|
Post by whoaitsz on Mar 16, 2013 19:55:21 GMT -5
i don't get the prejudice.
Creeps are creeps. I stick up for anyone who is being bullied.
All people can be creepy... such stupidity in the world...
|
|
|
Post by alluringpariah on Mar 17, 2013 2:05:17 GMT -5
It's actually relatively common for disabled folk to hang out together, or at least be in groups together for different reasons. Is anyone here living in San Diego? Heard of Project Walk? I suppose i'm iffy on male devs more because of the female wheelers i see and know, than anything done by male devs, having never actually met a male dev. The majority of female wheelers seem to be so easily led and convey such a desire for companionship, it's almost desperation. So it's that 'macho male protects fragile female' mentality I suppose. I know one ladie for example, who is the archetype of sad & lonely. So I think to myself, maybe i'll give her a little hint and tell her to type 'male devotee' into google. But she tells me she's on those online dating sites, and a guy who she had already met on there has started messaging her. He stole $$$ from her previously, so I advise her to stay away from him and she then declares, it's only money, she's desperate and procceded to respond. After a few days he stopped contacting her, she falls into depression (she was already on the precipice). I hope you can see where I'm coming from. I think non dev males are more likely to date a wheeler, than non dev females. Men are simple, less inhibited creatures who tend to follow their instincts and heart. Whereas women often have a list in their head that needs to be fulfilled and are more concerned with building a life with someone. So I dunno, maybe it's best this girl just focus on bettering her life, stop trying to force it and let the universe gift her when she least expects it. BA, I'm not sure why you've highlighted my post, as I can't see much of what you've said that relates to it. I guess having a physio hit on you would be a huge self esteem boost, when post injury you doubt if that will ever happen again, plus most physios have banging bodies. It's been suggested to me that girls i've been with might've been devs, so what? It doesn't perturbe me, nor change anything. But she never divulged she was a dev, so that's how it is. Nothing to do with 'dishonor' as you put it. I figured your typical parameters for male attractiveness (looks, charisma, confidence etc) still applied for devs towards dis. But a dev once told me looks are insignificant, so believing I got these girls due to my ridiculously good looks , wasn't the case, would be an ego knock but again not dishonorable. Lately i've started wondering if the only girls willing to give you a look are devs. It's upsetting, not because I have a problem with devs, but the entire pool of non devs is denied, so were I to fall for a non dev, I'm left broken hearted. The number of devs is far lower than that of wheelers, maybe these guys you refer to couldn't face that. Why does it even matter that these guys are dating women you presume are devs? So these girls publicly date many wheelers, aren't ashamed of that, but don't assosciate with being a dev. What's the issue there? It does make me think of a question however, IF YOU WERE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL, AND SHE WAS A DEV BUT HADN'T TOLD YOU SO. WOULD YOU WANT OR EXPECT SHE TOLD YOU? Lets say that her telling you this doesn't change her expectations from you or the dynamic of the relationship.
|
|
|
Post by BA on Mar 17, 2013 11:29:46 GMT -5
AP, maybe you were missing my point which is that many male wheelers in the visible online disabled community are very quick to bash devs without ever having experienced meeting one of us and I have almost never seen or heard of a wheeler publically defend the dev thing in one of those communities, especially if he can relate a positive experience. It has often made me wonder if stating a willingness to be with a dev will lower a guy's status. I quoted you because you stated you were willing to collaborate in writing to defend the negative judgements made about us. I guess my ultimate question is: Are we an embarrassment?
|
|
|
Post by mike on Mar 17, 2013 15:48:10 GMT -5
BA, that sounds a bit harsh. I sincerely doubt anyone feels that way.
If I belonged to any of those groups I would be inclined to defend dev's, but I simply don't have much in common with them. No criticism of those groups, but I have no interest in them either.
|
|
|
Post by alluringpariah on Mar 17, 2013 21:08:14 GMT -5
BA, that sounds a bit harsh. I sincerely doubt anyone feels that way. If I belonged to any of those groups I would be inclined to defend dev's, but I simply don't have much in common with them. No criticism of those groups, but I have no interest in them either. +1
|
|
|
Post by matisse on Mar 17, 2013 22:25:27 GMT -5
I don't know, I am not sure BA is that far off from reality. I can see how most wheelers wouldn't exactly rush to tell everyone that their SO is a dev. I think male friends of a guy wheeler probably wouldn't care (especially if she's hot), but family and women friends probably would do some judging and express it as concern about motivations and longevity.
