|
Post by devogirl on May 12, 2020 7:21:07 GMT -5
Hey man, everyone can see what you are doing here, posting short meaningless phrases or blank posts trying to get up to the 10 post minimum right away so you can start PMing members. This is defeating the purpose of the 10 post minimum, which is to allow members to get to know you. You are making a bad impression; this is not a good way to introduce yourself to a new community.
|
|
|
Post by Braced4Impact on May 12, 2020 7:56:59 GMT -5
Hey man, everyone can see what you are doing here, posting short meaningless phrases or blank posts trying to get up to the 10 post minimum right away so you can start PMing members. This is defeating the purpose of the 10 post minimum, which is to allow members to get to know you. You are making a bad impression; this is not a good way to introduce yourself to a new community.
He's only got three more fluff posts to go, lol.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 13, 2020 13:20:31 GMT -5
A couple of months ago, I said to myself I won’t date anyone unless it’s a para. I’m going on a date tomorrow with an AB guy. That’s how well my plans worked out LOL. sorry if I hijack this thread just a little bit: question for those devs who are in AB relationships - does your partner know about your devness? If so, at what point of time did you tell them? Maybe this has already been discussed earlier. If so, sorry and I don’t remember. I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but I've been in several long-term AB relationships and never discussed my devness with any of them. While I think it's really important to be completely open and honest with your partner, I never felt like I was failing in that regard by not sharing about my devness. I think the reasons are two-fold. (1) I don't think my devness is a big deal or a big part of who I am. In fact I'd say it's not a part of my identity at all. I think quite a lot of people have some unusual sexual desire of some kind, and it's totally okay to keep some sexual thoughts and desires you have private. There's no reason to share, and you probably don't share, many of the thoughts that cross your mind. Maybe this is just really salient to me because I have an anxiety disorder and I spend a lot of time worrying about random weird things other people don't. I don't feel the need to share with my partner that I've spent a weird amount of time thinking about whether the disintegrating plastic coating on the surface of my desk is exposing me to carcinogenic chemicals, for example. They're just some thoughts I had that aren't important. (2) I've never actually been able to orgasm with any AB partner, and I wouldn't want them to blame that on my devness and feel inadequate or undesirable in some way. (I really don't think this has to do with my devness. I think I'm just a very sensitive/anxious/over-thinking person and need an unusually high degree of emotional connection and comfort with someone to be able to relax enough to "let go." But I don't know, it could be related.)
I might tell a partner if I felt confident they would receive it well, or if they revealed to me that they themselves have an unusual kink of some kind, but in general I feel no pressure to tell them. I will say that since I discovered PD a couple weeks ago I've been thinking about my devness a lot more than I ever have, and whether I've unduly minimized it's significance. I now wonder if maybe I should share about it more with others, if I'm doing some kind of disservice to myself by keeping it private. Maybe there's some shame causing me to keep it private that I haven't yet fully acknowledged. I'd like to think I'm on way to figuring these things out now!
I relate very much to everything contigentlycomposite has said! in particular, feeling the need to have a high degree, or perception of, safety in the relationship to be able to disclose being a dev. as with many other topics that require sensitivity to be discussed, having the experience of prior negative responses and a sense that a partner would be skeptical would be enough basis for me to not share that aspect of myself. I also think that being the type of person to endlessly ruminate over the most minute of details - I think this is just my synapses misfiring and being depressive - also results in the belief that I would be justifying in not explaining this attraction, although i have told the majority of men, save for one, I have dated in my relatively short dating history. I also very much agree that having a partner feel confident enough to share their own unconventional attractions would embolden me to want to reciprocate and give some explanation about being a dev. similar to what devogirl mentioned several pages back, I think it is important to discuss kinks and sexual interests in any serious relationship, but I generally have not had a set timeframe with which I would want to broach the subject. in my first relationship, it was actually my partner who, after sharing his own quirky kinks, I felt comfortable enough in taking the time to explain being a dev and perhaps giving too thorough an exegesis of where I believed my attraction stemmed from such that he never really felt the need to address the topic (or even hint to it) again, whether in a positive or negative sense. still, since all my relationships have been with men who are able-bodied, I would certainly feel the need to discuss devness if I were to date someone someone with a (physical) disability, as early as I could possibly muster up the courage to do so, because I think no good could ever come of waiting for the "right" time to have that conversation would be deceitful on my part, much as I would prefer to wait. I guess I've thought of one possible gray area being mental illness? that is, especially in cases where said person would identify as disabled and has a mental illness, I myself think that I would want to discuss being a dev because it would feel more pertinent. I'm not sure if this has been discussed before on pd explicitly but I think I myself have felt some attraction to being a source of support, even caretaking for someone dealing with mental health struggles. of course, the line between a healthy dynamic and codependency runs very thin, but I suppose it is also not as clear cut when devness is considered (at least for myself and my tendency toward codependent behaviors).
