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Post by Pony on May 19, 2007 15:48:33 GMT -5
...totally fascinating!!! I don't understand it, except that there were sexual things that happened in my childhood that affected me so strongly that i search for those feelings in my adulthood. Anais...you are welcome here!! And i like the sound of that 'sweet pain' - damn interesting!! We've needed a psychologist around here for a while.  |
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Post by devogirl on May 19, 2007 22:16:16 GMT -5
I must add, that I have never experienced this fantasy as sexual. Or, better to say, sexual turn-on and the kind of a turn on I experience seeing a disabled guy are completely different. How shall I explain it more clearly? Psysically speaking, when I see or fantasyse about a man in a wheelchair I feel something like a sweet pain in my back, as if I was stimulated by an electrical shocker in my low waste. This feeling was the same since I was 5, or even less, and may be that is why I do not connect it with sexual arousal. But it is quite an arousal! This feeling, is one of the sweetest I have known, and I would'nt want to exchange it for anything. But aqain, it is something detached from any other sensual stimulations in my life. Anais, I know exactly what you are talking about. I get this strange sensation, like a wrenching, twisting feeling deep in my gut--totally involuntary, but it feels really good. It's not an orgasm, the feeling is different, much sharper, shorter, and centered in the pit of my stomach, not in my vagina. It's like a little shot of endorphins, or an electric shock, like you said. And also (unlike an orgasm) I can't do anything physically to make it happen--it just happens spontaneously when I see or think about a disabled guy. But even then it's not a sure thing, it doesn't happen every time, often it's quite unpredictable what exactly will trigger it, although it never happens with an AB guy (no matter how sexy I might find him). And if it happens once when I read a book or watch a movie with a disabled guy in it, usually it only happens the first time, then it's gone--reading the same thing again won't make it happen again. I guess it's this sensation more than anything else that makes me a devotee--like you I've been aware of it since I was a little kid, but didn't make the sexual connection until I was older. It doesn't happen when I have sex, it's something different. It's odd that I never mentioned it on the board before. Does this happen to anyone else? |
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anais
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Post by anais on May 20, 2007 7:09:25 GMT -5
Devogirl, I couldn't describe this feeling more precisely, thanks alot for this. It feels really good to be understood. I don't think ever took the effort to describe it to anyone, including myself, in words. It is a little beyond words... like trying to describe being drunk, surprize or sudden fear. Once you felt it, you would recognize it. I think, it is just a different part of the brain which is stimulated by the object of our facsination, perhaps somewhere in a more rudimentary region, like the lymbic system taking over the cortex (just a guess, would be interesting to perform an fMRI on our brains  However, it feels like it comes from the spinal chord, making the twist somewhere at it's bottom. But, as you said, this "pain" is short and sharp, very pleasant, and usually there is nothing you can do to deliberately turn it on. But, in some state of mind, I can trigger it by writing or thinking about a specific scene. I also agree that it happens only once during a scene in a book or a movie- for me, I guess that what does trigger it is the body movement of the disabled guy, the way his legs move (or don't move in some cases). For instance, I can remember precizely this feeling watching "The Men", when Brando was trying to stand up in his wedding, or walking in a gym with his braces. Than click, and it happens- I am all twisted, unable to breathe, dizzy, feeling like hundreds of needles are being shot into by back. Part of the fun is the quest for this emotion, the guessing what would trigger it. I do call it "painful", because it is usually overwhelming, and completely physical, it is a pleasure mixed with some kind of tiny seizures in by back and chest (but nothing like an orgazm). I happen to think, that the word "pain" bears the most powerful connotation for body sensations, that's why I use it in this context. Another thing, that after it is gone, I do feel tired and empty, unable to recapture the sensation once again. So the rebound effect does in a way resemble the sexual one. |
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Post by Pony on May 20, 2007 10:43:01 GMT -5
I tell you, this is the most interesting Devo-phenomena I've ever heard of since I found this site last Summer. The odds of two girls feeling this similar "pain" connected to disability blows my mind. i wish researchers could study you two.
Since we're discussing sensations here, i've lost most physical pleasures, as i've lost feeling completely from chest down, which has heightened my mental pleasures. And my biggest sexual pleasure is actually vicariously living the feeling through the girl I'm with, especially at orgasm. I literally get high in my mind. There is another feeling that i find strange, but when i get excited at looking at porn, or fantasize about a girl, i run my finger down the inside of my arm from shoulder down very slowly. It's very sensitive and somehow heightens my mental state. I'm sure this must be the fact that I've lost so much that ANY sensation can be sexual.
