And it's not that I have been a total annoying stalker or anything, far from it but I talk to other people in the gym and smile and it's just normal behavior, he for some reason tries very hard to avoid my eye contact or anything of the likes. So there goes this perfect guy, he is hot to me and he is not even a gym rat or anything but just an attractive man my age and he is in a wheelchair and in my eyes the absolute hottest dude in the gym but he missed out.
I actually think he changed his work out times not to see me because as weird as it sounds, I have always felt some kind of tension between us when we are close and maybe he is feeling it too. Maybe I'm freaking him out with my vibes...lol
So, to go back to the OP, yes, personality and many other attributes have to match. The wheelchair by itself is a tool I'm interested in, in a factual way but without the matching person, it triggers no dev feelings whatsoever.
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Post by laur on May 11, 2018 19:31:19 GMT -5
If a guy is in a chair but I don't find his face or body type attractive, I have absolutely zero dev response. Exactly the same for me. If I don’t find the guy otherwise attractive (personality, looks, etc), I’m not going to be attracted to him; however, a PWD who I do find attractive otherwise is WAY hotter to me than an AB guy who looks the same. |
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Post by blueskye101 on May 11, 2018 21:21:50 GMT -5
Nope, the chair does not do it for me. It will force a second look. Has to be the magic formula, what ever that is but as has been mentioned, physical, personality, interests, spiritual. Yea, definitely a unicorn. Its not going to happen. But I like to look. Very close but age was/is a factor at one point. Damn.
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Post by parashoot on May 11, 2018 22:00:31 GMT -5
Same as most people above said:
My eye instantly goes to wheels. A bicycle, mobility scooter or wheelchair..even a stroller.
If the chair holds a young, decent looking person, I may feel a little dev thrill, despite gender or particular attractiveness. It doesn't mean I want to jump their bones, but I may get a little devvy jolt.
If the person is super old, obese, or unattractive to me, I just look away and move on.
If the person is attractive, I will keep an eye on them and enjoy. This is a rarity. Only happened several times in my life, and often not actually with wheelers, but usually with visually or other non-wheeling physically disabled people...
Random, but just as I type this I am watching "me myself and Irene" and looked up to see a wheeler on screen! Haha (he was not attractive to me for the record).
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Post by robbb on May 12, 2018 1:58:24 GMT -5
Being on wheels isn't enough in itself but if I am honest I think I am very slightly more likely to be attracted to a guy that I might otherwise not have been, but only VERY slightly.
R.
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Post by Deleted on May 13, 2018 2:04:48 GMT -5
I'm curious TotalBias did you think most of the devs here were turned on just by seeing a wheelchair user? I know when you joined you didn't consider yourself a dev and I'm wondering if that may be why you didn't initially identify as a dev. I'm also curious as to your answer to the question above. Having been around here now for a few weeks and reading posts and interacting with people on this board, has your perception of yourself as a dev changed? You can see that in some aspects of our devness lots of the devs here have similar opinions as when it comes to your initial question in this thread for example. |
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Post by TotalBias on May 13, 2018 14:01:18 GMT -5
I too am not attracted to most guys I see who are amputees, wheelchair user or not. Like everyone else here, it's a combination of having one of the disabilities I like, general looks, other traits and most importantly personality. I rarely see anyone out in public that I find attractive, disabled or AB. When it comes to looks alone I'm really picky. Add in having the correct disability and I'm like Tori, searching for a unicorn. Nothing is absolute however. There are guys who have a disability I find attractive and push my dev buttons despite not having the looks to go along with it. I have also been in the situation where I wan't attracted to a guy but once I got to know him he became attractive to me. To answer your initial question I rarely get devy feelings from seeing a person out in public using a wheelchair. I'm curious TotalBias did you think most of the devs here were turned on just by seeing a wheelchair user? I know when you joined you didn't consider yourself a dev and I'm wondering if that may be why you didn't initially identify as a dev. I definitely did think that was part of it. I’ve never been one to get super mega turned on by a particular (dis)ability in terms of like, not thinking about the person who actually had the (dis)ability. I think I’m starting to lean towards being more comfortable identifying as being a dev / having dev traits because I’m starting to realize that many devs aren’t just into the (dis)ability itself either. |
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Post by shape on May 14, 2018 1:24:26 GMT -5
TotalBias, I wonder why you ask about the use of ( ) with "disability" if you're going to disregard the answers... It's annoying and hard to read... About the wheelchair, I always look because I know a lot of wheelers and want to make sure if it's one of them. But, although I'm not primarily a wheeler dev, I can tell you, like the others, that I'm into the person. Maybe I like someone more because of his disability, I don't know, but I HAVE to like him with or without his disability.
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I have a question for each of you. 