|
|
|
Post by Braced4Impact on May 13, 2020 14:15:49 GMT -5
I'm not in a relationship at the moment, but I've been in several long-term AB relationships and never discussed my devness with any of them. While I think it's really important to be completely open and honest with your partner, I never felt like I was failing in that regard by not sharing about my devness. I think the reasons are two-fold. (1) I don't think my devness is a big deal or a big part of who I am. In fact I'd say it's not a part of my identity at all. I think quite a lot of people have some unusual sexual desire of some kind, and it's totally okay to keep some sexual thoughts and desires you have private. There's no reason to share, and you probably don't share, many of the thoughts that cross your mind. Maybe this is just really salient to me because I have an anxiety disorder and I spend a lot of time worrying about random weird things other people don't. I don't feel the need to share with my partner that I've spent a weird amount of time thinking about whether the disintegrating plastic coating on the surface of my desk is exposing me to carcinogenic chemicals, for example. They're just some thoughts I had that aren't important. (2) I've never actually been able to orgasm with any AB partner, and I wouldn't want them to blame that on my devness and feel inadequate or undesirable in some way. (I really don't think this has to do with my devness. I think I'm just a very sensitive/anxious/over-thinking person and need an unusually high degree of emotional connection and comfort with someone to be able to relax enough to "let go." But I don't know, it could be related.)
I might tell a partner if I felt confident they would receive it well, or if they revealed to me that they themselves have an unusual kink of some kind, but in general I feel no pressure to tell them. I will say that since I discovered PD a couple weeks ago I've been thinking about my devness a lot more than I ever have, and whether I've unduly minimized it's significance. I now wonder if maybe I should share about it more with others, if I'm doing some kind of disservice to myself by keeping it private. Maybe there's some shame causing me to keep it private that I haven't yet fully acknowledged. I'd like to think I'm on way to figuring these things out now!
I relate very much to everything contigentlycomposite has said! in particular, feeling the need to have a high degree, or perception of, safety in the relationship to be able to disclose being a dev. as with many other topics that require sensitivity to be discussed, having the experience of prior negative responses and a sense that a partner would be skeptical would be enough basis for me to not share that aspect of myself. I also think that being the type of person to endlessly ruminate over the most minute of details - I think this is just my synapses misfiring and being depressive - also results in the belief that I would be justifying in not explaining this attraction, although i have told the majority of men, save for one, I have dated in my relatively short dating history. I also very much agree that having a partner feel confident enough to share their own unconventional attractions would embolden me to want to reciprocate and give some explanation about being a dev. similar to what devogirl mentioned several pages back, I think it is important to discuss kinks and sexual interests in any serious relationship, but I generally have not had a set timeframe with which I would want to broach the subject. in my first relationship, it was actually my partner who, after sharing his own quirky kinks, I felt comfortable enough in taking the time to explain being a dev and perhaps giving too thorough an exegesis of where I believed my attraction stemmed from such that he never really felt the need to address the topic (or even hint to it) again, whether in a positive or negative sense. still, since all my relationships have been with men who are able-bodied, I would certainly feel the need to discuss devness if I were to date someone someone with a (physical) disability, as early as I could possibly muster up the courage to do so, because I think no good could ever come of waiting for the "right" time to have that conversation would be deceitful on my part, much as I would prefer to wait. I guess I've thought of one possible gray area being mental illness? that is, especially in cases where said person would identify as disabled and has a mental illness, I myself think that I would want to discuss being a dev because it would feel more pertinent. I'm not sure if this has been discussed before on pd explicitly but I think I myself have felt some attraction to being a source of support, even caretaking for someone dealing with mental health struggles. of course, the line between a healthy dynamic and codependency runs very thin, but I suppose it is also not as clear cut when devness is considered (at least for myself and my tendency toward codependent behaviors). Those are all interesting points. I'm sorry for the struggles you've had with dating, and hope you find a PWD you sync with beautifully so that you can both be open and supportive of each other.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 13, 2020 14:28:01 GMT -5
