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Post by Inigo Montoya on Oct 2, 2013 17:37:27 GMT -5
I ask these questions and for some reason think that because you're devs that you inherently understand every aspect of it, when in reality your attraction is really no different than any other attraction that someone might have. You're certainly not alone in that assumption and/or question. I've been trying to think if I've seen this actual question asked here before or if I've just answered it scads of times in private chats. I'll try to remember that in the future before I start a topic. Thinking is always good. But I hope that it won't keep you from asking your questions. Because this... In my digging through old threads made me really happy. I'm thrilled that you (and at least one of the other newer guys I've talked to recently) are reading all that old stuff. I think there's a lot of understanding to be gained from it and if it sparks questions... yes, definitely ask them.
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 18:20:39 GMT -5
I need a clarification. What do you mean every time you say "equal opportunity dev"?
When I hear that, I am automatically thinking of the novel by almost the same name.
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 18:24:01 GMT -5
It does relate to being a nurturer. The innate need for a certain vulnerability and to be able to care and love that aspect of vulnerability. When it comes to men and vulnerability, there is that natural attraction to a man, be it with or without disability, that yanks at those nurturing strings, it could be as simple as watching a man sleep. Not all women are natural-born nurturers, but perhaps for those of us that have a dev side to our sexuality, we feel satisfaction in loving, taking care of, and nurturing that vulnerability. Kivic, I have felt alone sometimes as a dev-nurturer, so I am so glad to hear that there are others (I was once accused - by another dev no less - of being a "helper-dev" )
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Post by kivic on Oct 2, 2013 18:54:37 GMT -5
(I was once accused - by another dev no less - of being a "helper-dev" ) What is a helper-dev? Something similar to a care aid? I think deep down that is one of the triggers for me. I nuture everyone though, I'm a non-specific nuturer
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 18:56:12 GMT -5
Thanks for explaining Lu.
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 18:58:25 GMT -5
(I was once accused - by another dev no less - of being a "helper-dev" ) What is a helper-dev? Something similar to a care aid? I think deep down that is one of the triggers for me. I nuture everyone though, I'm a non-specific nuturer I think the person meant that a "helper-dev" was the same as being a natural nuturer (I am like you, Kivic, I do it generally ) It was not talked of as a care aid or attendant. Yes, it is definitely also a trigger for me!
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 19:13:47 GMT -5
Yes, there can be a thin line between being a nurturer by nature and being attracted to those things you mention, and which play into the infamous dark side of being a devotee. There can be. I am not entirely sure what the person in question meant and I did not feel compelled to dig more into it. In any case, I am not attracted to the fact that people are unable to provide self-help, on the other hand I am not opposed to help out with things that may lead to a mutual benefit for both parties. Consent is key. If a disabled guy wants to cater to the dark side of dev-ing, and that is what triggers the dev, I say go for it
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 2, 2013 19:14:25 GMT -5
BTW, I am really liking this discussion, that gets to the core of being a devotee.
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Post by forloveofneedles on Oct 2, 2013 19:17:39 GMT -5
because it feels good. and it looks good. and it feels good.
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Post by Emma on Oct 2, 2013 22:20:30 GMT -5
To me a helper dev is a dev who really enjoys helping her guy and seeks out guys with more needs. I too don't identify as a helper dev because while I don't mind helping if it is needed I prefer my guy to be mostly independent (or have his own help) and not need a lot from me. I would not enjoy needing to help in the daily needs of dressing, eating, transferring, bathing and other personal care tasks. I know there are devs who do enjoy that kind of thing and I cal them helper devs. It is however not a negative term in my mind at all!
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Post by kivic on Oct 3, 2013 10:29:12 GMT -5
I think the person meant that a "helper-dev" was the same as being a natural nuturer (I am like you, Kivic, I do it generally ) It was not talked of as a care aid or attendant. Yes, it is definitely also a trigger for me! I assume, since you used the term "accused" that it was not said kindly, so I immediately think of a dev that is into pushing guys around in wheelchairs, or helping in the bathroom... along those lines. And we devs often shy away from that area as it tends to get close to what many of us view as the darker side of devness. I don't identify as a helper-dev at all... but I also don't have any issues with attendant care if it needs to be done. I think the term would apply when someone gets off on the inability to provide self-care. Then again, I could be entirely wrong... In ANY case, we all dev differently and who are we to judge what turns someone else on? We often say there's a dev for every disability, so the more kinds, the merrier... Being a "helper-dev" shouldn't define you differently than an amp-dev or SCI-dev. Since none of us really know the true nature of our devness, labelling certain likes and dislikes is kind of similar to comparing apples and oranges; they're all fruit, just different kinds. I feel that the nuturing runs deeper than just wanting to help/attend to PWDs, which may have its dark side but at times IS a part of being a dev. For those of us that do have this nuturing gene(a whole other issue: nature versus nurture), I know for myself, nuturing means many things: cultivating plants/flowers/vegetables, caring for your SO, children, family, animals, friends, caring for yourself. I sometimes wonder if this dev-nature is hereditary and only now do we somewhat openly talk about it. I didn't question when my girls asked to buy the wheelchairs for their dolls because I understood why they did.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2013 11:40:29 GMT -5
Do any of you identify as helper devs?
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Post by dolly on Oct 3, 2013 11:42:39 GMT -5
I didn't question when my girls asked to buy the wheelchairs for their dolls because I understood why they did.
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g
Full Member
Posts: 140
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by g on Oct 3, 2013 12:25:23 GMT -5
The world may never know!!!!
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Post by jacksongirl on Oct 3, 2013 12:33:18 GMT -5
Do any of you identify as helper devs? If by "helper dev" you mean "carer", then I do not. I fall under the "nurturer" umbrella. I am not averse to offering help or providing help when asked. I feel like everyone needs help with something at some point, whether they are dis or AB, but I don't want any confusion about my role in a relationship is. I don't see a problem with sharing a desert or a soda, but for me, personally, I'd like to keep the feeding a treat rather than it becoming a chore.
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