|
Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Mar 27, 2013 17:44:03 GMT -5
to the wheelers/dis : have you ever felt that you have been in a depressive state ( maybe due to your disability) and if so how has this state effected the relationships you have been in? I know I have. I hated my disability at one point. Whether it was to do the fact I couldn't wipe myself or whether it was because I needed help putting on a jacket, I hated my CP. As far as relationships go? I've only ever had one. And that relationship occurred well after my cp bitterness had subsided so. But very good question.
|
|
|
Post by pnixon82 on Mar 27, 2013 20:22:58 GMT -5
to the wheelers/dis : have you ever felt that you have been in a depressive state ( maybe due to your disability) and if so how has this state effected the relationships you have been in? Absolutely...right after my accident. There's probably no other way to say it than my then-girlfriend and I suffered depression from opposite ends of the same tragedy, and in the end, it was the ruin of our relationship.
|
|
|
Post by matisse on Mar 27, 2013 23:37:22 GMT -5
to the wheelers/dis : have you ever felt that you have been in a depressive state ( maybe due to your disability) and if so how has this state effected the relationships you have been in? A long time ago, the transition for me from walking with a cane, to a wheelchair, resulted in a lapse in my self-confidence as it pertained to the power balance in my relationship. I think women have a radar about this, and my wife must have subconsciously noticed something. Indirectly, this caused some fairly serious issues for a while. Oddly enough (or maybe not), once I regained my confidence and it became clear to my wife that I could move along and would do fine without her, all the issues evaporated. When I have reason to think about it, as this question has made me do, I actually still feel annoyed about the whole thing, even though more than a decade has passed. I love my family and can't imagine life any differently. But a part of me still feels like a wimp for having had that time period of weakness. It is not like me to be like that. It will not happen again.
|
|
|
Post by whoaitsz on Mar 31, 2013 18:41:23 GMT -5
I suffer from extreme depression. With a partner, it mostly vanishes. I do have issues with my disability.
I loathe how i look due to it, being a bit fat, i loathe my wrists bending as they do..... i hate everything about it.
I suck it up and go on.
|
|
|
Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Apr 5, 2013 5:53:34 GMT -5
I suffer from extreme depression. With a partner, it mostly vanishes. I do have issues with my disability. I loathe how i look due to it, being a bit fat, i loathe my wrists bending as they do..... i hate everything about it. I suck it up and go on. I'm sorry to hear that guy. Hopefully PD can help u the way that it's helped me.
|
|
|
Post by ProudRealist on Apr 5, 2013 20:14:55 GMT -5
I had an absolute horror of a time a few years back...it lasted for about six months. Basically, I had about 3 medical issues in a row and was in and out of hospital during that time - I ABSOLUTELY HATED LIFE and quite unfairly EVERYONE AROUND ME!!! I damaged (and lost) some close friends during that time. It hit me hard because unlike my SCI people i never really spent much time in hospital after my immediate post-accident 'stay' - i was lucky enough to avoid all the usual complications.
|
|
|
Post by lavly on Apr 8, 2013 5:50:56 GMT -5
Thanks for the answers guys .
|
|
|
Post by ladyliz on Apr 11, 2013 11:42:57 GMT -5
Alright, I've been wondering this before and after I found PD. (I didn't even know there was a word for my fetish before, I just knew what I was into)
"I know many disabled people are very, for the lack of a better word, "into" devs or just like the idea of them, but nothing is 100%, so what are some things that you guys don't like about devs? Or things that just doesn't stroke you the right way?"
|
|
|
Post by Green on Apr 11, 2013 17:43:43 GMT -5
So far, I can't think of anything that strikes me the wrong way. Actually, perhaps the only thing I haven't quite understood is the need for the term devotee, which generally has a worship connotation when used anywhere else. Beyond that though, there isn't really anything uncomfortable for me about what devotee actually means.
