Hello to the blessed community

[Pony]

My hope is that the girl who loves me wants me because of intense chemistry, the way i make her feel and the appreciation for the struggle I've had to fight over the past 27 years. i don't need, or want, a lifeguard saving me. And I don't want to be saving them from their depression all the time. Believe it, or not, I've had girls that totally ignore the chair...it meant ZERO to them, which is NOT what I want either. The war I've been through, and continue, is worth recognizing!! I'm an empathetic person, meaning I feel a lot of what other people feel, and I need that same thing in a girl. The last thing I need in my life is a cynical, jaded, hard-hearted girl.

[Cake]

OK, uhm... who said anything about life saving and real "nursing"? Because this is definitely not what we meant... or at least I didn't. So, no misunderstanding here.
I can only speak for myself, but I think we have to clearly distinguish between possible fantasies and fiction feelings and what we actually wish for our real life relationships. So if a dev says she has a fantasy about "helping" the guy or feeling for him, it doesn't mean she's looking for a weak, dependent "help-me-my-lady"- guy in real life. Often it's actually quite the opposite. My fantasies include a LOT of things I wouldn't wanna have or wouldn't do in my "real" relationship.

[Valkyrja]

I agree. What attract me of a guy in a wheelchair is his "overcoming" (I dont really know the translation of the spanish word "superación"). His way of seeing the life, the way of fighting against the adversity. All of this forges the character and the personality. Disabled people that I have known have an incredible and wonderful personality. They are usually considered and attentive; and they are not offended if a woman is considered and attentive just for the pleasure of being that way. The why I am attracted by a "wheelchair"... I don't have idea... it is something that was always with me. Now, the why I am attracted by the men that are in those wheelchair is for what I commented before. For me, besides the wheelchair, it is the personality and the intelligence what excites me vastly.

[anais]

I am afraid people got a little offended from the "saving" part I mentioned. What I said exists only in my fantasies. Certainly in reallife I admire people who overcome obstacles, who are independent and strong. I believe there is a huge difference between the reality and our imaginary lives and relationship, I even hope that there is. But still, I think that in the core of my devness is the attraction to pain, the struggle and overcoming of it.
Tony, fubb, if I met you in real life, I am sure "saving you" wouldn't even cross my mind, and I would be looking at you admiring your will. I am scared of being misinterpreted, so I feel I need to emphasize that I never wanted to say that you wheelers are in some way weak or dependent. One of the sexiest and emotionally powerfull things is "overcoming the struggle" that Tony mentioned, that thing that makes you so special, so unique from other guys!

[Pony]

No Anais, I didn't get offended at all, and I wasn't saying any Devs here have that "saving syndrome". I was speaking IN GENERAL about that because there are girls out here that feel that, and the "saving" someone isn't all that bad coz I know I've done the same emotional thing before, and, like I said somewhere, it's a beautiful thing to be needed. I think a chairdude and AB girl can be a veryyy intense relationship. I personally think the bond can be much more deep...i know it has in my past relations.

The way you and Val explained your attraction is exactly what I want in a girl. And I'm pleased greatly that you find "overcoming the struggle" a sexy attribute and worthy of admiration.

Just a personal note, I love when "Cinderella Wins!!!" I really enjoy REAL stories where the character with ALL the odds against them PREVAILS. i draw inspiration all the time from stories like that, and there's plenty out there. Not ALL wheelers are worthy of feeling of inspiration, I've met plenty who were not, believe me. However, "Adversity Reveals Character", and i love when I see someone kicking ass in life with a heavy load on their back.

Anyway, I rarely ever get offended, especially on here, so NO WORRIES, MATE, as Fubb would say. lol

Fubb....you asked up there somewhere why I didn't move to Delaware. My roots are here, the same for Paula up there. She entertained the idea of moving, as she could replant her life much easier than me, but Florida doesn't pay shit compared to up North. But it's ok, we both went different directions, and both happy.

...this pic is me driving with few buddies!!

[mrjefffurz]

a few comments thru my old, jaded eyes,,,ive dated a few of the "need to save" type grrlz and it was generally over as soon as that behavior became appearant...im often referred to, by my budz, w/ a hint of exasperation, as "mr. independent"...the things ive had to allow ppl to do for me during this period of infirmity has caused me loads of frustration & irritation but ive tried to handle it w/ some measure of my natural apolmb...but i will be so damned glad when i am allowed to transfer again,,,that hoyer lift has become a symbol of all of the frustrations but i have to temper my anxiousness with good sense,,,dont need any kind of setback...dunno what a fall would do to that area where my hip once dwelt and i dont wanna know...buddy tony, i understand your "adversity reveals character" motto but i use ",,,builds chaacter" and my reasoning is that i dont kow what i can endure until i have done so with my spirit intact and come out the far side of the "incident" with my character unbowed and my stubborness blaring...but i think we mean the same thing...ive been so lucky that the ppl who have cared for me all these weeks havent been "saviors",,,just stoic but gentle caregivers...and now..due to the the unfortunate loss of their home to that fire, ive become not-a-savior toward them but a friend willing to open my home to them for as long as it takes for them to get their world put back together...as for admiration for overcoming adversity...generally its something i dont appreciate in the general public but i handle it much better when the person truly understands...

oh, on a side note:tony, im hoping you are naturally hairless cuz if it were to get out that u shave your back it would wreck your reputation as a "man's man"(not meant in a gay way,,,not that there's anything wrong w/ that...jeff

[Pony]

haha.....what's wrong with WAXING your back? I'm KIDDING!!! lol i'm hairy only on my chest, no hairy back...sorry, but that is ugly on guys!!! lol

Jeffers....I like your take on the phrase coz I'm not sure where my breaking point is either. I'm a very healthy quad, and I've met chairdudes that had to spend long periods of time in bed or hospitals coz of pressure sores or infections. i despise being in bed more than 8 hours, and i really think I could get very depressed if i had to stay in bed. BTW, glad to here such a nice appreciation for those that have helped you through this crazy time, and glad to see you help them in time of need. I'm not religious, but i do believe in people helping people. You have my utmost respect!!!

