Hello to the blessed community

[anais]

Hi guys, I am all new here. Have been reading this board for some days, having a totally new feelling of legitimation I have never had. You all have probably heard plenty of times those exclamations: "I am so happy, I found you. I do not feel like a freak anymore" etc. I know it's boring, but couldn't help expressing it myself. So, I guess, I am another one of those out of the closet, feelling stupid not finding you earlier.
English is far from beeing my mother tongue, so beg u a pardon in advance for any linguistic mistakes I make. I must say, It was a real shock to me to realize there is such a community, that there are other people around the world finding atraction in what I have found since my first memory. Being in a mental health field, I am still trying to find out the psychologial dinamic roots of this amazing fenomenon. Personally, I have always thought it made me in some what special, in a good way different from others. I never had any frustrations about it, only a curiousity and a drive to understand. If you have any links on this kind of information on the board or else, I will be more than thankful. Anyway, I am processing the information I have acquired here, and will be happy to share with you my own knowledge and info. Since it was impossible to read all the messages on the board, I am afraid of repeating stuff u have already discussed. What is the policy about it here?
And again, thank you for existing

[Valkyrja]

Hi Anais!!... Welcome from one newbie to another! LOL.. Where are you from?
I never cared nor analized the psicological background in my liking. I just do. Which is the background in a woman who likes blue eyer or wide mouth? Well, beside "chairdudes" (a word I learn from u, Tony) I love men necks, the back part. Weird, isnt it!
See you, boys, another Dev!

[anais]

Hi Valkyr, Thanx for the warm welcome. I am from Israel. As about the "psychologial background"- I agree, that it is a personal choice of every one whether to dwell on the subject, or just accept it the way it is. I find it interesting even due to the fact that there is such a small number of people, especially women, who are devotees (it is the first time I actually typed the strange word!), so as every rare and non-mainstream phenomenon, it arises a lot of question marks for me. I have heard the argument of "redhead\ blue eyes lovers", but it doesn't convince me. First, since even the attraction to "blue eyes" is interesting enough to be explained- I believe, that every preference in us have origins somewhere, which could be a great adventure to explore. Second, because you will find statistically a lot more people attracted to variety of basic physical attributes of another person, than people who are fond of non-basic attributes. Third, because it is difficult to compare "blue eyes" with a wheelchair, which are not of the same category, I guess. Hope I don't offend anyone here, with this not very PC remark, but I find any deviation (even stastistical) as an opportunity to comprehend something important of the human nature.
I believe, that if good old Freud would have heard of devoteeism, he would have wrote books on it. It is a shame that nowdays researchers are not very familiar with it. Anyhow, I believe that understanding or insight of something in your posession, gives you more freedom to use it in your service.

[Claire]

Hi Anais and welcome. I am a relative newbie here too. Yes it's a shock when you first realize. Be glad you found out in such a *positive* way. I was introduced to the phenomenon by some friends with disabilities who told me about devoteeism and wannabeism in the same breath as they commented on how sick and twisted and evil it all was. Tough blow.

You mentioned repeating stuff already discussed. I think you're right, it's impossible to read everything on the board. If you do mention something that's already been dicussed, someone here will more than likely tell you that it's been covered and send you the link to the post from 2005!! But all that aside, I would say don't worry about it. Old topics sometimes bear being re-discussed by new people who can bring a different perspective to it (and there are other newbies besides you), and even the people who participated in the previous discussion may have something new to bring to the table months or years later.

[devogirl]

Hi Anais, ma nishma!
Welcome to the board. I think you'll find that people here are very friendly. Read through some of the old posts if you want to, but it's not required in order to start chatting. Don't worry about bringing up topics that have been discussed before. The number of people who actively participate changes a lot, so it becomes a whole new conversation each time. There really aren't any strict rules here.
I'm very interested in hearing your views as someone in the field of psychology. You seem to have a very healthy attitude--I think it's great that you think of yourself as "special" rather than "sick." Although I don't think I would care to hear what Freud would have to say about it, probably the same thing as he said about the man who had a fetish for the shine on the end of a woman's nose, about displacement and horror of genetalia

[Valkyrja]