I relate very much to everything contigentlycomposite has said! in particular, feeling the need to have a high degree, or perception of, safety in the relationship to be able to disclose being a dev. as with many other topics that require sensitivity to be discussed, having the experience of prior negative responses and a sense that a partner would be skeptical would be enough basis for me to not share that aspect of myself. I also think that being the type of person to endlessly ruminate over the most minute of details - I think this is just my synapses misfiring and being depressive - also results in the belief that I would be justifying in not explaining this attraction, although i have told the majority of men, save for one, I have dated in my relatively short dating history. I also very much agree that having a partner feel confident enough to share their own unconventional attractions would embolden me to want to reciprocate and give some explanation about being a dev. similar to what devogirl mentioned several pages back, I think it is important to discuss kinks and sexual interests in any serious relationship, but I generally have not had a set timeframe with which I would want to broach the subject. in my first relationship, it was actually my partner who, after sharing his own quirky kinks, I felt comfortable enough in taking the time to explain being a dev and perhaps giving too thorough an exegesis of where I believed my attraction stemmed from such that he never really felt the need to address the topic (or even hint to it) again, whether in a positive or negative sense. still, since all my relationships have been with men who are able-bodied, I would certainly feel the need to discuss devness if I were to date someone someone with a (physical) disability, as early as I could possibly muster up the courage to do so, because I think no good could ever come of waiting for the "right" time to have that conversation would be deceitful on my part, much as I would prefer to wait. I guess I've thought of one possible gray area being mental illness? that is, especially in cases where said person would identify as disabled and has a mental illness, I myself think that I would want to discuss being a dev because it would feel more pertinent. I'm not sure if this has been discussed before on pd explicitly but I think I myself have felt some attraction to being a source of support, even caretaking for someone dealing with mental health struggles. of course, the line between a healthy dynamic and codependency runs very thin, but I suppose it is also not as clear cut when devness is considered (at least for myself and my tendency toward codependent behaviors). Those are all interesting points. I'm sorry for the struggles you've had with dating, and hope you find a PWD you sync with beautifully so that you can both be open and supportive of each other. ah, thank you for your kindness! I've actually never dated a pwd - I wasn't very clear about that in the prior post. I've always thought it would be especially difficult to find a non-AB partner that I would find enough in common with to want to enter into a relationship with, both from a sheer numbers perspective and in terms of shared sensibilities. it really does feel like meeting a pwd by chance would be out of the question without the intervention of online dating; personally, I have never done it. I also suppose it would be somewhat unlikely to meet a dev in day-to-day life outside of the communities that exist online for the purposes of discussion and relationships. if you're comfortable with sharing, how much knowledge do/would you assume on the part of a dev regarding disability awareness and interest? would you prefer or find it refreshing that a dev volunteer information and communicated their knowledge or would you rather if a dev were to take more of a backseat and be willing to ask questions? I suppose for myself I would tend toward the latter, but would like to hear what you think.
