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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Oct 1, 2013 15:14:11 GMT -5
One of my friends (who knows I'm a dev) asked why I liked being with a para, and I very snarkily replied "Because he never leaves the seat up!"
Now for my serious response...I generally identify as a more equal opportunity dev, although ironically for the same reasons that Emma has mentioned that she is an amp-only dev. I am attracted to the differences between an AB and a dis body, although the details of those differences aren't as important to me.
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Post by Pisti on Oct 1, 2013 16:20:02 GMT -5
Great question - and totally impossible to answer... First I was tempted to reply something like "God only knows... " or "42", but I'll try to give my version (even though it won't be as adequate as the two replies above). I have a very large spectrum of dev interest (from blindness to amputees or SCI or anything), and as the ladies said before me, what I find intriguing is the differences between a disabled body and a non-disabled one. But this does not mean that it is right away attractive, too. What I find attractive is the whole package - inside and outside. If I see two men with exactly the same disability, I might find one of the two attractive, the other one not at all. Even I might find attractive the one who isn't the objectively better looking of the two. It's like an "aura" to be sensed with whatever sixth sense I have.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2013 17:33:18 GMT -5
Thanks everyone, your replies have been great so far.
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 1, 2013 19:04:02 GMT -5
I like the fact that they do not walk.
But I do not know why I like it, I just do.
I think it has to do with the fact that I like vulnerability and fragility in a guy - and at the same time I like it when he has a strong personality. The dichotomy is interesting.
What I do know is that my being a devotee is strongly linked to my being a caring nature.
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Post by devogirl on Oct 1, 2013 20:51:22 GMT -5
For me, I can somewhat explain what I like about guys who are amputees and that explanation explains why I don't like guys with similar limitations who also have their limb(s). I like stumps (or whatever they are on a guy born without a limb). How a guy moves the parts of his body that are different and the different shape of an amputees body is often attractive to me. Obviously there are other things I like about guys who are amputees but that is a big part of my attraction and just isn't there for guys with limbs, disabled or not. Well, yes, I like that too, but that's just a more detailed explanation of WHAT I like not WHY I like that particular thing. I think, looking back at James' original question, he was hoping for an explanation of why some of us are only into certain disabilities. It's a fair question, but not one we can really answer. I'm pretty equal opportunity; I have dated guys with all kinds of disabilities. But I don't know why I am a dev at all, let alone why I am attracted by certain particular things, like Emma described above. It's particularly hard to discuss on the board because there are some guys who will take the answer personally, even though they shouldn't. Yes, most of us have preferences, but just because the devs here are talking about SCI and you have CP (for example) doesn't mean you will be alone forever. Some new guys join here and start their first post with "Are there devs for my disability?" Yes, there probably are, but it's not a simple matching game like that. In reality, there are so many more factors. Also the reason there are so many SCI devs here is partly because of the name, but that was never the intention behind the website, which was meant for female and gay male devs of all tastes. At least according to Celeste's poll, something like 75% of devs on the internet are straight guys into amputee women, so we're hardly a representative sample here.
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Post by Emma on Oct 2, 2013 0:25:47 GMT -5
Apparently I interpreted this thread differently than most of you. I think, looking back at James' original question, he was hoping for an explanation of why some of us are only into certain disabilities...... I'm pretty equal opportunity; I have dated guys with all kinds of disabilities. But I don't know why I am a dev at all, let alone why I am attracted by certain particular things, like Emma described above. I'm interested in hearing what particular things the devs here are attracted to and if they relate back to a specific disability or are more general disability related attractions that you can find in guys with various different disabilities. Personally I do not understand the attraction to many disabilities. No offense to the dudes here but many of the disabilities I know devs here like I just don't understand. Even thought I'm a dev I think I see things through the eyes of a non dev sometimes. I just don't see the attraction, well beyond what I'd see if the dude looked the same but was AB. Is anyone willing to share that stuff?