I'm still reading old post... it's a very large list!!
I like that Anais has introduced the topic cause I'm new in the knowledge of the meaning of devoteism.
Personally, like I said before, I've always been a Dev. My first recall come from when I was 5 years old.
I read that they're studiying if it has psicological backgrounds (perhaps some disabled in the family or some experience). No one in my family is or was disabled, I never met a disabled person when I was that little.
I spent the first 2 and a half year of my life sailing (my father was a ship engineer) In the ship nobody was disabled.
I can only say that I did have a problem... but with AB people.
I got really upset when, walking by the street, my parents saw a disabled (no matter was a man or a woman) they felt pity... And the known phrase "poor guy, he is so handsome!" or "poor gir, she is so pretty" appeared.
Don't ask me why but I remember I felt really angry.
I don't know if it was my first education or what but I could never see the difference... there're people who can walked and there're people who could not (and that include all desabilities).
But the mind, the personality, the heart and the soul... the things that make you a human being, are in everybody. You can be a wonderful person or not, no matter if you're AB or not.
I has a cousin... she has an accident about 12 years ago. She became paraplejic. Her husband stayed with her cause he really loves her. The first time she got pregnant it was a family scandal. There appeared the "poor girl" phrase, the family said that the husband was a pervert because "look what he did to her!"
OH man!... I had to fight with all my family trying them to understand that she was the same girl, and she had the same right to be a mother like they was. She and her husband loved each other... why couldn't they make love! (I asked) but they never understood. They thought he was a "raper" cause "how he could do this to her!·
Obviously my cousin never heard that absurd things... Today, they have 3 children.
Now... when someone saw a guy in a wheelchair and begin the "look..." I interrup the phrase and I say "UOU... he is cute", they say nothing more. Years made me more "serene" I guess! LOL
Hope I made myself clear!!... Forgive me if I mix some things!

[Valkyrja]

devogirl said:

Although I don't think I would care to hear what Freud would have to say about it, probably the same thing as he said about the man who had a fetish for the shine on the end of a woman's nose, about displacement and horror of genetalia

LOL!!! ;D
Devogirl... I like your comments every day more and more!!

[taylor]

Welcome! Don't think twice about sharing your story out of fear that its all been said before. We all have similiar stories, but definitely different influences and filters, so it is always nice to read different perspectives.

[dolly]

welcome, anais! as others have said...feel free to jump in and share your experiences, ask questions, etc. glad you found us.

[BA]

Shalom Anais. Is your name taken for Anais Nin? Welcome to the board. You have found a place where you can just be yourself. Here you will find a group of wonderful people who are bright, insightful and welcoming. I have been on the board several years now and I can truly say, it has been a wonderful experience for me. I have held a "secret", felt that I was the "only one" with the secret. Couldn't talk about it, because I thought it was just so quirky and deviant....and now I am rather proud of my uniqueness. The wheeling men on this board have been gracious and thrilled and the other women (well, there are LOTS of us!) are wonderfully supportive. In fact, it seems that there are more and more of us.

I don't know why I am this way. On this board we have debated whether or not we have a certain personality "type" or similar early childhood experiences. It always seem that we fall short of coming up with any definative answers.

There seem to be few common threads, if any. I look at it this way: perhaps we just have better taste in men!

[Claire]

absinthe said:

I look at it this way: perhaps we just have better taste in men!

LOL AB, that's the best explanation I've heard yet!

[Triassic]

One of the real hallmarks of devness is the sheer diversity of the devs; all races, classes and backgrounds, all nationalitys, all personalities, all styles, wide variation in sophistication and intelligence...My initial belief that it was mostly a white, middle class American thing was very wrong.

[Ray T]

Hello and welcome jump right in and start posting I can't wate to hear from fresh prospectives.

I don't remember who has it on there posts but omeone here has a thing on all there post that says men are like parking spots all of the good ones are eather taken or handicaped... I like that ... I also think there may be something to the not to many people that have gone through a SCI or what ever that put them in a chair turn out to be jerks after living through/with our aflictions i think it makes take a better look at the people and things around us and take little to nothing for granted. therefore making us wheelers better than your common joe... what do you all think?