[mrjefffurz]

back waxing my ass!,,wait,,,let me rephrase that ;D thanx for the compliment, tony bud...altho i take exception at the "ugly' comment,,,im not called "teddybear" just cuz im cute n cuddly... ;D funny thing happened once,,,a gal pal was huggin on me and ran her hand down inside my shirt,,,was all surprised that my chest fur was so soft,,,then she called all her grrlie budz over to feel the 'awesome" texture,,,it 'bout caused me ol heart to 'splode...among other reactions...fyi,,,id love to party w/u, dude,,,,we'd tear the 'ell out of some club, i reckon...jeff

[Claire]

Hmmm...saving, rescuing, nursing, none of that does a thing for me. That's not devness at all for me. There is no appeal to that whatsoever in my fantasies or, I suppose, were it to happen in real life.

[faith]

I can so relate to this thread, the "feeling" part. I would not describe it as a sweet pain, as there is no pain associated with it.
It is a feeling like no other- when I see an attractive wheeler there is a soft, gentle pulsation there (you know that spot... I don't want to be too graphic...but, yes, there). It is a gentle pulsing and although it starts there it seems to work its way up, sometimes my breathing even changes. It is an incredible feeling- tender yet exciting, soft yet thrilling- unlike anything else.

Although I would love to be with a wheeler, I may never have that chance. But I wouldn't change that sweet spot feeling for anything. It is like my little secret... and I love it.

As for the saving of anyone- it isn't for me. I don't view wheelers in anyway someone to be saved or helped.... I too like confident, positive, lighthearted men... preferably a wheeler... and even more preferrably a quad. Don't know why. Something really sexy. Makes me pulsate.

[matisse]

dolly said:

and matisse, there may be some devs here who are looking for "a wheeler", any wheeler. but for a lot of us there are other factors that are key for a relationship to take seed. it's something that may happen gradually, but it's not what we are here "for".

Yeah, I've heard all that here before, but I still don't get it. It still seems to me that if the feelings really are that strong and powerful, that more devs would make a greater effort to find a wheeler. It seems instead that most devs are quite willing to settle for an AB instead.

[BA]

I think very simply because the numbers are just not stacked in our favor AND I don't think most devs are willing to "settle" for a wheeler, just because he wheels. It's like finding a needle in a haystack really. Also, I still think that some of us just haven't come to the point of really wanting to act on some of those strong feelings. I can't count myself, because I have... notheless, I have never exclusively dated or had relationships with wheelers. I have had relationships with the people who happened to come into my life.

[faith]

AB- I agree. It isn't that the feelings aren't strong, but there are so many other variables. I knew I had a strong attraction to men in chairs since I was young yet as an 18,19, 20 year old I didn't have the confidence or the knowledge on how or where to look for wheelers. Back then (I am in my 40's) there was no internet or websites like this. Then, once you establish yourself in a community with friends, job etc it makes it harder to change.
If I had it to do over I would do things completely different.

Maybe to compare it might be like a wheeler wanting to date a dev. I know there are more wheelers than devs, but it isn't as easy as it sounds.

[matisse]

faith said:

I know there are more wheelers than devs, but it isn't as easy as it sounds.

I'm not saying it's easy to find a wheeler, but it does seem easy to try. There seems to be less trying going on than I would have guessed based on the description of the strength of these feelings.

On the wheeler side, I don't have a good sense of whether the guys are making an effort or not (the "here I am come get me" posts don't count for me as trying).

[Ouch]

...hmm...matisse, sure, these ladies are devotees and all, which means, they have the taste for a delicacy...but just because they are devotees, and have a particular attraction to some type of disability, doesn't mean they aren't women as well...it doesn't mean they're frothing at the mouth, rabid to just grab a wheeler and have their way with them just because...they want to find a wheeler that also happens to be the 'right' person as well...thus becoming a search for 'a needle in a haystack', at least that is my understanding of it.

Plus, it's like any other type of 'deviation' as the uninformed would call it...society doesn't quite cater to attractions that Devs feel/have, and societal pressures keep many from acting on their attractions...just like Lesbian/Gay/Bi folks go on for years sometimes forcing themselves to pretend to be Heterosexual, because of societal pressure that mostly supports heterosexual relations as 'normal'. To society to have attractions to the disabled is considered 'different' at best, and perhaps 'wrong' at worst, so it's not like Devs are going to be jumping out of the walls to lavish themselves upon wheelers because of that point exactly. Some are more...perhaps valiant against the pressures and are more public in their pursuits, but still a many are not comfortable with making it public.