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Post by greeneyedvillan on Dec 23, 2014 11:50:57 GMT -5
I think your very genuine and beautiful smile shines through the remaining blemishes, like sunbeams through clear water. sounds like stuff dudes say to get laid lol. not me tho....
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Post by pumafreak on Dec 23, 2014 12:49:04 GMT -5
If he won't get on cam with you I'd say he is fake. There are so many fakes out there I actually don't believe any amputee is real until I see it with my own eyes. I have actually verified three of the amputees here myself just because I wanted to know if they were legit, not because I'm looking for a relationship. Triple congenital amputees are relatively rare so that's also a clue. I thought the same when he said he was very careful with his privacy online... But don't fakers usually go straight to the point? I would have imagined a lot of intimate, sexual questions from a faker, or some kind of interest for MY real identity in case he/she was after money. But there's only been very normal (and rather intelligent) conversation for over 2 weeks. Still, I think I'll demand proof and drop the whole thing if he refuses...
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julygarrey
New Member
Posts: 43
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by julygarrey on Dec 23, 2014 14:03:09 GMT -5
This thread is making me crazy anxious... By the way around the same time I signed in on here I also started chatting with a guy on fetlife. He contacted me, he declared he's a triple congenital amputee, but after a few days when I offered to move the whole thing on skype, he refused for privacy reasons. I'm very private as well, but I wouldn't mind showing my face, so to prove I'm actually who I say I am. So... could he be a faker? But he doesn't show those "typical" faker/pretender warning signs you way more expert people have been talking about... I am PMing you right now... I think I have been talking to this same guy for the past few days! Oh Loooord...
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Post by LaMara on Dec 23, 2014 14:16:05 GMT -5
This thread is making me crazy anxious... By the way around the same time I signed in on here I also started chatting with a guy on fetlife. He contacted me, he declared he's a triple congenital amputee, but after a few days when I offered to move the whole thing on skype, he refused for privacy reasons. I'm very private as well, but I wouldn't mind showing my face, so to prove I'm actually who I say I am. So... could he be a faker? But he doesn't show those "typical" faker/pretender warning signs you way more expert people have been talking about... I am PMing you right now... I think I have been talking to this same guy for the past few days! Oh Loooord... Well, isn't the world a small place... This is why I'm starting to love PD so much!
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julygarrey
New Member
Posts: 43
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by julygarrey on Dec 23, 2014 14:17:33 GMT -5
And also... a question. What happens with the few of us that are not willing to jump right away into a webcam conversation? Me for example. I'm very (VERY) self conscious of my body, and I'm not even thinking about a sexual situation or anything, I'm constantly afraid of people not liking me after they see me in cam even tho they have seen my picture and all. And even tho this is my problem entirely, how can I explain to someone that I need to know the other person very well and have had a really good and deep conversation before going into webcam, without them suspecting I'm a faker...
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2014 14:38:25 GMT -5
And also... a question. What happens with the few of us that are not willing to jump right away into a webcam conversation? Me for example. I'm very (VERY) self conscious of my body, and I'm not even thinking about a sexual situation or anything, I'm constantly afraid of people not liking me after they see me in cam even tho they have seen my picture and all. And even tho this is my problem entirely, how can I explain to someone that I need to know the other person very well and have had a really good and deep conversation before going into webcam, without them suspecting I'm a faker... That's a tough one. After likely being catfished here I'd be leary of having any kind of deep convo until I could verify the person I was talking to was real. I get being self-conscious, I really do but it can be overcome. When I first joined here I was asked to get on cam and verify within the first few days. It was easy and took all of two minutes.
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Post by queenjane on Dec 23, 2014 14:40:14 GMT -5
And also... a question. What happens with the few of us that are not willing to jump right away into a webcam conversation? Me for example. I'm very (VERY) self conscious of my body, and I'm not even thinking about a sexual situation or anything, I'm constantly afraid of people not liking me after they see me in cam even tho they have seen my picture and all. And even tho this is my problem entirely, how can I explain to someone that I need to know the other person very well and have had a really good and deep conversation before going into webcam, without them suspecting I'm a faker... I would say exactly that, julygarrey, honestly. Verifying that who you're talking to is for real is one thing, but respecting each other's personal needs is also still important. Anyone who cares to get to know you should be able to understand that, and it doesn't sound to me as if you're asking for anything unreasonable. Or even being fishy. You want to talk a small amount before going on cam and make a personal connection, not deny that request altogether. Now if you were to postpone and postpone... that would be a red flag.
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Post by LaMara on Dec 23, 2014 14:45:21 GMT -5
queenjane just read my mind. I was thinking the same So maybe the ideal would be compromise between the two necessities.