|
|
|
Post by A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo on Apr 12, 2013 2:14:33 GMT -5
Alright, I've been wondering this before and after I found PD. (I didn't even know there was a word for my fetish before, I just knew what I was into) "I know many disabled people are very, for the lack of a better word, "into" devs or just like the idea of them, but nothing is 100%, so what are some things that you guys don't like about devs? Or things that just doesn't stroke you the right way?" They only thing I don't like about devs is that fact that pretty much every dev I've encountered has had some reservation about being a dev. I understand why many devs have felt bad about being a dev prior to finding PD, but many continue feeling that way long after they've joined. I've had a few devs say the can't add me on FB because being a dev is like a second life and thus they are afraid what people might say. I understand that to a degree but it still like, C'mon.... I'm a wheeler.... not a goblin.... And then there always seems to be devs who are insistent on trying it with ABs because it would be nice to be normal and or, they have resentment or fear in having to go after or settle for a wheeler. This really hurts, not just me, but wheels as a whole... I feel bad for my people man. It's like, there're good wheelers out there too man, wheelers who would love to love and be loved by a dev. So why cant they be proud of that? It really hurts me... I wish it didn't but it does. it's like when Vancity said that she was always worried about being some wheeler's sh*t catch, and thats kind of the way I feel when a dev wishes "she could be more than just a dev." I should make it clear that this has nothing to with Ruth or Devogirl, or any dev that is happily married to an AB. It's the people who look at Ruth and sayyy wow if she can do it maybe I can too! And again, a part of me understands that, and I don't want anybody to think I'd renounce anyone who thinks that way. But it still leaves me terribly deflated whenever I hear or read something like that. And that's the most honest heartfelt answer u'll get ouuta me.
|
|
|
Post by Dee Dee on Apr 12, 2013 3:20:30 GMT -5
I wonder if we should substitute "devotee" with "fan"? That word has so many positive connotations, does it not? A§§y - I think I understand what you are saying, but I also think that you have to remember how difficult, not to say impossible, it can be for anyone to share a sexual interest with the rest of the world (i.e. facebook). If a girl appears to have 20 disabled friends on facebook, then eventually someone is going to ask her about that - and if she likes to keep quiet about her being a devotee, then that question can be very hard to answer for her. Remember, it is not about being friends, it is about her fear of being questioned. Maybe you can compare it to you having, say, a sexual interest that is not so common. If you think about it, would it be easy for you to share that? I think most people find it hard. Also, a lot of devotees/fans ( are equally attracted to able-bodied men (myself included). So, it is not about "settling", it is about finding Mr. Right, whether he is able-bodied or not. It is not because we renounce our being fans, it is about finding the right guy
|
|
|
Post by ProudRealist on Apr 12, 2013 3:47:46 GMT -5
I just want to pick up on a point that Dee made I gotta say, i did not know that I always thought that what makes a dev a dev is the fact that they had a strong preference for ppl with disabilities. Of course, i knew that attraction to able-bodied men was still there...but not on an 'equal' playing field. Sorry to hijack the thread, just a thought
|
|
|
Post by alf on Apr 12, 2013 5:06:08 GMT -5
They only thing I don't like about devs is that fact that pretty much every dev I've encountered has had some reservation about being a dev. I understand why many devs have felt bad about being a dev prior to finding PD, but many continue feeling that way long after they've joined. I've had a few devs say the can't add me on FB because being a dev is like a second life and thus they are afraid what people might say. I understand that to a degree but it still like, C'mon.... I'm a wheeler.... not a goblin.... And then there always seems to be devs who are insistent on trying it with ABs because it would be nice to be normal and or, they have resentment or fear in having to go after or settle for a wheeler. This really hurts, not just me, but wheels as a whole... I feel bad for my people man. It's like, there're good wheelers out there too man, wheelers who would love to love and be loved by a dev. So why cant they be proud of that? It really hurts me... I wish it didn't but it does. it's like when Vancity said that she was always worried about being some wheeler's sh*t catch, and thats kind of the way I feel when a dev wishes "she could be more than just a dev." I should make it clear that this has nothing to with Ruth or Devogirl, or any dev that is happily married to an AB. It's the people who look at Ruth and sayyy wow if she can do it maybe I can too! And again, a part of me understands that, and I don't want anybody to think I'd renounce anyone who thinks that way. But it still leaves me terribly deflated whenever I hear or read something like that. And that's the most honest heartfelt answer u'll get ouuta me. Assy my friend, you made me come back to the board with that awesome post of yours. I think the fear of associating