|
|
|
Post by Braced4Impact on May 13, 2020 14:41:28 GMT -5
Those are all interesting points. I'm sorry for the struggles you've had with dating, and hope you find a PWD you sync with beautifully so that you can both be open and supportive of each other. ah, thank you for your kindness! I've actually never dated a pwd - I wasn't very clear about that in the prior post. I've always thought it would be especially difficult to find a non-AB partner that I would find enough in common with to want to enter into a relationship with, both from a sheer numbers perspective and in terms of shared sensibilities. it really does feel like meeting a pwd by chance would be out of the question without the intervention of online dating; personally, I have never done it. I also suppose it would be somewhat unlikely to meet a dev in day-to-day life outside of the communities that exist online for the purposes of discussion and relationships. if you're comfortable with sharing, how much knowledge do/would you assume on the part of a dev regarding disability awareness and interest? would you prefer or find it refreshing that a dev volunteer information and communicated their knowledge or would you rather if a dev were to take more of a backseat and be willing to ask questions? I suppose for myself I would tend toward the latter, but would like to hear what you think. While I've never met a "confirmed" dev, I've met some women I think were either on the dev spectrum or fully dev. When I went to Florida a few years ago, I was in shorts while sitting on the pier on the hotel property. This young woman was chatting with me and talking a lot about my leg braces which were visible because of the shorts, and even wanted to touch them. As well, I think the woman who made my last set of braces might be dev, and certainly gave off that vibe by her touchy-feeliness and some other factors.
As for your questions, I'll break them down one by one. 1: That depends; if I met the dev on a place like this, the fact that she's talking to me shows her interest in my disability, so I assume she'd have a good amount of knowledge about it. If not, then I know devs are generally curious and she would probably do the research on my disability to learn more (in fact, most devs I've talked to seem to know more about my disability than I do, lol.) 2: Both. I think that matters on the personality of the dev. Some devs are very up front and ask questions or aren't shy about anything. Others wait until I volunteer the information. It's a matter of reading them and seeing what they want. Some become more bold when they see I'm an open book and don't mind sharing.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 13, 2020 15:16:21 GMT -5
ah, thank you for your kindness! I've actually never dated a pwd - I wasn't very clear about that in the prior post. I've always thought it would be especially difficult to find a non-AB partner that I would find enough in common with to want to enter into a relationship with, both from a sheer numbers perspective and in terms of shared sensibilities. it really does feel like meeting a pwd by chance would be out of the question without the intervention of online dating; personally, I have never done it. I also suppose it would be somewhat unlikely to meet a dev in day-to-day life outside of the communities that exist online for the purposes of discussion and relationships. if you're comfortable with sharing, how much knowledge do/would you assume on the part of a dev regarding disability awareness and interest? would you prefer or find it refreshing that a dev volunteer information and communicated their knowledge or would you rather if a dev were to take more of a backseat and be willing to ask questions? I suppose for myself I would tend toward the latter, but would like to hear what you think. While I've never met a "confirmed" dev, I've met some women I think were either on the dev spectrum or fully dev. When I went to Florida a few years ago, I was in shorts while sitting on the pier on the hotel property. This young woman was chatting with me and talking a lot about my leg braces which were visible because of the shorts, and even wanted to touch them. As well, I think the woman who made my last set of braces might be dev, and certainly gave off that vibe by her touchy-feeliness and some other factors.
As for your questions, I'll break them down one by one. 1: That depends; if I met the dev on a place like this, the fact that she's talking to me shows her interest in my disability, so I assume she'd have a good amount of knowledge about it. If not, then I know devs are generally curious and she would probably do the research on my disability to learn more (in fact, most devs I've talked to seem to know more about my disability than I do, lol.) 2: Both. I think that matters on the personality of the dev. Some devs are very up front and ask questions or aren't shy about anything. Others wait until I volunteer the information. It's a matter of reading them and seeing what they want. Some become more bold when they see I'm an open book and don't mind sharing.