|
|
vancityippy
Full Member
Posts: 209
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
|
Post by vancityippy on Mar 17, 2013 23:19:02 GMT -5
I don't know, I am not sure BA is that far off from reality. I can see how most wheelers wouldn't exactly rush to tell everyone that their SO is a dev. I think male friends of a guy wheeler probably wouldn't care (especially if she's hot), but family and women friends probably would do some judging and express it as concern about motivations and longevity. Yes, this brings up a very interesting point. As I have said, other places on the board...I am very open about my attraction...with people in MY life. But...my bf doesn't share my sexuality with people in his life, and I don't really want him to (if he did, that would be fine)...but, I don't really think he want's to, and I don't blame him... I think people in his life would assume that the relationship was based on that...
|
|
|
Post by whoaitsz on Mar 18, 2013 20:36:36 GMT -5
It seems to me that people that people severely over complicate things. It's not hard for any smart person to see this from multiple perspectives: Disabled biased guy: I am not here to arouse you. My misfortune should turn nobody on. Unsure disabled guy: I have found love, but, what if she/e is only attracted to me due to my disability? If so, she/he will leave me for another. Horny disabled guy: F*CK ME I'M DISABLED. Dev: I find disabilities/disabled people needing help sexy. Crazy Dev: I WANT TO F*CK YOU 'CUZ YOU'RE DISABLED. Average person: I find it odd, but devs sound okay. More biased person: she/he seems to love him, but what if he/she were not disabled? How can it be love if the attraction only came due to the disability. Horny person: I'M AMPUTATE OR HUG A TREE SO SHE/HE F*CKS ME. If I were a with a dev, I could see being a bit nervous if we were in it for a true relationship at first. That said, every relationship will face uncertainties and doubt. It'd human and possibly healthy. Personally, I would love to meet one for many reasons. I would, for once in my goddamned life, be able to relax on a first date/meet up. I get nervous. I refuse to eat and will normally drink enough to speak and leave it at that. In my 34 years I have NEVER met a new woman without being terrified. I'm getting sick of it and angrier by the day, but (so far) not letting it devour my heart. Devs should never be shunned unless she/he is a known creep. NOBODY deserves a biased attitude without know said individual first. Straight, gay, white, black, dev, tranny, furry, vanilla... I don't f*cking care. Until you prove yourself to be a creep, I have no judgement toward you. So, yeah. To be a dev an expect no bias is simply unrealistic and immature. I agree it's sad, but just like every other person who is different, people will judge you. You just have to suck it up and move on. The woman who told me of this site was so... uncomfortable telling me she was a devotee. To me, it'd be like Rupaul saying "I LIKE TO LOOK LIKE A WOMAN". No way! We should be angry at times for people judging us, but face it: if we were not looked at oddly for being disabled we would lack character. The same for you devs. F8ck haters. Simple as that.
|
|
|
Post by whoaitsz on Mar 18, 2013 20:39:12 GMT -5
^^^ too tired to edit. my bad.
|
|
|
Post by lavly on Mar 19, 2013 5:40:17 GMT -5
It does make me think of a question however, IF YOU WERE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL, AND SHE WAS A DEV BUT HADN'T TOLD YOU SO. WOULD YOU WANT OR EXPECT SHE TOLD YOU? Lets say that her telling you this doesn't change her expectations from you or the dynamic of the relationship. ^^^ new question
|
|
|
Post by whoaitsz on Mar 19, 2013 13:33:28 GMT -5
I wouldn't care. I'd feel bad that she thought she should be ashamed, though.