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 5:15:40 GMT -5
I like the fact that they do not walk. But I do not know why I like it, I just do. I think it has to do with the fact that I like vulnerability and fragility in a guy - and at the same time I like it when he has a strong personality. The dichotomy is interesting. What I do know is that my being a devotee is strongly linked to my being a caring nature. I am quoting what I explained in the above, because I spent some time thinking more about this very relevant question. I am actually very sure that the fact I like the disabled men not walking not only has to do with my caring nature but definitely also with relations of power in combination with sexuality. My being a devotee is like a complex triangle of disability, the dichotomy between strength and vulnerability and sexuality. I do not think this triangle, as I call it, can be explained unequivocally, because the elements play out differently based on the disabled man himself and the characteristics of the possible relationship between him and me. There is obviously also the fantasy part, where a relationship is not involved, and the triangle still exists, but I need not think about how the elements interact, because it just is and I can enjoy it without having to speculate too much.
As for why we are into specific disabilities - I am not sure that can be explained. I can explain why I am into disabilities (in the above) and some of it does relate to specific disabilities, but it is not clear cut.
I am into spinal cord injured guys (both low and high severity) and blind guys, but then again if a cute, intelligent guy with a great personality comes along and he has spinal muscular atrophy for instance - then he is definitely also a possibility. Whereas if the spinal cord injured guy is not cute, not intelligent and has a horrible personality - he is not an option (as I said in the above, much depends on the disabled guy himself).
Phew
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Post by tom60313 on Oct 2, 2013 5:37:05 GMT -5
As a newbie in this field I could sit here all day long and read your statements. Thank you for that to every one of you.
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 5:42:47 GMT -5
As a newbie in this field I could sit here all day long and read your statements. Thank you for that to every one of you. We definitely would not mind you sitting here all day and doing just that
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Post by tom60313 on Oct 2, 2013 5:44:54 GMT -5
As a newbie in this field I could sit here all day long and read your statements. Thank you for that to every one of you. We definitely would not mind you sitting here all day and doing just that Oh yes I know Dee Dee. You all like that SITTING around a lot... lol
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 5:47:03 GMT -5
We definitely would not mind you sitting here all day and doing just that Oh yes I know Dee Dee. You all like that SITTING around a lot... lol You are already getting the hang of it, Tom
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Post by tom60313 on Oct 2, 2013 5:49:06 GMT -5
Oh yes I know Dee Dee. You all like that SITTING around a lot... lol You are already getting the hang of it, Tom I'm a smart one - you know?
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Post by kivic on Oct 2, 2013 9:14:15 GMT -5
It does relate to being a nurturer. The innate need for a certain vulnerability and to be able to care and love that aspect of vulnerability. When it comes to men and vulnerability, there is that natural attraction to a man, be it with or without disability, that yanks at those nurturing strings, it could be as simple as watching a man sleep. Not all women are natural-born nurturers, but perhaps for those of us that have a dev side to our sexuality, we feel satisfaction in loving, taking care of, and nurturing that vulnerability.
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Post by Emma on Oct 2, 2013 9:45:26 GMT -5
Sure, I agree that nurturing does in some way play into being a dev but that doesn't answer my question about why certain devs like all types of disabilities and others are more limited. For me it wouldn't matter what the guy looked like or what his personality was I would not date a para for the same reason I would not date an AB guy. I'm just not attracted to paras and they have comparable vulnerability to a DAK amputee who uses a wheelchair.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2013 13:49:42 GMT -5
Once again I want to thank everyone for allowing me to try to pry into your minds a bit, and I hope you'll keep contributing.
I ask these questions and for some reason think that because you're devs that you inherently understand every aspect of it, when in reality your attraction is really no different than any other attraction that someone might have. I certainly have my attractions, sometimes I even know the factors that contribute to them, but couldn't really explain to you the attraction itself; what it is that makes [x] so attractive to me.
I'll try to remember that in the future before I start a topic.
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