ah, this makes sense - I think far fewer people who might have dev-interests are aware or would consciously identify as such. the first encounter you described definitely would speak dev - the second is harder to read and might have been a product of her work, though that does seem a bit out of the ordinary for someone who would not be a dev. when describing devness to friends, I try to describe it the realm of "wounded hero" or the florence nightingale (though i dislike the term "wounded hero") attraction, which seems to be a decent enough starting point, so I suspect that perhaps others who are fans of the genre have dev tendencies or would perhaps identify with the term given familiarity. and that makes sense- I guess what I often wonder about is how well the expectation and knowledge gleaned from research translates to reality. would you say that your experiences of the past when talking with devs about disability-related knowledge leans more toward medicalized knowledge or the inner experiences and insights with pwds? my inclination would be the former. I think it is very much an issue that depends on reading the other and proceeding based on mutual comfort levels; but generally, I think it would be better to be more interested than not as a dev and to demystify misconceptions, proving that a pwd would be willing to share their experiences.
|
|
|
Post by Braced4Impact on May 13, 2020 15:34:49 GMT -5
While I've never met a "confirmed" dev, I've met some women I think were either on the dev spectrum or fully dev. When I went to Florida a few years ago, I was in shorts while sitting on the pier on the hotel property. This young woman was chatting with me and talking a lot about my leg braces which were visible because of the shorts, and even wanted to touch them. As well, I think the woman who made my last set of braces might be dev, and certainly gave off that vibe by her touchy-feeliness and some other factors.
As for your questions, I'll break them down one by one. 1: That depends; if I met the dev on a place like this, the fact that she's talking to me shows her interest in my disability, so I assume she'd have a good amount of knowledge about it. If not, then I know devs are generally curious and she would probably do the research on my disability to learn more (in fact, most devs I've talked to seem to know more about my disability than I do, lol.) 2: Both. I think that matters on the personality of the dev. Some devs are very up front and ask questions or aren't shy about anything. Others wait until I volunteer the information. It's a matter of reading them and seeing what they want. Some become more bold when they see I'm an open book and don't mind sharing.
ah, this makes sense - I think far fewer people who might have dev-interests are aware or would consciously identify as such. the first encounter you described definitely would speak dev - the second is harder to read and might have been a product of her work, though that does seem a bit out of the ordinary for someone who would not be a dev. when describing devness to friends, I try to describe it the realm of "wounded hero" or the florence nightingale (though i dislike the term "wounded hero") attraction, which seems to be a decent enough starting point, so I suspect that perhaps others who are fans of the genre have dev tendencies or would perhaps identify with the term given familiarity. and that makes sense- I guess what I often wonder about is how well the expectation and knowledge gleaned from research translates to reality. would you say that your experiences of the past when talking with devs about disability-related knowledge leans more toward medicalized knowledge or the inner experiences and insights with pwds? my inclination would be the former. I think it is very much an issue that depends on reading the other and proceeding based on mutual comfort levels; but generally, I think it would be better to be more interested than not as a dev and to demystify misconceptions, proving that a pwd would be willing to share their experiences. That all depends on the dev; some, who have been around PD for a very long time, know the medical and psychological issues all related to being a PWD, others only look at it as a fantasy and might not get too involved. I think you're right, though, the more a dev learns about a person's disability before or at the early stages of a relationship, the less nasty surprises might come up. See, for me, one of my biggest hangups, and I'm sure for a lot of PWDs, is the incontinence issue. I have to wear a diaper. For most disabled guys, that's often a bigger problem than the chair, crutches, braces, or any other visibly physical issue. Also, for some PWDs, erectile dysfunction would also be in that same category. So, having a dev that knows about that and is comfortable with it at the outset makes for less surprises and more comfort to communicate.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 15, 2020 18:12:31 GMT -5
thank you for your response, braced4impact! I decided to forgo the quote block because it's weighing me down from a graphics standpoint and feels a bit unwieldy.
do you think that it's appropriate for a dev only to be engaged in being a dev as a fantasy? perhaps appropriate is not the right word but rather how you would perceive someone identifying as a dev but not really seeing themselves as dating a PWD anytime soon if ever.