with wheelers publicly, like on Facebook or any other place where they can be seen, is the same sort of fear that is behind the fact that people are not ready to accept disabled people as what they are, namely people. There is still a great deal of ‘ableism’ no matter where we look, and apparently also amongst those who say they admire us. There might be some on this board who do think I am a goblin for saying what I feel is right. So before that happens let me say this: I love and adore devs as a group, I am married to one of the best of the kind. And what I am about to say is probably going to make me more enemies than friends, but it is what I truly believe and it is something I will defend till the day I die. I am not the object of somebody’s fetish. I am a human being who, as you Assy, needs the love and understanding of another human being. And fortunately I have found it and I really, really hope you will find it too. I truly believe there are people on this board for whom we are not seen as human beings but rather in the light of the objectification that we represent as wheelers or disabled of another kind. And that makes us less than human, whether it is their intention or not. Unfortunately that is how we are perceived by society at large and if we don’t play the role as either humble individuals who bow our heads in humility or we stand up and become shining lights in the holy name of inspiration (like Nick Vujicic) we are being troublemakers in need of being shut up. And I don’t buy the argument about not wanting to associate with cripples because it will expose your sexual preference. Does it make you a perv if you are a cat lady? Does it make you a homosexual because you support gay rights? Does it make you sexually interested in people with cancer when you actively help the cancer society? I think not. So in that light one might have many disabled friends, for instance on Facebook, for purely non-sexual reasons. And the fear of being ousted stems purely from that fear of disabled described above. And that, to answer ladyliz’s original question, is what I dislike most in some devs; falling into the ableism trap and seeing disabled as ‘other’ whether it is deliberate or not. ...and if this makes me a bad cripple, you guys should go to the source (or at least one of them): badcripple.blogspot.com/2013/04/inside-every-cripple-non-disabled.html
|
|
nas
Full Member
Posts: 102
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
|
Post by nas on Apr 12, 2013 6:10:18 GMT -5
I think the fear of associating with wheelers publicly, like on Facebook or any other place where they can be seen, is the same sort of fear that is behind the fact that people are not ready to accept disabled people as what they are, namely people. There is still a great deal of ‘ableism’ no matter where we look, and apparently also amongst those who say they admire us. I really don't think that's fair. First of all, you have to take into account that when someone's trying to hide something, they think everything they do is suspicious. I remember when I was a kid (before I understood my attraction to wheelers), if I caught a movie with a disabled character on TV, I'd change the channel every time someone came in because I was sure they'd figure out why I was watching it. Irrational, but true. Then there's the fact that for some people, having a lot of disabled folks on their friend list does raise flags. For example, I have a lot of gay friends on facebook, but I also know all of them in person either form gay rights campaigns or just random places and I've also never cared whether someone thinks I'm a lesbian or not. But I know very few pwds in real life and it would be obvious I met that entire f-list demographic online (if anything, just from their names). So, either almost everyone I meet online turns out to be disabled, or I'm somehow looking for guys in chairs. Again, if my interest in wheelers is something I want to keep to myself, I wouldn't add too many guys from here either. Ableism is an issue, but I really don't think that's what this is about. You have to take into consideration that not all devs are out, and that doesn't mean they think of wheeleres as "less than human", they just don't want the people close to them to know about their devness. Why people are afraid to come out to the general public is another question, but it can't be blamed on objectifying people with disabilities.
|
|
|
Post by Dee Dee on Apr 12, 2013 10:38:02 GMT -5
I just want to pick up on a point that Dee made I gotta say, i did not know that I always thought that what makes a dev a dev is the fact that they had a strong preference for ppl with disabilities. Of course, i knew that attraction to able-bodied men was still there...but not on an 'equal' playing field. Sorry to hijack the thread, just a thought That is a good question ProudRealist. Now, I do not know any statistics but I can tell you that many devotees here are either in relationships with able-bodied men or married to them. Some devotees prefer dating disabled men uniquely and others do both (I was in the last category myself). We are all devotees, but as we say: "we dev a bit differently" Just to make a quite basic comparison pertaining to myself: I have a preference for red hair, hence guys with red hair, but that does not make me look past all the cute blonde, brunette, gray or bald guys (Note that devoteeism goes far beyond haircolour-preferences, but just to make a point).
|
|