Anyway, when a girl cums intensely through a combination of me licking and her rubbing, or even me talking her through it, or vibrator, it is an incredible mental sensation in me...frustrating, yet pleasure at same time!!
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Post by Claire on May 20, 2007 11:08:21 GMT -5
Well, my experience is VERY close to that. My heart rate speeds up, and my breath comes really quick. I feel it it my gut, a it's like a wrenching longing, it physically feels very good, but emotionally a bit painful (ie. "sweet pain"), and the strength of the emotional pain depends on which "side" of me is reacting more strongly at the time...devotee or wannabe. It can be one, or the other, or both, and when it's arousing wannabe feelings in me it's the most emotionally painful, but when it's arousing devotee feelings in me, I get sexually aroused. It's always been like that, ever since I was little, and like Devogirl I didn't make the sexual connection until I was much older, although I *felt* the sexual attraction since puberty, I didn't realize what it was until I had enough sexual experience to put a name to it.
Honestly, with all this going on, the physical reactions and the emotional ones, it's VERY hard to me to act normal and treat you guys just like everyone else. Whether I'm a devo or a wannabe or both, I get tongue tied and want to look and then again I don't want to stare like all the other idiots out there, so I look away, then look back, look away again...I am a total IDIOT and I just *know* that I'm acting like one of those clueless idiots who stares and you all hate, which makes me miserable about the whole thing. It's just that I'm admiring you and my body is betraying me and it confuses me. And I know that were I to tell you the truth about why I'm unable to just act nonchalant and treat you as if I would any other randomly met guy, some of you would be okay with me being a devo, and some would hate me for it, and the same goes for if I told you I was a wannabe, so I tend to stay away, and not try to make any contact, although I would dearly love to. Having these reactions and being unable to act "normal" around you is the biggest reason I have a hard time getting over the shame I feel about being a devotee. Because I want to get over it, and I know better, and I'm more informed than most of the idiots out there, and yet by outward appearance I'm just another clueless idiot. But what's going on in my mind is much different than what's going on in theirs.
Edited to add: Somebody please tell me I'm not alone in that!!
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Mark
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Post by Mark on May 20, 2007 17:01:23 GMT -5
This is one of the most interesting threads I've read on this site. I have been asked a number of times how I can enjoy sex without orgasming myself. I've explained to them that I get off vicariously (that same exact word-I sh*t you not) by touching, sharing, feeling our entire bodies and experiencing their orgasm as they cum. I always thought of it as two artists working together to produce a masterpiece.
I've also never had dev-ness explained and defined to me as such either. Is it ironic that we both are stimulated without using the classic customary organs and senses? Or could it be a higher mind/body connection power driving and overpowering us in a manner never clinically explored and documented by the Sigmund Freud's of the world?
Gotta go now and test this theory...
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Post by devogirl on May 20, 2007 17:17:28 GMT -5
Very interesting.... I experience it more as a twisting feeling in my stomach, not my back or spine, and I never thought of it as painful, although if it's very intense it sometimes makes me dizzy. I have learned to enjoy it, but when I was younger it was confusing. I was never particularly interested in SCI guys until I met one, my childhood fantasies were mostly about blind men or amputees, so I think the fact that there's some similarity with your experience of sex is a coincidence. I think for me it is some sort of mind/body connection, maybe the limbic system reacting to the primal shock of seeing a disabled body by sending out a jolt of endorphins. Like I said before, Freud's explanations never seemed adequate to me, there must be more going on.
And no, Claire, you're not at all alone in worrying that you are coming off like an abnoxious idiot, but I find the more disabled guys I get to know as platonic friends, the less I am like that with strangers.
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Post by BA on May 20, 2007 22:13:26 GMT -5
Maybe they should study a group of us. I experience what I always thought was a "surge" of endorphins as an almost electrical like "sweet pain" that runs through my stomach and up through the legnth of my spine. Unlike Anais, however, I have associated this feeling with a strong sexual urge and have let it run its full course, at times feeling that I would be absolutely overwhelmed with the intensity and exqusiteness of both the pain and pleasure. It has felt at times, like I could just pee myself, the pelvic congestion is immediate and there is nothing and I mean NOTHING that is equivalent.
The end result of this wonderful endorphin surge (with the right person) has been extensive and prolonged orgasmic bliss. Anais, I do not wish to dissuade you from your course of getting married. I have just found that I cannot experience this level of intensity with an able-bodied guy, no matter what. I miss it. Alot.