I think it's always an issue when discussing sensitive topics and personal struggles of "scaring off" a potential partner, since so much of dating early on seems to revolve around transactional (and blatantly consumerist) exchanges that are designed to weed out potential mates. do you think that having a visible disability is a buffer for people who would otherwise not want to engage too deeply or that it does not make that much of an impact in the end?
also, this may be unwarranted information, but I relate (in a much, much smaller way) with incontinence - I have had issues with urinary incontinence and it's incredibly shameful; in one of my past relationships I recall being so mortified upon waking up that I blamed it on a pet cat (lol) or trying to surreptitious clean the bed while my partner was asleep, drinking tea after the fact and pretending i had spilled it. I never discussed it with my partner at the time and he never brought it up. I always sensed that many people are not cognizant of incontinence as an issue, whether stemming from trauma, disability, or illness.
|
|
|
Post by Braced4Impact on May 15, 2020 19:43:43 GMT -5
thank you for your response, braced4impact! I decided to forgo the quote block because it's weighing me down from a graphics standpoint and feels a bit unwieldy. do you think that it's appropriate for a dev only to be engaged in being a dev as a fantasy? perhaps appropriate is not the right word but rather how you would perceive someone identifying as a dev but not really seeing themselves as dating a PWD anytime soon if ever. I think it's always an issue when discussing sensitive topics and personal struggles of "scaring off" a potential partner, since so much of dating early on seems to revolve around transactional (and blatantly consumerist) exchanges that are designed to weed out potential mates. do you think that having a visible disability is a buffer for people who would otherwise not want to engage too deeply or that it does not make that much of an impact in the end? also, this may be unwarranted information, but I relate (in a much, much smaller way) with incontinence - I have had issues with urinary incontinence and it's incredibly shameful; in one of my past relationships I recall being so mortified upon waking up that I blamed it on a pet cat (lol) or trying to surreptitious clean the bed while my partner was asleep, drinking tea after the fact and pretending i had spilled it. I never discussed it with my partner at the time and he never brought it up. I always sensed that many people are not cognizant of incontinence as an issue, whether stemming from trauma, disability, or illness. To answer your first question, I have no problem with it. I write dev erotic books, and I'm sure that appeals to those who view it more as a fantasy than as a relationship goal, so for me, personally, I have no problem with it whatsoever. I've also done role playing online with more fantasy-oriented devs, and I'm more than happy to oblige. I think it's mutually beneficial to both parties because both gain experience with each other. Devs gain knowledge on PWD interactions, PWDs gain knowledge on devs, which I call a win-win. If they ever do decide to take it a step further and pursue a real relationship out of it, they've gained some knowledge through playing.
I know what you mean with the incontinence, it's funny, because one would think if I could have just one aspect of my disability cured and not the others, I'd choose to get rid of my limp, but I'd choose the incontinence right away. One of my fears is having an accident while in public with a date. I'd feel terrible for them, the embarrassment they'd feel for me, etc. I know devs are very tolerant and understanding, but even with that knowledge, it wouldn't be easy to shake that feeling. Thanks again for your thoughtful questions.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 15, 2020 20:33:28 GMT -5
thank you for your response, braced4impact! I decided to forgo the quote block because it's weighing me down from a graphics standpoint and feels a bit unwieldy. do you think that it's appropriate for a dev only to be engaged in being a dev as a fantasy? perhaps appropriate is not the right word but rather how you would perceive someone identifying as a dev but not really seeing themselves as dating a PWD anytime soon if ever. I think it's always an issue when discussing sensitive topics and personal struggles of "scaring off" a potential partner, since so much of dating early on seems to revolve around transactional (and blatantly consumerist) exchanges that are designed to weed out potential mates. do you think that having a visible disability is a buffer for people who would otherwise not want to engage too deeply or that it does not make that much of an impact in the end? also, this may be unwarranted information, but I relate (in a much, much smaller way) with incontinence - I have had issues with urinary incontinence and it's incredibly shameful; in one of my past relationships I recall being so mortified upon waking up that I blamed it on a pet cat (lol) or trying to surreptitious clean the bed while my partner was asleep, drinking tea after the fact and pretending i had spilled it. I never discussed it with my partner at the time and he never brought it up. I always sensed that many people are not cognizant of incontinence as an issue, whether stemming from trauma, disability, or illness. To answer your first question, I have no problem with it. I write dev erotic books, and I'm sure that appeals to those who view it more as a fantasy than as a relationship goal, so for me, personally, I have no problem with it whatsoever. I've also done role playing online with more fantasy-oriented devs, and I'm more than happy to oblige. I think it's mutually beneficial to both parties because both gain experience with each other. Devs gain knowledge on PWD interactions, PWDs gain knowledge on devs, which I call a win-win. If they ever do decide to take it a step further and pursue a real relationship out of it, they've gained some knowledge through playing.
