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Post by sittingondubz on Mar 12, 2013 18:37:00 GMT -5
i know a lot of wheelers get watched when they are out in public and so many guys over the years have expressed to me how much they hate it. resonantly someone said to me that its an invasion of his space. like im being eye raped ( he was kinda joking but not really... that's kinda how he felt). so i want to know what is about being watch that makes ppl feel uncomfortable. this question is to everyone ... but it would really be especially interesting to hear from a wheeler/ disabled guys perspective. cheers I guess it makes me feel uncomfortable because its just a reminder just how different i am than everyone else. i know its natural to look at things that your not used to seeing. i understand this, so i just look at the person with a welcoming smile. i rarely get gawked at though. i think people have gotten used to seeing people in wheelchairs. in my town atleast.
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Mar 13, 2013 0:46:04 GMT -5
How do you deal with your SO's family and friends' lack of knowledge/understanding about the specifics of your disability? great question +1 I don't have a SO so idk if I can answer but I will try. I think if it were me, I don't think it would matter if they knew about my disability or not. I would be happy as long as they treated me with respect and knew how to build a ramp lol
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Post by lavly on Mar 13, 2013 5:42:58 GMT -5
Also have to remember restaurants have limited viewing space. We are use to people walking, not sitting at our height. To not stare is very hard. see i just cant help thinking its the natural thing to do... look at what is different in an environment. like no matter how much you try and not look, at some pointyou do , its like instinct. has anyone done those iq test where they have 4 objects and they get you to spot the difference... really fast? they measure your speed or reaction cos its is instinct to just notice that stuff. i think most of the time ppl don't know they are staring untill someone looks back at them. but if someone acts apone that curiosity ... by going up to a partner and asking what happened, then that's just rude.
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Post by lavly on Mar 13, 2013 5:46:05 GMT -5
How do you deal with your SO's family and friends' lack of knowledge/understanding about the specifics of your disability? so like this question !
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Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2013 12:18:21 GMT -5
I sometimes feel people don't look at each other enough anymore...everyone just goes about their business not really seeing the world around themselves anymore with the people in it, people are too pre occupied looking at their stupid phones or just staring seriously into space. At my work place we have a "rule" to always keep our heads up in the hallways and greet each other and people from the outside with a smile, nod or a "Hi", it is part of my companies standards.....I don't think that every person maybe looking a bit longer or even too long means any harm in it, it is just curiosity about life and people....I always get thrown off with some of the responses of the wheelers on here, some say they don't want a person to look at them at all and some say they don't want anyone to ask them about their situation...it seems one can't make it right either way and that makes me super insecure around the wheelers because I don't know how to act...should I smile at you, totally obviously check you out or keep my eyes on the ground, or start chatting...I don't know sometimes!
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Mar 13, 2013 21:00:39 GMT -5
I sometimes feel people don't look at each other enough anymore...everyone just goes about their business not really seeing the world around themselves anymore with the people in it, people are too pre occupied looking at their stupid phones or just staring seriously into space. At my work place we have a "rule" to always keep our heads up in the hallways and greet each other and people from the outside with a smile, nod or a "Hi", it is part of my companies standards.....I don't think that every person maybe looking a bit longer or even too long means any harm in it, it is just curiosity about life and people....I always get thrown off with some of the responses of the wheelers on here, some say they don't want a person to look at them at all and some say they don't want anyone to ask them about their situation...it seems one can't make it right either way and that makes me super insecure around the wheelers because I don't know how to act...should I smile at you, totally obviously check you out or keep my eyes on the ground, or start chatting...I don't know sometimes! Yeah unfortunately, I believe I'm one of the people that keeps their head down alot. Maybe the staring contributed to that, maybe I'm just naturally shy... Either way it's a hard habit to break and I would hate to think I've missed out on meeting some devs because of it. lol
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Post by wheelie88 on Mar 13, 2013 21:40:48 GMT -5
Forgive me if the quotes don't work, it's the first time I've used them. Firstly Lav, if someone acts apone that curiosity ... by going up to a partner and asking what happened, then that's just rude. So why is it rude to ask some one but staring (eye raping) from the corner of the other side of the room is ok? Secondly, it seems one can't make it right either way and that makes me super insecure around the wheelers because I don't know how to act...should I smile at you, totally obviously check you out or keep my eyes on the ground, or start chatting...I don't know sometimes! You're making it more difficult than it needs to be. If you're genuinely interested in a guy why start the conversation with a personal question? A ab guy hitting on a ab chick in a bar won't walk up and lead with a personal probing question. He'd get a drink thrown in his face, so what's the difference? Talking to wheelers is not 'forbidden', find something else to talk about. Surprisingly, we have the capacity to talk about other things besides our injury. I've been told I'm in my own little world when I'm in public and ignore a lot of people. It's not on purpose I just don't look at every person I pass. There's no need. I recently attended a seminar where a woman was talking about being at a cafe breastfeeding and strangers coming up to her asking questions about her indigenous heritage. There's a time and place for everything. These 'tips' that the guys are sharing are not limited to wheelers. It's common sense and most importantly, courtesy!