[anais]

Thanks to everybody for saying welcome, and encouraging me to post- it is really important for me, since I am quite socially anxious, and tend to feel auckward in new places.
"Anais" defenetly goes for Anais Nin! (now I am totally positive I am in the right place, don't know many people in my surrounding who are familiar with that amazing woman, who pretty much shaped my vision on female sexuality. She is one of the writers whom I identify the most).
So my story...well, it is kinda tough to come up with a coherent narrative on the subject, but I 'll try to do my best.
I am 26, child clinical psychology student. I got married 6 months ago to a non disabled guy
(is AB the term for it?). I have never though of having a relationship or dating a disabled man- it was always a treasured fantasy to me. I must add, that I have never experienced this fantasy as sexual. Or, better to say, sexual turn-on and the kind of a turn on I experience seeing a disabled guy are completely different. How shall I explain it more clearly? Psysically speaking, when I see or fantasyse about a man in a wheelchair I feel something like a sweet pain in my back, as if I was stimulated by an electrical shocker in my low waste. This feeling was the same since I was 5, or even less, and may be that is why I do not connect it with sexual arousal. But it is quite an arousal! This feeling, is one of the sweetest I have known, and I would'nt want to exchange it for anything. But aqain, it is something detached from any other sensual stimulations in my life. Another thing, is that I experience it not always, but in certain periods, mostly once in a month.
My "Dream disabled guy" is not paraplegic, though in a wheelchair, and paraplegics sometimes do work. He is near his 40's and has a long dark hair. This guy's legs are deformed- preferaply broken, and he is struggling with pain. I want him on crouches, more than in a wheelchair, and his legs are swollen.
When I look back in my childhood, I do see the reasons for my devoteeism. My grandma, who was the mother figure in my life, had her legs deformed by a non-diagnosed desease. She used crouthes and never left home. Living in the Soviet Union (I was born there), disability was something to be ashamed of in a "perfect socialistic society". Anyway, I guess since the first day of my life, I am used to correlate legs' disfunction with love, tenderness, commitment and carrying. Not so surprising, isn't it.
I remember playing with her croutches, bondaging my legs- isn't that what kids do when trying to mimic the adults they admire? I used to enjoy cartoon charachters on croutches, and stories of war, where the protagonists got wounded in there legs or feet. I was completely inlove with Allan Marshall ("I can jump puddles") and with Feliche Rivarez ("Gadfly"). I did'nt give i any meaning back than, probably thought everybody was like me When I was about 14, I started writing. What I wrote, was a funfiction on my favorite book "The three musketeers". What I have noticed, is that I couldn't help mutilating those poor brave guys. Especially was victimized by me my favorite Athos, who by a miracle used to suffer leg injuries in a constant manner. The thing is, that my friends who read my fiction, never have noticed this thing, and perhaps that is what encouraged my belief that my affection was shared by everybody. This writing provided me with those feelings I described earlier, and I understood that I enjoyed not the wrighting itself, but especially those moments of leg injuries I described. So I started describing them porposedly, when I felt I needed to feel that rush again. As
I said, the need for it wasn't always there, and I still am not sure what turnes it on. I believe, that during the adolescense period I started to realize, that I was in a way different, but I also believed that this astonishing feeling I had, was a special gift, and nobody except for me could experiece it. IT was my beautiful treasure I didn't want to share with anyone because of the fear it would disappear if I did. In books I read and movies I watched, I automatically was looking for the main scene- when a paraplegic will appear. And if he didn't, the book got less exciting. When
I dated guys, I had a criterion to know if we willget along- I had to picture him in a wheelchair.
If what I saw got me the rush- he was accepted, if not- aurevoir. But than again, never did I think of meeting someone real with a disability. In my mind, I was accompanied by my romantic hero, a medieval knight, not so young, with broken legs, leaning upon his sword, his pale aristocrartic face expressing pain. He is still there, that noble disabled man, in a detached from the reality part of my sole.
When I start speaking to friends about my attraction, I usually got a feedback of : "Wow, you are strange! This is really cool!" so I do tell about it now to people
I am clozed to, though I believe they will never completely understand me.

Something about Freud: I think this guy wasn't stupid calling his main invention by the name of Oedipus ("swollen legs", if I am not mistaken). I will not speak about fear of castration, I think it is just a curious fact, since he might as well have called the complex after Chronus.
Oh, and have you seen Almodovar's "Carne Tremulo" (I think it is "Flesh and Blood" in english)? And what do you think about the amazingly hot (in my opinion) John Lock from "Lost"?
Well, will finish it now, since I have already taken enougju space with this ventilation I needed so much

[Triassic]

Please go into more detail about this 'sweet pain' of yours. I've never heard of anything like it.