I know what you mean with the incontinence, it's funny, because one would think if I could have just one aspect of my disability cured and not the others, I'd choose to get rid of my limp, but I'd choose the incontinence right away. One of my fears is having an accident while in public with a date. I'd feel terrible for them, the embarrassment they'd feel for me, etc. I know devs are very tolerant and understanding, but even with that knowledge, it wouldn't be easy to shake that feeling. Thanks again for your thoughtful questions.
I see - I suppose being in an online space is helpful to gain exposure and understanding, even if done through the vector of fantasy or roleplay; I think your perspective on it as a mutually enriching experience is mature and charitable, as a potential basis for a real world encounter or relationship for the participant. I guess that the stigma around bodily fluids of all kinds is strong enough that the shame associated with them is hard to brush aside - as a lot of people who have periods know, one of the most embarrassing experiences is spotting becoming visible in public. I would hope that anyone in a relationship with another person experiencing incontinence, even if public, would be compassionate enough to understand and perhaps even poke fun at the absurdity of the situation and social convention. then again, I am speaking as someone who very nearly peed myself as the occupant of a middle seat during a trans-oceanic flight, so perhaps my perspective is tempered by that experience.
|
|
|
Post by Braced4Impact on May 15, 2020 20:57:09 GMT -5
Those are good points. I think, the problem for me is, growing up with incontinence and being made fun of it in my childhood left me a slight bit traumatized by it, and those deep-seeded fears translate into self-doubt and low self-esteem in finding a relationship. When you have classmates making fun of you for it, it kind of becomes easy to assume no one would find you appealing as a result. All I can say to your second part is, I think I would be very tolerant and understanding of my partner if she dealt with that, because I would easily relate, and I wouldn't judge her on it at all.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 15, 2020 22:41:01 GMT -5
Those are good points. I think, the problem for me is, growing up with incontinence and being made fun of it in my childhood left me a slight bit traumatized by it, and those deep-seeded fears translate into self-doubt and low self-esteem in finding a relationship. When you have classmates making fun of you for it, it kind of becomes easy to assume no one would find you appealing as a result. All I can say to your second part is, I think I would be very tolerant and understanding of my partner if she dealt with that, because I would easily relate, and I wouldn't judge her on it at all. yeah, those early experiences are quite formative - it feels like a kind of conditioning. i'm sorry you've experienced that kind of teasing. i think one of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is having the honesty to share that kind of information, as you mentioned in an earlier post. though sometimes i think an overly candid approach is worse than excersising a liberal amount of tact.
|
|
|
Post by Braced4Impact on May 15, 2020 22:57:39 GMT -5
Oh, without a doubt. I mean, I'm all about being honest and candid, but I understand it can be a lot for a potential partner to absorb all at once. I think being candid overall is the best approach, but to do so in measured doses. Otherwise....
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 31, 2020 9:43:38 GMT -5
Really interesting thread to read as a newbie. For those that have had some success in the past finding a PWD where have you had the most success? Having had some experience with chatting to girls online it usually follows a very similar pattern we’re getting on great but the disability freaks them out and it ends so would love to try and meet a dev as that wouldn’t be a problem but don’t know where to look. Obviously would still require that connection of course but might be a better place to start?
|
|