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Post by Valkyrja on May 20, 2007 22:15:07 GMT -5
YES!... I join the group. If I see a wheelchair I feel something like a soft blow in my stomach, it's like a feeling of anticipation. Then, if the guy in the chair attract me, that softness begin to warm my body but, since a little child, that sensation become a soft and strange tickling in my clit area. Its not an orgasm, it's a very pleasant feeling and it's completely different than an orgasm. It really is a "pleasant soft pain" but I feel it in my genital area. And, like I said, it happens since the first recall I have of my devness. Strange, ah!..
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Post by devogirl on May 20, 2007 22:37:43 GMT -5
Aha, so others feel it too, I'm sure there are more devos who experience this as well. I feel like we have made a great discovery...there should be a name for this sensation. It's what I have sometimes called that "devo thrill" but doesn't seem quite descriptive enough.
I wonder also if my non-devo female friends feel the same thing ever. I'll have to ask them.
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Post by Valkyrja on May 20, 2007 22:49:27 GMT -5
My friends (girls friends) dont know about my devness... but a lot of time we talked about what we felt when we where having sex.
Here Sex is a great "TABOO" (between woman of my generation)... is incredible but only 20 or 25% of the women have felt an orgasm. The feelings of a couple of friends have (the two who have had orgasm) is completely different. That feeling is completely genital. They never felt the other "symptoms". I must confess I never felt that with an AB guy!! I think it's because the feeling is not only genital but mental too. I always thouth that the mind can give you the best orgasm ever!...
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Post by taylor on May 21, 2007 11:46:48 GMT -5
and cue the chorus of angels...I am not freakin' crazy. I have the same thing, in the pit of my stomach into my back, and then literally weak in the knees. I have always enjoyed this immensely, even before there was a real sexual connection. I also think this is why AB relationships have me completely frustrated, because they never tap into this.
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Post by Pony on May 21, 2007 15:01:49 GMT -5
Well, now I'm KNOCKED OUT...this is an amazing discovery that I'm sure is the first time most of you have ever discussed, much less find other girls that share it. This is definitely NOT coincidence!! Maybe it's just the "animal" in me, but I find it a BIG turn on, probably because of that vicarious thang I have for feeling what the girl feels - you girls describe a 'delicious intensity' that piques my sexual cortex of brain!! Mark...glad to hear another SCI that feels like me, coz to be honest, we are very rare among men in general, and I find it hard to explain to someone who doesn't understand. Keep ROCKIN!!! |
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Post by Ouch on May 21, 2007 15:40:07 GMT -5
I, too, have been reading this quietly 'standing in the shadows', and I must say I am quite amazed with the whole thing...it would be interesting to do some real research and study on this to see how it all comes together...one of many Dev-related things that could use a lot of study...
...as for naming the 'sensation'...I'm calling it the 'Ambrosia Effect' starting now...officially shotgun-copyrighted/trademarked/reserved/etc. by me...
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Post by Cake on May 21, 2007 18:50:29 GMT -5
I'm with all the ladies here; I know the sensation. It's what defines my "devness"; it has always been this particular sweet pain which shows me how aroused o not aroused i am. For me it definitely IS a pain, a very sweet one, but a pain, physically and mentally. When it appears I often get obsessed with it, addicted, somehow. On one hand I want more of it, can't think about anything else - on the other, however, it's exhausting, scary, sometimes even depressing. It can be beautiful and inspiring, but also dark and... painful.
It's amazing and exciting to learn now that "devness" and "sweet pain" seem to be a very common phenomenon among us ladies around here. I've often wondered how much being a devotee is possibly connected to pain anyway. As long as I can remember some sort of pain always came along with getting sexually aroused by a wheeler, whether it's a fantasy or an unexpected "event", there's always the sweet pain.
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However, it feels like it comes from the spinal chord, making the twist somewhere at it's bottom. But, as you said, this "pain" is short and sharp, very pleasant, and usually there is nothing you can do to deliberately turn it on. But, in some state of mind, I can trigger it by writing or thinking about a specific scene. I also agree that it happens only once during a scene in a book or a movie- for me, I guess that what does trigger it is the body movement of the disabled guy, the way his legs move (or don't move in some cases). For instance, I can remember precizely this feeling watching "The Men", when Brando was trying to stand up in his wedding, or walking in a gym with his braces. Than click, and it happens- I am all twisted, unable to breathe, dizzy, feeling like hundreds of needles are being shot into by back. Part of the fun is the quest for this emotion, the guessing what would trigger it. I do call it "painful", because it is usually overwhelming, and completely physical, it is a pleasure mixed with some kind of tiny seizures in by back and chest (but nothing like an orgazm). I happen to think, that the word "pain" bears the most powerful connotation for body sensations, that's why I use it in this context. Another thing, that after it is gone, I do feel tired and empty, unable to recapture the sensation once again. So the rebound effect does in a way resemble the sexual one.
