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Post by newjess on Mar 20, 2018 20:27:36 GMT -5
Or... It can serve to open up conversation around something that is a reality? Even matisse mentioned that his own PCA cock blocked him from himself (lol). Also, maybe a dev might be into higher impact disabilities but navigating the whole PCA side of it still might take some getting used to. And to be fair, the OP referred specifically to "approaching" PWD with a PCA (how do you know they are a PCA? What if they are a significant other?). I think it's good to discuss these things openly because they are a reality, whether that's ideal or not. Maybe this conversation would do the opposite of instilling self-consciousness and actually foster confidence and understanding around the topic. A conversation about how to handle PCA awkwardness is great and probably really helpful for some. I don't get that vibe at all here. Ah, I see. That's the vibe I get from the thread (healthy discussion around the inevitable awkwardness that can arise with PCAs, etc), hence my response. But I see what you are saying since that's not the vibe you are getting from it.
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el_steveo
Junior Member
Posts: 71
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by el_steveo on Mar 20, 2018 21:01:12 GMT -5
For those of you guys who have caregivers, do you feel like they make you less approachable/less able to approach people? Devotees, do you feel like the presence of caregivers stops you from approaching PWD? Why, or why not? I absolutely think it makes me less approachable. plus a lot of the times people will talk to me while they look at my caregivers. I've decided I'm going to try to go out alone more this summer.
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Post by newjess on Mar 20, 2018 21:20:53 GMT -5
Ah, I see. That's the vibe I get from the thread (healthy discussion around the inevitable awkwardness that can arise with PCAs, etc), hence my response. But I see what you are saying since that's not the vibe you are getting from it. In that case I'll elaborate a bit. PCAs are a necessary thing in a lot of cases and nobody is thrilled about it, but hostility and/or awkwardness is literally the least constructive way to handle the situation. I get that language can be fun to play with, but referring to them as a cockblock seems incredibly inappropriate. It's like complaining that someone isn't approachable because of their height. Yes, height does have a lot of impact on how we initially perceive a person, but it's also immutable and the best we can do is normalize it so it's less of a hurdle. We honestly have very little talk about PCAs on here, except for some of the dudes commiserating over how difficult it is to find a great one. Before I had first-hand experience, I honestly had no idea of how to handle such a situation. I think one of my very first PM conversations on here was about what exactly a PCA was and how the interactions go. It's a subject that definitely needs de-mystifying. Framing it as "this person keeps me from flirting" seems more of a "eew guh-ross" type of thing, which was what I was reading here, and that's just mean. I do see where you're coming from and am on the same page in general. The interesting thing is that I actually thought talking about the "cockblocking" aspect IS normalizing it, because it's not shying away from it or treating it as something taboo or delicate. I think the height example is a little different than what is being said here. Not approaching someone because of their height reads more as a fear or discomfort around approaching someone who is different than you. I think the OP was referring more to the fact that you can't tell if a PCA is in fact a PCA or a significant other, etc. So I didn't read it so much as avoiding the PWD because they have a PCA, but more so just navigating how to approach that without potentially pissing off someone's SO. I do see what you are saying though and I do think it's important to be mindful of the things you discussed.
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Post by Corey on Mar 20, 2018 21:30:51 GMT -5
I think its hard to approach a person in general when they are with someone else. It just feels like I would be interrupting something.
When I lived in a dorm and had friends living in the same building or even hallway I would get very anxious whenever my PCA was around. Most of the time I didnt even go anywhere with the PCA and it still stressed me out. If anyone I knew came up to talk to me I would be very awkward. But most (all?) of the time my friends were cool about it. I think they knew who it was / what was going on though I never explicitly said it.
So I guess my advice is to just approach anyways, and try not to be weirded out by the situation even though, yes, it definitely is very weird. I think the wheeler will be impressed if you approach, even while they are with PCA
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Post by TotalBias on Mar 20, 2018 21:36:49 GMT -5
I think the OP was referring more to the fact that you can't tell if a PCA is in fact a PCA or a significant other, etc. So I didn't read it so much as avoiding the PWD because they have a PCA, but more so just navigating how to approach that without potentially pissing off someone's SO. Exactly! I have been that pissed off SO (multiple times) who someone mistook for a caregiver and would hate to do that to someone else.