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Post by Emma on Dec 23, 2014 17:48:55 GMT -5
And also... a question. What happens with the few of us that are not willing to jump right away into a webcam conversation? Me for example. I'm very (VERY) self conscious of my body, and I'm not even thinking about a sexual situation or anything, I'm constantly afraid of people not liking me after they see me in cam even tho they have seen my picture and all. And even tho this is my problem entirely, how can I explain to someone that I need to know the other person very well and have had a really good and deep conversation before going into webcam, without them suspecting I'm a faker... Honestly if you are too shy to get on cam yourself I think you are setting yourself up to be tricked. My opinion is if you are single and looking in the disabled world fakes are VERY common, in my experience more common than the real thing. Be careful. You also can ask to chat on the phone, that at can somewhat verifies the persons gender and you may be able to look up the persons info with their phone number. Looking up their Facebook, news articles about them or other online info can also be a good thing to help verify that someone is real. If you need help figuring out the situation with the supposed congenital triple amputee PM me. I'm happy to help.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2014 18:22:47 GMT -5
I love the idea of a Dev investigation squad.
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Post by lucretia on Dec 23, 2014 19:05:58 GMT -5
And also... a question. What happens with the few of us that are not willing to jump right away into a webcam conversation? Me for example. I'm very (VERY) self conscious of my body, and I'm not even thinking about a sexual situation or anything, I'm constantly afraid of people not liking me after they see me in cam even tho they have seen my picture and all. And even tho this is my problem entirely, how can I explain to someone that I need to know the other person very well and have had a really good and deep conversation before going into webcam, without them suspecting I'm a faker... Honestly if you are too shy to get on cam yourself I think you are setting yourself up to be tricked. My opinion is if you are single and looking in the disabled world fakes are VERY common, in my experience more common than the real thing. Be careful. You also can ask to chat on the phone, that at can somewhat verifies the persons gender and you may be able to look up the persons info with their phone number. Looking up their Facebook, news articles about them or other online info can also be a good thing to help verify that someone is real. If you need help figuring out the situation with the supposed congenital triple amputee PM me. I'm happy to help. I agree with Emma. I had a LOT of heartache early on because I didn't want to cam. It was a wheeler who insisted I start as HE had been faked out in the past. If I had to do it again I'd cam early and often. I'm a private, naturally shy person IRL, so I get your reluctance. And I also understand the not being comfortable being on camera if you don't like the way you look. HOWEVER, the flip side of that is if a shallow guy starts to invest... And then after a while ditches you after seeing you, which is worse? I have done the disappearing act after seeing a guy. Not proud, but I know why it happens. I have also had friends who have had guys from this board stop chatting after they saw them live. It happens. You have to grow a thick skin to survive online dating, regardless of where you meet on the net. As for fakers, I also met FAR more fakes than real disabled guys. And among the dis guys, not all were even single or interested in a relationship. It still boggles my mind just how many men are so willing to play with women's minds with no consideration for them, whatsoever. But, like many on here, I did find an absolutely amazing man. So, it's not easy. It's not even fun, some of the time. But if you want to find and date disabled guys, you will have to work hard and work outside of your comfort zone.
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Post by ProudRealist on Dec 23, 2014 20:49:51 GMT -5
After reading this thread, i can honestly say this whole concept of 'fake devs/pwd' has surprised me. Thank god i've never experienced the situation...i could only imagine how gut-wrenching it would feel. As for what julygarrey said about cams, i would think there's a 'natural' evolution from text, voice to cam...in that order. If one person insists on stagnating on either of the first two for an unreasonable amount of time, well ANY excuse will grow old and of course arouse suspicion.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Dec 24, 2014 1:04:40 GMT -5
This seems like a great place for this... I've never seen the risk analysis that women go through this clearly illustrated. I've also had that convo with a guy... The one who insists on coming to your place or you going to his. I doubt there are many women who've met more than one dude on the Internet who hasn't.
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Post by Emma on Dec 24, 2014 1:23:16 GMT -5
I went on 5 dates with dudes I met online however I met plenty of other sketchy dudes I never bothered to meet. 3 of the dates were local and we met downtown at a bar/restaurant. The other two were disabled and we chatted online, talked on the phone and video chatted a lot before we met in person. I was 100% sure they were who they said they were. One guy I met for the first time at his Mom's house (where he lived too) and the other guy (now my hubby) picked me up from the airport in his car and wen went to his place. Disabled/distance dating is different, so there are different things you have to do than what is in your link Inigo. Please everyone be careful and don't hesitate to ask me or another member for advice if you have concerns!
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Post by wonk on Dec 24, 2014 2:30:11 GMT -5
After reading this thread, i can honestly say this whole concept of 'fake devs/pwd' has surprised me. Thank god i've never experienced the situation...i could only imagine how gut-wrenching it would feel. As for what julygarrey said about cams, i would think there's a 'natural' evolution from text, voice to cam...in that order. If one person insists on stagnating on either of the first two for an unreasonable amount of time, well ANY excuse will grow old and of course arouse suspicion. Someone will eventually ask you for money
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