|
|
|
Post by alluringpariah on Mar 20, 2013 3:47:15 GMT -5
Because there isn't a need to go out and tell everyone your SO is a dev. Who shares their partners sexuality with their friends; be they dev, gay, straight, married, black, white etc. Family and female friends would be all for it, speaking personally. They know who you are, they believe you deserve sexual encounters, partners, love. If anything, surely mothers would be relieved. I'm sure when you have your injury and the consequences are revealed, families are concerned for their loved ones future and marriage/children become doubtful in their minds. The only mothers who would have an issue would be possessive types, who would probably be that way were their sons able bodied. Say I meet a girl(dev) at a bar. We get to talking, flirting, kissing and a lot of woohoo. Begin to see each other now and again, text/talk etc, strong feelings develop, decide to be with one another and presumably at some stage meet each others family. At no point does it ever have to be revealed she is a dev, even to me if she doesn't want to. Even if this were to occur: GIRL: I've had a few ex bf's who were in chairs. SOCIETY: That's a bit er....strange. GIRL: Why, because you're pre programmed to ignore the beauty in those who don't fit certain stereotypes? SOCIETY: What, um, yes i can...er, what, do you have a thing for wheelchairs? GIRL: No, I'd say I have a thing for the individual, who happens to be in a wheelchair. Don't you believe the disabled deserve love, happiness or even the odd fuck now and then. Are you prejudice? SOCIETY: No, I mean yes, I I what? GIRL: I suppose you believe we should date within our race too? SOCIETY: Wait, hang on now. I've dated many different ethnicity's...Look, forget everything I've said, i wish you both all the best. Call them out. Nobody will diss on the disabled up front. I used to be able get a girl without having to talk to her, just a look. That's what my friends want to remember. If I try saying that was another life, they stop listening, on deaf ears it falls. Now, if I were to tell my friends (in the way we talk) that there were women who liked to fuck dudes in chairs, and I got the hook ups on that, and they fuck so hard and so long, I ain't gots time to put my dick back in my pants! They would be cheering like it's the day Jessica Alba got divorced and gave custody to the father. So from a personal POV. There would only be welcomes, were I to be involved with a girl who may or may not be a dev, wouldn't be an issue. Crazy Dev: I WANT TO F*CK YOU 'CUZ YOU'RE DISABLED. yo, get on that son!
|
|
|
Post by whoaitsz on Mar 20, 2013 14:01:04 GMT -5
that cracked me up Society is scary because it's the ultimate form of our ideals as a whole. We should speak up for the devs more. A quiet man/woman can't really contribute... and this weakens us, making the feel of taboo even stronger. THIS IS AN EXAMPLE: NOT INTERESTED IN OFF TOPIC DEBATES: It makes me think of gay marriage here in America. Most who were okay with it were so damned quiet and did not vote. Today, after years of exposure and letting people know that we cannot progress if we stay silent, the country's percentage is now almost 60% in favor of.
|
|
|
Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Mar 26, 2013 21:41:41 GMT -5
Because there isn't a need to go out and tell everyone your SO is a dev. Who shares their partners sexuality with their friends; be they dev, gay, straight, married, black, white etc. Family and female friends would be all for it, speaking personally. They know who you are, they believe you deserve sexual encounters, partners, love. If anything, surely mothers would be relieved. I'm sure when you have your injury and the consequences are revealed, families are concerned for their loved ones future and marriage/children become doubtful in their minds. The only mothers who would have an issue would be possessive types, who would probably be that way were their sons able bodied. Say I meet a girl(dev) at a bar. We get to talking, flirting, kissing and a lot of woohoo. Begin to see each other now and again, text/talk etc, strong feelings develop, decide to be with one another and presumably at some stage meet each others family. At no point does it ever have to be revealed she is a dev, even to me if she doesn't want to. Even if this were to occur: GIRL: I've had a few ex bf's who were in chairs. SOCIETY: That's a bit er....strange. GIRL: Why, because you're pre programmed to ignore the beauty in those who don't fit certain stereotypes? SOCIETY: What, um, yes i can...er, what, do you have a thing for wheelchairs? GIRL: No, I'd say I have a thing for the individual, who happens to be in a wheelchair. Don't you believe the disabled deserve love, happiness or even the odd f*ck now and then. Are you prejudice? SOCIETY: No, I mean yes, I I what? GIRL: I suppose you believe we should date within our race too? SOCIETY: Wait, hang on now. I've dated many different ethnicity's...Look, forget everything I've said, i wish you both all the best. Call them out. Nobody will diss on the disabled up front. I used to be able get a girl without having to talk to her, just a look. That's what my friends want to remember. If I try saying that was another life, they stop listening, on deaf ears it falls. Now, if I were to tell my friends (in the way we talk) that there were women who liked to f*ck dudes in chairs, and I got the hook ups on that, and they f*ck so hard and so long, I ain't gots time to put my dick back in my pants! They would be cheering like it's the day Jessica Alba got divorced and gave custody to the father. So from a personal POV. There would only be welcomes, were I to be involved with a girl who may or may not be a dev, wouldn't be an issue. Crazy Dev: I WANT TO F*CK YOU 'CUZ YOU'RE DISABLED. yo, get on that son! +1 and for the record I would have no problem telling people that I was dating a dev. I would say it with pride. But of all the prospects I've had over the years, not one was ever comfortable with my family knowing that she was dev. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely no necessity in me having to tell anyone. But at the same time it makes still makes me sad that they have such an issue with it.
|
|
|
Post by lavly on Mar 27, 2013 17:24:42 GMT -5
to the wheelers/dis :
have you ever felt that you have been in a depressive state ( maybe due to your disability) and if so how has this state effected the relationships you have been in?
|
|