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Post by darthoso on Mar 20, 2018 21:56:46 GMT -5
When I lived in a dorm and had friends living in the same building or even hallway I would get very anxious whenever my PCA was around. Most of the time I didnt even go anywhere with the PCA and it still stressed me out. If anyone I knew came up to talk to me I would be very awkward. But most (all?) of the time my friends were cool about it. I think they knew who it was / what was going on though I never explicitly said it. I explicitly remember massively feelings of relief whenever they'd leave me alone with friends, especially if it was friends I was comfortable asking for help. Not being in "boss mode" is nice.
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Post by newjess on Mar 20, 2018 22:28:16 GMT -5
Honestly for me the PCA aspect wouldn't deter me at all. I think if an opportunity presented itself to open up conversation I would just address both the PWD and the PCA and sort of feel it out. If it turns out she's the SO then cool, no biggie. If it turns out she's the PCA, then I still don't know if the dude's single, so I would probably keep it chill until I get some sort of indicator or determine they are clearly flirting lol.
What's hard for me is just approaching a PWD in public in general because I just get so freaking nervous and almost "star struck" I guess. This doesn't happen to me at all with other people lol. But if I see a PWD I am attracted to in the wild I am just freaking beside myself lol. But that's an entirely different thing obviously lol.
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Post by someonerandom on Mar 20, 2018 22:45:37 GMT -5
[ ..... where do these people spawn from? North Carolina I don't really think it's an NC thing, I think it's an everywhere thing.
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Post by newjess on Mar 20, 2018 23:00:57 GMT -5
I just get so freaking nervous and almost "star struck" I guess. This doesn't happen to me at all with other people lol. But if I see a PWD I am attracted to in the wild I am just freaking beside myself lol. But that's an entirely different thing obviously lol. Not to derail us too far here, but this is so real. There's a transit center near a grocery store that I frequent, and that leads to decently high PWD traffic. One time, I got up the courage to say something to a disabled dude in line at the Starbucks, and... Well, let me interject here that I've had a pretty interesting love life and I'm quite comfortable with flirting and getting to know someone... But this poor guy, oh man. I think I just sort of shouted something about coffee at him, then maybe something along the lines of "gosh we've had weather today" and then I regained consciousness in the organic juice aisle. Omg I wish there was a crying emoji on here... That just made me laugh so freaking hard And it perfectly encapsulates my experiences with this as well. *sigh*... Dev life lol
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 23:12:37 GMT -5
Not if they are your wingman and brother.. but a high functioning para doesn't need much of a care giver. He was more there to help me get moved in and help out until ADA rens were made to the house. Had a real caregiver that was a girl I dated prior deployment... part of regaining my independence was dating like I used to again... so traded her for my bro. BUT can see how they would get in the way.
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Post by darthoso on Mar 20, 2018 23:19:17 GMT -5
I don't really think it's an NC thing, I think it's an everywhere thing. This was a southern boy who I'm pretty sure killed cats for fun until Jesus saved him.
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Post by someonerandom on Mar 20, 2018 23:30:41 GMT -5
I don't really think it's an NC thing, I think it's an everywhere thing. This was a southern boy who I'm pretty sure killed cats for fun until Jesus saved him. I was talking about ableism in general, people who don't know the difference between the Special Olympics and Paralympics, and people who assume we don't fuck. Not the preponderance of sociopathic Jesus freaks.
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pdrive1872
New Member
Posts: 36
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
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Post by pdrive1872 on Mar 21, 2018 0:17:53 GMT -5
This was a southern boy who I'm pretty sure killed cats for fun until Jesus saved him. I was talking about ableism in general, people who don't know the difference between the Special Olympics and Paralympics, and people who assume we don't fuck. Not the preponderance of sociopathic Jesus freaks. Not to get too off topic but that's why I left my last therapist. Dude was Evangelical and literally told me I was disabled because of some long ago sin of an ancestor. On a lighter note, I have a picture now! =]
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Post by matisse on Mar 21, 2018 0:43:25 GMT -5
I don't really think it's an NC thing, I think it's an everywhere thing. This was a southern boy who I'm pretty sure killed cats for fun until Jesus saved him. Well but cats are evil....
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Post by Manda2212 on Mar 21, 2018 3:47:36 GMT -5
This was a southern boy who I'm pretty sure killed cats for fun until Jesus saved him. Well but cats are evil.... Troof.
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