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Post by lavly on Mar 14, 2013 4:31:30 GMT -5
wheelie88 it might not be ok to eye rape someone ... but its really really hard not to look ... just saying
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2013 12:36:39 GMT -5
I am a notorious people watcher...Love doing it. I love people from all walks of life...It's fun to watch them, and my imagination begins to concoct a purely fictional account of who they are...why they are there, and why they are with the person they are with. Looking is cool for everyone in my book. Extended looking is ok too. If you're caught...and smile and look away...I think that is acceptable. My acceptability scale is the same for all people. If someone is appealing to me...they can eye-rape me...but I get t talk to them...and thats not always ccomfortable for them...but almost always entertaining for me....buhwaha
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Post by alexa2010 on Mar 14, 2013 13:56:48 GMT -5
Great attitude - lol
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Post by lavly on Mar 14, 2013 14:00:34 GMT -5
+ 1 I'm so the same with ppl watching ... So it's so hard for me to go ... On no wheeler . Don't stare!!! Cos then that's all I want to do . Stair.
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Post by lavly on Mar 14, 2013 14:20:14 GMT -5
How do you deal with your SO's family and friends' lack of knowledge/understanding about the specifics of your disability? does anyone else want to answer this really cool question ? pleaseeeeeeee hint hint
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Post by alluringpariah on Mar 14, 2013 22:30:08 GMT -5
How do you deal with your SO's family and friends' lack of knowledge/understanding about the specifics of your disability?
I can't really speak for myself, as I don't have a great deal of experience regarding this. I do remember a mate telling me years ago though, that his ladies' grandma told him 'everyone should stick to their own kind'. I laughed and reccomended he tell the old bitch to go fuck herself! I'm not sure if this is really in line with the question, but I guess that's how I would deal, not let it bother me or laugh it off.
As for question 1, I get pissed off when I'm either deliberately ignored or people quickly avert their gaze upon witnessing me. Lately it seems, I can be in a shopping centre and have to leave after a few hours it can get me that down or angry. Whenever i'm sitting in the car, I can always get girls in the next car or walking by to give me a flirtatious smile, hair flick, look twice or sometimes even flash their tits. So I guess over the years the hypocricy, injustice and contrast of these 2 situations has begun to wear me down. I've often been told I can't be in a chair 'cos i'm too handsome or asked if i'm actually in a chair 'cos i'm too good looking to be. At first I took it as flattery and let my head swell, now i'm just disappointed at the amount of ignorance people CHOOSE to carry with them. I truly believe (and it's been suggested to me), that people don't want to be reminded of their own mortality. It's more prevalent in females and young people, who I suppose don't want to take on board that their offspring might be different through nothing they can control, and don't want their delusion of invincibility challenged. I guess they want/expect to see someone with stark differences so that they can seperate themselves, as opposed to seeing in me the guy they crushed on through high school.
I'm also different to other cripples I know, in that I entertain strangers who ask questions or want to touch my legs and pray for me etc. I zone out when I hear 'I was in a chair for 2 weeks & I wouldn't of lasted another day, I don't know how you do it, but I know how you feel'. I don't mind kids staring or saying things, but I don't like when parents then smack their kids, like they've done something wrong by noticing me. Man, I remember the first time I truly realised my life had changed due to being in a chair. This pretty girl walked past and I smiled, only for her to give me a look usually reserved for seedy old dudes, and I'm thinking, 'WTF? that's never happened to me'. Then my pops pushed my front castors into the gutter, and it hit me, fuck i'm in a wheelchair! Haha, gee you have to laugh really :-)
ps. people who are out with me always get more angry than I when people stare, say ignorant shit etc.
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Mar 14, 2013 22:44:58 GMT -5
If your ex happened to be a dev and u found out that they had begun dating an AB, how would u feel?
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Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Mar 14, 2013 23:05:35 GMT -5
If your ex happened to be a dev and u found out that they had begun dating an AB, how would u feel? I would be fine with it as long as I knew that they were really interested in AB's or had had a meaningful relationship with one in the past. However, if my ex hadn't had any past relationships or interest in AB's in past I would be very concerned, as I think alot of devs go through "the maybe the I can be with an AB faze" and then end up crashing and burning, or end up settling because, "it's just enough." That makes me sad because to me. there are just some devs that are 100% dev and that's that. No disrespect to all the devs in AB relationships btw.
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